desus_tale__kind_of_depressing_bring_kleenex

Well, everyone else I know has been rattling off their histories, so I thought it was high time I do- 'cause I talk about many things that none of you know about, and just wanted to clear up things about myself. *Ahem*

I was born 1284 yralls ago (one yrall roughly equals 20,000 Earthyears) in Greganshough Duchy on the planet of Turis (find that one on a star map!). Now, my father was (and still is) the duke there, and my mother was of the commoner class- not a very favourable union, I can tell you, and they never married. So, I was born in relative secrecy to keep the questioning down to a minimum and other possible problems involving my entrance into the world. Now my father is a rather prominent personnage back home, so I went to live with my mother for the first three yralls of my life (that's still a baby!). Even though I could be classed as one of those "accidents", my father loved me to absolute pieces. My mother on the other hand is quite a different story. She was rather bitter about the whole thing, and feeling put out because I was now putting a crimp into her life (as most babies will do...). Needless to say, she did not treat me very well. If I remember correctly, Earth folks put kids into foster homes to get them away from the kind of treatment I got. My mother hid all of this from my unsuspecting father, and I sure as heck couldn't tell him- I was still a wee babe. He'd come by every now and then to take me to the Manor where I could be with the rest of my family and most definately him- which was very nice compared to being beaten and starved, amongst other horrors.

Then the most wonderful thing in the entire world happened to me when I was three: My mother died. Kicked the bucket, she went to the great cave in the sky. I watched her slip away, relishing every moment of her agony-filled demise. After that, I went to live with my father. I actually had a room with a soft bed and toys and pictures on the walls and best of all: books! Compare this with my "room" at my mother's home: stark white walls, a few blankets on the hard ground that passed as a bed, and nothing else. I thought I'd died and gone to heaven! I was living like a princess! I got to see my grandparents and granduncle whenever I wanted, I could play outside in the bright sun, I could climb up to the plateau next to the Manor and play with the gryphons, I could run around the fields, I could pick flowers, and a hundred million other things most folks take for granted. I could play and smile and laugh, but inside I was still starving. I hurt horribly inside. My mother took me by the hand and walked me through all the horrors of Hell itself and expected me to still be normal. But I wasn't. I was literally scarred for life, still am. And it was this early introduction to absolute awfulness that paved the way for my later life.

When I was five, we received an invitation from the gods themselves. I was to be the next Jager _and_ be the next Grand Wyrm of Destruction, and they wanted to introduce me to all the beings I could ever possibly work with, as well as the Great Library where all the magic tomes of Turis are stored and get me started on the path. When I was older, I was told that I was part of an experiment thought up by our Creator to see what the possible outcomes would be if an average Turisean was given a) jaw-dropping magical abilities and b) two of the most important positions on the planet. There is only one Jager at a time (and I am one of thirty-three to hold the position), but the slot of Grand Wyrm was already filled by another, a dear friend named Desek. He abdicated quietly, and thinking back on it, probably most happily. Destroying things all the time takes it toll on one. So I went to the Angelic School in the Administrative parts of Heaven- this is where all the young angels go for their schooling and training in their jobs. So here I am, surrounded by all these snobby little bratlings with wings, being taught things I'd never use, like math and sentence structure. I excelled in the sciences and arts, but that was pretty much it. I had no friends, save the gods themselves (and they are actually rather nice people), a couple daemons, Chaos, and the two Great Spirits I'd be using in my job: the Phoenix and Ix. That was my childhood.

After graduating from school, I went on to study magic and the arts of combat. Seeing as daemons are the most gifted in destroying things, I could be found most often, in Hell, in their own library. Now, I couldn't take the tomes home with me, which really peeved me- so I got into stealing them. This was not very well-received, so they got into the habit of posting guards (can you believe it?!) in the library to watch me and make sure I didn't make off with any of their precious tomes. But I still made it out every now and then with a tome or two, just grabbing the ones I wanted and taking off running through the halls of Hell, 30 or so daemons chasing after me. It was fun, it really was. I'd hide in shadows and watch them run past me, and then I'd run back the way I came, taking shortcuts and dodging spears and fireballs and hellhounds. You're probably thinking I was still in dragon-form during all of this- heck no! I was in human form the whole time! It was just easier that way, I suppose.

So here I am, 1,000 yralls later, fully knowledgeable in the arts of destroying things and fighting people, hunting bad people down and killing them- I could not be touched. I was "Da Man". The Creator had just begun another experiment, with Earth this time. He had this grand plan of having these mammals with only their wits as weapons become the most dominant creature on the planet. So he wanted a task force to go over there to watch over things and report to him how everything was going. Chaos and I signed up, eager for new adventure. This was 284 yralls ago (3,680,000 Earthyears). We went through the universal portal to watch over... squat, ugly, hairy, sickenly primitive creatures. We felt kind of let down. We expected more, you know? The group we were with decided it would be nice to split the time up into shifts: one group would watch and report as directed, the other would go into a deep sleep. Shifts were split up into chunks of about 3,000 years. And so it was- we watched over these humans, getting to like them actually, helped them out on more than a few occassions, taught them things, showed them magic, and generally being nice to them. Well, about 500 years ago, Chaos and I were on the Sleeper shift, and not going to wake up until sometime next century. We had holed up with the rest of the group somewhere in France and things were going fine- until one day. We were jolted from our slumber by the last thoughts of the last Watcher as he died, by the hand of a human. We didn't know that at the time though. We were concerned with a) why we were woken up in the first place because we weren't supposed to and b) why the other Sleepers didn't wake up with us. Later investigation turned up that all the Watchers had been slain by humans in cruel ways: heads cut off while drinking milk, burning pitch-covered wagon wheels shoved down throats, torn apart by knife- covered armour, and other decidedly awful deaths. We were grief-stricken and most definately mad. Why had these humans decided to turn against us? Why, after all this time? We never had the chance to find out. Humans found out we were in the cave and were coming after us, so we sealed it up and cast a spell of impenetrability on it to protect the Sleepers. We were on the run now, and there were no safe harbours in sight. We ran about for what seemed an eternity, trying to figure out how to wake up the others while still trying to stay alive ourselves. We still watched over them, but we didn't help them like we used to- although we did befriend a few children every now and then. Most kids don't hold the same troubling views on dragons like their parents do.

The centuries went by, and then we started this one. We witnessed four great wars and many easily-avoidable conflicts. We were tired and sad. And then one day, we happened on this girl 12 years ago near the sunny beaches of Southern California. She was really smart, and into all kinds of neat things like Ancient Egypt and biology and art and, most importantly, dragons! She didn't see them as the terrible monsters history made us out to be, but as wonderfully unique and awesome creatures. That girl is our typist now and she helped us find others like ourselves: other dragons and, even cooler, the humans who love them. She went through alot of things I did when I was young, like having a bad mother and childhood, but she's done alot of growing inside, and she's helped me too in many ways.

So, all in all, I've been through alot, but I am slowly starting to find true happiness again, and all because of a human (they're not _that_ bad!).

That's it from me. Thanks for listening, and take care.

-Desu

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