Content warning
Holy shit, where do I begin? Bad prose, a worse grasp of biology and as many fetishes as we can find. Cannibalism, consensual hanging, gurgling bellies, woman-swallowing-pythons, Hillary Clinton. You have been SERIOUSLY warned.
What is this?
Behold! My collection of hilariously badly-written smut fics from the depths of the Internet! Chucking at badfics has been one of my pastimes since I was like 13 and I’ve never stopped. These are all 20-30 years old, rescued from defunct personal websites and old furry libraries. I include my funny commentary, but you can turn them off if you want to enjoy the badly-written camp without me interrupting you every few lines.
Note: I am also a dirty furry with some odd kinks, and none of my joking is presented with ill will towards the writers. I love badly-written stories because they challenge the concept of what a good plot is supposed to look like. The authors don’t care about adhering to the same standards of published print media; they’re mostly interested in getting their crazy idea out there in the world, no matter how clumsy the execution.
As for why these are all ancient internet relics, that's because old badfics have their own special aura to them. The modern baggage of fan fiction is completely absent. Each story feels completely different, but the authors’ personal obsessions with the subject matter are present in all of them.
None of these stories are from private collections. They were written for pubic consumption, being published in magazines, online fetish libraries, personal websites, and the like. The authors definitely wanted people to read them...and jerk off to them!
I call this, the tale of the...
| Name | Blurb | Rating |
|---|---|---|
| A-Hunting We Will Go | Doodoofart | — |
| And This Little Piggy | Doodoofart | — |
| Beer Belly | Doodoofart | — |
| Belly Butt | Doodoofart | — |
| Cow | Doodoofart | 8/3 |
| Eye of Argon | Doodoofart | — |
| Lost and Found | I've had this on hand since 2009. | 11/10 |
| Lupin of My Dreams | Doodoofart | — |
| Mabel's Meat | Doodoofart | — |
| Manifesto for Postmodern Sadists 2.1 | Doodoofart | — |
| Monica Gets What She Deserves | Doodoofart | — |
| Ninja Sluts | Doodoofart | 10/10 |
| Once Upon a Time at the Movies | Doodoofart | 25/8 |
| Plant | Doodoofart | — |
| Scar's Uprising | Doodoofart | 9/10 |
| Second Chances | Doodoofart | — |
| Submission to a Vampire | Doodoofart | — |
| The Chalice of Liquid Chaos | Doodoofart | 7/10 |
| The Hanging Hour | Doodoofart | — |
| The She-Wolf | Doodoofart | — |
| Vore My Love | Doodoofart | — |
| Woman Swallowing Pythons | Doodoofart | — |
| Xydexx's Thanksgiving Trip | Doodoofart | — |
Takedown policy
If you happen to own one of these stories and you don’t like that it’s being hosted here, please e-mail me at alexlutzart(at)gmail.com and I’ll take it down. We're more than happy to respect your wishes, especially if you're polite. If you want to add your own commentary that’s cool too.
As for you, the readers: Don't go out of your way to pursue, annoy or generally be a dickhole to any of these people. Unless they're deranged sex criminals or aspiring deranged sex criminals, they're not actually doing anything wrong. Being weird isn't a crime, even if it's considered a crime against good taste.