Monica Gets What She Deserves by dvourer@hotmail.com

A "Delicious" Political Satire by dvourer@hotmail.com

Disclaimer: This is satire. This is a joke. This is NOT SERIOUS. This is just a wicked little satire in the vein of such past classics as "A Modest Proposal" by Jonathan Swift, and Twilight Zone/Night Gallery-esque tales. This is not intended and should not be construed as a call to action to do any harm to anyone or as an intent to harm anyone that the main characters might resemble. All similarities to persons living or otherwise are purely coincidental and are not intended to make them sad. And no one better do any of this stuff. IT'S JUST SATIRE!

Ok, now that the necessary disclaimers are done, here's the story. Living in a PC, post-freedom era requires me to put these disclaimers in just so even the "moron in a hurry" can figure out that this is a big JOKE….:

Monica Lewinsky sat on her couch, watching TV and wondering just how she was going to pay her legal bills. Despite her recent fame, her job skills were sorely lacking, and there weren't many Fortune 500 companies looking for a woman of her rather "unique" talents. Hollywood wasn't interested in hiring a young woman of her ample proportions and limited acting ability, and her chances of getting into politics at this time in her life were about as good as Saddam Hussein being nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize. She sighed and finished off her morning bag of M&Ms.

So Monica began to despair at her lot in life, and spent a lot of time cashing royalty checks from her book deal and watching television, at once happy that she was no longer hounded by the media, but at the same time missing her face on TV all the time. She had just opened the second bag of M&M's and sat down to watch another dull cable news channel when she heard a knock at the door. Who could possibly be visiting her at 10 in the morning?

She opened the door and saw a rather tall UPS delivery man at the door. He handed her a document parcel and asked for her signature. Whenever Monica got a delivery she always had fantasies about the handsome UPS delivery men seducing her, but inevitably, this never happened, despite her dubious "celebrity" status. "Sign here," said the delivery man, and he sped off before she could even bat an eyelash at the young lad.

Monica opened the package. Inside was a rather formal, legal-looking folder, with a single sheet of neatly typed text. It read:

"Please come to our law offices in downtown Los Angeles tomorrow at 3pm. We have received instructions from a client of ours, who wishes to remain anonymous, to meet with you to discuss an offer to assist you in getting what you deserve out of life in light of recent events. Contact our offices when you receive this letter to confirm your appointment. Thank you for your time. Signed, Sharry Beck, Attorney At Law"

Monica couldn't believe it. Was this another joke being played upon her by one of the local morning radio shows? Was this for real? She contacted her attorney and asked him if he'd ever heard of this Sharry Beck, and he assured her that in fact, she was probably one of the most prominent attorneys in the country, representing the most powerful people in government and media. Such a letter, if for real, would be a stroke of good luck for Monica, he assured her.

Monica was thrilled. This was great! Finally, after sitting around eating junk food and having such terrible luck in her job search, something was going her way! She spent the rest of the day picking out an outfit to wear and think about what could this offer could possibly be? A dream job working on television? A film deal? She was delirious with excitement and could barely get to sleep that night.

The next day Monica was so eager to get out of the house she woke up early to ensure her hair and makeup would turnout just right. She'd picked out the perfect outfit (well, it wasn't 100% perfect, but it fit, and with her recent 10 pound weight gain, that's what matter most) and had a friend drive her to the law firm's offices in downtown Los Angeles. For the first time in months she couldn't eat, so she downed several cappuccinos instead. When she went in to her meeting with Ms. Beck she was so wired on caffeine she was ready to climb the walls of the attorney's well appointed office.

Monica walked into Ms. Beck's office and smiled. Hello, ma'am, it's nice to meet you," she said. "I can't tell you how excited I am to be here. Your letter was a bit of good news to me."

"Yes, my client thought it might be. Sit down. Would you like a cup of coffee while we discuss this matter?" asked Beck.

"Oh no," Monica replied, "I,er,uh, am trying to cut down on caffeine. Makes me kinda jumpy you know."

"Right…OK well here's why we're here today. I represent a client, who has tremendous wealth and power, who wishes to remain anonymous for various reasons. This client has followed your story in the news media with a tremendous amount of interest. The client has figured that since the media circus has ended that you might be hitting some hard times, and would like to help you out with a very generous gift," said Beck.

Monica was shaking with anticipation. What could it be? "That's great," she said, smiling a nervous grin. "What is it that I'm to receive from this person? A job or something?" Don't blow it, she thought to herself. Keep cool…

"No, it's not a job. It's something much better. It's an all-expenses paid luxury cruise for you to take, alone, with an assurance of total privacy. No photographers will be taking pictures of you lying in the sun, and no reporters will be pestering you with questions. You leave in just a few days, and will take a cruise in the Caribbean islands. It's really quite nice down there this time of year, and I think you'll enjoy it."

thought to herself for a moment. A cruise? What kind of powerful person gives away a cruise? Who is this person, Bob Barker from the Price is Right?

"Wow, uh, this sounds great…I never went on a cruise before. Can I bring a friend with me?" she asked.

Sharry replied "No, I'm sorry you can't. Under the terms the client has arranged, and to protect your privacy, you can't bring anyone, and in fact, can't tell anyone that you're taking this trip. It's all for your safety, you see."

Monica considered the offer. "Maybe if I go on this trip," she thought, "I might get to meet this really rich guy paying for all this. If he's practically buying me a cruise ship now, who knows what else he'll give me?"

"I'll do it!" she exclaimed. "This will be so much fun!"

"All you need to do is sign a few release forms, and you'll be on your way. I cannot tell you how glad my client will be when I relay the news. This client really believes that this trip will give you what you deserve after the events of last year. Now remember, you can't tell anyone where you're going. If you do, you lose the trip and any future help from the client. Do you understand?"

Monica was too busy signing her name to a blur of paperwork to read what she was signing or really listen. "Sure, sure, that's fine, not a word. Believe me after last year, I know the importance of keeping my mouth shut."

The irony of her last statement was not lost on Sharry Beck.

A few days later and a limousine pulled up to pick Monica up early in the morning to take her to the airport. First she'd take a private charter flight to Miami under a false name, then take a private car to her cruise ship. She was rather tired but was still excited. When she arrived in Miami and finally got to see "her" ship, she was thrilled. Her only worry was that she'd look terrible in her bikini with her recent weight gain, but it was no big deal. Without the paparazzi snapping photos, she could let it all "hang out."

Her adventure was beginning. Just a few days ago she was sitting around the house, eating bags of candy all day and lamenting her lot in life. Now things were turning around! Finally, she was getting what she should have a long time ago -- a chance to get what she deserved in life!

After a few days on the ship, Monica was getting settled in and starting to have a good time. The other passengers on the ship treated her like everyone else, and were very nice to her. But what really made the cruise special was the staff. As per her mystery benefactor's instructions, they took care of her every need. It seemed like her drinks never got more than half-empty before they were refilled, and she never had to wait in line for the many buffet meals -- there was always someone presenting her with a huge plate of her favorite food almost constantly.

At first she wondered if eating so much was a good idea, since she was trying to lose weight and slim down her fleshy figure, but after chatting with many of her newfound friends and the chefs onboard she decided that she'd go with the flow and enjoy herself. She could always diet back in L.A. Besides, the food was so delicious! She also figured that her mystery benefactor must like bigger gals, and this was his way of plumping her up a little. For someone who was obviously a very rich and powerful person, Monica was willing to do most anything…eating a few big meals was certainly better than her past experiences with powerful men.

The days passed into weeks. Their course was a rather unusual one -- instead of hitting the major Caribbean islands like Puerto Rico, the Bahamas, or Jamaica, they were instead visiting some of the smaller, lesser known islands. This was fine with Monica since it meant that it would be less likely that she'd be recognized.

Besides, after a couple of weeks of eating the wonderful cuisine, she was definitely getting fatter, adding at least 20 pounds to a body that was already plump. Her hips and thighs were taking much of the new weight on, and her butt was getting bigger and rounder than ever. Hopefully this mystery millionaire would put up some money for a gym membership. She'd just die if she had to waddle around Rodeo Drive with such a big rump!

Finally, after three weeks of non-stop partying and eating, she had a message delivered to her cabin one evening. It was another letter from Ms. Beck, dated the day she'd left. She opened it. Was she finally going to meet the man who'd been paying for this wonderful (and expensive) gift?

The letter read:

"Dear Monica: Hope you're having a great time. You're scheduled to meet the person responsible for your just rewards in life tomorrow. The ship will be docking at a small island near Trinidad tomorrow morning, and you'll be taken ashore and you'll get to meet my client. Enjoy your reward, Sharry."

Hooray, thought Monica! This called for a celebration! She made a dash for the bar and toasted her success. And of course, she had to have a little something to eat as well. The ship staff prepared her a special midnight meal and she ate it all up. Tomorrow was going to be a big day, and she wanted to be sure to have the strength and energy for what was sure to be an important day in her life!

The next day she got up and dressed in a new outfit she'd purchased at the onboard ship store. None of her clothes really fit anymore, and as luck would have it, the onboard ship "mall" had a plus size women's store! A steward came to her cabin and escorted her off the ship to an awaiting Land Rover staffed with a chauffeur and another man. When she waddled into the car, the steward said "It was a pleasure serving you, Monica. We really enjoyed having you on board these past few weeks."

The driver glared at him and he quickly changed his statement, stumbling over his words nervously, "I mean, uh, of course, we enjoy having you on board, and look forward to seeing you later on this evening." Monica didn't seem to notice much. She was too wrapped up in her own thoughts about this mystery benefactor whom she'd by now idealized as a veritable Prince Charming.

Once the car started, the driver's aide spoke briefly with her. "Welcome to our island, Ms. Lewinsky. We're very happy to have you here. I'm sure your very curious as to who brought you here, and what's going on. All will be revealed at the appropriate time. But for now, to preserve the privacy of our boss, would you kindly put on this blindfold?"

Monica looked at him kind of funny. Why would she need a blindfold if they're on a remote island? But then she thought again of her 'Prince Charming' and happily put on the blindfold. After all, she'd left town without telling a soul, put on over 20 pounds, and spent 3 weeks partying on his dime. What was wrong with going along with one more little game. Soon it would all be worth it, she thought. "Ok, cool. This is so fun!"

The car drove for approximately an hour and a half and pulled up to a gate to a large, old house. The driver entered in a code and drove for another 30 minutes to the main house. The driver spoke. "Monica, we're driving up to the house right now. Keep your blindfold on and you'll be meeting the boss soon. The boss has a special welcome prepared for you."

A special welcome! Monica was eager to meet her benefactor, if for no other reason than because her newly stretched stomach was empty. She'd gone for at least 2 hours without eating something and her stomach was beginning to growl. "Will there be something to eat when we get there? I'm starving!", she exclaimed.

"Oh yes, there'll be something to eat. Just sit tight and be patient…" replied the driver, with a crooked smile that Monica couldn't see through her blindfold.

The car stopped and the door opened. Monica could feel a couple of people help her out of the car and guide her down a path. She could definitely hear other people around her chatting and walking around, but couldn't tell how many were nearby. Finally they stopped and she was put into a very large, comfortable chair.

The driver pulled off her blindfold and she adjusted to the light. At first she couldn't see anything because of the bright sunlight, but gradually she could see someone sitting on a elevated platform in front of her. Her eyes came into focus and the first thing she realized was that this person she was meeting wasn't a man, but in fact a woman. A very large sized, well-tanned woman from what she could tell through her blurred vision. The woman began to speak through a native islander mask of some sort which muffled her voice.

"Well I'm so glad you could make it, my friend. I'm probably not who you expected to see. But soon you'll understand. Come a little closer," she said. She whispered to a young staff person nearby "Be sure to get a picture when she sees who I am. That look on her face will be just precious!"

Monica looked over at the woman. The first thing she noticed was how fat and tan she was. Her thighs were huge and Monica guessed this woman weighed at least 450 pounds. But what was truly amazing was the size of her belly. Monica had never seen someone with a belly as big and as round as this one. It was as if she'd swallowed an enormous meatball which had expanded inside of her. The rest of the woman's body was equally as big. She had thick, round arms and breasts that were simply enormous.

Then she looked at the woman's face as she took off her mask. At first she could only see how fat and round it was and then she realized it looked familiar. Then she froze. Sheer terror paralyzed her entire well-fed figure. Indeed Monica did recognize that face and suddenly realized who'd brought her here -- Hillary Rodham Clinton. She wanted to run away but she was too terrified to move. Besides, with all the weight she'd put on in her thighs and legs, she wouldn't have been able to get far.

Hillary began to speak again, after she'd enjoyed watching the look on Monica's face turn from pleasure to fear and began speaking, patting her oversized tanned belly. "Knowing you, you probably thought that some horny rich man paid for your little vacation here. You really need to learn to listen. My attorney told you that you would be getting what you deserve out of life in light of recent events, and you are. You never learned your lesson to stay AWAY from married men. Now I'm going to teach you a lesson you'll NEVER forget!" Hillary laughed out loud and took a big gulp from a quart-sized maitai she had at her side.

Monica was too stunned to hear much of what she was saying. She was still processing this image of a fat Hillary Clinton with a gut the size of Jabba the Hutt. The image was hard to accept. Didn't she see her on TV recently, slender and fit? Why was she so fat?

Hillary continued. " I've taken up residence on this remote island ,and I've spent my time getting revenge on the people who've made my life miserable by eating them up, and you're the next on my list!" she thundered. Hillary sat back in her chair and continued to rub her belly and enjoy the sun's rays.

Monica began to cry. "B-b-b-but I thought you were running for the US Senate or something…I saw you on TV!" she protested. "No, kiddo, you saw my Secret Service double," replied Hillary. "She always wanted to be First lady so I switched places with her and let her live out her fantasy of being a Senator. It's not like my loser husband would notice anything different -- he never pays attention to me anyway. So I took the chance to leave him and find my own fortune. "

Hillary continued, "That's how I've had the time to setup shop here and start feasting on my many foes. You wouldn't believe how much fun it was to cook and eat up all those backstabbing politicians and smother Linda Tripp with my big fat ass. Sure I've put on a few pounds lately as a result of my new 'diet', but it's fun patting my fat stomach and know where my enemies ended up!" She smiled a devilish smile to the rotund brunette.

Suddenly, it all made sense to Monica. The secret meeting with the attorney, the signed consent forms which she never bothered to read, instructions to tell no one where she was going, the constant eating on the cruise -- Monica was going to be served to Hillary Clinton as the main course of a big feast, the last in a series of what must have been many meals, judging by the size of Hillary's gut. Since no one would know where she'd been all this time and who she'd been meeting with, she'd just "vanish" like a victim on the X-files. The shock to Monica's brain was overwhelming.

"I've had so much fun eating up those terrible political hacks and backstabbing pundits but you're going to be the tastiest meal yet. I'm so glad my friends on the ship fattened you up so nicely -- you'll make a great roast. Guys, prepare her for dinner! We've got guests coming over!"

"Wait, wait, you don't underst---" Monica's screams of protest were stopped by a gag put in her mouth by one of the many chefs from the ship she'd met recently, which seemed to appear out of nowhere. They stripped her clothes off and her fat, naked body was quivering, shaking every roll of fat and exposed for all to see. Hillary took a look and smiled. "Revenge would have made you delicious no matter how fleshy you were but with the prep work my chefs have done, you'll be wonderful! And there will be definitely enough gravy for everyone…"

The cooking staff led Monica to an awaiting guillotine. "So this is how it ends," Monica thought to herself. Instead of being the escort to a handsome millionaire, she was going to be fed to the fattest First Lady in history. She began to cry again but her sobs were muffled by the gag in her mouth. She put up a token struggle, but gave up quickly and was resigned to her fate, when suddenly, Hillary shouted, "STOP! Don't put her on the guillotine! I've changed my mind!"

Monica was stunned. Was this a reprieve? Maybe Hillary was just trying to scare her! Hillary had the cooks lead Monica back over towards her. She looked at Monica, tears streaking her round face. "I can't do it Monica. I can't have you beheaded and roasted. It just wouldn't be right." She reached over and pinched Monica's fleshy belly. "I'm sorry we scared you like that." One of the cooks took out the gag in Monica's mouth.

"Oh thankyouthankyouthankyou, Hillary, thank you for not cutting my head off!" Monica blubbered. She was getting a little embarrassed standing in front of everyone naked and shaking, but she didn't care. She was alive, and wasn't about to be butchered like a stuck pig. Hillary leaned back in her chair, and took another swig of her drink.

"No, we're not going to cut you up. That would be a terrible waste. Instead, I think we'll do something a little more 'old school'. I've had a craving for sushi since I got here…I think I'll just swallow you alive instead!" She signaled two of her muscular bodyguards to come over towards Monica. "Pick up this fine piece of meat and help me swallow her up!"

As ordered, two of Hillary's bodyguards ran up and picked Monica up. They had a little difficulty at first, given Monica's heft, but they managed to lift her up and hold her sideways, facing Hillary. Monica was half scared, half laughing. "Ok, this joke's going a little far. There's NO WAY you could possibly swallow up a fat girl like me. Stop this at once!"

But no one paid any heed to Monica's remarks. Hillary was too busy preparing to swallow her up. Using techniques she had learned from people-eaters around the world during her travels as First Lady, she unhinged her lower jaw and stretched her fat neck out. The two bodyguards began to position Monica's head into Hillary's gaping wide mouth. "Stop! Stop! Noooo!!! Don't EAT ME !!" Monica screamed. But it was no use. Hillary had waited for a long time for her meal, and a few belated screams from the main course was not going to dissuade her from devouring up the woman who had caused her so much trouble.

Hillary wrapped her mouth around Monica's head and shoulders and began to swallow her up. Monica struggled in vain but she was kept firmly in place but the bodyguards, who were getting quite a workout themselves keeping plump Monica in place as she tried to get away. Hillary took another swallow, and struggled to gulp down Monica's ample breasts and midsection. She took a while to bend her neck and make sure Monica's body slithered into her ample belly. Hillary could feel her stomach stretching to accommodate her meal, and she worried she would not be able to finish Monica off in one sitting. But being a determined woman who would accept nothing less than success, she struggled and worked hard.

All that was visible of Monica now was her ample rump and legs, kicking and struggling outside of Hillary's mouth. The assembled guests were in already awe of Hillary's ability to eat up her special main courses in the past, but seeing her swallow up Monica whole was truly amazing. They knew that after this, nothing they would see in their lives would compare to the drama and the accomplishment Hillary would have achieved right before their very eyes. Some were shouting words of encouragement, but most were so engrossed in the events that were transpiring that they were silent.

Monica, meanwhile, was going into shock. She was inside Hillary's belly! Even with Hillary's already ample stomach prepared for receiving such a big, live, piece of food such as Monica, it was still very tight inside and Monica could barely breathe. She could feel Hillary's powerful swallowing as she somehow managed to get Monica's big butt inside her mouth and Monica knew that there was very little hope of her getting out of this mess. Unless a woodsman came over and cut open Hillary's belly with an axe, she was going to be digested and end her life as nothing more than food.

Hillary began to finish off Monica. She tilted her head back and began swallowing up her shapely legs. Hillary was definitely getting a workout swallowing up Monica, and she was getting very tired. But her friends continued to encourage her and she made her final effort. Monica's fleshy calves were all that anyone could see, and Monica had stopped struggling, resigned to her fate, which made eating her up much easier. Hillary took two more swallows and that was it. Monica was no longer a plump intern who'd been a selfish, immature pain in the neck. She was now inside Hillary's distended belly, being digested as a main course! The assembled group cheered and Hillary collapsed in her chair. She was exhausted!

Hillary's friends came up to her and admired her belly, which had easily been doubled by her assimilation of Monica's well-fed body. They took turns massaging it, helping Hillary begin digesting her huge meal. Occasionally they could feel Monica writhing inside in a futile attempt to escape, and they laughed. Hillary picked up another drink and patted her belly.

"This was easily the best meal I've ever had. And I have Monica to thank for it. Hey Monica, care for a drink?" she teased, and took a huge swallow of her maitai. Monica could only hear the muffled laughter of the crowd outside, and felt the rum concoction on her feet as it made its way into Hillary's stomach. "Hey Monica, let's see you talk you way out of this one!" Hillary shouted. Hillary's friends laughed and continued to help her digest Monica.

Monica began to feel the juices in Hillary's stomach begin to break her down and digest her body. She grew sleepy as the available air in Hillary's belly became thinner and thinner. Her last thoughts were how stupid she was to have taken that cruise, and that she was ending up nothing more than added pounds onto the fattest First Lady in history.

Hillary began to get sleepy. She had her bodyguards move her bloated, fat, body to her quarters and she went to sleep, with a full belly and a sense of accomplishment. She rubbed her belly and smiled as she fell asleep. Monica got what she deserved, and Hillary got the satisfaction of a full belly and a sense of contentment which had eluded her for years.

The End (?)