Sewer Rat by Mike Wise

What a beautiful day she thought to her self as she walked along the sidewalk. sabrina loved days like this with the sun in the sky and not many folks on the streets. gave her room to walk freely and relax. she even hummed a happy song to herself as she walked along this happy day.

She’s humming the 80s electro remix of “Numb” by Linkin Park.

not overly think but not fat she stood bout 5'6" her long reddish brown hair waving in the summer breeze.

She’s definitely not overly think! The author gives us her exact height but forgot to mention if she was breasting boobily down the street.

she could feel the nice cool air through her white T and blue denim cut off shorts. not a care in the world and not a thing to get done she walked for pleasure though it was still a swift step. she had been powerwalking for about 4 months now and she could definatly tell the difference in her energy and stanima. she picked up the pace a little her leather boots clamp clamp clamping down on the cement sidewalk. "leather boots for walking" her Dr had asked her months before but hey she loved it.

These boots are made for walking, and that’s just what they’ll do! One of these days these boots are going to walk right into glue.

her legs were shaped and strong. firm and nicely tanned. Guys she dated loved her legs as well. Always getting challenged to Leg wrestle on the first date. It never failed and she almost always won.

One, two, three, four! I declare a leg war! Kind of a weird activity for the first date, but as long as they’re having fun, go for it.

Her upper body was no slouch either since she had taken up fitness. her new outlook on life has definatly helped her in all area's and she was happy as a bird as she walked along until,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

Until the author added 23 commas.

"what the" was all she could muster to say. she was walking along a side walk and was walking accross a manhole cover of sorts when she was stopped dead in her tacks.

She stepped on sort of a manhole cover maybe and then there were THUMBTACKS! I don’t think he meant to write “tacks”, but it would make more sense than what’s about to happen..

she giggled at the though as she could picture a young boy sticking a wad of gum right on the cover and was still giggling as she pulled up on her left leg which did not move an inch.

A little wad of bubble gum isn’t going to freeze a grown woman in place like a glue trap.

she looked kinda puzzled as she though how trange that was and began to lift up on her right now. as her muscles slowly tensed and flexed in her calf she noticed no movement at all. not an inch. She had no idea what would hold her this fast glue? was there wet cement there she did not see.

Then she realized what was holding her in place. It was the AUTHOR’S WEIRD FETISH!!

she grew slightly concerned as she reached down and wrapped her small hands around her left calf and pulled up. clenching her eyes shut and growling slightly as she pulled upward using her upper bodies strength. she made no progress. "what the hell is going on" she whined as she clutched the other calf and jerked upward using al of her might and grunting with the striain.

I’m asking myself the same question.

Comma count for this sentence: 29.

she continued to pull and pull and tug on her calf muscle as sweat dripped from her body until her hands slipped and she fell backwards. she sucked in breaths trying to fill her empty lungs and sighed.

Hey lady, if you’re really that stuck, have you tried taking your boots off? Or does the author’s boner require you to leave them on throughout the story?

she figured the fall broke the bond with the manhole cover but she wished not to move.

Of course she didn’t! The author wants her to stay there forever!

her muscles screaming as she released pressure on them she continued to gain control of her breathing and wiped her forehead and started to stand up,,,,,,, then she noticed it. her feet had not moved an inch. they were squarlely in the same spot they were when she first stepped on to the manhole cover.

Comma count: 7. Do her boots have powerful rare earth magnets embedded in them or what?

Fucking magnets, how do they work?

she began to cry. she couldn't tell if she was angry or if she was scared as she undid the buckles on her boots. she didn't want to lose the boots but she couldn't just stand here forever.

About fuckin time.

she kneeled on the cover as she worked on the buckles which wasn't such a chore usually as they were today. her hands were small enough but she just could not stop shaking from the exertion of her private struggle. she unzipped her right boot and stood up lifting up on her foot,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,NOTHING. "oh no this is not,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,mmmmmmmmph,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,ssssssshit,,,,,,,,, ,,,,,,,mmmmmmmmuuuuuuuuuuurggggggggggggg" she pulled and pulled with the same force as before.

Comma count: 122. Of course she’s stuck even after she takes her kinky boots off! She must have had electromagnets surgically implanted in her feet that activate at the exact moment the author wants to crank his hog.

grinding her teeth togeather the veins in her neck and arms popping out from the force. she shok violently trying to pry her foot off of an alien man whole cover which did not yeild to her wishes.

A whole alien man cover!!!!

she tucked her head to her chest and leaned back with everything she had pulling and straining and tugging and grunting and,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, NOTHING!!!!!!!

Comma count: 63.

"nned any help?" she heard a voice say as she turned and looked

And the story just ends here. The author got what he wanted when he wrote his main character struggling to peel her boots off the manhole cover and ran out of steam. Give it up for “Sewer Rat,” everybody! I don’t know if Mike Wise is still dreaming about women getting stuck on mysterious objects, or if he’s even alive anymore. He’s probably never going to finish this story because he posted it in 1999. Urghhhhhh,,,,,,,we didn’t even see the titular sewer rat,,,,,,,,,!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!It has a 0% chance of being finished,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,UUUUUUUUUNNNNGGGGGHHHRHRRRHH!!!!!!,,,,,,sssshhhhhhIIIIIIITTTTTTt!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!! So why not raise that likelihood to 100??????? I’m gonna give it the ending it deserves. Let’s get this farty sharted!