1_reason_not_to_drink_a_glass_of_water_while_sitting_at_the_computer_im_a_newcomer_warning_very_long_story

(a few words: the first part of story is fictitious (I guess you will figure it out anyway)) Just imagine a fine Tuesday morning. There you sit, in front of your computer. You're still barely awake and still don't remember such things like your name nor do you have a clue about the meaning of that word. But hey, isn't a name nothing more than pure sugar to the soul in the world you're about to enter? Because in that world, you're gonna be a god, a fish or whatever your mind might spit out in five seconds. But now imagine that guy sitting there, Crash&Burn by the name as he ventures deeper into the other world, the INTERNET (now scream).

I decided to take my usual route visiting this homepage, clicking on that icon, checking the emails and hoping that my 133Mhz LowEnd-Computer will handle it (but hey, this time that machine-made-by-the-devil was going to have a special malfunction as you're going to see). So I've seen that movie last week, 'The Matrix' and I think: "Yo, hey man, your desktop looks a bit....shi*. You could really use some new pics. The Matrix, yeah, that's your goal now.". So, after kicking my slave to work harder (praying to the computer not to give up) I gave Yahoo another hit. There, as you could imagine, I entered my desired destination and after some while of searching through an almost endless list of the usual, inofficial stuff, I found a very interesting address and so I clicked on it. Now, just at the same time, my computer started to check the floppy drive for a reason still unknown to me. Well, while it was checking, everything else simply stopped to work, great, do I look like the money bag of the year, man, I don't want to stay online forever, DAMN. With that word I slammed my fist on the table, causing a glass of water to fall on the computer and to empty itself into the same. There were strange noises coming out of it, and suddenly, something like a joke version of a lightning bolt came out of the floppy drive. It hit my right leg, giving me an ugly burn. Saying my favorite word to the computer (screaming FU** to the goddamned machine) I jumped off the chair, still looking at the computer, waiting for more unusual things to come out of the floppy drive. While I kept looking at it I suddenly heard that strange noise (You hear that when you walk next to a contact rail for example). It got louder and louder and, my heart still beating at maximum, breathing at the highest rate I ever did, I looked to the source of it. The monitor. The screen was completely black, but, I don't know how explain it, but there was this strange shimmer in it. I don't know why, but suddenly my body moved towards it. Then suddenly, everything turned white for a moment. It was complete silent. But I guess nobody hears something when he gets hit by an real big lightning bolt. For a few seconds I stood there, shaking from the electricity flowing through my body, waiting for the pain to come or the end of my life. But then everything was black. *To everyone who has the Trainspotting Soundtrack: Track 9 Pulp - Mile End* I felt relief, as it was finally over. It was then when that I noticed some light behind me. I turned around and saw something that terrible that it turned beautiful again. It was crazy, I was looking OUT of the monitor. I saw my room and everything, just as it was when I got shot by lightning. I think at least 5 minutes passed while I was starring at the real world. Then suddenly I heard a voice behind me, don't know what it said, but when I turned around I saw....Laurence Fishburn. Laurence Fishburn wearing the same stuff as in the movie 'The Matrix'. He was sitting in a chair, the same chair as in the movie. When I looked around I saw that it also was exactly the same room. I also noticed that the 'window to the real world' was gone and that I was also sitting in a chair now. "I am Morpheus." he said. " Yeah, sure, and I'm the god of Pizza!" I answered as I still looked around the room for a hidden camera. He didn't even react on what I said when he spoke on. " The red pill will answer your questions. The blue one will send you back where you came from.". I heard something like a little chest. It was Morpheus/ Laurence Fishburn who took the 2 pills out of exact the same silver box as in the movie, placing it on the table, after he was done. He now held his hands into my direction, both open and in each of them the pills. A sudden chill ran down my back. "Is this fake? Am I dead? Or is this reality? Hm...perhaps I'm in a coma. Perhaps this is the moment when I have to decide if I want to wake up or not. Then the red pill would bring me back.....but......what if the blue one will bring me back." I said to myself. "Okay, the red one will free me, no matter how." With these words I grabbed the red one and gulped it down. Now I was waiting for the weird mirror effect and that gay feeling when they plug out of the matrix. But I was wrong. Suddenly everything was black again, only in front of me were a few pictures floating around. These pictures were....Screenshots from the movie 'The Matrix'???? Suddenly I knew what was going on. I was IN the computer. This was the internet. This was the page I clicked on before. I was the ghost in the machine. But if my soul was in here.....where was my body? I looked around for that real-world-window but I found nothing. But then I noticed how stupid I was. I was in the internet. I had to get out of the explorer first. So I imagine something like an exit and volià, a telephone appeared. It rang. " Guess this Matrix stuff isn't so bad at all." I answered the phone and suddenly, everything was white around me. This was the color of my desktop. I turned around and there was window again. I looked out of it, searching for my body. But I found nothing. The room was empty. I touched the window, trying to get through, but it was glass. I tried to brake it but I failed, it simply was too hard. I was stuck in my computer (oh my god, I'm using Windows 98, what if my computer will crash, no, even worse, Y2K!!!! I'M DOOMED!!!!!!!). Suddenly something happened in the real world. The door to my room opened. My dad came in. He went to the computer and sat down on the chair in front of it. Didn't he see me? Suddenly, something really big was flying over my head. I looked up and saw......THE MOUSE ICON (please scream). *Trainspotting: Lou Reed - Perfect Day* I saw the icon moving to a giant Start-Icon. The mouse clicked on it and the giant Start-menu showed up, almost smashing me. The mouse moved to a link I couldn't read from my position. It clicked on it and suddenly everything was covered with this strange dark gray. Suddenly I felt myself very old. I looked at myself and saw that I was fading! MY DAD WAS GOING TO SHUTDOWN THE COMPUTER!!!!! I looked at him and prayed to him not to shut down, said something about giving him nightmares with the most evil creatures ever to be made by mankind, the TELETUBBIES!!!! (now scream again) But he didn't hear me. I saw the mouse icon flying to a menu above my head, the menu where he can choose how to kill me (Shutdown, quick, no pain. Restart, a neverending circle of pain. Got to MS-DOS, sending me back to stone age where I will slowly change to a Q-Basic program, loosing all my memorys and my intelligence.). I was about to scream when my dad noticed something. His head turned right, looking into the direction of the computer tower and he said something. The glass of water! He must have noticed the mess I created before! And yes, he took the glass and said something, something like damn, shi*, to hell with the youth or something. He stood up and left the room. When he came back he held a towel in his hand and started to clean up the mess. That was my chance, I somehow had to get out of here. The internet, that's it. But at first I had to abort the shutdown process. I imagined myself floating up to the Shutdown menu and, thank god, it worked. When I was in front of it, it was a pleasure for me to kick the Cancel-button. In a second, everything went back to normal, my desktop was white again and I was completely restored. Now to the explorer. I searched the Internet Explorer Icon. There it was, in the lower left corner of my desktop. I gathered all my energy and with a bright golden burst I boosted myself towards it (Dragon Ball Z like). As soon as I reached it I touched it with my right hand and told it to execute. At first nothing happened, then suddenly a little menu poped up, with the red icon we all love. Error. Ooooohhhh.....WILLIAM GATES YOU....! I boosted myself to the error menu and closed it. Now what? I looked out of the window and saw that my dad had finished to clean up the water. He left the room to bring the towel back. I had to hurry up, he would be back any second. I almost paniced when I looked for a way out. Then I saw my last way out. The Outlook Express icon was floating right above the Internet Explorer Icon. The last way to get out. I simply teleported myself in front of it and touched it just the way I touched the Internet Explorer before. And thank god it worked. The desktop changed and the Outlook Express layout appeared. I looked at something that could get me out of here now. I looked to the the link in front of me. It was the usenet. But, damn it, I hadn't subscribed to any newsgroup yet. Suddenly, everything turned gray again. I turned around and saw my father. This time he would shutdown. I completely freaked out when I saw the mouse icon clicking on the Shutdown button. The last thing I knew was that I was flying towards the usenet icon. *Trainspotting: Underworld - Born Slippy*

.......light......everywhere.....light............my body....................torn apart........pain..............forever....pain.........................i can....see..........end.........the....end.......end....of the.......tunnel..............no............something else..............................

Then it was over. The feelings of pain were gone. I felt myself....different. "Is this what it's like to be dead? Oh my god, being dead feels cool. Or am I dead?...........................New feelings....I feel......feel........power........feel.........size........i feel.......warm..............i feel.........feel..................feel.........i feel......What? that can't be right.....but, what the....WINGS?!?!" I opened my eyes. I saw strange forms, everything was green. That green was somehow coming towards me....no...I was coming towards it.....no, I'm not moving....now what the...?......uh oh......AAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !! I'M FALLING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*Trainspotting OST: Iggy Pop - Lust for life* (Now just imagine a big blue thing falling down from the sky, right into a tar pit. Oh yeah, take cover, that's going to be messy.)

*Splash!!!!*

"..............agh, my body, it hurts....................what's that stuff in my mouth.........tastes...shi*............uh oh........I'm missing something...........OXYGEN!!!!!! AGH!" I panicked, trying to get out of this stuff. For a moment I thought I would drown in that stuff for sure until I noticed: I could stand in it on all fours. So I emptied my mouth from that stuff and looked around. There were trees, everywhere trees and mountains, too beautiful and too much to explain. But what I did notice were the strange creatures I saw. They were everywhere. Really everywhere (I'm getting a paranoia here). I decided to have a closer look at one those creatures and so I tried to stand up and walk out of that 'pool'. But as soon as I was standing on my legs I lost my balance and fell back into the shi*. That was the moment when I saw it. I was a dragon! I saw the long tail. I saw the giant wings at my sides. I saw the tar-covered scales on my belly. I saw my legs, now perfect hindlegs. I saw my feets, each with razor sharp talons, 3 where once where my toes and one emerging from my heel. I saw my hands, they, thank god, still were 'hands', except for the you-better-don't-scratch-yourself-talons. As soon as I realized all this was true I noticed the snout between my eyes. I checked my teeth with my tongue, something which was ot easy as I had to find out that it was forked. But after all I was able to make myself a picture of the long and sharp teeth, especially of my canine teeth which were about 2 times longer than the other teeth. Finally, I used my right hand to feel the back of my head and, as I supposed, there were many horns, two of them were unusual long. So I was a dragon, great. I turned around and walked out of the pool, this time on all fours. But I stopped as I saw a tree next to me. Well, there was nothing unusual about that tree, just for the fact that I looked down to the tree. If I was right I was 14ft10 in shoulder height. Looking back I measured my length to be about......180ft (to be exact: 98ft body and head, 82ft tail). That was simply too much for me....I let myself fall to the ground, just to notice that these other creatures were now standing around me and that most of them were also dragons.

"er.....uhm...HI! Would someone please explain to me what happened and where I am???" (and how to get that tar stuff of me?)

Crash&Burn music junkie fresh from cyberspace DC will soon follow

thank you, peace, sayonara and bubye *switching to: Korn - Freak on a leash*