The Worst Diet by TBA

As requested by Shane Wheeler

Shawna had always been obsessed with losing weight. Not that she had a weight problem. Sure, she wasn’t as skinny as a supermodel, but she was by no means fat. She had a very nice figure, curves in all the right places. She was rather busty, but no one ever complained. Shawna had always felt she could stand to lose a few pounds even though her doctor told her she was less than ten pounds overweight.

“I think you look great the way you are,” her husband Shane would often tell her. “I don’t see why you always have to go for those fad diets. Some of them are very unhealthy.”

In most cases, their conversation would end with Shawna saying, “I’m doing this so I can look better for you Dear.” Never realizing that Shane already thought she was the most beautiful woman in the world.

Shawna had tried all the big diets; Weight Watchers, Jenny Craig, the Atkins Diet and she even tried Oprah’s diet. But they never seemed to work as well as Shawna wanted them too.

One day while reading the paper, Shawna came across an ad for a new diet pill called “Perfection”. The ad boasted that by taking the pill, you would lose pounds of flab while increasing muscle tone. “This sounds perfect,” Shawna thought. She picked up the phone and ordered a bottle of the new diet wonder.

Shawna was elated to find the package containing her new body in the mailbox a few days later. Not wanting to waste any time, she took the package into the bathroom and removed the large bottle of pills that would change her life from the packaging. The pills looked just like every other diet pill she’d ever taken, just the usual red capsule. “I hope these are worth the money I paid,” Shawna said.

Not bothering to read the label, Shawna took two of the pills, popped them into her mouth and washed them down with a glass of water. She then walked into the kitchen to fix herself a little snack and then went to take a little nap.

If she had only read the label on the bottle, she would have seen where she had made a big mistake. “Dosage: Take 1 capsule once a week. Do not exceed recommended dosage. Active Ingredient: Elephas Maximus hormones. Warning: People less than 50 pounds overweight should not take this product. Do not consume any food within 6 hours of taking capsule.”

Two hours later, Shawna awoke from her nap feeling great. Even though the clock showed she had slept for only two hours, she felt like she had slept for an entire day. She couldn’t remember the last time she felt so good. She even felt stronger. Her stomach gurgled as if looking for attention. Shawna decided to fix herself another little snack, but on her way in to the kitchen, she stopped in the bathroom and took two more of her new diet pills. After all, her previous diet pills instructed her to take two every two hours.

Walking into the kitchen, Shawna decided to make herself a salad. It would be better for her than junk food and it felt like the right thing to do. The salad tasted awesome. She couldn’t remember the last time a salad tasted so good.

When she finished munching on the tasty greens, she walked into the living room to rest. For some reason, she felt a little tired and still felt more than a little hungry. The urge to make another salad was powerful, but she thought better of it. “How am I ever going to lose weight if I keep eating salads,” she thought to herself.

Realizing that Shane would be home from work soon, she decided to surprise him at the door by wearing her favorite red silk nightgown. She never felt prettier than when she felt the soft, silky material next to her skin. She walked happily to the bedroom to change.

It only took her a minute to strip out of her jeans and T-shirt and put on the nightgown. The material felt great against her skin. She couldn’t wait for Shane to come home. Looking at herself in a mirror, she noticed that the material seemed to be hugging her features tighter than usual. “Looks like I started my diet just in time,” she said to herself as she walked into the living room.

As she was eagerly waiting for Shane, Shawna started to feel strange. She felt light headed and her nose felt stuffy. “I must be coming down with a cold,” she thought. It felt like her entire body had gone numb and she was starting to feel short of breath. Not wanting to pass out, she decided to sit on the sofa and rest. She looked down at her legs and was surprised to see that her skin looked pale. “I must be coming down with the flu or something,” she thought.

Just then, Shawna felt a strange pressure, like her arms and legs were filling with water. They were heavy and difficult to move. She couldn’t believe her eyes, but it looked like her legs and feet were getting bigger. Shawna reached for her legs when she noticed that her arms and hands were swelling as well. She could hardly feel her hands touching her legs. She saw that her hands were moving on her thighs, but she could hardly feel a thing.

Her eyes moved from her thighs to her feet, or what used to be her feet. Her feet were beginning to lose all definition. Her toenails were shifting from the top of her feet to the front. She tried to cry out at what she saw, but her voice sounded soft and distant. She wasn’t sure if she was even making noise. In less than a minute, her feet had completely changed. They now resembled elephant’s feet. “Do elephants have feet or hooves?” she thought absent-mindedly. She tried to move her left leg, but nothing happened. Her legs were now too heavy to move.

It was getting harder and harder to hold her hands up. Eventually, she just let them fall to her sides. When she turned her head to look at her hands it felt like everything was moving in slow motion. Shawna could only look passively at her hands as her fingers began to disappear into her arms just as her feet had done a moment earlier. The circumference of her arms and legs had doubled in a matter of minutes. “What is happening to me?” she thought.

Shawna’s head began to feel heavy. She was faintly aware of a pulling sensation at her nose and ears, but there was nothing she could do but watch. Looking down, Shawna could actually see her nose lengthen. After a few seconds, her nose was now hanging in front of her mouth. She stuck her tongue out and could feel the underside of what was becoming a truck. It was getting harder for her to breathe through her mouth so she decided to see what would happen if she breathed through her nose. She could feel the air travel up through her growing trunk.

In despair, she shook her head from side to side. She was shocked to feel something brush her cheeks. “What now?” she wondered. She could still see strands of her blonde hair hang down on her face, but it wasn’t her hair that she felt. Shawna lowered her head and was surprised to be able to see her ears hang down in her peripheral vision. She moved her head slightly from side to side and saw her large, leathery ears sway with the motion. She started to cry at the realization that she was turning into an elephant.

It was getting harder and harder to stay seated on the sofa. The weight of her nose and ears tugged her forward and her back ached. Resigned to the change, Shawna shifted off of the sofa and on to all fours. Surprisingly, this was more comfortable than she thought it would be. She thought she would be leaning forward more, but realized that her arms were now the same length as her legs. Did her arms get longer or did her legs get shorter? She didn’t know, nor did she care.

A ripping sound startled Shawna. She looked around as best she could, but didn’t see anything. “What’s ripping?” she thought. It took a moment for her to realize that the ripping was coming from her nightgown. “Great, that was my favorite nightgown.” A few minutes later Shawna could see the remains of the silky fabric lying at her enormous feet.

She tried to move, but her limbs weren’t responding. “This is gonna take some getting used to,” she thought. Even though she couldn’t see her body, she could feel it expanding. “So much for my diet.”

Shawna could now feel something brushing against her butt. She knew immediately that she was feeling her tail. With a little concentration, she was able to make it move back and forth.

All Shawna could do was stand in the living room. It was very difficult to move her arms and legs due to her increasing mass. Curious as to the extent of her change, she decided to use her now four foot long trunk to probe her body. She tried to raise it over her head, but it would only go as far as her forehead. All she could feel was a broad flat forehead and the locks of her blonde hair.

She then tried to move it around the side, but only made it as far as her ears. It was difficult at first, but she was able to pull a leathery ear forward using the tip of her trunk. “God my ears are huge,” she thought. “Let’s see what else has changed.” With that, she released her ear to flap against her neck and shoulder. She then reached down between her front legs and probed her chest. Her breasts were gone. All she felt was the bulge of her body.

A few minutes later, Shawna started to feel better. The strange sensation had passed and it was getting easier to move. Shawna gingerly walked across the floor, the boards creaking beneath her ponderous weight. She wasn’t able to fit through the doorway to the bathroom due to her increased size. All she was able to do was stick her head into the room. When she looked into the mirror, a blonde haired, blue-eyed elephant stared back at her.

Just then, Shawna heard a door slam. “I’m home,” she heard Shane call from the kitchen.

“I’m in the living room,” she answered. Shawna was surprised that she could still talk in her normal voice. “At least I can still talk,” she thought.

When Shane entered the living room, he nearly fell to the floor at the sight of the large elephant standing there. “What the hell is this?” he exclaimed.

“Welcome home,” Shawna said seductively. “I wanted to surprise you. Did I succeed?”

Shane could only stare at what was once his beautiful wife.

After several long minutes of trying to figure out what had happened to Shawna, Shane finally deduced that it had to have been something in her new diet pills that did this to her. Looking at the label on the bottle, Shane found the company’s phone number printed on the back.

Shane explained as best he could to the person on the other end of the phone what had happened to Shawna. Amazingly, the person at the other end of the phone didn’t seem too surprised. “That is one of the potential side-effects of the drug,” the voice stated coldly. “Don’t worry, the effects are only temporary. The transformation lasts in direct correlation with how many pills your wife took. How many did she take?”

“She took four in about two hours,” Shane explained.

The line was silent for several seconds as the person at the other end calculated how long the effects would last. “According to my chart, the effects should last about a week.”

In shock, Shane asked, “What are we supposed to do for the next week?”

“I don’t know sir,” the voice answered and then the phone line went dead.

“Well?” Shawna asked. “What are we going to do now?”

Shane thought for a moment then answered, “I don’t know, but how are we going to get you out of the house.”

“I don’t know,” Shawna replied. “But you better hurry, because I have to go to the bathroom.”