All Quotes

Every random quote that can show up on this site, dumped in one place and sorted alphabetically, because someone asked for it and regretted asking.

Normal (3675 quotes)

a 80s movie style montage of me trying on different condoms and my bros keep shaking their heads
a baby burger can take down a fully grown man
A bare boob or somethin on every plate since 1999
a beautiful nugget of weed. even if you dont like flower you can appreciate it
a big ass stack of pancakes
a cup is a drink’s skeleton
a demiurge is when you kind of want something
a fetid school of dung-guppies spilled into the churning maelstrom.
A girl can be a handsome fella. This is obvious
*a gong bangs when I enter the room even though I'm white* Hey guys
a grenade is a small easily startled animal
a heatwave is a type of ancient curse
A highschooler is coming to your house for dinner. They are on the debate team. They have just read Nietzsche. There is nothing you can do about it
A LARGE SILENT MENACING PRESENCE WAS APPROACHING ME OUT OF THE GLOOM, AND IT COULD FLY!!!
A letter from the Porn Stars of America
A letter to my dead girlfriend - m4w
a mans gotta eat and hot dogs are cheap- unknown poet warrior
A McSpicy, just so you know, is a McSpicy
*A nicely toned Fox Male stands in a dim room with a crate of freshly opened sex toys, he is wearing leather straped chaps and nothing else. To his right an industrial sized jug of lube behind him a wall covered with chains and ropes to his left a wooden bed with worn bed posts* Now, who wants to join me?
Licking is my specialty.
A prion is a type of maid
a private, peaceful dump after a hearty lunch. my own natural ecstasy.
A Public Service Annoucement From Your Kidney
A rare moment of rabbitkin acceptance. I went out for dinner with my anti-otherkin mother last week, and as we were ordering our food, the waiter asked us what we wanted. I said "As a rabbitkin, I would like some kind of mixture of human food and rabbit food. As the waiter wrote this down, my mom yelled at me "FOR THE LAST TIME, OTHERKINS ARE DISGUSTING! THEY PRETEND TO BE SOMETHING THEY ARE NOT! NO DAUGHTER OF MINE IS RABBITKIN!"! As I cried and cried and cried, the waiter said to my mother "You are a small-minded bigot! As it turns out, I am a plantkin myself, and my wife is a spacekin! How dare you offend us like that!" and threw her out of the restaurant. The entire restaurant began to clap and cheer. I got a free dessert, and they added a new option to the menu: Rabbitkin special surprise!
a real homeboy would fart in such a scenario
A response. "UR AN AAAsSSS!!111!!"
a second bumblebee has hit the flowers
A trip down Analog Lane- 27 years of video taping American history!!
a weed strain called It Will All Be Okay
a wizard in a bottle has washed up on the shores of every beach in america
a wizard threw skull shaped fire at me for no reason
A Woman's Poetic Blow Job -- was Re: Pussy poem
<@A-Patriot-Missile> im gonna blow you.... up
* marley is now known as A-Scud-Missile
<+A-Scud-Missile> no
* A-Scud-Missile was kicked by A-Patriot-Missile (DESTROYED!!!)
a_spank_horses: Bro
i_spank_horses: I was driving in a passenger seat of my friends car
i_spank_horses: piss wasted
i_spank_horses: He was driving like 45 mph
i_spank_horses: And there was a mexican guy getting in a truck
i_spank_horses: Close to my side
i_spank_horses: I stuck my hand out the window and smacked his ass
i_spank_horses: and he screamed so loud
i_spank_horses: he thought he got shot
i_spank_horses: I hurt my elbow
i_spank_horses: It was so sick
muzzleflashed: AHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA
i_spank_horses: I couldn't breahte for 2 days
i_spank_horses: funniest thing ive ever done
Aaaaaaand here is your sign to go get the lava lamp that you've been wanting!
aaaaaand reblog. *kicks back in my comically large leather business chair and lights up a cuban cigar* i own this fucking place. .. my empire.
<ab0mination> Snow White has been sacked by Disney Productions. Apparently she was caught sitting on Pinochio's face singing "Tell me lies, tell me sweet little lies".
<abcbooze> a patriot missle shot down a british aircraft
<i8> Damn British pilots flying into our missiles...
ABNORMAL LOADS ONLY
About to have an American moment. I get macaroni or cheeseburger today
(about your pet wasp) you know that thing would lay eggs in your carcass if you died right
<Abstruse> Bush: Iraq, you'd better get rid of your nuclear weapons or we'll bomb you! Iraq: We don't have any nuclear weapons. N Korea: We do. Bush: Well then get rid of your chemical weapons! Iraq: We don't have those either! N Korea: Ummm...we have nukes now. Bush: We KNOW you've got chemical and nuclear weapons! Get rid of them! Iraq: Even if we did, which we don't, we can't even hit the USA! N Korea: We can nuke California all we want.
<Abstruse> Bush: Shuddup North Korea, no one cares! Iraq, you'd BETTER disarm! Iraq: But we don't HAVE anything! N
Korea: Oh fuck it, blow up Los Angelas... Bush: Iraq, I'm warning you... *BOOM*
<doppelganger> bush: "we are sick and tired of your missiles hitting us, iraq...but we cant understand why they are flying in from the pacific ocean!" north korea: "he CAN'T be that stupid." saddam: apparently he is. i myself havent even made any missile that goes beyond walking distance."
<Abstruse> I personally like graveyard shifts better...I'm a night owl by nature...
<Abstruse> Besides, the morning shift there is 6 AM to 2 PM...those are the hours I'm usually sleeping.
<phoxleep> 6 AM
<phoxleep> wtf is 6 AM
* phoxleep has never seen 6 AM
<Abstruse> phox: 6 AM = bedtime. You know, when that big lamp outside the window starts to turn on? You DO know about the Big Room outside the house, right?
<Abstruse> phox: You know, the Big Room you go to when you have to go buy more food and stuff?
<phoxleep> the big room is sorta cool
<phoxleep> but doom 3 has better shaders damnit
<Abstruse> I hate the big room when the lamp's on...
<jastity> Abstruse: I have my groceries delivered to my Big Room, I order them online.
<Abstruse> They need to fix the air conditioner out there.
<Abstruse> jastity: I meant McDonalds.
<Abstruse> Or Taco Bell or Jack in the Box or whatever.
<phoxleep> Abstruse: why hasn't greenpeace given them shit about leaving it on?
<phoxleep> it's a waste of power damnit
<Abstruse> phox: Something about it using solar energy I think.
<Ac3d> ima redneck now...Chevy sent a magazine to my house under the name Bob Jones
Acceptable hair colors include neon pink, neon green, neon blue, neon neon, fluorescent neon, orange, and any color you can find by opening a random cannister of Kool Aid in your local grocery store.
accidentally caused myself to get a stomach ache by vividly imagining myself eating the burger i was planning on having for dinner tomorrow
(acidxxx) phone sex isnt expensive (acidxxx) dial 0 and start talking nasty (acidxxx) takes them at least 45 seconds before they hang up on you (acidxxx) "I wanna take you doggie style in this phone booth and rub your head in the chewing gum"
Actor needed for emotional role – One day high pay
Actual pictures of: poop, turds, poo, shits, schit, crap, dookie, poo poo, cacas, fecal, shite, doody, ass head, faeces, diarrhea, stinky, the big smelly, nancy, kaka, dump, dropping the kids of at the lake, stinky doodie, chit
Actually Doctor Pepper is the guy who created it. What you're drinking is really Pepper's Monster
actually its really sad we cant do inconsequential cartoon violence to eachother its not fair me and my friends cant throw bombs at eachother and put eachother through a giant cheese grater and toss eachother off cliffs
<@Adam>Wow, this apple sure does look good...
<@Eve>No Adam!
* @Adam eats the apple.
*** @God sets mode: -oo Adam Eve
<@God> THOU HATH SINNED!
add another clove of garlic im not driving
Additional sources:
On Tuesday nights (class nights), I also have a quad grande cappuccino at Beaners around 4pm, plus a 32oz Diet Coke from Chipotle with dinner around 7.
<AdmiralPJ> I can predict things before they happen
<AdmiralPJ> yes i know
<ari> That's precognition, not telepathy
<ari> Ah, damnit...
<ari> Good one
adulthood involves green bell peppers in some way I think
Advice for the guys who insist on posting pictures of their penis
After reading about the health benefits of drinking urine, I've given it a lot of thought and decided to take the plunge. Yep, I'm going to become a pee drinker. This is a big decision, I know, so I decided to make an event of it. I'm inviting a few friends over for a dinner party--so we can all drink pee together. I'm planning to serve Rosemary Chicken, garlic mashed potatoes, and a warm spinach salad on the side. What goes better with this meal? Light or dark piss? I've heard that you *only* serve dark pee with beef and light pee with fish and poultry. True? Please advise. I don't want to look like some weirdo. Thanks.
AFTER YOU COMPLETE YOUR ONLINE DEGREE (IN 8 MONTHS OR LESS), I WILL SEND YOU A HOT AMATEUR MP3 THAT WILL CONSOLIDATE YOUR DEBT USING ONLINE AUCTIONS.
<@Afterglow> what's the point of irc anyway
<@Afterglow> everyone idles
< destruct> the "point" is that if you take the third word spoken on the second tuesday of every month of the the third person down in each channel you visit on irc, they will form a description of the path to the lost city of atlantis
age regressing to 2 years old but i was an especially erudite and articulate baby so you don't even notice
Agnostic Cock Worship: It is impossible to know what cock is.
Ah dammit my penis is all clogged from eating too much chicken
when im not jerking off im taking shits
ah, out of weed . i guess the only thing left to smoke is... myself..
ahh man i hate the ruinous part of the joint
ahould be acceptable to ask a persons favourite organ.
* Ainslee is back -( cemetery )- gone 1 hr 3 min 29 s
<Kajun> Pickup or delivery?
<Aitrus> You are standing on the top of a cliff next to a clone of yourself who just so happens to be stark naked. You reach over, and deftly push the clone over the cliff. Is it:
<Aitrus> A: Homicide
<Aitrus> B: Suicide
<Aitrus> or
<Aitrus> C: Just another obscene clone fall
<ajax> Some people...have the idea that evolution is a fucking system of...
<ajax> "oh i need flippers, i'd better grow some" type bullshit. :P
<ajax> It's more like "Oh shit look at that freak over there with the flippers hahaha OH SHIT I AM DROWNING OH GOD SAVE ME FLIPPER BOY".
<AJK> puff da magic hard drive lived near drive B: sorta near the power sply in a tower owned by me
(akerom) anyone gota picture of a fat naked stomach? (akerom) or a fat naked girl (akerom) im making a comic of last night
<Alanna> Saying that Java is nice because it works on all OS's is like saying that anal sex is nice because it works on all genders
alarm goes off ah another day to promote libertarianism!! bolts upright in bed, bonking my head on the top bunk which knocks me out cold
<Alberto> "The New Year tradition is offensive to many ethnic groups."
<Rev> In order to not offend the Chinese, do you think they should call it "Happy New Time Unit" for the sake of political correctness?
<Alberto> Yep
<Destruya> Well, now that the holiday season is over, we can get back to only caring about ourselves.
<Destruya> YAY SELFISHNESS AND THE AMERICAN WAY
Alcohol is an evil evil chemical that corrupts the body and soul and can only be opposed by the purifying light of a weed gummy
<Algorithms> I just threw a squirrel carcass in a cardboard box and installed NetBSD on it.
ALIEN CRAFT FOUND, ...NEED HELP...THIS IS NOT A JOKE
alien creature I created for art class
< Alkivar> we're on our way back from partying in NYC over the weekend ... it was like sunday afternoon we're headed back west
< Alkivar> we're cruisin... maybe 130-140mph
< Alkivar> flew past a trooper on the side of the road
< Alkivar> trooper lights up ... siren blasting ... chasing us down the highway
< Alkivar> we're both like should we stop ... there's no way he can catch up to us
< Alkivar> we decided to be good and stop
< Alkivar> cop catches up to us ... comes out gun drawn ... pissed as hell
< Alkivar> walks up to the side of the car and goes
< Alkivar> "SON CAN I SEE YOUR PILOT'S LICENSE"
< Alkivar> Jason pulls out his fucking pilot's license
< Alkivar> cop's jaw hits the fucking ground
< Alkivar> most stunned face I've ever fucking seen
< Alkivar> in this practically a whimper goes "get the fuck out of here"
< Alkivar> no ticket... too embarassed apparently
< Alkivar> I'll never forget that day long as I live
< Alkivar> I was sure we were goin to jail
all beverages should cost one dollar when i want them
all hot dog fans are damn excited for the next condiment reveal for barbeque
All of the children simultaneously fold their Happy Meal boxes into unsettling tribal masks
All printers go to hell no matter what
All Quiet On The Frontal Lobe
all sorts of folk love cummin
All these people are walking into the room in a long line, slow like a funeral march. They're coming through that dark hole and they all have black things on but you can't see their faces because they have these big hoods. Everyone's carrying a kitten.
All this was calmly explained to me by someone at a club whose pupils were so dilated that he looked like a caucasian that had just stepped out of a japanese cartoon.
all two of my toes
all UFO caused by me
all us guys in life know one thing its all about thoes ass and titties. i love to say it cuz i wont lie we love women an every fuckin inch of them but there is one thing tha stands above all else a great pair of legs leding up to that bangin ass o hell yeah. PEACE AN BLUNTS AN PUSSY TO YALL.
JOE POT SMOKER
Allan: incidentally, my house is Zombie resistant.
Crysm: how so?
Allan: I wonder why that is
Allan: elevated first floor, strong steel doors.
Allan: the windows are out of reach, basically.
Crysm: it's next to a graveyard, man
Crysm: the planners had to think ahead
Allan: good point
Allan: ...dear god, I gave my house a zombie proofing assessment.
Allan: That's... a whole new level of something.
Alpha chick you have been spotted!! fire emergency escape rocket and get the hell outta their now!!! go go go sound of rocket engine....end transmission
alright. ill cast firearm i acquired illegally
Also, because of complaints I've recieved, scat and watersports may not be included. Sorry to those that like 'em, but this isn't the place.
ALTHOUGH THERE IS A GREAT DEAL OF SENTIMENTAL VALUE I HAVE COME TO TERMS WITH THIS TRANSACTION AND WISH THE TACK WELL IN IT'S JOURNEY.
Always a sad day when ya fav kicks get demoted to 'Yard Work Shoes'. Today is that day for one of mine. Any words of positivity are appreciated
always remember that adhesive labels can sense your fear and hesitation when you are removing them
ALWAYS REMEMBER: THE NIGHT IS DARKEST JUST BEOFRE IT KEEPS GOING FOREVER
6:30am 16oz can Monster Lo-Carb (blue can)
7:30am 44oz Fountain Diet Mt. Dew (Speedy Rewards, yeah!)
9:30am 44oz Fountain Diet Pepsi (All work carries)
12:00pm 44oz Fountain Diet Pepse (See previous)
2:00pm 20oz Diet Mt. Dew (vending machine, cafeteria closes @ 1)
3:45pm 44oz Fountain Diet Mt. Dew (Speedy Rewards for the road, yeah!)
6:00pm 16oz can Monster Lo-Carb w/dinner
6:30pm - bedtime - various glasses of caffeinated drinks as thirst arises.
am not an amoeba but i believe in their beliefs
Amazingly pathetic sex-for-rent poster
2020: america elects the first Shirtless president
america has so many small shitty buildings
america in all likelihood invented eating in your car
<{1000101}> America Jr my ass
<{1000101}> Canada is like We Hate God Damn Iggerent Yank Land
<_seph> you assume th atall of america is either stupid ignant countryfolk, or rapper wannabes
<{1000101}> We have everything the US has, execpt we did it right
<_seph> i despise both people
<_seph> yes i always wanted to go to canada to live
<{1000101}> No, I assume that all of the US a) thinks that
*they* are America and b) are iggerent.
14,000 americans die from diarrhea every year and everybody thinks its kinda funny at the funeral
“americans don’t know anything about history” yeah dude thats like two million burgers ago
americans love to eat a meal alone in a parked car
<Amish> why do women care if you have an ass anyways
<Amish> it's not like they're going to do anything with it, but squeeze it
<cardcheat> subconsciously, ass muscles are used in thrusting movements of sex
<cardcheat> so it symbolizes good prowess
<Amish> I will date blind women only. If they start to feel my ass, I will wear two cantaloupe halves
<amit> there was a girl in my english class who had a lord of the rings bookmark. she looked at me, then at the bookmark and said "Bilbo's so hot!" and put it in the cleavage between her breasts.
<Amun> just bought a server
<Amun> did a harddrive restore on it
<Amun> found nothing of interest
<Amun> except... his poems
<Amun> let me recite a few
<Amun> this one is called 'wishful thinking'
<Amun> The money I ve blown
<Amun> Getting high with dirty bitches I wish I ve never known
<Amun> Puffin on the pipe while they choke on my bone
<Amun> They re never grateful of the kindness I ve shown
<Amun> Or of all the times I ve made them mown
<Amun> So from now on I m just going to fucking leave them alone
Amy_Lynne.: Oh you hate your job? Theres a support group for that, its called EVERYBODY and they meet at the bar.
an ant carrying a crumb across the road has caused a 3 mile traffic jam
an enormous ass blocks my view of the sun, casting a perfect ass shadow on my face humiliating my family who wereall born without asses
An insane bird lives outside my window - w4m
Anal sex with Gollum isn't normal. But on meth it is.
<Anapaest> raping a brain-eating zombie..
<Anapaest> yummie
<Insp-Kamiz-> ahaha
<Insp-Kamiz-> they have lots of holes in them :D
<Insp-Kamiz-> like.. gangbang from 20different angels
<Insp-Kamiz-> CRAP, bad typo... angles
<ancho> do girls like it if you stick your hand up there ass??
<ancho> hurry plz.. im in the middle of something
and a little bit a chicken fry...Pussy beer and corn on hr e the bcob . Boobs burger and a fridagsy night... and the raidio uppp
and above all, don't delete my collection of pr0n mpeg's. i'll need them when you give up on me, in about 5 minutes.
And all it could say, through it's bloody little fangs.....was..."TAKE A TRANSFER...TAKE A TRANSFER!!!!!" AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!! this is in or around Massive Botched Transfer Attempt post id: 34813515
and buddy? i'm about to start seasoning
AND FOR CHRIST'S SAKE, ASK YOUR HUSBAND ONCE IN AWHILE HOW HE IS!!!!
And for my next trick, I will show thousands of strangers online my descent into madness.
AND I HOPE YOUR PUSSY SLIPS OUT ON THE FLOOR WHEN YOU GIVE BIRTH TO YOUR FISRTBORN YOU FUCKING LOSER!
AND I WILL LIKE TO HEAR FROM YOU SOON OK SO THAT I CAN SAND THE MONEY TO YOU OK
AND I WILL LIKE TO HEAR FROM YOU SOON OK SO THAT I CAN SAND THE MONEY TO YOU OK ----------------- Original Message ----------------- From: Balwinderjit Dhaliwal Date: Feb 28, 2006 8:14 AM Koo koo ka choo Mr Robson.
And I'm a 6'2 buffgirl with impeccable abs, skull-crushing thighs, G-cup tits, and just the right amount of body hair.
And most of all, POTENTIAL STALKEE MUST OBSERVE PROPER ETIQUETTE WHEN BEING STALKED!!!
and my fridge has a freezer this year so guess who stocked up on kid cuisine mother fuckers
And thanks also for the dual middle fingers as the train drove away. That was very sweet and made an impression on me.
And the ultimate bloging begins
and they will instantaneously retaliate with a level 8 Chain Lightning, as is their right
and this is why alcohol, ms paint and porn don't mix
And this is why Alcoholics Anonymous exists
And weirdly she didn't like wasabi penis?
AND WHILE YOUR AT IT, GIVE THE COLLECTIVE COMMUNITY OF WRIGLEYVILLE THE 1,387 HOURS OF BLACKOUT DRUNK TIME THAT THEY LOST LAST NIGHT!
and you better believe I'm stirring occasionally
<Angst> I don't see why you can't just get a paintball mask, dress up in green, and grab a shotgun
<Angst> plenty of demons to blast the 31st
<oobey> there's something funny about the idea of going around as stealthy as possible with a paintball gun on Halloween playing real life doom against 5 year olds
<oobey> now now
<oobey> kids dont respawn in real life
<Angst> yeah they do
<Angst> it just takes 9+ months
<Animaga> so, there's this panda bear
<Animaga> and he walks into Pizza Hut, orders some pizza, and sits down
<Animaga> once he's done eating, he takes a look at the bill and just goes to walk out
<Animaga> manager and server try to stop him, saying "you have to pay for your food"
<Animaga> so he pulls out a gun and shoots the place up
<Animaga> the workers are terrified, asking him what the hell he's doing
<Animaga> he hands them a dictionary, and turns the page to "panda bear"
<Animaga> it says "small black and white bear, native to asia. eats shoots and leaves."
<anonop> whats your worst sex story?
<anon> I'll answer with a one-liner.
<anon> It takes a brave man to swim in the Red waters, but it takes a hero to drink from it.
anonymous are pussies
Another day of thanking God — Vietnamese people — For inventing Phở
Another wizard has been found torn asunder in Elf Pussy Forest
antique austrian bronze bat lamp
antishippers like you harass thousands of children every day, indirectly causing some of them to selfharm and suicide.
Anton is a Chaos sorcerer of human stock. Some say he has slightly elven features, but if an elven ancestry is present it is probably several generations away. None the less he is an alchemist of some repute, has mastered the Great Work and made many variations on the philosophers stone. The powers he has obtained have given him eternal youth, the ability to heal, the ability to shapeshift, shrink and grow in size, he may also shrink and grow others if he chooses. He can also reform his body after death. He may also travel invisible, or even in ethereal form. Sexually he is a Chaosexual (in other words he enjoys sexual pleasures with men, women, hermaphrodite, asexuals, himself, machines and just about anythingHis styles of vore as a predator vary, his main powers are...a) Shrinking his victim and swallowing them whole. b) Growing into a giant form and swallowing whole. c) Summoning a Chaos demon to do the eating for him. d) Changing into wolf form, where he may swallow whole, or possibly bite a little first. e) Changing into a serpent and swallowing whole.
<Anton> Facial stabbing. Oozing blood. Shotgun vaginally inserted. Brains splatter over the wall. GrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrARRRRRGHHHHHHHHHHH!
<Anton> is a good death metal track
Ants are one of the most hostile breeds of crumb
Anyone else come to this video to pleasure themselves
Anyone else eating chips in bed
anyone else get embarrassed when their self indulgent daydreams are like too self-indulgent? like oh jeez the telepaths are going to judge me
anyone more esoteric than me is a loser anyone less esoteric than me is a moron.
ANYONE WHO HASN’T BEEN LIVING UNDER A ROCK SINCE THE DAWN OF THE INTERNET KNOWS THAT PRINTING IN ALL CAPITALS IS THE CYBERSPACE EQUIVALENT OF YELLING.
<aorie> shit slashdot STILL down
<MrP-> yeah, im crying now
<MrP-> whats wrong with it?
<aorie> this sucks
<aorie> this totally fucked up my day heh
<MrP-> me too
<MrP-> some girl asked me if i wanted to have sex with her all day, but i said "after i read slashdot"
<MrP-> GOD DAMNIT!
Apartments surrounding the "lakefront property" are equipped with reinforced glass windows to prevent the 500-pound mosquitoes from crashing into the living room and implanting eggs into the owner's children.
<APingLDer> So how did it go with that cheerleader from down the street that wanted to seduce you?
<naeblis15> Well, I was going to go along, but at the last minute, I had one of those 'Grinch' moments, when my heart went up past my level, and Satan's and Stalin's and Hitler's and a few more levels, to where it was something like normal, and I decided that I should wait until I could have a meaningful relationship, not just casual sex with someone infinitely more popular and beautiful than I am.
<APingLDer>...
<APingLDer>...
<APingLDer>And where was your brain at this point?
<naeblis15>I don't know, but when he gets back he is so fucking grounded
Apocalypse prevented indefinitely bc Fenrir will not swallow the sun unless it's wrapped in bologna or perhaps covered in peanut butter
<Apocalypse> So I was at work and decided to entertain myself, everyone else went out to lunch and I was by myself
<Apocalypse> Pron was 1st on the list, so I start surfing the internet, following links to various sites, and after 5 minutes or so I decided to stop
<Apocalypse> By then I had 30 or so screens opened up, all maximised, and while I'm closing them one by one (admiring the pics one last time) I hear a door open nearby and turn around to look, and I kept clicking
<Apocalypse> Unfortunately, my mouse must have moved a little, because when I turned back I realised I was clicking on the "print" button instead, over and over and over :/
<Apocalypse> And to make things worse, things get printed downstairs in a special room, then get brought up to us to make things more conveniant
<Apocalypse> In brief, in 10 minutes time I have to see the boss and explain why I decided to print out 10 or so full page pictures of two girls fingering each other on the floor :(
apparently making a building out of flesh and blood and bone makes people "uncomfortable" and "grossed out" and "terrified" instead of welcomed and at home because they can relate to the space around them. humans are so fucking weird
Apply garlic to a freshly opened cut or burn to immediately intensify the pain
Ar0uNd Â» Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot his whole life, which Ar0uNd Â» created an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, Ar0uNd Â» which made him frail, and with his odd diet, he suffered from very bad Ar0uNd Â» breath. This made him.... what? Ar0uNd Â» (This is so bad it's good...) --a super-callused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
Arbys we have the meats
<Arcturus|BuF> The Sims is the only game where you can kill someone by trapping them between strategically placed toilets
are they perhaps a gnome
Are You a Ghost Surfing the Web?
Are you a person that appreciates all the pleasures that hearing affords? Do you love to listen to the waves crashing on the beach or the sound of rainfall on a tin roof? How about the sound of the wind whispering in the willows or a robin singing? Or maybe you enjoy soothing music? In HELL there will be NONE of these.
are you drinking antifreeze, or putting Mountain Dewtm in your car?
Are you from Nebraska? Don't call me because you will creep me out because Nebraska has such a strange shape. I have shape issues, and I cannot deal with anything remotely Nebraska-shaped. Also, Nebraska is just chock-full-of-whores.
are you in a good headspace to receive my triple barrage hell nightmare skeleton attack right now.
ARE YOU READY FOR SOME FOOOOOOOBAAAAAW
Aren't grocery stores just poop factories?
As a kid, I wasn’t allowed to touch the hot stove with my bare hands. But now I get to do it whenever I want
As an empath I can tell when the microwave is about to be done before it even beeps
as if you had a choice
as the target audience of sandwiches,
AS TIME IS OF URGENT MATTER – I MUST IMMEDIATELY RECEIVE YOUR BANK ACCOUNT NUMBER TELEPHONE NUMER OF YOUR HOME.
As you can plainly see, the human head in a large glass case, while technically not being a pet, is by far the superior choice for any pet owner.
<ash26> tip
<ash26> never call yourself an american in england
<ash26> claim your canadian
<ash26> it will be so much easier for you
ashes to ashes, dust to dust, reeses to pieces
(ashke) id like to take someone from the 1950s (ashke) like some 15 year old kid (ashke) and show him the internet (ashke) "GOLLY GEE LOOK AT THAT DONKEY HAVE SEX WITH THAT LADY"
<asmcoded> anal sex is like hacking
<asmcoded> you go in through the backdoor and hope you dont meet a log
Ass of Terror
assembling a crack team of specific body part fetishists to draw the worlds most fuckable exquisite corpse
Assgaskets, Assgaskets, Assgaskets and then more Assgaskets!
assmuncher: any idea who's in the running for president next election?
sinistercanadian: ahhnold
sinistercanadian: he sneaks into the capitol building every night and re arranges 7 letters on the constitution
sinistercanadian: by mid 2007 he will be eligible for president
100000 asteroids hitting you in the headhorrorofthebeast
At hooters right now, here to protect the servers’ innocence
At least I won't be shocked when you show me your pylon-sized butt plug or request to suck on my tampon.
AT SIX FLAGS EATING FIVE CORN DOGS BY FOUR PORT-A-JOHNS AT THREE IN THE AFTERNOON ON SECOND DAY OF JANUARY.
4) AT SOME POINT IN TIME, CLAIM THE OTHER PERSON IS A NAZI.
at the confessional booth throwing darts at the priest thru the screen
At the end of the day, we’re all just saying dumb shit then going to bed
at the euthanasia party everyone gets a sip of the forbidden leantastyrepulsorboots
at the gas station getting pisst off becasue they dont accept ogre coins
(at this point her pussy started to watered)
<Atarax> Canada is the USA's largest national park
atlasthealmighty: Did I tell you my idea of injecting heroin into your balls, so when you ejaculate, it's heroin... And then the chick will think you just gave her the most amazing orgasm in the world, and she'd become addicted to sex with you
nullphi: i would like to subscribe to your newsletter
atm machines dont eat but that dosent mean they cant crave the succulent flesh of a burger
Attention all customers: our store will be closing in five minutes. If you are present in the store after closing you will be hunted for sport.
audrey 2 has great sex appeal
auguh my spider monkey tail is so sore, from work
Available - one grumpy-ass cat.
aw, fuck, I'm straight
<Axe> I
<Axe> do
<Axe> not
<Axe> know
<Axe> where
<Axe> family
<Axe> doctors
<Axe> acquired
<Axe> illegibly
<Axe> perplexing
<Axe> handwriting;
<Axe> nevertheless,
<Axe> extraordinary
<Axe> pharmaceutical
<Axe> intellectuality,
<Axe> counterbalancing
<Axe> indecipherability,
<Axe> transcendentalizes
<Axe> intercommunications'
<Axe> incomprehensibleness.
<JediHobbes> woah
<JediHobbes> *blinks*
<axiom-> mike myers is fuckin canadian
<axiom-> he'd outsmart those two nitwit killers anyday
<starrie> the guy from halloween
<starrie> not austin powers
<starrie> ninny.
<axiom-> oh.
aye can i get uh………ingredients on my burger
<Ayisha> Hm. You know magazines are overusing the suffix '-core', when you find an article about an 'NYC pop-core' band...
<Hiryuu> Pop-core?? XD
<Freyer> lol..
<Hiryuu> Sounds like a new type of porn
<Hiryuu> Cereal porn
<Ayisha> lol O.o
<Freyer> smack-cackle-and-pop S&M cerials?
<Hiryuu> "Bondage babies! Small marshmallow babies with oat chains, ropes and spikes!"
<Ayisha> O.o;;
<Hiryuu> I'd rule as an advertising exec.
<b3nz0rz>: A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, "Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?" I said "I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too".
bababooey!!!!! rooting tooty! BAM!!!!!!!!!!! your legs are now fresh jelly congrats dear reader!
BABIES ARE BORN WORSHIPPING UNKNOWN GODS — Dwarf Fortress, Bug Report #13172
Baby shoes for sale theylook gay
babygirl ur upset stomach is cuz chemical reaction of food in yo belly created 8 demon chariot riders and they rode off each into one cardinal + intercardinal direction to go light beacons in nightmare towers etcetera
<[BAC]Draxon|TWL> "The animals will hear!" bellowed the ear licking penguin as the awesomely endowed midget sucked her oozing charlies and plugged his purple middle leg into her festering cunt.
<[BAC]Draxon|TWL> oops
<[BAC]Draxon|TWL> wrong window
<d|syztem> what the FUCK
(backslash) Wow, the introduction to this chapter in the driving book we got today is. . . well, reassuring. (backslash) 'Finally, the keys and the car... our dream has come true! You climb in behind the wheel, the engine starts and purrs. Wow! Shift into gear and you're off. (backslash) The sky darkens, rain starts to fall... Where is that wiper switch? Oops, not that one. Oh! There is it! And now, the headlights. (backslash) What does that bright blue light mean? Why is that oncoming car flashing high beams? My gosh... the car in front is braking... Your vehicle is sliding!! Your heart is pounding! Now what?!' (zztzed) "If you slam on the brakes and go hydroplaning into the rear end of the car in front of you, turn to page 36."
Bacteria do have souls, but binary fission doesn’t produce new souls 99% of the time, so most single celled organisms share these sprawling souls that just get bigger every time they divide. Over time they compact down into these big mats of soul get compacted into geological layers that gradually accrete to the world soul. Sexual reproduction creates new souls but they’re much shorter lived as a result, and rarely make it into the bedrock, so most of the world spirit is from the Proterozoic.
Bad ass movie titles you'll only see on Craigslist
Bad spellers of the world, untie!
<Badforyou> Does anyone know where you can buy large, exceptionally strong plastic bags, fake dog poo, sulphuric acid, aroma therapy candles, and a ten pound dead doberman on the internet?
<freekoala> all but the dead dog on amazon.com i bet
<freekoala> you could put together your 'amazon.com' wishlist and send it to people. they will wonder about the theme, but keep them wondering.
Baltimore city employees strike, demand to be paid in US dollars rather than “Baltimoney”
<bansidhe>Last night my wife and I are having sex (me on top) and just as we hit the big 'O', I accedently slip out and make a mess on our stomaches.
<bansidhe>After we catch our breath, she starts laughing and gets this playful/evil look in her eye. Then she gets all serious and says...
<bansidhe>"Honey, I need to tell you something.... I feel something has come between us."
<bansidhe>Hehe... My wife rocks!
<Bao> A friend from college is now getting her PhD in biomedical engineering, and she has a pet rat she has to experiment on, and she had to castrate it for her next procedure.
<Bao> Apparently the thing wasn't fully under anaesthesia, and when she was shaving it, it ejaculated on her.
<Bao> And the most horrible thing is that she shrugs it off and is like, "Who'd have thought the first handjob I'd ever give would be to a rat?!"
BARK BARK! *pause* BARK BARK! *pause* BARK BARK! *pause* BARK BARK! *pause* BARK BARK! *pause* BARK BARK! *pause* BARK BARK! *pause* BARK BARK! *pause* BARK BARK! *pause* BARK BARK!
<barkode> it's all about getting drunk at defcon, and waking up the next morning in a ditch, with a TRS-80, a wireless modem, a sombero, a pair of high heels, an angry midget and you're dressed like a mariachi.
Bart Simpson died today. He did suicide by cop. The nation mourns Bart Simpson, beloved prankster icon.
(@{basara}): chu beyond the blackest chu,
(@{basara}): Deeper then the deepest pika,
(@{basara}): King of pikachu who shines like gold on the sea of electric
(@{basara}): I call upon thee, swear myself to thee,
(@{basara}): Let the fools who stand before me be destroyed by the power you and I possess...
(@{basara}): PIKASLAVE!!!
basketball dracula isn't real dude he can't-- *sudden squeaking noises from the shadows*
bathrooms are for customers only
bathrooms SHOULD be binary but it should be for drugs/for peeing
<Bayls> I'm downloading "two girls in the woods stop to kiss and piss.mpg".
<Bayls> And it turns out it's an mpg of two chicks in thw woods who stop to kiss, and then piss.
<Bayls> Dunno what I was expecting.
<Bayls> Kaff - can you stop changing your nick. My notify list is about 98MB now, since I simply must know the nanosecond you come online.
<Kaffy> bayls, thats FUNNY considering you never talk to me :(
<Kaffy> and dammit, i miss you so much when you're not here. or soemthing.
<Bayls> Kaffy - Sadly, that's true. However, I find enough solace staring doefully out the window into the night, illuminated only by the soft haze of my monitor, thinking of you and humming "Soooommeewhere ouuuut theeere..."
<Bayls> Then I load up the vast gallery of porn, all carefully edited to include your head with the tampons stuck up your nose on each body, have a brisk pull, then fall into a restful sleep, my own manpaste hardening to a flaky crust as I slumber.
<Kaffy> aww how romantic *sniff*
<bCc> Here are my Desperate Attempts To Get Rid Of AOL
<bCc> 1) I hired and exorcist to get rid of AOL on my computer. It failed to work.
<bCc> 2) I also buried CD's In holy water, the holy water evaporated but the CDs survived and now glow red...
<bCc> 3) I pissed on my AOL CD's and returned them to AOL...They sent me a thank you note for the cologne
<toc-> haha
<[BCorp]Atropos> and if you don't give me 12 dollars i'm going to plunge them into the center of the earth
<[BCorp]Atropos> with those dinosaurs and cave men and shit that got trapped down there
<[BCorp]Atropos> and then they will be severely discomforted
<[BCorp]Atropos> and who will be laughing then?
<[BCorp]Atropos> not you, that's who!
<[BCorp]Atropos> hahahahahahahaaahhahahaha
<[BCorp]Sleight> oh and Washington, cut down on the damn coffee stands
<[BCorp]Atropos> oh, for that remark i'm plunging them anyway
<[BCorp]Sleight> heh I don't care about my dad's side, have your way
<[BCorp]Atropos> i'll be back in a second, gotta pull the "plunge" lever
<[BCorp]Sleight> tell them goodbye for me
<[BCorp]Atropos> no
<[BCorp]Atropos> i'll tell them you said they were fat
<[BCorp]Sleight> cruel
<[BCorp]Atropos> mwamwamwamwamwa
<[BCorp]Sleight> while you are at it, plunge the whole town of Rochester
<[BCorp]Sleight> get rid of those damn neighbors who keep saying pop
<[BCorp]Atropos> alright... but just this once
<[BCorp]Atropos> i'm not a plunging service you know
BDSM FETISH: Bondage (A-C) Bondage (D-J) Bondage (K-Z) Bondage (Yahoo)
be honest. are you guys only hanging out with me because of the prophecy.
be my spaceman, land on my moons
Be on the look out for the 3 C Gang (Cool, Creepy Characters)!Approach with caution! These characters are consider COOL and DANGEROUSLY FUN!
Be so completely yourself that everyone wants to kill you
be the wizard you wish to see airbrushed on the side of van
BE YE WARNED: the following pages have been cursed by Demonic HTML and possesed by Java Poltergiests. If ye have surfed here on an old browser ye should turn back now and UpGrade. Ye Have Been Warned! (In most cases it is frightfuly FREE!)
Beautiful lab grown women
Because a pretty machine that can't whip your espresso is still a piece of crap and a cheating, lying bastard is a still a cheating, lying bastard, even if he took extra writing classes in college.
Because death is the ultimate killfuck
bedsheets are all like lets go over there
Been eating big drippin hot wings
been releasing dorphins and other things of the body
bees:*is keep*
before hotdogs existed people at baseball games would just eat sticks and rocks
beheading at dollar tree aisle
beheading at dollar tree aisle 17
BeHeMoTh101 : dude, this one time in school i was looking at this advertisement to a christian club BeHeMoTh101 : and on the poster it said "who carries your load? jesus does." BeHeMoTh101 : and i was like, wtf it's the scrotum
being a child in minnesota meant learning through firsthand experience that most bodies of water have vegetation that wraps around your ankles and the hatred i developed around that transferred into a larger hatred for swimming in general
being human sucks
but beleve what you to
Being in chicagow means I get to suffix all my actions with “Chicago style”
Believe you me, I will resurrect the babyfur community in this city. Mark my fucking words.
Bellybutton lint - 3 jars of it
Ben and Jerry’s is dangerous ice cream... capitalizes on the evolutionary human instinct to dig for chunks... before you know it half the pint gone
<benjameno> how do i catch autism
<benjameno> i've tried speaking esperanto and using free open source software but it doesn't seem to be working
*** BennyHill has joined #lobby
<Benny_Hill> BOOBIES, TITS, CANS, BEWBEEIS, MUFFINS, BOULDERS, YABBOS, SWEATERMEAT, JIGGLERS, BAZOOMS, MEAT PUPPETS, MILK WAGONS, JUBBLIES, BREASTESSES, HAPPYSACKS, TATAS, BAAABOOMS, TWIN PEAKS, TWEETERS, CHI CHI'S, COCONUTS, BOOBLATINES, MAMAMAMARRIES, SWEATER PUPPIES, BAGOS, FLESH BAGS, WHOOPERS, PILLOWS, BOYS TOYS, DOUBLE MOUNDS, TEATS
<Benny_Hill> GLOBES OF WONDER, BAZONGAS, BOSOMS, BLOUSE WEASELS, BIG'UNS, MELONS, TITILATIONS, BAZOOKAS, JIGGLYS, HOOTERS, BREASTS, JOY TOYS, SQUEEZIES, KNOCKERS, FAKE O BAGOS, JUGS, RACK, WUBBAS, KNOBS, HEADLIGHTS, FUNBAGS, PUPPIES, and of course WEAPONS OF MASS DISTRACTION !!!!
<ProfessorEvil> :O
<ProfessorEvil> I don't think i've ever seen it put so eloquently before.
<Beren87> A swift kick in the pants
<Beren87> that's always my suggestion
<Beren87> for anything really
<Beren87> Need to move a mule? A swift kick in the pants. Need orange juice? A swift kick in the pants
<Beren87> It's very multi-purpose
<TheXPhial> I need a gift for a friend
berries go bad so fast because they are born evil unfortunately
Best of Craigslist needs a smidge more cat shit
Better stop before she gets this big block of cheese
Better yet, imagine the day when people no longer feel they need a “sausage” in the morning
<BeZeRK> |NEWS FLASH| ALL K-MART AND WALMART STORES WILL BE CLOSED IN IRAQ. - they will be replaced with Targets!
<BiBOp> heya
<BiBOp> little question
<BiBOp> what services are best for unreal ?
<Aristotles> funeral services
big fan of telling people “have fun” when they say theyre going to the restroom
BIG GUBMENT PERSONAFIED!
Big Rob was so horny and so hungrey that he was almost out of his mind.
Big-Dick LIARS
Bigjoefla: DOSE THAT AFFEND YOU YOU COCK SUCKER
<BIGmog> that's why I work graveyards.
<Dailin> graveyard shifts right? not in literally grave yards
<BIGmog> yeah REAL graveyards! I got a computer right next to my gravedigging shovel!
<BigPigPeaches> So my GF and I are watching The Empire Strikes Back last night. Let me say that this is possibly my favorite movie of all time.
<BigPigPeaches> But suddenly I consider: we have always thought of R2D2 as a light-hearted comic relief type of droid. With his tweets, chirps, raspberries, and whoops, how could he be anything other than cute?
<BigPigPeaches> But what if people were misunderstanding what he is actually saying? What if he could be accurately translated? And what if he were saying things that weren t cute at all? To wit:
<BigPigPeaches> (The scene where Luke and R2D2 are leaving Hoth in Luke s x-wing)
<BigPigPeaches> Artoo: Hey, assclamp, where the hell are you hauling me?
<BigPigPeaches> Luke: There s nothing wrong, Artoo, I m just setting a new course.
<BigPigPeaches> Artoo: Oh, goodie. Are we going to see your dad? Cause you know he s Darth Vader, right? I mean, you know that, otherwise you re even more of a dumbass than I thought.
<BigPigPeaches> Luke: We re not going to regroup with the others.
<BigPigPeaches> Artoo: That s probably because they know what they re doing, and you don t.
<BigPigPeaches> Luke: We re going to the Dagobah system.
<BigPigPeaches> Artoo: The Bagadouche system? What an appropriate destination for a douchebag such as yourself. Are you sure you don t want me to fly? Cause I ll bet you re going to crash us into some godforsaken swampy bog, you mindless pube.
<BigPigPeaches> (Later on in Cloud City, during the escape scene)
<BigPigPeaches> 3PO: Artoo! Where have you been?
<BigPigPeaches> Artoo: Listen, you bronzed dildo, I ve been dicking around in a frigging swamp for the better part of two weeks while some wannabe wizard has been taking advice from an ancient lizard. I got slime in my droid genitals, a bad yeast infection, and I m not in the mood for your prissy shit, so put a metal cork in it, buttnozzle.
<BigPigPeaches> 3PO: Well at least you re still in one piece, look what happened to me!
<BigPigPeaches> Artoo: Yeah yeah yeah, you got blasted to shit, they should have left your ass in that scrap heap. You have contributed absolutely nothing useful to this point. By the way, how is it that you re even more of a whiny bitch than you were in the first three movies? I thought they wiped your frigging memory.
<BigPigPeaches> Do they have some sort of universal BitchBot app that they keep putting in your lame ass? Bitch.
<BigPigPeaches> (while trying to unlock the landing platform door)
<BigPigPeaches> 3PO: Artoo, you can tell the computer to override the security system!
<BigPigPeaches> Artoo: Oh, thanks for reminding me, you pretentious fuckstick. Do you know what else I can do? I can FRIGGING FLY! George Lucas said so! But that didn t stop me from falling into an effing swamp on that Bagadouche planet. By the way, did you know that Darth Vader is Luke s father? Cause I DO!
<BigPigPeaches> Oh, look, I got fried by a goddamn computer terminal. Thanks, dickweed.
<BigPigPeaches> 3PO: Don t blame me. I'm an interpreter. I'm not supposed to know a power socket from a computer terminal.
<BigPigPeaches> Artoo: You re supposed to know your droid ass from a hole in the ground, but you don t. Jesus, I should have left your sorry ass on that ship, you sphincter. Just wait till I get to use my little welding thingy on your droid scrote. I hate you and all these miserable bastards. Where s my Oscar?
BILL CLINTON = Buddy, I Love Lighting Cannabis Leaves. Immolating Nugs Together, One Nation
billards would be more fun if there eere mini cows grazing on the field and they sometimes walk sround and fuck up the shot or give u a point
9 billion hours in kid pix
billions of years from now when the sun consumes the earth WORLD STARRRRR
(Billy) i met a porno star (@dura) so DID I! (PyRoWaRrIoR) I am a porno star (PyRoWaRrIoR) I didn't get paid though (PyRoWaRrIoR) and there was no cameras =/ (PyRoWaRrIoR) it was just me, a sheep, and this guy named fred who SAID he knew my dad and my dad said it was ok (PyRoWaRrIoR) but I didn't believe him (PyRoWaRrIoR) and my ass still hurts (PyRoWaRrIoR) and the worst part is (PyRoWaRrIoR) he never called or wrote :(
Bird from Daytona USA
<Birk> Today this guest speaker came to our class to talk to us about the local college and the programs they offer.
<Birk> so he goes around the rooms asking people what they want to major in
<Birk> one kid goes "Ii'm not sure yet, I'll either be a Computer Programmer or a Priest"
<Birk> and I'm like " Either way you won't get laid"
<Birk> I got a 2 day suspension for saying that.
<Jaguar> LMAO !
BITCH I WILL GO ANYWHERE IN HIS BODY CAUSE I'M MR WORLDWIDE
<Blackmail> I should get a realdoll
<Blackmail> imagine me applying for a loan for that from my bank "yeah, I need a love doll"
<tobdude> LOL
<zerox> I'm sure you could get a realdoll on ebay for half the price
<Blackmail> ew, a used one
<Blackmail> and not made the way I want it either
<zerox> is this the one you want Blackmail
<zerox> http://www.realdoll.com/maledoll1.html
<aNuBiS-> hahah
<Blackmail> I want a she-he-doll
<tobdude> thats so wrong
<CanOfSpam> We're long overdue for an Oprah doll
<Blackmail> UPS won't take anything that heavy
<CanOfSpam> oh
<@Blackout> is it ok to masturbate and irc at the same time, what ya guys think
<@fragge> dont aim your cum on my nick
<Blade> what's for supper my beautiful wife?
<Blade> you on a silver platter?
<Blade> CPU: AMD Athlon Thunderbird clocked at 1453.26 MHz
<Blade> OS: Microsoft Windows 98 Second Edition [4.10.2222]
<Blade> RAM: 257MB / 512MB <29% load>
<Blade> Video: NVIDIA GeForce2 MX/MX 400 (1024x768x16 bits)
<63MB/64MB video RAM>
<Blade> Sound: SB Live! Wave Device (Driver Version: 5.0) [Stereo]
<Blade> Network Interfaces: NDIS 5.0 driver (Ethernet)
<10000000 bps> [5.4 MB received / 0.3 MB sent]
<Blade> Disk: a: ()[]: 0.0GB/0.0GB....c: (WINDOZE)[FAT32]: 4.4GB/4.9GB....d: (BUZINESS)[FAT32]: 12.4GB/12.6GB....e: (PLEAZURE)[FAT32]: 22.0GB/23.7GB....f: ()[]: 0.0GB/0.0GB
<Blade> Uptime: 0 days, 1 hrs, 2 mins, 3 secs
<SK> what a great prelude to sex.
<SK> system information.
blasting dark and twisted rope in the depths of my penis stronghold
4:35 Blaze it sorry traffic was crazy
<Blee> i went downtown for halloween and we saw a midget
<Blee> and this guy was like "THAT COSTUME IS AWESOME"
<Blee> oh it was horrible but everyone laughed
Blessed be the faggot
the dyke & the transsexual.
Blessed be the strap-on
the latex & the leather.
(BLIZZ)this one guy that comes in all the time and pisses me off (BLIZZ)he brought his computer in for service (BLIZZ)it starts for like a second then turns off (BLIZZ)i charged him 59.99 to switch the little selector on the back of his power supply from european voltage to american (ZeNiTH)haha
<BLIZZ> the Xbox 2 will include high-end gaming hardware, a mini-fridge capable of holding an entire case of soda or beer, an air-conditioning unit, a four slice toaster, a TIVO unit, cup holders, a diaper changing table, a trash can, and a refillable toothpaste reservoir. Even the new extra large controllers - designed specifically for use by basketball players - will incorporate heated buttons and miniature LCD screens so you don't miss out on any of the action
<BLIZZ> but thats just my prediction.......
<around-Bellerophon> no way...not gonna happen....they'd never pull off the refillable toothpaste reservoir
<@blodyholy> do you know the importance of mixing caramel and honey and whipping creme together and heating it up in the microwave for 2 minutes and pouring it on your cat?
bloodninja: Baby, I been havin a tough night so treat me nice aight?
BritneySpears14: Aight.
bloodninja: Slip out of those pants baby, yeah.
BritneySpears14: I slip out of my pants, just for you, bloodninja.
bloodninja: Oh yeah, aight. Aight, I put on my robe and wizard hat.
BritneySpears14: Oh, I like to play dress up.
bloodninja: Me too baby.
BritneySpears14: I kiss you softly on your chest.
bloodninja: I cast Lvl. 3 Eroticism. You turn into a real beautiful woman.
BritneySpears14: Hey...
bloodninja: I meditate to regain my mana, before casting Lvl. 8 chicken of the Infinite.
BritneySpears14: Funny I still don't see it.
bloodninja: I spend my mana reserves to cast Mighty F*ck of the Beyondness.
BritneySpears14: You are the worst cyber partner ever. This is ridiculous.
bloodninja: Don't f*ck with me bitch, I'm the mightiest sorcerer of the lands.
bloodninja: I steal yo soul and cast Lightning Lvl. 1,000,000 Your body explodes into a fine bloody mist, because you are only a Lvl. 2 Druid.
BritneySpears14: Don't ever message me again you piece of ****.
bloodninja: Robots are trying to drill my brain but my lightning shield inflicts DOA attack, leaving the robots as flaming piles of metal.
bloodninja: King Arthur congratulates me for destroying Dr. Robotnik's evil army of Robot Socialist Republics. The cold war ends. Reagan steals my accomplishments and makes like it was cause of him.
bloodninja: You still there baby? I think it's getting hard now.
bloodninja: Baby?
--------------
BritneySpears14: Ok, are you ready?
eminemBNJA: Aight, yeah I'm ready.
BritneySpears14: I like your music Em... Tee hee.
eminemBNJA: huh huh, yeah, I make it for the ladies.
BritneySpears14: Mmm, we like it a lot. Let me show you.
BritneySpears14: I take off your pants, slowly, and massage your muscular physique.
eminemBNJA: Oh I like that Baby. I put on my robe and wizard hat.
BritneySpears14: What the f*ck, I told you not to message me again.
eminemBNJA: Oh ****
BritneySpears14: I swear if you do it one more time I'm gonna report your ISP and say you were sending me kiddie porn you f*ck up.
eminemBNJA: Oh ****
eminemBNJA: damn I gotta write down your names or something
bloodninja: Ok baby, we got to hurry, I don't know how long I can keep it ready for you.
j_gurli3: thats ok. ok i'm a japanese schoolgirl, what r u.
bloodninja: A Rhinocerus. Well, hung like one, thats for sure.
j_gurli3: haha, ok lets go.
j_gurli3: i put my hand through ur hair, and kiss u on the neck.
bloodninja: I stomp the ground, and snort, to alert you that you are in my breeding territory.
j_gurli3: haha, ok, u know that turns me on.
j_gurli3: i start unbuttoning ur shirt.
bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don't wear shirts.
j_gurli3: No, ur not really a Rhinocerus silly, it's just part of the game.
bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don't play games. They f*cking charge your ass.
j_gurli3: stop, cmon be serious.
bloodninja: It doesn't get any more serious than a Rhinocerus about to charge your ass.
bloodninja: I stomp my feet, the dust stirs around my tough skinned feet.
j_gurli3: thats it.
bloodninja: Nostrils flaring, I lower my head. My horn, like some phallic symbol of my potent virility, is the last thing you see as skulls collide and mine remains the victor. You are now a bloody red ragdoll suspended in the air on my mighty horn.
bloodninja: Goddam am I hard now.
blowing bubbles in my chocolate milk. if you even give a shit. if my life even means anything
Blowjobs can't pay the rent!
*blows you up with a plasma grenade*
<BluBandit> hello kitty is one cat i'd like to violate
blue raspberry is fucked up cause it doesn't make sense but then u taste it and it Does taste like if a raspberry was blue
47 bluetooth devices in my bedroom fighting for who gets to mind control me while I sleep
*** bluntonio is now known as bluntplane
<bluntplane> i have the worst goddamn neighbor on this plane
<bluntplane> dude keeps scratching his fungus-infected foot and shit
<bluntplane> and his balls
<bluntplane> and then touches his face
<bluntplane> has his legs crossed so his shoeless-foot is dangerously close to my leg (wearing shorts)
<bluntplane> i'm about to tell him if his foot touches me again we're going to have a problem
<bluntplane> in civil disobedience protest i am attempting to fart a lot
<bluntplane> he is so fucking nasty
<bluntplane> i want to stab him in the throat
<bluntplane> a lot
<bluntplane> as in, i both want a lot to stab him in the throat
<bluntplane> and i would like to stab him in the throat a lot
<bluntplane> i would also be okay if he died of aids
<bluntplane> or anything else other than a plane crash
<bluntplane> but most especially by a stab to the throat
<bluntplane> stab(s)
<bluntplane> oh and he is now picking his nose
<bluntplane> oh fuck me
<bluntplane> here is the crown jewel
<bluntplane> dude just went into the bathroom in his socks
<bluntplane> THIS NASTY MOTHERFUCKER
<bluntplane> I HOPE YOU DIE
<bluntplane> i would piss in this guy's face if i could
<bluntplane> i would piss in his wife
<bluntplane> YEA KEEP PICKING THAT FUCKER AND WIPING ON YOUR PANTS
<bluntplane> MAYBE YOU WILL FIND SOME SHAME UP IN THERE
<bluntplane> if i murder this fuck, will you guys kick in for bail ?
<bluntplane> also, is "he needed killing" a valid defense ?
<bluntplane> and finally, if I murder him on the plane while in the air, what state has jurisdiction ?
*** Signoff: bluntplane (Read error: Connection reset by peer)
<spook> Federal
<nordberg> so.. is bluntonio in jail?
<nordberg> cause... I'll totally chip for bail
BLUR MUST BE PLAYING A SECRET SHOW!" "You are a crazy old kook!" I said, and then I punched him in the face.
<bobaverill> "OH LORD I PRAY FOR YOU TO GIVE ME THE STRENGTH TO RELEASE THESE DEMONS FROM MY BOWELS"--guy in next stall over from mine
Boiding my vowels at work.
Boiling his chinchilla was only my way of telling him that it is unacceptable to pretend he doesn't know me when it is SO OBVIOUS THAT I AM THE ONE WHO IS SENDING ALL THOSE INSTANT MESSAGES TO HIM.
Boiling his chinchilla was only my way of telling him that it is unacceptable to pretend he doesn't know me.
<BombScare> i need to get my eyes lasered
<eldee> ditto.. 2k per eye though
<eldee> i'm saving my money for something i wont take for granted though :)
<enos> i don't trust that eye laser surgery yet
<enos> it'd be sweet tho to not need glasses or contacts
<BombScare> i have an aunt that had it done, she loves it
<BombScare> like 20 seconds and you can see
<eldee> BombScare: damn.. i dont even think jesus was that fast
<eldee> god bless america!
<eldee> or something
<BombScare> hah
<bonch> You should write some Full House fan fiction
<Nastard> "...but little did Uncle Jesse expect to find Joey standing alone in his room, surrounded by candles, pleasuring himself. He stood aghast for a moment, watching the tears stream from Joey's closed eyes. The soft music started to get to him, and he found his hand rubbing against the crotch of his pants, bringing 'little Elvis' alive for a rousing crescendo of his own..."
bone serpents now control 90% of continental north america
Bong Operations Engineer
*bong rip sound* you couldn’t cast my secret spells anyways, peon
<Bonz> Light bulbs are not actually "light bulbs" but dark absorbers. When you turn them on, they suck the dark out of the room. You can prove this by holding your hand under a "light bulb". The dark will stack up under your hand where its path to the absorber is blocked by your hand. When they quit working and turn a dark color, it's not because they burnt out, it's because they're full.
<BonzoBoy> An honorary degree is like a nerf dildo.
<ramoth4> nerf dildos can be fun....sort of
<Equinas> i use a nerf whip
<Equinas> it's part of the Bondage for Beginners set
<Booger> http, nntp, ftp. these are all non-cohesive with end-to-end viewing of good titty pics
<Booger> the new standard:
<u238|duhasst> hehe
<Booger> NTTP: Nice Titty Transfer Protocol
Books are so cool because there are no fucking ads in them
books from the 70s are only 30 years old by the way. ignore the years after 2000
boooy youre as dumb as a box o huckleberries out in the damn sun
<Booyaah> There's something making a noise outside my window
<Booyaah> Should I go check out what the heck is making that noise or just leave it alone?
<Booyaah> it's like a low sort of moaning
<Elzie_Ann> :/
<ViewtifulJosh> call the cops, heh
<Frozen-Solid> moaning?
<Booyaah> That's what I'd call it Frozen
<Elzie_Ann> So is this like a "People are having sex outside my window" type of moaning or a "there's an injured cat outside my window" type of moaning
<Frozen-Solid> could only be one thing... promiscuous sex... you could go out and watch if you want
<Booyaah> I'm gonna go with the injured cat thing
<ViewtifulJosh> haha
<Stormrider> It might be an injured cat having sex
<Booyaah> If people are having sex outside my window then it sounds like only one is doing a good job
<Frozen-Solid> hahaha
<Elzie_Ann> hahahaha
<Stormrider> That may be the greatest thing you've ever said, Booyaah
<Booyaah> It's getting louder :|
<Booyaah> ok, I'm gonna go check
<Booyaah> I don't really want to have things like that going on in my yard
<Elzie_Ann> Haha.
<Elzie_Ann> I don't have any other ideas
<Booyaah> I'm thinking there's a good chance it was a kitty
<Frozen-Solid> or carl's idea...
<Elzie_Ann> That's what I would think
<Elzie_Ann> Some kind of cat
<Booyaah> but my cat would notice...
<Booyaah> My cat = me
<Booyaah> It just lays around doing nothing
<Booyaah> you know if people were doing it outside my window
<Frozen-Solid> you'd have a camera Booyaah?
<Booyaah> Frozen, you're scaring me
<Booyaah> lol
<Frozen-Solid> heh
<Booyaah> I suppose I could've taped it though
<Elzie_Ann> haha
<Booyaah> lol
<Booyaah> it's starting up again
* Booyaah is away : Outside with flashlight --- Booyaah is now known as Booyaah-away
** Time Passes **
<Booyaah> People in this town scare me.
<Elzie_Ann> Did you find out what it was, Booyaah?
<Booyaah> sure did
<Elzie_Ann> What was it
<Booyaah> some dude
<Elzie_Ann> o_O
<Frozen-Solid> 0_o
<Booyaah> me: "What the fuck are you doing man?" him: "...nothing" me: "you aren't playing with yourself out here are you?" him: "Maybe" me: "well...I really think you should do that in your own home, not my bushes ok" him: "ok" me: "get the fuck out of here"
Bored as hell w/ this shitty B movie we call life
Born to draw creampies, forced to wrap real pies
<born1986> why the fuck isn't my disc drive working
<born1986> i fucking worked on that essay for three friggin' hours in school
<born1986> i now i cant finish it 'cos my fuckin drive ain't working
<Z00ass> you got the right drivers?
<born1986> hell yes
<born1986> it was working fine yesterday
<born1986> why does this shit always happen to me?
<Z00ass> maybe that little clip on the side is i nthe wrong position
<born1986> i havent touched it since school
<born1986> i'm growing impatient
<born1986> ANGRY even
<Z00ass> throw that shit out tha window . . .
<born1986> OMG i fuckin did it!!!
<born1986> FUCK!!!!!
<Z00ass> it works?
<born1986> no, i threw it out the window
<Z00ass> the disk?
<born1986> NO the whole drive
<born1986> i live on the 6th floor, made a nice *smash*
<Z00ass> :D
<born1986> FUCK SHIT FUCK
<born1986> THE DISK WAS STILL INSIDE
<born1986> brb . . .
<born1986> shit
<Z00ass> what? did ya break it?
<born1986> well i couldn't open the drive
<born1986> so i had to pound it against a rock
<Z00ass> :o
<born1986> quite HARD
<born1986> and you know what?
<born1986> that fucking disk wasnt even there
<Z00ass> ???
<born1986> i got so mad i threw the remaiders of the drive on to the freeway
<born1986> and when i got back upstairs i foud the disk inside my bag
<Z00ass> lol
<born1986> I NEVER EVEN PUT IT IN THE DRIVE
<born1986> i'm actually cryin right now . . .
<born1986> wonder if i could make that drive work again
<born1986> brb
<bossan> When I die, I want my last words to be some harsh call that will haunt some poor bastard forever. Like, just say to the doctor "your shirt is terrible; one of us will have to go", then die.
boy so strong he makes 9/11 look like the magnificent seven
bram tokers “dankula”
bread aisle smell has me acting rambunctious
Breakfast in bed is literally a nightmare get all this shit off my blankets and sheets rn if there r crumbs I’ll beat you
breakfast? you gotta stop living in the stone ages. we call it meal 1
breaking a chicken tender open and scooping the meat out leaving a shell of breading
breaking news: the last surviving bostonian has been cleft in twain by a blade forged of pure philadelphium
BREAKING: the worst artist youve seen in your life wants 90 dollars for a full color drawing
<BreakneckXan> My sister asked me where Nicaragua was
<BreakneckXan> I said 'central america'
<BreakneckXan> She said "Oh so it's like around Kansas somewhere?"
<BreakneckXan> I see a brass pole and body glitter in her future...
<Brentai> Do you ever wonder if Japanese people all laugh at the zany translations they get of American games? "Did you know that in America, 'Super Flamey Skull Man' is named 'Scorpion'?" "Ha ha! Scorpion!"
<gaspump> "Can you believe they wouldn't even LIKE commuter train simulators in America!?!"
bringing back megafauna NOW
Bro I just came up with a term for eating nerds clusters at 12:30 am. its called Poisoning Yourself
Bro I remember the first time I went to the dentist they had me strapped down i was creaming for my life
Bro let me get a hit of that dandelion
bro pass the round rock we all like to pat
Bro stop with the fursuit youre shedding microplastics all over my fucking apartment
Bro those flayed skeletons would feel so good in a fleshlight
<BronsonTheBeef> So we were supposed to have a guest speaker in one of my classes
<BronsonTheBeef> to talk about diversity and racism and shit today
<BronsonTheBeef> prof's never met him..
<BronsonTheBeef> in walks this super black gangsta ghetto dude
<BronsonTheBeef> he's got a 'pimp' chain around his neck, wearing FUBU everything
<BronsonTheBeef> has a gold watch and a ring on each finger, smells like pot and beer
<BronsonTheBeef> he even had a do-rag on and a cigarrette tucked behind his ear
<BronsonTheBeef> walks in in true rapper style flashing his crazy ghetto signs at us
<BronsonTheBeef> the prof's like...'are you... jeff?'
<BronsonTheBeef> he goes 'true dat, ho' and says 'you all my niggaz!' and he turns in a circle
<BronsonTheBeef> waving his arms in the air singing about 'niggaz in 'da house' or some shit
<BronsonTheBeef> so she tells him to give his speech on diversity and shit
<BronsonTheBeef> and he starts talkin about 'the man' and how 'white folk be dissin'
<BronsonTheBeef> then like a minute later this other black dude runs in dressed in a suit
<BronsonTheBeef> and says 'sorry I'm late'
<BronsonTheBeef> it turns out the first black dude was just baked. he doesn't even go to college
<BronsonTheBeef> he just wanted to buy weed in the dorms
Bruce Campbell, his dad, and his body doubles on the set of Army of Darkness (1992)
50% BRUNDLE. 50% FLY
brutal clit to clit combatode-on-a-grecian-butt
btw i can't find any rule 34 of Lewis and Gilbert from revenge of the nerds
& BTW you forgot to feed me + i died
buffalo stricken
Bugg Dooga strongest hunter of tree clan, caught taking many seashells from shaman cave. Instead of go in cage he throw rock at own head
bugs bunny injects estrogen and testosterone at the same time and shakes himself up and down like a cocktail
bumper sticker of a smiling man on an otherwise ruined ford
bumper sticker that says “dont blame me, i voted for the dog that can sing”
Burger aquired. Thought you should know.
BUSH, THAT WOULD DEFINITELY MAKE UP FOR THE FACT THAT I LOST ALL THIS TIME.
But here's the million-dollar question: Would she have kittens, or lay eggs?
but more often I find it smells like caterpillars to be honest
But the game doesn’t show him ever tugging his nuts. Keep your fantasies to yourself please.
buy my cackling skull
by disagreeing with me on this topic, you're aligning yourself with everyone else who disagrees with me, which includes the Chaos Death Cult, and they chaos kill people so....
BY VIEWING PHOTOS OF SINGLES IN YOUR AREA, INCLUDING HORNY WIVES, YOU CAN LOOK YOUNGER, LOSE WEIGHT, AND INCREASE YOUR STAMINA WHILE DRIVING PRE-QUALIFIED CUSTOMERS TO YOUR MULTILEVEL PROGRAM AND MAKE OVER $4000 PER MONTH GUARANTEED.
<by> Is there anyway I can tell the world I'm an idiot?
<Seven7> Of course, just type your name, where you live and your confession
<by> Kk
<by> I am Mark Duval of Belgium, and I am an idiot
<by> ?
<by> Now what?
<Seven7> Don't worry. It's done
C'mon, man, this wizard party is righteous. I just saw some guy clap his hands together and say “interdimensional beer pong” or whatever, and everyone around him started doing a keg stand. The crowd didn't even cheer for him, that's how epic this party is. My ass is casting glowstick and level 2 weed gummy. I think I just heard “power word: rave” two groups over. You gotta come over here.
<C-B0> i put a toad in the freezer... it peed then froze to the bottem... then my mom like screamed at me for a week or 2.. it ruled
<c-rOCK> so I wonder if its possible to become SO good at masturbating, sex becomes obsolete. Like you could be fucking a girl, and just go "man this is weak, wheres my right hand at" because pussy simply isnt up to par with your masturbation skills.
C.A.R.L. S.A.G.A.N. = cannabis and reefer let scientists assign god another name
<CabbagePatchKid> I AM THE PHYSICAL INCARNATION OF FEAR
<andy> Who knew evil would be so chubby.
<CabbagePatchKid> You can change my diaper too. JUST LIKE A REAL BABY.
<CabbagePatchKid> YES WRITHE IN TERROR, MEAGER HUMANS.
<cactoid> you love the Colonel
<cactoid> I like KFC chippies
<cactoid> and zinger burgers
<cactoid> the rest tastes ok while you're eating it but it's just fucking gross greasy fried vermin
<Bayls> Yeah, the chips are ace.
<Bayls> The actual chicken pieces are shit.
<Bayls> You may as well sculpt some lard into a shape the looks like a drumstick, then coat it with butter. Then roll it in lard, then melt fat onto it, then fry it in animal fat, dip it in lard then eat it.
<Bayls> I think 10 out of the 11 secrec "herbs and spices" are "lard".
<Bayls> Mmmm, making me hungry. Might go get a 21 piece bucket. :)
*** Signoff: Bayls
<cae> i wonder what sales calls will be like with video phones
<DarthBong> at least then you'll be able to flip them off
<DarthBong> or hang up a porn picture over the camera
<cae> hehe...print out goatse.cx pictures and flash them to unsuspecting sales people
<DarthBong> hehe
<keetz> hahaha
<DarthBong> "hang on a sec, i can't remember where I left my credit card.... Oh, i left it in.. (goatse.cx guy) HERE"
cag URL tara: When I was in high school, the school board decided that the biology students had to pay for the fetal pigs that were being dissected. After the course was done, my friend Amy demanded that she be allowed to take the pig, since she had paid for it. There was some WTF from the school, but she got her pig. That weekend, she and her brother dressed the pig up in some baby clothes and a blanket, drove down the street and lit a smoke bomb in the car. They were passing a couple walking down the street when Amy leaned out of the car and yelled "Save my baby" and tossed the pig at the couple. They were doing about 50 mph so she missed the couple. The baby/pig hit the sidewalk, skidded along the concrete, shedding parts and limbs before it impacted a mailbox. She said she had never seen such a horrified look in her life.
<Calaveron> I'm so sick and tired of gay people on message boards adding to their signatures
<Calaveron> "PROUD TO BE GAY"
<Calaveron> And fruity colors
<Calaveron> I mean
<Calaveron> WTF?
<Calaveron> Fine, you can be gay, I don't care
<mog> i love peer
<mog> it pwned cass good
<Calaveron> Don't be flaunting it, then it's annoying and you get all bitchy when someone complains and thinks he's a homophobe
* mog Random Mp3 - Queen - Killer Queen.mp3 - Size: 3.45MB -
Length: 3mins 2secs
<Calaveron> I'm straight
<Calaveron> I don't go adding pirate flags to my signatures
<Calaveron> "PROUD TO NOT SUCK COCKS"
<mog> lol
* cass has joined #herpes
* ChanServ sets mode: +o cass
<mog> fuck
<mog> spoke too soon
<draik]> wb
<Calaveron> pirate flags with boobies and skull and crossbones and all that
* mog is now known as asspirate
<asspirate> YAR
<draik]> rofl
<asspirate> SHIVER ME COLON AND BLOW MY LOAD
<asspirate> THERE BE TREASURE IN THAT BOYS ASS
<draik]> lmao
<asspirate> yar
<asspirate> me n firs mate willy
<asspirate> thar be dragons to, yar
<asspirate> flamin dragons
<asspirate> with cacks as long as tha sea
<asspirate> yar
<asspirate> got' dig deep fer ye gold
<asspirate> yar
<calin> we had a guy at school that wore black lipstick.. and was all gothy.. and then one day we caught him buying an assvibrator
<ecoli> ew.
<ecoli> wait, you "caught" him?
<ecoli> like, you were behind him in line at the assvibrator store?
<Aero> he doesnt answer
*** Quits: calin (No route to host)
Call him Brap the Ripper
call him bubonic the way he plagues me
call me psycho i’m about to make a scene in this shower
Calling any object I dislike debris regardless of size or purpose
calling in to work sick with a "weird dream"
Calm down guys he's only showing how he wants to be treated IN HELL!!
calmly shakes a turd out of pants leg at a wine tasting even
<cameltoe> Best resignation letter ever:
<cameltoe> Dear Mr X, As a graduate of an institution of higher education, I have a few very basic expectations. Chief among these is that my direct superiors have an intellect that ranges above the common ground squirrel. After your consistent and annoying harassment of my co-workers and me during the commission of our duties, I can only surmise that you are one of the few true genetic wastes of our time. Asking me, a network administrator, to explain every little nuance of everything I do each time you happen to stroll into my office is not only a waste of time, but also a waste of precious oxygen. I was hired because I know how to network computer systems, and you were apparently hired to provide amusement to myself and other employees, who watch you vainly attempt to understand the concept of "cut and paste" for the hundredth time. You will never understand computers. Something as incredibly simple as binary still gives you too many options. You will also never understand why people hate you, but I am going to try and explain it to you......... You walk around the building all day, shiftlessly looking for fault in others. You have a sharp dressed useless look about you that may have worked for your interview, but now that you actually have responsibility, you pawn it off on overworked staff, hoping their talent will cover for your glaring ineptitude. In a world of managerial evolution, you are the blue-green algae that everyone else eats and laughs at. Managers like you are a sad proof of the Dilbert principle. Since this situation is unlikely to change without you getting a full frontal lobotomy reversal, I am forced to tender my resignation. However, I have a few parting thoughts. 1. When someone calls you in reference to employment, it is illegal for you to give me a bad reference. The most you can say to hurt me is "I prefer not to comment." I will have friends randomly call you over the next couple of years to keep you honest, because I know you would be unable to do it on your own. 2. I have all the passwords to every account on the system, and I know every password you have used for the last five years. If you decide to get cute, I am going to publish your "favorites list", which I conveniently saved when you made me "back up" your useless files. I do believe that terms like "Lolita" are not usually viewed favorably by the company. 3. When you borrowed the digital camera to "take pictures of your Mother's birthday," you neglected to mention that you were going to take pictures of yourself in the mirror n.de. Then you forgot to erase them like the techno-moron you really are. Suffice it to say I have never seen such odd acts with a sauce bottle, but I assure you that those have been copied and kept in safe places pending the authoring of a glowing letter of reference. (Try to use a spell check please; I hate having to correct your mistakes.) Thank you for your time, and I expect the reference on my desk by 8:00 am tomorrow. One word of this to anybody, and all of your little twisted repugnant obsessions will be open to the public. Never f*** with your systems administrator. Why? Because they know what you do with all that free time! Wishing you a grand and glorious day'.
<@Campbell> I saw the best thing today... I was around at a mates place and these Jehovah's Witnesses came around preaching their shit
<@Campbell> So my mate invites them in and sits down and offers them pizza and cookies.
<@Campbell> After about 15 minutes they left very happy.
<@Campbell> We spotted them about an hour later lying in a park staring at the sky
<@Campbell> I guess those hash cookies and that magic mushie pizza really did its job.
<@Campbell> Who said drugs were bad?!
can feel the entire frozen pizza that i just ate almost immediately turning into poop
can i borrow 1 thousing dollers
CAN I BUY A PAIR A BIG TITS ON AMAZON AND ALSO A OVERSIZED CIGAR TO CHOMP ON WHILE HOLDIN THE TITS
can i crack open your ribcage and nestle inside it btw. as friensds
Can I please come over and look at all your stuff in your room
Can the snakes on Medusa’s head eat, and if so, where does all their food go? Do their intestines all pass through her skull somewhere and connect to her human stomach? Maybe they just empty into her esophagus and every so often she has to cough up a dead mouse???
can you feel your heart burning? can you feel the struggle within? the fear within me is beyond anything your soul can make. you cannot kill me in a way that matters.
Can you imagine how powerful Bruce Lee would be if he had smoked K2 Spice, the legal, synthetic marijuana that makes its user invincible?
can you imagine if instead of anti abortion christians took the stance of it being good because it gives people in heaven new babies
can you please take care of me
can you stop acting like a gorilla getting fucked?
Can't believe how much work mushrooms put into indicating their poisonousness with bright colors and all the sudden here comes fruit trees like heyyy chordates look at our BRIGHT COLORS that means we're sooooo good mmm mmm colors yummyyyy teehee god I'd be so fucking pissed off if I were amanita right now
can't stop thinking about people that first ate mushrooms they found and just had to go through trial and error of like, this one tastes like beef, this one killed Brian immediately and this one makes you see God for a week
CANADIAN LESSONS! Are you American and moving to Canada?
capsaicin should be a household word
<Captain_Cobungo> Arr. We have a Pirate Ship now.
<FirstMateScurvy> Yes captain. But we have no cannons.
<Captain_Cobungo> Arr! We need to loot something in order to get money for cannons.
<Captain_Cobungo> Arr! All hands on deck! Prepare to loot and plunder.... Canada!
* FirstMateScurvy puts his hands on the deck
<FirstMateScurvy> What now cap'n?
<Captain_Cobungo> Not like that ya lilly livered land-lubber!
<Captain_Cobungo> We're gonna invade canada! Arr! Attack!
* Captain_Cobungo and his forces loot and plunder Canada. Arr.
<Cow> Umm... Captain Cobungo, how did you loot and plunder canada with no weapons?
<Captain_Cobungo> What makes you think Canada has weapons? Arr.
[CaptHowdy] [~] $ touch /dev/genitalia [CaptHowdy] touch: /dev/genitalia: Permission denied
car in front of me at a red light had this bumper sticker and i flipped out
<cardinal> huh, a friend of mine pissed in his girlfriend's typewriter
<cardinal> under similar circumstances
<alayna> :blink:
<cardinal> drunk, needing to pee, didn't want to turn on the light, found
<cardinal> the "bathroom" door, found the "toilet", opened the lid,
<cardinal> pissed, couldn't find the flusher, went back to bed
<cardinal> discovered the next morning he'd opened the wrong door, and
<cardinal> found the typewriter, not the toilet, which explains the lack
<cardinal> of flush lever
<Deke> and the *ding* when he finished
<cardinal> all I could say when he told me the story was "Good thing it
<cardinal> wasn't a Selectric"
“careful, he bites!”*pans down to immobile peanut on a leash*
(careful, it can smell fear)
*carnie voice* See the man who can only get it up to pictures of lola bunny
Carry my casket - m4w
6 cars with split ac systems. they dont blow the same temp on both sides. you will never get your side of the car to be a different temp then your passanger, your in the same box of air that they are in!!! its pointless!!!
Casey: Yeah, writing paper.
Josh: want to be distracted?
Josh: want to play a game?
Casey: Dude...the paper...
Josh: *scizzors beats paper *
Josh: yes I know I misspelled it
Josh: and that
Casey: *pulls out rock*
Josh: *VOLCANO!
Josh: nothing beats volcano
Casey: ASTEROID.
Josh: MAGIC!!!
Casey: BLACK HOLE!
Josh: WHITE HOLE!
Casey: PATRIOT ACT!
Josh: not white house you phail
Casey: No, no, no. *Nothing* beats the Patriot Act, although I'm sure the ACLU is working very hard on it.
Josh: fine
Josh: ANARCHY
Casey: TOTALITARIAN STATE
Josh: EMMANUEL GOLDSTEIN
Casey: STALIN
Josh: DEATH
Casey: RELIGION
Josh: RATIONAL THOUGHT
Casey: FUNDIES
Josh: NOISE CANCELING HEADPHONES
Casey: PEOPLE WITNESSING AT YOUR HOUSE
Josh: SHOTGUN
Casey: BOMBS
Josh: PATRIOT ACT
Cassandra woke up to the rays of the sun streaming through the slats on her blinds, cascading over her naked chest. She stretched, her breasts lifting with her arms as she greeted the sun. She rolled out of bed and put on a shirt, her nipples prominently showing through the thin fabric. She breasted boobily to the stairs, and titted downwards.
+Cassy CrystalJones, and you are a butt hurt and fake bitch that speaks a bunch of bullshit. Furthermore, you stupid cunt, I can prove that I was indeed born in the State of Tennessee on January 11, 1980, in McNairy County General Hospital in Selmer, Tennessee. I would also like to point out that some of my ancestry is also with some of the first settlers of the North American continents with the Cherokee and Choctaw nations, so take your OWN green card and shove it up your fucking ass sideways like so many dildos and vibrators have been before in your life. I would have mentioned dicks also being shoved up there, but the men that would do that deed to apparently know that you are literally not worth a fuck anyway, miss. Finally, if you people that own this damn video, had you BETTER not edit MY comments in self-defense against this stupid basic bitch or else I will have to declare YOU as promoters of the Illuminati AND that your further action against myself will mean that you are not interested in the truth, that you are just as guilty of promoting your OWN agenda as the people that you accuse of doing on your videos and in your comments, that you are in league with her, and that, like her, you are also COINTELPRO agents of the Illuminati and its subdivisions, period, full stop! Thank you and have a nice day.
"Casual Dress Friday" should be scrapped for something more effective such as "Brutal Child Labor Friday".
CAT LOVERS NOTE: I HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH THE DEMISE OF THIS ANIMAL!!
catagory 5 blankie event leaves 5 sleep and 13 rested
caterpillars are born when a clump of dust reaches critical mass
caterpillars have more muscles than humans but i'd like to see one try to fight me irl and see what happens
cats have been bothering humans since at least 2011
Caught between the devil and the deep blue sea
cause of birth: natural causes
[!CAUTION]! Otherwise, beast unleashed (aka go nuts).
cd has a hole. record has a hole. casette has 2 holes. streaming? zero holes. i think i’ve made my point
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Chair that looks like toaster
<Chalklatemilk> ok so im wacking off to a video of two lesbians fucking eachother
<Chalklatemilk> then i hear my mom walking down the hall to this room
<Chalklatemilk> so i quickly close the video
<Chalklatemilk> then she walks in and im sitting with my pants down, left hand around the cock, and she looks at me...then looks at the screen...my desktop was open and had three naked gnomes standing by a fireplace...the look on her face as she left the room will stick with me till the day i die.
Chanman317: you gaggot
channeling this 4/20 to summon the fattest bong cloud imaginable
<Charion> hmm... lets see what other horrible ways might one inflict pain and death on ones self. we've got ripping off your own face disembowlment by belly button. any other ideas?
<BlakHawc> A simple one: be run over, feet first, by a very slow-moving steamroller.
<Jarp> Blak: And then you sorta bounce back up and grab a compressed air tank and reinflate yourself and your false eyes pop out?
<BlakHawc> Jarp: Well, only if you're a toon. Otherwise, you're pretty much fucked.
<Charlesowns> Man i was surfin porn and like "normal" surfin at the same time, so my mom comes in and i quick as hell tab down the porn. So now im looking at a SWAT vest and an Mp5 submachinegun trying to hide the giant penis in my pants. Then all of a sudden this realy gay male voice speaks out realy loud goin "i want to suck your big dick ans swallow your hot sperm" then like 100 popups open up all consisting of hardcore fetish gay
<Charlesowns> man my mom started crying and now she thinks im gay... it owns
<Chcherrycola>Oh shit I'm fucked
<Chcherrycola>I hid my weed in my PSP carrying case. So I get up to go get some and I can't find it anywhere, then I realise my little brother must have taken it with him on the plane to Florida with my family... O_O
<CheapSk8>Windows 98: A 32-bit patch for a 16-bit GUI shell running on top of an 8-bit operating system written for a 4-bit processor by a 2-bit company who cannot stand 1 bit of competition.
cheese but with pop rocks
Chestnuts nipping at your nose
chickcorea1357: i was so high that the fractal elves started asking me what the hell I had been smoking
<cHiiZukAMi> lol, my gf knows how to play mario, thats so sexy
<cHiiZukAMi> i let her borrow my gameboy for band and she did all these secret areas i forgot about
<cHiiZukAMi> who cares if a girl cant do your laundry or stuff if she can get you to the donut secret ghost house?
<Chirako> You know what cereal is really nasty?
<Chirako> Gravy Train.
<Chirako> It's like, these little hard pieces of bran and crumbly beef flavored crap. You pour water over it, and it gets soggy and makes gravy around it.
<Disco_Ernie> Chirako..that's...dog food..
<Chirako> It was NOT dog food!
<Chirako> Mommy wouldn't feed me dog food!
* Chirako looks at Mommy
<Chirako> AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
<Chirako> IT'S DOG FOOD!
<Chirako> http://www.gravytraindog.com/
<Chirako> AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!
<Chirako> She's always been obsessed with me eating dog food... >_<
<Chirako> When I was little, she told me the Jerky Treats were real jerky, and I kept eating the whole bag
* Chirako gags
<Chirako> If there's one thing dogs love, it's rich,
<Chirako> beefy gravy. That's why every nugget of
<Chirako> Gravy Train is basted in real beef juices.
<Chirako> Just mix it with warm water, and you can
<Chirako> give your dog a warm homestyle meal,
<Chirako> dripping with the delicious gravy he loves.
* Chirako graons
<Chirako> Oh, man.... I'm gonna kill her
<Disco_Ernie> At least Chirako will have:
<Disco_Ernie> Healthy skin
<Disco_Ernie> Glossy coat
<Disco_Ernie> Strong teeth and bones
<Disco_Ernie> Builds and maintains body tissue
<Disco_Ernie> Efficient digestion
<Disco_Ernie> Clear eyes
<Chirako> ..I should have known.
<Chirako> She NEVER makes me breakfast
<ChompyGator> every time you tell a lie, it makes the baby Jesus cry..
<Flirbnic> But Jesus isn't a baby any more
<Flirbnic> He's a corpse
<Oberfeldwebel> OMG HE DIED?!?!?!!?
<Oberfeldwebel> My thoughts and prayors go out to the christ fammily.
<ChrisV82> If you're hiking and you get lost, can't you just eat your own semen for a week?
<ChrisV82> I mean, it has no nutritional value, but at least you'll be masturbating
<Chrysalid^Revenge> I had something like that happen to me once.
<Chrysalid^Revenge> And vengeance is a plate best served cold.
* Sectoid^Authopsy sits down for storytime
<Chrysalid^Revenge> I saw some asshole stealing my pack of cigarettes from my table while I was getting another beer.
<Chrysalid^Revenge> But of course, as I confronted him, he denied it flatly, and all the sudden four of his mates were getting ready for a fight and shit.
<Chrysalid^Revenge> So I decided to back down, and rather get one over him later.
<Chrysalid^Revenge> Of course, living in an army camp has it's advantages, such as easy access to ammo.
<Sectoid^Authopsy> o_0
<Chrysalid^Revenge> So I took two Winner Tip cartridges, a little bit of tobacco, and quite a generous amount of gunpowder from a blank I 'obtained', topping it off with tobacco to get a proper look.
<Chrysalid^Revenge> Next weekend, I leave my pack containing two cigs rather indiscreetly at my table when I see this assholes is at the pub, and go to pick up another beer.
<Chrysalid^Revenge> When I come back, the pack has vanished. So I get hold of one of the bouncers, telling him that I saw someone carrying "what looked like fireworks around".
<Chrysalid^Revenge> Ten seconds later, there's some nasty fizzing, a lot of smoke and a huge fucking flame coming from one of the corner tables, and seconds later, the same thing happens in the hand of one of the guys sitting there.
<Chrysalid^Revenge> And at this point, it has to be mentioned that watching two bouncers pull a screaming guy with no eyebrows left, and a nasty burn up half his face out of a pub, 'accidentally' drop him down the stairs, and finally call the cops on him, does lead to a certain smugness.
<Chrysalid^Revenge> The morale is, don't you ever fucking touch my cigarettes. I can probably spare you one if you ask, but fucking ask first, okay?!
<Chrysalid^Revenge> LOL! Worst mom evar!
<Sectoid^Authopsy> Coming from you, I'm tempted to ask if you got laid again... ^_^
<Chrysalid^Revenge> I'll smack your ass later for that, but anyways
<Chrysalid^Revenge> I was hanging out with a friend today, and he had BB-gun with a cracked barrel.
<Chrysalid^Revenge> So he decides to fix it with epoxy, getting it functional before the seaguls arrive
<Chrysalid^Revenge> And in a futile attempt to get the glue to harden faster, he puts the damn gun in his mouth and starts blowing down the barrel.
<Sectoid^Authopsy> I'm starting to sense where this is going...
<Chrysalid^Revenge> Now his mother walks in with some laundry, takes a look at her son with a damn good replica of a 9mm Beretta stuck in his mouth
<Chrysalid^Revenge> And her only words were "Try not to make a mess, and don't get anything stuck in your throat."
<Chrysalid^Revenge> What a lovely relationship those two must have...
Cincrely, Bo Luke Hazzard County, USA DEAR BO MANY THANKS TO RETUNING MY E.MAIL SO QUICKLY.
<cinnabar> tv rots the mind, destroys the imagination, promotes obsesity, and encourages commercialism.
<jazzstepa> its the american way
citationless behavior
<cj_> this guy is selling STEAKS door to door
<jej> SWEET.
<cj_> he's hella pushy too.
<jej> BUY MY STEAK!
<cj_> he's giving her his cellphone number
<cj_> he actually brought stake with him to show her
<jej> LOOK AT MY STEAK!
<cj_> he's showing her each piece of meat now
<spides> ahaha
<spides> Door to Door Meat
<spides> maybe he's propositioning her in some weird fetishy way
<cj_> this guy is a freak
<cj_> if i had answered the door he woulda been gone about 10 minutes ago
<cj_> who the hell does door-to-door at 8:30
<spides> who the fuck sells steak door to door
<cj_> good fucking question. this guy might be a nut
<Claes> hey
<Claes> I was just thinking...
<Claes> If someone sent you 10 cd's and a note saying: 9 of these cd's contain porn. The last one fries your computer.
<Claes> what would you do?
* Claes Quit (Ping timeout)
<Claus> I sell children to old women
<Claus> and they stuff them up their uterus
<Isajeep> oh my god
<clay> prostitution is illegal in the united states of america
<ryano> not in nevada
<clay> were you conceived in nevada
clear plastic bag w/ skull mask and cryptic trinkets
<Clecky> hey
<SargeZT> Hey
<SargeZT> SEX?
<Clecky> sure
* Clecky sex
* SargeZT sex
<SargeZT> Done
<SargeZT> Cya
<Clecky> bye
Click hear if you want to produce a genetically perfect pig. NO CLONING!
climbing into my computer to have hot nasty sex w the installation wizard
clocking in for another day at the i dont wanna factory
<@cloudchild> if i wanted to drink the blood from a horned creature, i would've went after bob dole
<@DarkDread> I just thought those were really large ears.
<@cloudchild> nope horns. and he hides his tail well...but you can see his hoofed feet if the camera angle is right
<@cloudchild> "I'm bob dole! i kill virgins and drink the blood of the pope!"
<@DarkDread> what's so bad about that?
<@cloudchild> nothin.
Clumsy, Uncomfortable Sex
cmon man we were having such an awesome knife fight whyd you bring a gun
Cocaine was a stimulant used by a priestly caste of the middle period United States called businessmen in order to commune with The Market. [-]
cock reveal in 12,000 years
<cognac> i've discovered some serious design flaws regarding the human body!
<cognac> you see, we got two or more of almost all body parts..
<cognac> like ears, eyes, arms, legs, fingers, toes ++
<cognac> however, for the things that we REALLY like to do, like eating and fucking, we're only equipped with one tool
<cognac> or perhaps my discovery is just the answer to why we like oral sex and why "american pie" was made?
cognitive behavioral torture
<coldXfire_> i need a slogan for an abortion clinic
<coldXfire_> ideas?
<p0lska> "If he doesn't pull it out, we will."
<ColonelCoroner> Nah, this one's good. Alright, so it was getting a little crowded in Heaven, so God decided to change the admittance policy. The new law was that, in order to get into Heaven, you had to have a really bad day when you died. The Angel at the gate said to the man, "Before I let you in, I need you to tell me how your day was going when you died."
<ColonelCoroner> "No problem," the man said. "I came home to my 10th floor apartment on my lunch hour and caught my wife half naked. I knew she was fucking some bitch, I glanced out onto the balcony and noticed that there was a man hanging off the edge by his fingertips! Well, I ran out onto the balcony and stomped on his fingers until he fell to the ground. But wouldn't you know it, he landed in some trees and bushes that broke his fall and he didn't die. This pissed me off even more. I wanted to kill the fucker! So I unplugged my refrigerator, pushed it out onto the balcony, and tipped it over the side. It plummeted 10 stories and crushed him! The excitement of the moment was so great that I had a heart attack and died almost instantly."
<ColonelCoroner> The Angel considers this, and let's him in cuz it WAS a bad day....The next dude comes up, and is asked the same question. So the dude replies, "But you're not going to believe this. I was on the balcony of my 11th floor apartment doing my daily exercises. I was really pushing hard, and I guess I got a little carried away, slipped, and accidentally fell over the side! Luckily, I was able to catch myself by the fingertips on the balcony below mine. But all of a sudden this crazy man comes running out of his apartment, started cussing, and stomps on my fingers. I fell and fucking hit some trees and bushes at the bottom which broke my fall so I didn't die right away. As I'm laying there face up on the ground in shock and in excruciating pain, I see this guy push his refrigerator, of all things, off the balcony. It falls the 10 floors and lands on top of me, killing me instantly."
<Piro-nuts> rofl...
<ColonelCoroner> So the Angel chuckles, thinks his job is pretty cool, and let's this dude in...the third dude comes up, and again the Angel asks him the same question about how he died. So the dude goes, 'Okay, picture this, I'm hiding in this refrigerator right..."
Come on, you can't have Christianity without hypocrisy.
comin' in hot" I scream as I run into a crowded bathroom and fart into a urinal
COMMERCIAL AVIATION ACCIDENTS: this pilot had to fly 4 round trips a day with a beat up plane and forgot to press one button. 4 minor injuries zero deaths. RESULTS: Pilot gets fired and 3 FAA service bulletins are issued to ensure all buttons scream at you to push them. GENERAL AVIATION ACCIDENTS: “Doctor” Jimmy Fuckwit [chiropractor] decided to take his 1947 Beechcraft Bonanza he bought off Craigslist for a spin at midnight after having 3 vodka tonics, 6 lines of coke, some quaaludes and a blunt. Flips himself upside down and crashes into an orphanage killing himself and 17 babies. RESULT: the widowed Mrs. Fuckwit promises us her husband won’t do it again.
<Communista> I'm going to hell.
<Communista> I'm just a wicked person.
<Communista> I was on lunch with the trainees and a news story came on about the showing (funeral) of a man that drowned...
<Communista> and I turned to them and said "Wanna go see a dead body?"
Computer make these guys super gay and horny
<CoN> ... next you'll tell me that you shaved your pubes under the misdirection that i care
<[U|C]SKS_Lover> eh...
<[U|C]SKS_Lover> hey CoN, I shave my pubic hair under the misdirection that you care.
<CoN> oh thanks
<[U|C]SKS_Lover> then I make socks out of it.
<CoN> ... thats weird
<[U|C]SKS_Lover> human-wool socks
<[U|C]SKS_Lover> >:D
<[U|C]SKS_Lover> wanna know how I make apple juice?
*** CoN has quit IRC
<+Coneja> and something about clitorises i dreamt last night
<+Coneja> a talking clitoris
<+Coneja> that's what it was
<+kevin> hahahahaah
< geekster> a talking clit... that would scare the utter shit out of you
<+preacha> geekster: it would probably diss you
<+preacha> "goddamn, you're doing it all wrong"
<+preacha> "oh look at you, big stud, she looks bored as fuck"
<+preacha> "hey, i think you've forgotten about something........ME!"
confession of a driving "incident" yesterday. god help me.
Confession: I would let Zigzag creampie me. I'm sorry
<Conflict> my girlfriend tattooed this guy's dick last week and when i came home i was like "how'd the tattoo go?" and she goes "fine, except that I needed both hands so I had to hold his cock in my mouth." i was like "thats ni-you whaaa?!??"
<Confuzion> ok all females: 1) Get in fron of webcam 2) take off shirt 3) focus on boobies 4) *click* 5) /dccsend confuzion boobie.jpg 6) repeat process for bottom portion of body.
*note* do not mix up steps please follow corect order. thank you.
CONGRATULATIONS YOU ARE THE 1,000,000TH VISITOR TO MY PSYCIC ENERGY PRISON! CLICK HERE TO INSTANTLY DIE
-[Conroy_Bumpus]- OH FUCK ME -[Conroy_Bumpus]- I FORGOT TO PICK UP MY 7 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER FROM SOCCER PRACTICE -[Conroy_Bumpus]- 9 HOURS AGO -[Conroy_Bumpus]- HOLY SHIT -[Conroy_Bumpus]- BYE
Considerate, Understanding, Nice, Trustworthy!
<Conskill> That kinda gun brings out the raving gun loving American in us all.
<The_Tick> Over and under shotgun. Three throwing knives. The ability to hide.
<Rain> yeah, seriously.
<Rain> The_tick - Huh?
<The_Tick> That's all you need.
<The_Tick> And it's cheeeep.
<Twinkcide> Rain: The bullets are embedded in cakes of propellant instead of casings. It was designed to overcome the problem of recoil pushing the barrel off target while firing in bursts
<Twinkcide> Has an insane ROF while in 3-round burst mode, and no recoil until the third round has left the barrel
<Pander> Tick: That won't kill a velociraptor.
<The_Tick> On the other hand, I'd sleep with that thing if I had one.
<Pander> I base all gun purchases on "Will this kill a velociraptor?"
<cooksii> incest is at least something the whole family can do.
cool college guy recipe: hot dog on pizza. what you will need: hotdog, pizza, oven. ingredients: 1hotdog, preheat oven, hotdog on pizza, pizza in oven, microwave timer set to 20 minutes, smoke a bowl and toss the pigskin cuz thats what cool college guys do t hese days they are jock/stoner hybrids, 6 ding fries are done hot dog pizza
COOL WIZARD STAFF EBAY WAS REAL AND IT TURNED MY DOG INTO A HORSE
cool wizards do drugs
<Coota> Hmmm... I'm in a dilemma. I'm in love with accents, especially British ones, but I don't like fat girls. Now, the girl who wants to make out with me *does* have an accent, but she is a little overweight... what to do...
<PatPandaHat> make her exercise before you'll make out with her.
<Coota> Pat: Hee. Tell her I have a minimum PFT score requirement before I make out with a girl? ;)
<Darien> tell her it's a religious thing
<PatPandaHat> "Sorry, I don't do pork unless it's lean."
cop pulls me over little does he know my drivers license is written in elf hieroglyphics & blinds anyone who reads it
<cornelius> vampire sense going off i have a need for darkness and blood.
<term> If by vampire you mean white, teenaged, and angsty.
corner (19:08:21): how tall is a standard guillotine? Andrick (19:08:33): This still concerns you? corner (19:08:39): yeah, I really want to build one corner (19:08:47): I have short ceilings corner (19:08:51): I wanna make sure I can keep it in my apt Andrick (19:09:00): I have to admit that I never have committed that number to memory. Andrick (19:09:06): But I can tell you they are *tall*. corner (19:09:15): maybe I can make a kid's version? Andrick (19:09:30): That is probably a wonderfully poor choice of words.
Cosmixmaster : hi there Cosmixmaster : did you hit it yet? HolomÂ : no Cosmixmaster : why not HolomÂ : 1. she sorta wants to wait and 2. no place to do it Cosmixmaster : wait until marriage? Cosmixmaster : your room? Cosmixmaster : her room? Cosmixmaster : her vagina? Cosmixmaster : ? HolomÂ : no, not till marriage HolomÂ : cant in her room.....might could in mine Cosmixmaster : how about outside Cosmixmaster : or in a car Cosmixmaster : or outside a bar Cosmixmaster : would you fuck her in a chair Cosmixmaster : would you fuck her near a bear Cosmixmaster : would you fuck her in a bed Cosmixmaster : or perhaps in the head Cosmixmaster : how about in the sky Cosmixmaster : or while eating an apple pie Cosmixmaster : try it on some hay Cosmixmaster : some like it down by the bay Cosmixmaster : but I like prefer doing it during mass Cosmixmaster : but nothing beats tapping it in the ass HolomÂ : hahaha HolomÂ : nice Cosmixmaster : so which one HolomÂ : i'm thinking bed Cosmixmaster : it's the mass one, isn't it? Cosmixmaster : damn
Costco was not conceived, financed and built just for you and your slow ass family.
<Costilled> "Try our new pepperoni pizza!"
<Costilled> and I'm left thinking
<Costilled> what's so new about it?
<Costilled> so I kick the guy in the throat
<Costilled> and take his wallet
<Mystech> o.o out
<Mystech> Or ouch
<Mystech> depending on how weirdly my brain is functioning tonight.
* karass has joined #jack
<Costilled> and then there was deer
<Costilled> don't get me started on deer
<karass> i wont
<karass> sorry i brought it up
<Costilled> but the pizza was hand tossed
<Costilled> the cook could have tossed off in the dough and we wouldn't know
<Mystech> Well like didn't you watch him make the dough, too?
<Costilled> He was kneading the dough as only a hooter girl could understand
<Costilled> you know if they drop the dough while tossing it, your pizza is free
<Mystech> Wow, man, that's deep.
<Costilled> Did you know
<Costilled> you can no longer get a pitcher of soda at pizza hut
<Costilled> ?
<karass> *gasp*
<Costilled> your refills are free
<karass> ive never gotten a pitcher of soda at pizza hut, so i dont think im terribly put off by the bad news
<Costilled> they just don't want you hording the soda
<Mystech> hehe
<Costilled> the glasses are rediculously small however
<Mystech> Arizona is the state of free refills.
<Mystech> all refills are free.
<Costilled> A smurf would get caught by his knickers if he decided to go for a swim
<Mystech> uhhhhh. . . huh?
<Costilled> and remember, it's never polite to place your tip to the server by aiming coins into his buttcrack
<Mystech> O.o It's not polite for your server's buttcrack to be showing.
<Costilled> I didn't care
<Costilled> I was tipping him with the money I got from the guy I kicked in the throat
<Costilled> nevermind the fact that it was canadian
<Costilled> the money that is, not the buttcrack
<Mystech> Them canadians are infultrating out society.
<karass> apparently the new 20 is going to be peach colored
<Mystech> have you seen the new twenty dollar bills?
<Mystech> They are colored!
<mulefoot> They're peachy :)
<Mystech> Just like canadian funny-money!
<karass> i hear thats because they are made of human flesh
<Costilled> yes
<mulefoot> Soylent greenbacks?
<Costilled> soylent cash
<Mystech> By gadzer!
<Costilled> eeeevil
<Costilled> I must unshare my brainwave with you
* Costilled takes his brain out of the DMZ
<mulefoot> Its just a harmonic...here file on one one of your fillings.
<Costilled> I have no fillings
<Costilled> I'm crest's bitch
<mulefoot> In that case we're going to have to change the shape of your brain cavity. I'm going to need a power drill and an M-80.
<Costilled> scope flavored
<Costilled> the currency of the UK is multicolor
<Costilled> and also scratch and sniff
<Costilled> scratch it and it smells british
*covered in mold, fused into the wall, coughing up spores* there is no greater honor than to assist in the proliferation of the mycelium network
Crack Her Barrel
crack the egg of sympathy and make the omelette of compassion
craig: I suddenly have the urge to rip someone's ear off... can you guess why?
ted: uh... you've been possessed by vincent van gogh?
(crawling darkly) (screaming) (twisted) (crawling darkly)(screaming) (twisting) (crawling darkly) (screaming) (crawling) (twisting) (spitting) (creeping darkly) (tumbling) (crawling violently) (twisting) (convulsing) (roaring) (creeping) (growling sinisterly) (crawling) (splitting) (walking ashore) (twisting) (convulsing) (creeping) (walking twisted) (attack regardless of target)
crayfish would make for good wizardsprofessional-chaotic-dumbassur so fucking rightcreatures-5
Crazy (wander)lust: around the world in 80 days
Crazy lady at safeway checkstand yelling about candied yams - m4w
<CrazySpence> i read a brit/canadian magazine an its full of all these hints an tips for kinky ways of sex...look at an american mag an its {why cant my man get it up} {does my fat ass turn my man off} {my man last 30seconds or less}
creature from the black legume
CREATURES OF THE NIGHT: DESCEND UPON “KROGER’S”
<Crimson_Dynamo> If I were stranded on a desert isle, I think I would make a girl out of coconuts, but she'd probably just want to be friends
<Cross> Oh, wow. Old school papers.
<Cross> This one was on 'alternative energy sources'. This is from near the end, when I was really too tired to be writing:
<Cross> "Wind energy is a method of collecting power from the blowing of the wind. Not only is this a clean and renewable energy source, but it can actually displace excess Carbon Dioxide in an area. Problems behind wind energy also exist. It is not available in many areas, and requires a lot of money to build. The wind turbines can also interfere with television and radio signals and cause noise pollution. Also, birds can fly into the rotors."
<Cross> "Then they have to send the janitor Steve out to clean the thing, and it just ruins his day. Then he goes home and beats his kids. So if you support wind energy, you support domestic violence."
<Cross> That's when you know you're tired.
<Herring> That is awesome.
crossfaded on milk and cookies
Crucifix dobro guitar played by Funky Jesus - $priceless
Crystal2331: either matser of puppets or cemetery gates
<|CS|Lothar> but it canadian money and we all know canadian money isnt worth the paper it's printed on
<Lareonis> Kinda like American treaties?
<Cthon98> hey, if you type in your pw, it will show as stars
<Cthon98> ********* see!
<AzureDiamond> hunter2
<AzureDiamond> doesnt look like stars to me
<Cthon98> <AzureDiamond> *******
<Cthon98> thats what I see
<AzureDiamond> oh, really?
<Cthon98> Absolutely
<AzureDiamond> you can go hunter2 my hunter2-ing hunter2
<AzureDiamond> haha, does that look funny to you?
<Cthon98> lol, yes. See, when YOU type hunter2, it shows to us as *******
<AzureDiamond> thats neat, I didnt know IRC did that
<Cthon98> yep, no matter how many times you type hunter2, it will show to us as *******
<AzureDiamond> awesome!
<AzureDiamond> wait, how do you know my pw?
<Cthon98> er, I just copy pasted YOUR ******'s and it appears to YOU as hunter2 cause its your pw
<AzureDiamond> oh, ok.
<Cthon98> so I waited until my friend bought a box of timbits and got back in the car
<Cthon98> (timbits being "donut holes" or whatever you yanks call them)
<Cthon98> and just as he was about to bit into one, I say
<Cthon98> "you ever notice how those look just like creamy shaved nuts?"
<Cthon98> so I now have a free box of timbits.
<Cuban Atlas> See, Zeir, FD is smart..He ops himself the moment he enters
<FD> This way I can abuse the power faster
<Polo> That's the American way
<FD> Damn right
CucArAchAChik: FUK IT ALL FUK THIS WORLD FUK EVERYTHING THAT u stand 4
*cuffed in the back of a cop car* you guys arent mad at me right
cum is low key tastey tho
cumming into a joint before you roll it up is like adding sour cream to a delectable soft-shelled taco
cursebearing hips
Cursed Coffee Mug - $6
Customers[1] were a breed of animal hunted to extinction.[2] They were renowned for being stupid as all fuck[3] and annoying the shit out of me[4].
Cut my sandwich diagonally? No thanks, I'm a boring idiot who sucks and is no fun to hang out with, I'll have it cut the stupid way please
Cute bitch sitting shotgun in my bad ass Lincloln - m4w
"Cutting Edge" humor that is too intelligent for anybody but the author and his coffeeshop friends to understand.
<cX> I LIKE BLOOD TRICKLING FROM MY PLANK SHAPED RECTUM
<cX> THATS WHAT I LIKE
<cX> CUZ IM A MERICAN
<cX> FROM MERICA
Cyanobacteria 2 billion years ago emitted enough waste to permanently change the planet's atmospheric composition and wipe out almost all other life and now some baby ape species is like "look I'm just like you!!! are you watching??? grandpa are you watching?!?!?!"
<CyberMind> ive been programming and using computers since my old days in the womb.
<CyberMind> umbilical ethernet
<SR71Goku> how fast do you get on it?
<SR71Goku> I'd imagine at least 1gigabit/s
<CyberMind> actually quite slow.
<CyberMind> network was flooded with protein and nutrient packets.
<SR71Goku> LOL...
<SR71Goku> "Daddy once DoSed my connection..."
<CyberMind> ok im ending it right there.
D&D is NOT the reason I became a murderer
<d0ppy> I just had an idea
<d0ppy> If I spray cheese into a condom....
<cdkj> :/
<d0ppy> I can actually have sex with easy cheese
<cdkj> get a girlfriend please
daily affirmations i am the unkillable faggot i can exist in grocery stores i have the shittiest music taste in any roomi have a gun
10 DAILY TOONS: Bondage, hardcore, nude, rude, used and abused, these toons will have you jizzing all over yourself in no time.
DAMMIT I HATE IT WHEN MY CANNIBAL FEAST IS INTERRUPTED BY A HUGE BOULDER
DAMN IT, DAMN IT, DAMN IT! that is when i hear my name spoken out loud.
damn my pants ripped in the desert ahhh the sand so hot on my dick
damn that sounds really scary. ive never heard of that ever happening to anyone else who did weed. you probably broke your brain and it's gonna be stuck like that forever.
damn this magnificent cock!
Damn! i want mintchimp icecreamo
<0dan0> and I am simulating california in my own room
<0dan0> I have the humidifier going onto my heater, creating a warm front
<0dan0> then the window is opening letting in the cold dry air, creating a cold front
<0dan0> soon there will be precipitation as the warm air mass is forced to rise by the denser cold air
<0dan0> and my room will be a tropical rainforest
<cran> or it will be a room full of tepid air and one dumb homo
<Danelope> "Nine people in total have had gene therapy at the Necker Hospital, and seven of them are doing well."
<Danelope> The other two transformed into hideous demon-beasts and began slaying the hospital staff.
<Danelope> And eating their brains.
"Dangerous items" which will set off the metal detector include (but are not limited to):
Things that explode,
Things you can stab other passengers with,
Things which are used to shoot people,
Thing that both explode and can be used to shoot people (dual purpose),
Radioactive waste,
Belt buckles,
Money,
Shoes,
Pens,
Ghosts,
Hair,
Air molecules.
<Daniel> I am from Texas.
<Daniel> I do not consider myself an American.
<DragonAtma> That's okay
<DragonAtma> As we wish texas wasn't part of the US
<daniel> Scoobi Doo == communist regime funded propaganda used to infiltrate capitalist pop-culture to instill a low rate change in american ideals, they always said they'd take us over without firing one gun
Dare I assume you also flash small children in the playgournd during lunch?
<Dark_Ayanami> Popups have been around since the dawn of porn. Prehistoric, pornographic cave paintings would interrupt primitive man's masturbation with other paintings popping up hawking larger genitalia/clubs/wheels/fires.
<Dark_Ayanami> Then the first man would bash the new painter with his club (a primitive version of a mouse) and get back to "work".
<Dark_Ayanami> This is the first demonstrated case of "popup rage".
<DarkMatter> THE FIRST COMMANDMENT
<DarkMatter> THOU SHALT NOT HAVE ANY OTHER GODS BEFORE ME.
<DarkMatter> THE SECOND COMMANDMENT
<DarkMatter> STAY OUT OF MY F****** BEER.
<Darkseid> anyone want to hear a song i'm writing
<RaTS_FYA> :)
<Darkseid> it's called "if girls bled cranberry juice"
<RaTS_FYA> lol
<RaTS_FYA> lets here it dark
<oldskoolsenate> yeah
<oldskoolsenate> i wanna hear
<oldskoolsenate> please pleaes please
<Darkseid> ok
<Darkseid> keep in mind that it's metalish
<Darkseid> Ahem
* Darkseid clears throat
<oldskoolsenate> Darkseid that's alright
<Darkseid> if girls bled cranberry juice would you press and squeeze them dry
<Darkseid> would you hold their heads so sweetly til juice ran from their eye
<Darkseid> f juice ran from girls' ears would you have them for a snack.
<Darkseid> What if orange juice was dripping from her snatch
<Darkseid> I would
<Darkseid> Chorus
<Darkseid> I mean no one likes a glass of juice better than me... better than me... better than me... no one likes a glass of juice better than me... better than me me me....
<oldskoolsenate> Darkseid: That's really touching.
<darkstar> 78/m/bedridden
<darkstar> ball men
<darkstar> swgtlm seeks non-human dick slave to swab bedsores and eat poo
<d00rmaus> I only do sbgtlm
<d00rmaus> sorry
<darkstar> so you only dig single black gay transgendered lesbian males
<darkstar> sorry we didn't match on e harmony
<d00rmaus> no category #22 failed
<d00rmaus> although we got 100% on #23, do you eat dick.
<d00rmaus> too much data, kernel panic
<darkstar> libdickslurping.so was not loaded at boot
--> dave (aqeug129@uplink-25D84252.shlb1201.mi.comcast.net) has joined #Uplink --- Ghostalker is now known as Muad
<dave> /msg nickserv register <snip> <snip take 2> @comcast..net --- Muad is now known as Muad_dib
<dave> opps
<MH2> opps indeed
<dave> yea so whats new?
<MH2> Well --- Muad_dib is now known as Ghostalker <-- Ghostalker (Ghostalker@uplink-1EB07998.lutn.cable.ntl.com) has left #Uplink (Rejoining because of user@host change) --> Ghostalker (Ghostalker@graveyard.net) has joined #Uplink
<MH2> I now have access to your email account
<MH2> That's pretty new <-- Squall has quit (Ping timeout)
<MH2> You have 0 new messages, by the way
<DawnG>I was forced to attend a seminar on leadership. We were broken into small groups and each was asked to state what skills a good leader possesses. I wrote, "Needs to be good with elephants and crossing Alps." The others at my table were amused, but the seminar coordinator didn't get it. I said it was a reference to Hannibal, known for his leadership qualities. Her reply: "What leadership qualities? He was a cannibal, and anyway, it was lambs, not elephants."
<DaZE> at my school.. the cop from DARE passed around 3 joints to show everyone... and he said "if i dont get all three of these back this schools getting locked down and everyones getting searched till i find it.." and like 30 minutes later when everyone got to see 'em and they got passed back the cop had 4
DBBLKIX: MEATALLICA WAZ THA SHIT NOT NOW
dcont call the police but I smoket a little pepple in my pipe
Dead gopher, wrapped in porn.
<DeAdiNsiDe> WOooOH!
<DeAdiNsiDe> SPIDERS!!!!!!!!
<Spiders> yes?
<DeAdiNsiDe> I FOUND MY DICK!!!
<DeAdiNsiDe> I FOUND MY DICK!!!
<DeAdiNsiDe> I FOUND MY DICK!!!
<DeAdiNsiDe> err
<DeAdiNsiDe> disk!
<Spiders> hahaha
<DeAdiNsiDe> Ooh fuck
<DeAdiNsiDe> im never gonna hear the end of that one
<DeadMansHand> haha, last night, me and pete went out to celebrate his engagement and got hugely drunk
<DeadMansHand> we got this great idea to bury eachother in the sand close to the water and see who would chicken out first
<DeadMansHand> took about a half hour, but the water got up to my face so i freaked and got out
<DeadMansHand> i looked around for pete and he must've chickened out before me and stumbled home or something heh
<DeadMansHand> What'd he say when he woke up this morning?
<Thirteen-> uhh.. he hasn't come home yet.. i thought he was staying with you?
<DeadMansHand> holy fuck.
<DeadMansHand> i fucking hope im wrong about what im thinking right now
<DeadMansHand> im fucking going back to the beach to make sure
<DeadMansHand> if he gets home, call me, i don't want to be worrying about this
<Thirteen-> will do. you better hope he's not still buried, you'll be in deep shit.
quit: (DeadMansHand)
<Tyran> wtf? pete came home last night you fuck. Ken's going to be worrying about this shit all day
<Thirteen-> haha yea, but it will be fun while it lasts
join: (PeteRepeat) (bob@3F8C4655.11D1C8C.18637D35.IP)
<PeteRepeat> fucking ken
<PeteRepeat> ken... that fucker buried me in the sand last night, i ran off about 5 minutes to it, left him there to be an idiot
<quiqsilver> pete, ken didn't come back last night, i thought he was with you.
<PeteRepeat> oh fuck.
<PeteRepeat> if ken shows up, make sure he doesn't know that im at the beach digging for his body. i don't want him to think i care or anything.
quit: (PeteRepeat)
<Thirteen-> rofl. Those 2 are going to get a huge surprise when they meet at the beach.
<Tyran> i can't beleive how perfect their timing was
Dear Conceited Penis..
Dear Crazy-As-Bat-Shit-Lady: The fridge doesn't come with a pedigree!
Dear God of Bass Players
Dear Pigeons Eating Puke on the Sidewalk
DEAR THE POWERS THAT BE, I DEMAND A FULL REFUND OF MY MEMORY AND/OR SOCIAL AND/OR PHYSICAL INTERACTIONS THAT OCCURRED BETWEEN THE HOURS OF 9:35pm APRIL 15th AND 2:05am APRIL 16th.
death by rice a roni
Death Chair
Death of the author + death of the reader + death of the editor + death of the publisher + death of the fandom + death of the text + death of everything. The only way to truly understand a piece of media is from the epicenter of an endless wave of death
Death Ray - Once in a lifetime opportunity!
December - Byhrte invents some faggot ass "fad" which involves putting a santa hat on your avatar. I quickly put him into his place, and note it will be the death of this forum if he doesn't stop. I was clearly right.
<Deek`> I got a GED
<Deek`> I got 2 pts away from a perfect score
<Rick> I almost got one.
<Deek`> Did you fail it? Are you a hillbilly?
<Rick> No.
<Rick> I got a real highschool diploma.
Deep stuff herein: Weed Farting while on weed is the best thing ever. So crisp and agreeable, the Sulphur dioxide just melts from your butt crack with a hearty "pleased to meet you" tone. If sounds were colours this one would definately be brown, a deep brown like the sleeve of every creed album ever made and the carpet in my old house.
<Deepthroat> The thing that always got me about the goatse.cx guy is that he's wearing a wedding ring. Does his wife know he can cram a week's worth of camping gear up there? Does she know that her husband's gaping ass has become an internet super sensation? Is it a secret, or is she a part of his anal adventures? Did she clap when he managed to solve a Rubik's cube using only the muscles of his colon?
<StarDonut> Deepthroat: For all you know, she's the one with the camera.
Definitely considering having a grey alien over for dinner
* deflux- has joined #bondage
<deflux-> I've got ducttape, some pliers and watermelon. Let's do this thing.
<deimos> someone asked me some ungodly complex question in an interview once
<deimos> it took him 5 minutes to explain it
<rwhom> did you get it right?
<deimos> and then they looked at me
<deimos> and wanted a single part answer
<deimos> so i thought for a second
<cj_> <deimos> and i said, "potatoe". i didn't get the job.
<Delanushorse> Dude, I was eating a chocolate bar in my kitchen the other day, when my mom walks in
<Delanushorse> I was like "it's like an orgasm in my mouth" and my mom says "oh, believe me, you DON'T want to know what that tastes like".
<Delanushorse> I guess she realized what she said, because she walked out really quickly.
<Delanushorse> :(
delete that old version of me in your head, it expired
Delicious meal recipe: 1 big ball of fresh mozzarella
Demon Gypsy Couch
Dempsey's penis size chart: Clint Dempsey: His penis size chart S. Patton (American actor): His penis size chart Barack Obama: His penis size chart Jimmy Carter: His penis size chart Ronald Reagan: His penis size chart Jackie Robinson: His penis size chart Babe Ruth: His penis size chart Greg Norman: His penis size chart Albert Einstein: His penis size chart Andy Rooney: His penis size chart
<Denium> cassy do you mind if i delegate something to ya?
<Cassy> as long as i can do it in the morning ....i'm totally dead .....had a gig earlier tonight and i'm like a zombie lol
<Denium> wow
<Denium> i only do like 500mb/day
<Denium> at most
<Cassy> a SHOW
<Denium> ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
<Cassy> you know ....play music!?
<Denyerec> Welcome to Britain, the USA's largest non-nuclear aircraft carrier!
deploying all our scientists to make the perfect burger
*desperate for sex voice* so thats spongebob and thats patrick?
Desperately Seeking a Man with STINK BREATH
Despite the Europeans' primitive and haphazard seafaring, they were able to establish a handful of outposts on a continent previously unknown to them. By the reign of Gaozong, they had imported enough Europeans (as well as African captives from local wars) and been successful in their campaigns of banditry against the established local civilizations that they had coastal cities, their own warlords—and armies that were well versed in bandit tactics. July 4th marks the signing of the declaration of war. To this day, some places in North America set off fireworks as part of a ritual celebration that includes traditional songs and foods.
<devilgrl> qwasz: im a rocket technician for the govt.
<devilgrl> i used to be a unix admin
<pagan> sure have alot of exp for being 21...
<devilgrl> pagan: i dropped outta school and started working fulltime when I was 17
<pagan> then the .gov picked you up to work on rockets?
<devilgrl> my friend works for the company, he got me an interview
<pagan> and they saw your stunning education record, and hired you right?
<pagan> of course your full of shit, your a girl
<devilgrl> exactly
<Dharkbayne> Reverse Jesus is created when you masturbate in the bath and your sister falls pregnant by then bathing in the same water.
<Dharkbayne> Reverse Jesus would blind and cripple random people. And give them leprosy.
<Dharkbayne> Reverse Jesus crucified the entire Roman Empire.
<Dharkbayne> Reverse Jesus makes you die for his sins.
<Dharkbayne> Reverse Jesus can sink in water.
<Dharkbayne> Reverse Jesus can turn wine into water.
<Dharkbayne> Reverse Jesus dares you to stone whores if you're sinner.
<Dharkbayne> He was born in a cave on Easter and was killed in a shootout on Christmas eve when three kings finally tracked him down for outstanding debts of gold and spices.
DiamondbacksNo1Fan : Heh. DiamondbacksNo1Fan : Theoretically, the human brain could act as quite the processor. Eluorn : Theoretically. can_of_mtdew : yeah, but a processor can't act like a human brain DiamondbacksNo1Fan : We're talking in the terahertz range. Eluorn : You plug your brain into a computer then plug it into the wall, and try to run Unreal Tournament 2k3 Eldoran : Err I dunno... Eluorn : Blam. Instant South American dinner.
did any otherkin vote for Hillary Clinton
Did you feel your neck flush with carnal heat as I gazed at your lithe, patchouli-scented body?
did you have the dream i sent you?
DID YOU KNOW? For statues of generals on horseback, the # of hooves in the air represents the # of times the general had sex with the horse.
Didn't you retweet incest porn on 9/11?
<dil-hole> Today I was at a restaurant and was waiting for my food.
<dil-hole> Then I started to play my DS on pictochat see? And I found someone that was playing it too.
<dil-hole> We started to draw pictures and thinking it was some older guy and everything, I was joking around and drew a penis.
<dil-hole> I looked up to see who it was and about 20 feet away, I heard a gasp. I look up and it s a 10 year old girl with a DS in her hands.
<dil-hole> I immediately closed my DS and hid it. That was freaken scary.
<Dillinger> i think i'm going to try that at the mall
<Dillinger> wear a tower costume
<Dillinger> and have a friend ram into me at full speed
<Orestes> You'd need someone dressed up as a zombie fireman.
<Dillinger> or just have someone dress up as a fireman and then throw himself onto the ground
<Dillinger> and yell "OH NO I AM HURT WAH WAH"
<Dillinger> and then fucking run.
dinosaurs had mp3 players but we dont see them in fossils because they were made of soft tissue
dinosaurs used to hurt eachother??
<diranged> silly ghost bear
<diranged> where's no sense there's no feeling
<diranged> so pointing pistol at my head is rather useless
Disgruntled American Seeks Canadian For Political Asylum, Maybe More
DISGUSTING but completely true story
<disturbed>> I have a fear... of EGGS. I know it's silly and my girlfriend makes fun of me saying I have EGGNAPHOBIA. But I have had this problem my whole life... EGGS actually scare me.
<disturbed> When people talk about omlettes for example, I feel sick in my stomach... I physically cannot touch EGGS as I get shivery and feel ill and if I see someone eating an EGG sandwich I get a nervous twitch (always in my right eye) and I literally have to leave the room. Even the smell of EGGS makes me feel faint.
<disturbed> I think it's because EGGS are from chicken's butts and that always deeply disturbed me as a kid... I think it developed from there.
<skelm> you have some really serious issues...
<dithi> i've answered every single penis enlargement email, and the home finance ones, and the inkjet ones. Now I have 500 houses that i owe money on, my penis is long enough to reach all of them, and it shoots inkjet ink.
<DizzDvl> didja know that a bee's penis breaks off in the queen and she saves it for later?
<rabbit> saves it for later for what?
<DizzDvl> saves it for later when she needs to fertilize eggs
<MoouadDib> if the queen's next lover isn't as good she slaps him with the penis of previous lovers
<djcrom> TOMORROW IS MY BIRTHDAY
<djcrom> I ACCEPT VISA, MASTERCARD, AND WEED.
<DmDragon> all my cars are haunted
<DmDragon> i had one car where the glove compartment would keep opening at random times
<DmDragon> so it opened once and i just finally said "fuck you stay open" well the car stalled out the radio turned on and off and the flashlights started flashing while the windshield wipers started
<DmDragon> so i slowly reached over and closed it.. then the car just went back to normal
<dn> i'm not sure i could ever endure a d&d session, i'd fall asleep
<Valvados> Not if its a DnD orgy
<Valvados> WHOOHOO, I ROLLED A NATURAL 20! THE PALADIN HAS TO TAKE OFF HIS LOINCLOTH
Do gay males get aroused by the smell of poo poo in public restrooms?
Do men, or women, consider a man with an undescended testicle unattractive, or a turn-off?
DO NOT EAT PRINGLES FAT FREE POTATO CHIPS. THEY WILL GREASE YOUR ASS.
DO NOT EAT THE GUM IN VINTAGE BASEBALL CARD PACKS
DO NOT FAIL TO DO THIS, OR I WILL REDUCE THE SIZE OF YOUR PENIS BY THREE INCHES!
Do NOT find inner peace, join my blood cult instead
Do not go back into the ad and edit it to read "STUNNING PLAID SOFA WITH INLAID PLASTIC BRASS SOLD SOLD TODAY THANKS EVERYONE FOR YOUR INQUIRIES".
Do Not Jerk Off
DO NOT RECREATE THIS PHOTO!!!! this dinner has been plated on a corelle dish from the 70s which contains upwards of 18,000 ppm of lead which is way above healthy levels. Eating skyrim is fine though you mfs eat credit cards anyways.
Do Not Send Me E Mails And All That Other E Shit
do not try contacting me i have blocked you on my crystal ball
do you ever think about how if you dive into the ocean and go deeper and deeper you will pass through layers of darker and darker blue until everything is black and cold and the pressure will be so intense that it will kill you without protection but if you keep going you will find little glowing specks of light, and if you go up into the sky and go higher and higher you will pass through layers of darker and darker blue until everything is black and cold and the pressure will be so intense that it will kill you without protection but if you keep going you will find little glowing specks of light
Do you fucking need something
DO YOU HAVE ANY SELF RESPECT YOU BUTCH TITS AUTISTIC KID
Do you know how many cheesy, irradiated dicks I had to suck to get even one, tender, succulent rat?
Do you remember where you were when Ronald Reagan was shot? Well, if not, you can have one GENUINE Trojan unlubricated condom, expiration date March 30, 1981 to help you keep the memory alive!
Do you think I can fit NO UGLY MISOGYNIST EVIL CLUELESS SMELLY NASTY CAVE-DWELLING STUPID THROWBACK MOTHERFUCKERS on one line or two?
Do you think printer repair could frustrate Marcus Aurelius out of stoicism
do you think whoever made the biohazard symbol was purposefully trying to create the coolest logo anyone would ever make
do you want to play dead bodies with meneonfretra
<doctor`> "hallo! i am reeecki marten! sex masheen! i love all the preeety gerls! lets us have secks! constantleee! i am south american sensation! bulging spaniard genitals!"
does any one know where i could find some Unsolicited advice? preferably from people with weird personality disorders who dont know anything
does anyone know how to talk to girls
does anyone know what to do if you carve a pumpkin that is too scary. i cant go in my kitchen
does anyone want to play themes and motifs with me
does anyone want to watch me smoke naked while i use
Does it really make you a bootlicker or something if you think the Boston dynamics dog robot is cool. sorry if it does I promise I'm not
Does mold turn you on?
does something high-concept to you
DOES THE BENZADRINE ADDICT MUGGING THE OLD LADY ON THE NY SUBWAY BERATE HER WITH QUOTES FROM CHAUCER?
Does this posting make my ass look big?
dog cremation urn
<Dogan> GUYS, STORY TIME
<Dogan> So my teacher's friend's friend or something
<Dogan> She was dogsitting one day
<Dogan> Shows up the first time, finds the dog dead on the floor, right?
<Nightryde> how embarrassing
<Dogan> SO she's gotta pack the dog corpse up and take it to the vet so they can dispose of it or whatever
<Dogan> She can't find anything to fit it in, so she stuffs it in a freaking SUITCASE
<Dogan> She didn't have a car so she has to take the train through Chicago
<Zeelot> oh mannnn
<Dogan> This guy helps her carry the case on and is like
<Dogan> "this is pretty heavy, what's in it?"
<Dogan> lady replies "just some computer things"
<Dogan> the guy SOCKS HER IN THE FACE AND RUNS OFF WITH THE CASE
<Nightryde> AHAHAHA HOW would you pawn that sort of thing???
Dogs are machines that turn normal toys into wet yucky toys
dogs love using their horizontal nature to stand in front of you
Dogs will be like: you want my wetttt toy?
doing petplay and gunplay at the same time im a horse with a broken leg and you have to just shoot me
Dolly Parton Pinball mahine
don't forget to leave cookies out for pritzker tonight
Don't fuck with "The New Girl"
don't get me wrong I'm not weird but he is really fuckable
Don't order from Poop if you don't want Shit!!
don't worry its going to hurt a lot more later
Don't worry, your depravities are only known to me.
don't you fucking test me i will draw this porn i swear to god i'm doing it
DON'T YOU LOVE IT WHEN YOU TAKE A FAT ASS HIT AND YOU CHOKE SO HARD YOUR HEART FELLS LIKE IT STOPS?? BUT ONE THING, YOU STILL HIT THAT MOTHAFUCCIN BLUNT!!
No doubt of course, those are the hits that make you sit down and collect your thoughts for a minute. You choking on that smoke so hard your brain can't function right, and just when you catch your breath you take another hit to settle down That's the hit that goes straight to the dome
HELL FUCCIN YEAH! THEM HITS STRAIGHT TO THE DOME ARE THE SHIT! My fuccin hooka will send the smoke to the dome with no problem!
Don't, you'll fall off the horse and hurt your arm and look really stupidpjackkGo fck the holler of a creaky ol tree dumb fuck
@(DonoftheDead) They say if you play a Microsoft CD backwards you hear satanic messages. That's nothing, because if you play it forwards it installs Windows.
"dont be afraid to let your body die" - debbie harry at the end of videodrome/me to my neighbors fat shithead son thru a hole in the fence
DONT BOTHER EMAILING ME CUZ I WONT GET IT, WELCOME TO IGNORESVILLE POPULATION: YOU, HOPE U LIKE TALKING TO A BLOCK LIST HAHAHAHAHA.
Dont drink and yiff dammit!
Dont forget to lick my G-spot!!!
Dont fucking fall for it. The patty melt is never worth it
Dont go to starbucks!!!! all the $ is going to terrorists. i will have more information later.
DONT STOP TILL U GET A NUT
dont talk to me or my clone or my shadow self or my reflection or my me ever again
DONT WASTE MY TIME IF YOU ARE A TAKER OR SELFISH!!!!ALSO DONT WASTE MY TIME IF YOU ARE UNSURE!!!
don’t forget to eat some food today!
don’t know what i’m smoking they call me mister doobieous
Don’t read this Fucking caption if your done squeemish or sexually repressed bitch. But i just have to say this. I have a daydream where two people are playing a game where they take turns shoving apples in my ass. The loser is whoever can’t get the last apple in. Pretty brutal, huh? Well, I’m insane.
dot com dot net forward slash dot org
download all killers to sticks of usb and let them loose like mice upon the land
download killing upload pain. instant thousand deaths to brain. motherboard on murder spree. blood computer victory.
downloads another pdf. downloads another pdf. downloads another pdf.
<Dr_DOS> My fish get scared of pizza boxes.
<Dr_DOS> They think they're giant borg ships or smth
<repp0r> Don't put an anchovie pizza near your fish.
* Dr_Dos|KLONE has joined #zeuxworld
<Revvy> OH NOS
<Dr_Dos|KLONE> How do I kill on esper?
<EvilMario> ghost?
<Revvy> msg nickserv kill
<Dr_Dos|KLONE> I guess.
<Zenholder> /quit <nick> <password>
<Dr_Dos|KLONE> ok
* Dr_Dos has quit IRC (Ping timeout)
* Dr_Dos|KLONE has quit IRC (Quit: Dr_Dos censored)
<EvilMario> Hahah.
<Zenholder> :D
<EvilMario> You're the best, sir.
* Dr_Dos has joined #zeuxworld
<Zenholder> :P
<Zenholder> Did it work?
<Dr_Dos> heh
<Dr_Dos> Yes
<Zenholder> Good
* Dr_Dos has quit IRC (Killed (NickServ (GHOST command used by EvilMario)))
<Zenholder> :D
<EvilMario> Excellent.
* Dr_Dos has joined #zeuxworld
<Dr_Dos> That's not right...
<EvilMario> You fool.
<EvilMario> Mwahah.. I mean.. HIIII
<dr_rotcod> he's an ex marine and i was drunk so i said, "alright marine, kill me with one touch!"
<hakan> holy shit. wrong thing to say
<dr_rotcod> and all the sudden i was in some weird hold having my shoulder ripped apart
<dr_rotcod> and then i fell on the ground laughing/crying
<hakan> did it break??
<dr_rotcod> he looked at his hands and went, "oh my god! the demons of the american military have shone through and i am hopeless!! HOPELESS"
<DragnFly> You know, what we need is a room of all american chatters. Since people are always quiet on IRC anyways, we can call it "American Idle" :p
dragon will eat your weed watch outspoonwizardd
DragonflyBlade21: A woman has a close male friend. This means that he is probably interested in her, which is why he hangs around so much. She sees him strictly as a friend. This always starts out with, you're a great guy, but I don't like you in that way. This is roughly the equivalent for the guy of going to a job interview and the company saying, You have a great resume, you have all the qualifications we are looking for, but we're not going to hire you. We will, however, use your resume as the basis for comparison for all other applicants. But, we're going to hire somebody who is far less qualified and is probably an alcoholic. And if he doesn't work out, we'll hire somebody else, but still not you. In fact, we will never hire you. But we will call you from time to time to complain about the person that we hired.
Dragons will be made available in PDF form
Draketh: I got a piercing last night
Draketh: and I don't really regret it even though it was a decision made totally under the influence
Finn: ...
Draketh: so we're sitting around another fire blowing things up since it's the 4th and drinking, I walk over and sit down and the topic is piercings so we start talking, eventually it shifts to genital piercings
Finn: ...
Draketh: I mentioned always being interested in a prince albert, and this girl that was there that was like a friend of one of my cousins friends or some shit shes like "I work at a piercing parlor, I have all my shit in the car I can totally do that right now"
Draketh: It was legit, like steralized tools in sealed packages and everything, bowl of alcohol to soak the tools in, she wore gloves.
Draketh: It was like being at a piercing parlor
Draketh: Except I was in a big ass comfy patio chair with a bottle of Makers
Finn: I just.... I don't think I could ever let someone shove anything through my penis
Draketh: actually I think it's gonna be hilarious
Draketh: like I have no tattoo's, no other piercings and then like BAM "Suprise!"
Draketh: it's like opening the plain brown wrapped gift on Christmas, and instead of a sweater it's a new laptop
Draketh: see, the laptop is my dick
Finn: .... just.... wow
<dranyam> It's nature. How do you make nature against the fucking law? It grows everywhere. Serves a thousand different functions, all of them positive. To make marijuana against the law is like saying to God made a mistake. You know what I mean, it's like God on the seventh day looked down on his creation:
<dranyam> "There it is, my creation, perfect and holy in all ways. Now, I can rest."
<dranyam> [Mimes God looking around - spotting pot]
<dranyam> "Oh my me."
<dranyam> "I left fucking pot everywhere."
<dranyam> "I should never have smoked that joint on the third day ..shit."
<dranyam> "That was the day I created possums. Haha. Still gives me a chuckle."
<dranyam> "If I leave pot everywhere that's gonna to give humans the impression they're supposed to... 'use' it."
<dranyam> "(sigh)Now I have to create Republicans."
<drdink> WaL-_-MarT: I used to know how to do an overhead page in your store
<WaL-_-MarT> cool, drdink..
<drdink> actually what you do
<drdink> is you take walmart's employee phone off the pole
<drdink> and go get a portable phone from the electronics department
<drdink> and plug it in to the pole
<drdink> and you can walk around the store
<drdink> and they can't catch you
<drdink> just don't leave, or its stealing
<DreadS> wow
<DreadS> evl - are you shrooming ?
<evl> dude
<evl> i wish
<evl> that way i could goto bed comforted
<DreadS> E ?
<evl> knowing there wasnt a goddamned vampire
<evl> flyin around my house
dream job is pair of eyeballs that fly around and look at shit
<dreamer> Gargamale: a girl that posts on the local goth forum used to think lol meant lots of love, and got a rather rude awakening after someone's mother died - "how was the funeral? lol"
<Jesterace> haha
<Gargamale> LOL
dreams and wishes slammed back down into the ground. i guess this will only ever be a project for me, and im silly to have ambitions beyond.
<dreamwraith> I am going to create a Nicotine Golem. I will call him son and he will call me father and we will bond. At night, I will lick him.
<dreamwraith> I WANT A CIGARETTE. That is all.
Drift into a deep ocean of sleep, and emerge from that sleep hornier than ever before
drink my concoction boy
(drmatitis) ya, i've graduated from the rockstar mullet to the NASCAR mullet
<Drogo> Don't trust the xbox 360
* Brandalf85 goes forward in time and gets 5 Xbox 360s
<Drogo> It's like those creatures in Chronicles of Riddick
<Drogo> You turn it on and all of a sudden "Your soul is miiiine"
<Drogo> You know what, next thing you know rob, the xbox makes you call your friend with a needle to your neck and you're like "Hey, Brandalf.. Would you like to come over and--- DONT COME BRANDALF! I mean. Brandalf, please come over and initiate in gameplay of the xbox 360"
<Brandalf85> LOL
<Rob> haha
<Brandalf85> i probably dont live anywhere near Rob :)
<Drogo> Then Brandalf comes over and he opens the door and it's like Dreamcatcher with the red except it's wires and blood and the door slams shut behind him and all of a sudden, a needle sticks into his neck
<Drogo> xbox 360 needs no memory card or hard drive either
<Drogo> you know why?
<Drogo> It saves to your brain
<Brandalf85> ....
<Brandalf85> =0
<Rob> haha
<Brandalf85> the horror
<Drogo> You're like "Oh... hey... Happy childhood memories.. NO! DONT SAVE THERE!"
drugs before piss,, things might go amiss
<Dst> revenge is sweet
<Dst> revenge is a dish best served cold
<Dst> ergo; revenge is ice cream
<Joshua> peanut butter is good, boobies are good, therefore boobies are peanut butter
<Dst> i like your twisted logic there
<Joshua> i like boobies.
<[dSx]kiLLmAsta> holy
<[dSx]kiLLmAsta> fucking
<[dSx]h34dsh0t> what?
<[dSx]kiLLmAsta> dudes
<[dSx]kiLLmAsta> if any of you have rats in the house
<[dSx]kiLLmAsta> WASH YOUR FUCKING WANK RAGS REGULARLY
<[dSx]h34dsh0t> ...
<[dSx]awpMAN> wtf?
<[dSx]h34dsh0t> you're kidding, right?
<[dSx]kiLLmAsta> dude
<[dSx]kiLLmAsta> i am fucking serious
<[dSx]awpMAN> not all of us have wank rags, dumbass
<[dSx]kiLLmAsta> so i had this wank rag i forgot about and left in a corner of the room under some shit right
<[dSx]kiLLmAsta> i find it today and it has FUCKING HOLES IN IT RIGHT AT THE STAINS
<[dSx]kiLLmAsta> and there's RAT SHIT ALL OVER IT
<[dSx]tiMeCop> HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHA
<[dSx]awpMAN> idiot, hahahahahahahaha
<[dSx]kiLLmAsta> fuck
<[dSx]kiLLmAsta> i'm going to have trouble sleeping now that i know that SOME FUCKING RAT IN MY HOUSE ATE MY SEMEN
<[dSx]h34dsh0t> dude
<[dSx]kiLLmAsta> yea
<[dSx]h34dsh0t> i love you
<[dSx]h34dsh0t> i really do
<[dSx]h34dsh0t> but it would be a crime not to submit this to bash
<[dSx]kiLLmAsta> NO WAIT FUCK
<DTARD> you havent peaked until youve had a conversation wth the light barely shining through the comfortor draped over your head while hanging off the top bunk and wearing plastic vampire teeth
dude i cannot fucking believe it. you MASTURBATED in my ROOM thats fucking disgustingwell man, i can explain, see what happened was-no no no, i dont want to hear it. you masturbated in my room, and i saw all one hour and thirty minutes of itwhat?yeah, the police got a tape of you mastubating for that whole time and i watched the whole thing. i couldnt BELIEVE that my BEST FRIEND would masturbate in my room, so i double checked even! just to make sure that it really happened. you broke my TRUST manw-wait,in fact, i couldnt believe my own eyes. i told the police to watch it just to make sure, and we watched it AGAIN. they couldnt believe it eitherdude what diwe had an argument about it, and were so unconvinced that we took it to top brass so they could perform a visual forensics on it. so for a fourth time,
dude the cops are outside we're gonna have to flush the pee
Dude those hungry chicks over there are totally imagining us as big talking ham hocks
dude why is the big dog on your tee hanging from a noose? no caption either, what gives? there's usually a funny joke. bummer.
dudes trying to say theyre “sorcerers” yet they refuse to suck cocks and swallow cum
DURING THE TEST DRIVE, HE WAS APPARENTLY NAUSEATED BY THE SMELL AND VOMITED A LITTLE IN THE CAR.
<dustin> i'm hung like a zombie process
<DW>So, I had to get a colonoscopy today
<DW>That's where they stick a camera up your ass and take pictures of your intestines
<Relentless>that's just great
<DW>Anyway, that part wasn't bad, the bad part was the prep for it
<pyr0>which was...
<DW>I didn't eat anything yesterday. Starting at 3 PM I had to drink about 2 liters of this shit that would help clear my intestines out. Basically, from 3 PM until about 12 I had SEVERE abdominal cramps. I mean severe. I'm talking about rolling around on the floor punching shit severe
<DW>Anyway, during this, I started to get horny for some reason
<DW>It was a strange feeling really. Not even being able to stand up because of crippling pains, and yet at the same time, having a raging boner and wanting to jack off
<Relentless>this wont end well
<DW>Anyway, I had been shitting brown water since 3 (that's what the nasty shit I drank did), and I needed to again. But since I had a huge boner I figured I'll take care of it while I'm in the can. So, I'm standing over the toilet cranking one off, and I'm getting the shits, so I sit down. Just before I'm about to cum, I start feeling like I'm going to puke. Now, I had vomit brewing for awhile. You know that feeling you get when you're going to puke? When you start to feel sick and start salivating a lot? I had been getting that since I went to the bathroom. Anyway it built up enough that I started VIOLENTLY and LOUDLY puking. I'm fucking lucky the sink is right next to the toilet. The force of this caused me to begin shooting shit-water out of my ass with the force of a pressure washer. The spasming of my entire body caused my hand to move around enough that I started cumming.
<DW>So after all was said and done, I had a line of fire burning a line from my balls to and up my asscrack, puke in the sink, and cum covering my legs.
<DW>Yeah yesterday was not a good day :\
*LONG pause*
<pyr0>...
<Neo>what the fuck
<SSB>.....
<CT_Frog>o_o
<MMB>You have lived more in that one moment than anyone else in their entire lives
dyke up or die
<D|S-Alias> my balls are in such gay positions
<D|S-Alias> they are all on one side in a cluster
<D|S-random> i fuckin hate that
<D|S-random> when they stick to ur leg
<D|S-random> ER
<D|S-random> i just wanna rip them off
<D|S-Alias> im talking about pool yo
E roc 2001455212: matallica kicks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
eat a frensh froop and vagable please
eat a meal or become a meal!!!!!
Eat one burger and suddenly your whole body temp drops to digest the damn thing
eating 4 slices of leftover pizza undoes exactly 1 shower
*eats a whole hurger* yommy
*Eats blistering hot piece of lasagna with two hands like a hamburger*
<ecco> a commercial for the fonz toaster would rock
<ecco> they'd show him in a toaster
<ecco> and he'd be like EEEEEEEYYYYY
<ecco> and then they'd turn it on
<ecco> and the coils would heat up
<ecco> and he'd be like EEEYYAAAAARRRRRGHHhhhhhhh and his flesh would burn off
ECJL91988: HEY WHO LIKE MATALLICA
Editor killed herself. Back to the drawing board...
<Einstein> What does A.B.C.D.E.F. stand for?
<Einstein> Time's up!
<Einstein> The answer is American Boys Club for the Defense of Errol Flynn
elder scrolls oblivion is straight camp
<Elfer> OMG OMG OMG
<Elfer> I just had an idea
<Elfer> ok, cats land on their feet, right?
<Elfer> right
<Elfer> toast lands peanut butter sde down, right?
<Elfer> right
<very_clock> right
<Elfer> now, what if I tape a piece of toast peanut butter side up to a cat's back and drop it
<Elfer> ???
<very_clock> uhhhm the cat will cancel out the toast thing, cats beat toast anyday
<Elfer> uhh, no
<very_clock> yep
<Elfer> I think I get some sort of physics defying contradiction conundrum and the cat will hover
<Elfer> It's almost too simple to take over the world with this type of device...
elvis died because it wasnt getting enough fiber3000s
<EM[mMF]> man
<EM[mMF]> unix manuals would be so much cooler
<EM[mMF]> if they had porn in them
<EM[mMF]> like "Basics of the Bash Shell"
<EM[mMF]> <LESBIAN PORN>
<EM[mMF]> i'd read that shit
*Emails you my spore*
(*)Embers(*): should i ask jonny this--- (*)Embers(*): ok so i know we haven't known each other for long and I really shouldn't be asking you for this..... but I want it so bad don't get me wrong it's just that I haven't had it for a long time I could already feel it going in so hard and coming out so soft and wet. No one has to know about this, I'm desperate, but your help can be very grateful!!! (*)Embers(*): you must think I have a lot of nerve asking you for this but I can feel my tongue around it sucking all the juice out until there no more left, this has been on my mind all day long and I hope I'm not being forward but.... can I have a piece of gum?
Sarah: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
<Encapsulate> How come you never go shopping with me?
<hep> cause you dont put out
<Encapsulate> Dude, I so do.
<Encapsulate> You even have pictures, that you taunt me with.
<hep> lies!
<Encapsulate> Sure, I was drugged up and unconscious, but I PUT OUT!
<hep> well yeah you put out THEN
<Encapsulate> You said so!
<hep> but I mean i spent a FORTUNE in roofies!
entering the polycule not as a conqueror, but a liberator
< envoy> One of the biggest reasons we change our clocks to Daylight Saving Time (DST) is that it saves energy.
< envoy> how do they figure we save energy? lol
* Flimflam shrugs
< Flimflam> it's the USA :P
< Flimflam> they can justify anything, it seems :P
<erno> hm. I've lost a machine.. literally _lost_. it responds to ping, it works completely, I just can't figure out where in my apartment it is.
<Esher> They told me I am the chosen child of destiny and my mission is to mate with all the women of the world to populate it with magical beasts of power
<EthenWork> I want my tombstone to say "Exceeded TTL"
<Eticam> I was in biology class once, and the teacher said there was sugar in sperm
<Eticam> And a girl asked why doesn't it taste sweet then
<Eticam> When she realised what she said her face became red like a spanked monkey ass
<Eticam> Then the teacher said, because you taste sweetness with the front of your tongue, not the part of your tongue back in your throat
<Eticam> The girl started crying and left class ^^
<etoilet> i went into the D&D store cuz they had old capcom arcade booths for sale, and my girlfriend followed me in. All the guys were sitting at a table playing D&D, and this one long haired dude got up out of his seat, strode up to my gf, bowed and said "May I help you my lady?"
<crunchyfish> I don't know, man. That's pretty smooth. What was his charisma? 17? 18?
<Ettin> Because If sdib f
<Ettin> FUCK
<Ettin> I just fell out of my chair
<Ettin> Heeey, Lyrai
<Ettin> Hypotheeetical queestion for you
<Ettin> If you geeeet seemen on thee keeyboard, wwould it breeak it?
<Ettin> (Sorry, my "E" keey is sticky)
Etymology fun fact: this is where the term “loony” comes from.
<eva> hey guys, guess what im eating right now!
<Ed> big black cocks dripping with pearly semen.
<eva> starts with a 3
<Ed> three big black cocks dripping with pearly semen.
even the sperms look like there's something mentally wrong with them.
Ever fuck a freak before. I've fucked freaks.
every bad thing in the entire world is due to the dark sorcerer if we just kill the dark sorcerer i bet everything will be amazing something amazing will happen
every bone in her body is a FIBula
every day is a celebration if you celebrate belly friday
every day millions of fish r violently wripped from the ocean by birdkind and as they die they exoerience such transcendent altitudes their brains level up like crazy
Every morning I come here, despite the lemon-soaked spiked chains lashed to my wrists, despite the colobus monkey I’ve trained to regularly savage my genitals if it senses I’m even thinking of clicking my mouse. Some days I hold out longer than others, but eventually I end up here, weeping and soaked in coffee, condemning myself for not having the fortitude of a person of higher character.
every mortal kombat fan punches the shit out of their pillow
EVERY OTHER SINGLE FUCKING CLOSE-UP SHOT OF A PENIS GOING IN AND OUT OF A VAGINA THAT HAS EVER BEEN COMMITTED TO FILM IN HUMAN HISTORY, THAT'S WHAT!
every political scandal has to be called ____gate now because 54 years ago a guy named blowjob told reporters there were bugs in the democrat offices
Every slick, stepped-on turdsmear along Bank Street reminds me of you.
every time i post lightning strikes my castle
Everybody can refer to alive people but “every body” implies dead people
Everybody pregnant omg. Pull outtt. swallowww. do something. this is preposterous
everybody say thank you Marcus Aurelius
everybody’s brave till the enemy wizard summons Pipe Bomb Cloud
Everyday I kill myself
everyday some part of my body is always hurting. i think i was evil in my last life
EVERYOBODY GET DOWN HES TAKING A CREATIVE LIBERTY
everyone can tell that you jerk off with tummy time and they think it’s weird
everyone cover your necks lol
Everyone envies me for my shrimp lighter
everyone in the 80s was like fuck ending this song
Everyone is bloomscrolling in my beautiful internet garden
everyone is overreacting this is fucking awesome i love when sexual predators get tortured to death it gives me a big fat boner
Everyone knows what a grape is
everyone needs to stop having sex youre supposed to jerk off to your concepts face down in your dark bedroom
everyones gotta stop reblogging this bro they're gonna find it and get so mad they try to strangle me again
everything can be sorted on a sliding scale of punk (good) to fascist (bad). these are the only two ends of the scale it's possible to have. if something is good (for example, public libraries,) it cannot merely be Good, it is only possible that it be punk and THEN be good as a symptom of punk. but if you can't swing it to convincingly argue that public libraries are punk, then, well, I'm sorry, but the only option left is that libraries are in fact fascist.
everything is available but nothing feels profound. thousands of fascinating things in front of us but none of it transforms. when was the last time your phone gave you goosebumps? i have a growing sense that being moved and orienting towards the sublime requires the very thing we're designing modern life to remove: friction
evil great lakeslake inferiorlake normal lake offtariolake hurtonlake michigan
evil jesus turns water into white claw
evil therapist: to ground yourself, look around, name 5 things you can kill, and 4 things you can at least maim
Evil wizard tasteful pin-up magazine but it's all photos of like, skinny old goths coyly fingering cursed amulets, long-bearded sorcerers doing the 'oopsie' pose as their corrosive destruction spell destroys enough of their own robes to show some skin, naked desiccated lich king positioning his staff of human skulls just so it leaves something to the imagination, dark knights in full armor just holding their soul-eating blades out in front of their codpieces, orc chieftain who did not understand the assignment and is posing with a monster he killed like one of those guys-with-fish photos. Or maybe he DID understand the assignment. Hmm.
evil wizard voice: i too have a “doom scroll”
<Evil_Kneival> I see.
<super`radish> dude
<super`radish> stop with the punctuation
<Evil_Kneival> Why?
<super`radish> because its like putting a rainbow cowboy sticker on your car bumper
<evilada>: Best suicide plan ever
<mcm310>: what is it?
<evilada>: you go up to the top of a roof
<evilada>: string piano wire tight across the front edge at neck level
<evilada>: tie a cord to your foot and the other end to the building so that you'll be above sidewalk level when its fully stretched
<evilada>: then you put super glue on your hands
<evilada>: and put your arms around the front of the wire and then back to touch your head
<evilada>: then you lean forward, so the piano wire cuts your neck but not your elbows
<evilada>: when the cord goes taut, youll be hanging upside down with no head....except your head will be in your outstretched arms thanks to gravity and the glue, staring at someone upside down and spewing blood everywhere.
<evilada>: And some poor bastard will be traumatized for LIFE.
<mcm310>: i dont think i can be your friend anymore
<evilmarq> my fingers smell of garlic
<Rawr> Where have you been sticking them?
<evilmarq> up my arse
<Rawr> Your arse smells of garlic?
<evilmarq> yes
<Rawr> Why?
<evilmarq> i put garlic up my ass
<EVILteddy> a couple of morman missionarys came to my door this morning
<EVILteddy> hehehe\
<Bakaneko-kun> whatd you do?
<EVILteddy> mum had a cows heart out for the cats dinner
<EVILteddy> i took it to the door and took a huge bite of it
<Bakaneko-kun> really?
<EVILteddy> yep
<EVILteddy> it tasted horrible
<EVILteddy> it was raw and bloody
<EVILteddy> they called me a heritec and ran soooo fast^_^
<EVILteddy> i was pissing my self laughing all day it was like the best thing ive ever done to a morman
@evilwizard are you in that?
EvilWoNkA: fred durst has sex with farm enaimals
eww stop shitting this out of your asshole this is worse than stds
Examples: I WANNA GET MY CUDDLE ON I'D LOVE TO GET TO KNOW YOUR BEST FRIENDS ENYA IS AWESOME Remember that time Geraldo did that live special where he was supposed to unearth Jimmy Hoffa?
Examples: SEX NICE GUY SEX MAKE YOU CUM SEX HOT BABE SEX LAWN CHAIRS SEX I WANNA PEE ON YOUR POOP!
<Exelcesior> I take it ALLL back about greenpeace type fanatics
<Exelcesior> no offence Ed
<Ed> hmm?
<Exelcesior> i was feeling suicidally bored so I visited a friend who's pretty enviro friendly
<Exelcesior> and I was talking to him as he watered his lawn, when this car pulled up
<Exelcesior> and this fat guy mooned him
<Exelcesior> so he screamed "FUCK! BEACHED WHALE!!" and turned the hose on him
<Ed> well, you have to keep them hydrated
<@exit2eden9> my mother just told me the funniest story ever
<@exit2eden9> she was in the supermarket before, and this person in front of her was fighting with her toddler...who kept taking candy off the rack and putting it in the cart...
<@exit2eden9> she was saying "no...you cannot have candy...it is almost dinner time and you cant have any" and this is going on for a while
<@exit2eden9> so the kid yells really loud:
<@exit2eden9> "if you dont let me have candy im gonna call gramma and tell her you had daddy's peepee in your mouth"
<@exit2eden9> the woman ran out of the store...left all her groceries there
<@Exor[B-AFK]> yeah apparently a teacher in britain was arrested. on him they found a pencil, eraser, ruler, protractor and compass. They said he was part of the Al Gebra network, and that he had weapons of math instruction!
<@Exor[B-AFK]> HA HA.
* Exor[B-AFK] shoots self
f you get even a small percentage of the dirty rotten, cum sucking, mother fucking, piece o' shit, ratt ass, darn SPAM that I get (I HATE SPAM!), you'll really appreciate this site.
<f48u10n7> this dude I know was sleeping with this girl, and she had really long hair. so he gets up in the middle of the night to take a crap, and he finishes his business, but when he stands up, he feels a tug--turns out his turd is attached to his rectum via a long hair. he had to hobble over to the sink to get scissors
<taylah> what
<taylah> okay
<taylah> im confused
<nimh> f48u10n7: that's happened to me before
<f48u10n7> see, he must have swallowed some of her hair in the night
<nimh> i've pulled one of my ex's long hair outta my ass before
<taylah> haha oh
<taylah> my
<f48u10n7> i'm glad I only sleep with bald chicks
<`Benny`> that's the most disgusting thing I've heard in a long time and I'm in here a fair amount of time
<taylah> god
<PunkRawk> like outta yer asshole nimh?
<aem`key> f48u10n7 lol
<aem`key> :)
<nimh> right out
<nimh> i felt it as i tugged it out
<nimh> i even called her over to take a look at it
<nimh> i was like, "cait, this is your fault."
<nimh> she was like, "what, EWWEWWEWE!"
<nimh> and ran away screaming
<f48u10n7> yikes
<f48u10n7> anyway, my point was, that's kinda like spidey shooting webs from his ass
<factorial_nine> "Male masturbation is a personal turn off for me. As a single woman, I'm especially looking for a man who doesn't masturbate, even while he's single."
<factorial_nine> GOOD LUCK, BITCH.
family asked what i do at the THanksgiving table.. revealed that i fight commercial holidays like this online (the new frontier of activism)
Fan fic writers act like they’re a marginalized class and not tumblr search result terrorists
'fandom' you mean playing with toys. with mental toys
fascinating......
fat bugs *lunges at you*
Fatality.. Goon Lao, wins
Faux Fuck Buddy Needed
"Fear And Loathing In Illinois"
FECES PUFFS FECES PUFFS
FEDERAL DICK TRIED TO PULL ME OVER FOUR A LITTLE BOOZING + CRUISING BUT I REPLACED EVERY WINDOW IN MINE HUMLE SHITBOX WITH STAINED GLASS & WHEN THE SUNLIGHT HIT HE WEPT IN REVERENT AWE
<Feeldeath> Man i had a bad day !!!
<Formin> o great =( what happened?
<Feeldeath> well i was masturbating on my couche an I fell of
<Formin> hahaha o god
<Feeldeath> thats not the worst part. i hit my head on the coffee table and knocked myself out and my mom came in and found me unconscience on the floor with my dick in one hand and a porn mag in the other.
<Formin> lmao
Feeling highly lustful on this night and, a little bit gluttonous !
Felix the Cat: huzzah i can continue to suck cocks mr peabody: you read the bible a lot mr peabody: for being a heathen who is going to hell Felix the Cat: all i know is apparently the bible says swallow, don't spit Felix the Cat: A+ advice imo
<felix> we're gonna start a band called "rsync", right?
<felix> OH BABY YOUR FILES ARE CHANGING BUT NO MATTER HOW HARD I TRY I CAN'T KEEP UP, SO I'M REARRANGING AND TRYING CVSUP, BUT IT'S JUST NO GOOD. SO I SIT DOWN AND THINK.... THEN YOU COME THROUGH FOR ME AND GIVE ME RSYNC
fellow wizards, meet me in the field beyond the old pumpkin patch. we’re gonna go ritually curse autism speaks.
female alien seeks earthling male for experiment
few sounds are more frightening than an ant's howl
<+FHC_> why is it guns are legal in america but a school shooter will miss most of his targets, but guns illegal in germany and the fuckers hit everything they aim at
<@Sauce> american kids know how to strafe
<FHL> oh shit
<FHL> i was just jacking off and my dad was walking on the deck <FHL> i hope he didn't look down through the window :(
<FHL> the bad part was, after i saw him in the corner of my eye on the deck, he came back in and asked if i wanted kielbasa for dinner
<Fiction> man, I LOVE Sigue Sigue Sputnik so MUCH!!!!
<Fiction> they're almost as good as Catholic Discipline
<MaCk> then why don't you marry it
<Fiction> cause I want to marry you, Mack
<MaCk> ewh
<[enki]> I think you had that one coming, Mack.
<[enki]> Besides, I told you he'd get the wrong impression if you sent him those chocolates.
* Fiction makes moon eyes at mack
* [enki] shakes his head.
<[enki]> I knew this would happen.
* Fiction writes bad poetry about his love for mack
* [enki] preps the firehose.
* Fiction buys a harley and a tshirt that says: "if you can read this, Mack fell off" on the back
<Fiction> someday I'll buy you a cubic-zirconium ring and we can move to a trailer in Rock Springs Wyoming
<Fiction> we'll be so happy!
<[enki]> And you'll drive a 78 Camaro to work.
<Fiction> YEAH!
<Fiction> only "work" is hanging out at the local high school selling crank to teenagers
<MaCk> SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ALL OF YOU JUST SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
<MaCk> someone is going to die
<Fiction> and mack can learn how to make casseroles with potato chips in them
<[enki]> And get denim fringe jackets.
<Fiction> and we'll drink coors
<MaCk> I hate you guys
<Fiction> cheer up, I'll get some real wood panelling to put up in our trailer
<Fiction> or at least I'll tell you it's real
<Fiction> and we'll live on food stamps but have 300 channels of DirectTV
<MaCk> I hate you all
<Fiction> c'mon baby, you're hot with a capital HO!
<[enki]> LOL
*** MaCk has quit IRC
Film Noir fart sounds
<Fina> After American Idol, they came out with The Sims : Superstar
<Fina> After this Harry Potter crap got popular, they came out with Makin' Magic
<Fina> lol What if next year we get a bunch of WW2 movies?
<Fina> The Sims : Hailin' Hitler
FINALLY 65% WILL COME TO MYSELF AND FAMILY AND A GOOD PART OF THIS SHALL BE DIRECTED TOWARDS EXECUTING HIS WILL, WHICH IS TO BUY SHARES AND STOCK IN FOREIGN COUNTRIES AND TO SECURE HIS CHILDREN'S FUTURE.
Finally one day the voices stopped, they eyes didn't move, the mouth didn't move, and the demon was expelled!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
finally told my parents they’re gay
FINALLY, WHEN YOU DO ALL YOUR POSTS IN CAPS AND THEY ARE ALL RIGHT NEXT TO, OR NEAR EACH OTHER, DO YOU THINK NO ONE IS NOTICING?
FIND YOUR OWN BATHROOM OR SHOWER, THERE IS A BURGER KING ON THE CORNER, AND A BODY SHOP 3 BLOCKS AWAY.
<Firebrand> Mario and Luigi are just too "goody goody" with each other.
<Firebrand> I'd wonder what kind of "plumbing" they do
<Firebrand> As I never see them with the tools
<Firefly> Time for my prayers:
<Firefly> Our Father, who 0wnz heaven, j00 r0ck!
<Firefly> May all 0ur base someday be belong to you!
<Firefly> May j00 0wn earth just like j00 0wn heaven.
<Firefly> Give us this day our warez, mp3z, and pr0n through a phat pipe.
<Firefly> And cut us some slack when we act like n00b lamerz, just as we teach n00bz when they act lame on us.
<Firefly> Please don't give us root access on some poor d00d'z box when we're too pissed off to think about what's right and wrong, and if you could keep the fbi off our backs, we'd appreciate it.
<Firefly> For j00 0wn r00t on all our b0x3s 4ever and ever, 4m3n.
first mammoth to get hit with a spear mustve been like actually fuck you for real
first person to log into a computer was probably killed by a megabyte! rest in peace!
first phase is hallucinatory second phase is glandular third phase is
first rule of gun safety is put it in my mouth
first rule of parasite infection is to have fun and be yourself
first up who ever wrote are total dick head and is going to hell
FIRST+LAST + SECURITY DEPOSIT REQUIRED LOOKING FOR SOMEONE VERY LONG TERM -2-3 YEARS There are about 4 of these ‘squares’ in my apartment, Will go FAST, REPLY ASAP, to MOVE IN ASAP! post id: 31620844
fish dont talk dumb ass
fish should drink air just like i drink water we should get them a cup of air to drink before bed
fish want me women want me i'm worms
<Fishfood> DONUT MASTURBATION IS LIKE SEX IN THE SAME WAY A CYRIX 333 WITH A VODOO 3 AND A 2 GIG WD HARD DRIVE IS LIKE AN ATHLON 2600 WITH 1TB MAXTOR RAID ARRAY AND A MODERN NVIDIA GRAPHICS CARD
<Funk> Fish, could you make sex any less sexy?
<Fishfood> FUNK IM TRYING TO EXPLAIN IT TO DONUT
<Donut[AFK]> UHH FISH
<Donut[AFK]> I DON'T JUST SIT THERE AND PUMP
<Fishfood> DONUT IT DOESN'T MATTER IF YOU HANG UPSIDE DOWN FROM THE DAMN CEILING
<Fishfood> IF MASTURBATION WAS LIKE SEX WHAT THE HELL WOULD GIRLS BE FOR
<Funk> Masturbating over.
Fishing can be a source of great memories or profound emotional trauma.
Five feet tall and five feet wide. Perfectly spherical.
Fixed Gear Death Trap
flaccid penis... it's chic, it's hip, it's the next big thing
Flaritter: "hit it" is an american term
DrSpaZZo: Yes
Flaritter: for examples: "I'd like to hit that"
DrSpaZZo: Brits must have their own thing
Flaritter: AND SO FORTH
DrSpaZZo: Like
Flaritter: ?
DrSpaZZo: 'I'd dip my crumpet in her tea'
<FLB> Are you in the mood for some gaming?
<Ouroboros> Uh huh.
<FLB> Cause I should be finished in a reasonable amount of time.
<FLB> So you have more or less two options.
<FLB> A) You leave me an IP address, and I join you later.
<FLB> B) You simply wait for my return, at which point game specifics are worked out, and we commence.
<Ouroboros> C) I find a game, don't tell you the IP, and we never hook up.
<FLB> D) I hunt you down and kill you.
<Ouroboros> E) Ow.
<FLB> F) Somehow we manage to accomplish all of the above.
<Ouroboros> G) Not likely, but ok.
<FLB> H) I know, but it was an idea.
<Ouroboros> I) pick B)
<FLB> J) I have to scroll up, please hold.
<Ouroboros> K)
<FLB> L)OL
<FLB> M)an this is getting old.
<Ouroboros> N)o kidding.
flicking so much pollen onto my smartphone i want butterflies to land on the touchscreen and swipe me to their secret webpages
<Flirbnic> The American dream is to move to Canada.
Flirting with death every time I take a bite..... thrilling for a guy like me
floats along your dash face down and quiet and cold
FLOOR LAVA PROTECTION! (Couch)
<Fogie> not a tivo, just a creative labs tv tuner card with tivo-like functionality
<AlienCrimeSyndicate> if i had that card fogie, i would rip the trinity broadcasing network 24/7
<Fogie> what is that, pr0n?
<AlienCrimeSyndicate> if televangelists for jesus = pr0n, then yes
<Fogie> to each his own
<Fogie> somewhere in America a man is jerking off to jesus
<foo> Damn, more spam invading my inbox
<Aviator> Nooooobody expects the Spammer's Imposition!
<Aviator> Our two weapons are offshore servers and feeble laws. Feeble laws and offshore servers.
<Aviator> And fake headers. Our THREE weapons are offshore servers, feeble laws and fake headers.
<Aviator> And gulliable horny lamers. Our FOUR weapons are... I'll come in again. -!- Aviator [dsm@mimas] has quit [Come, Cardinal Bigglesworth!] -!- Aviator [dsm@mimas] has joined #chat
<foo> Riiiiiight...
* Aviator tortures foo with the comfy V14Gr/ and the soft Debt Consolidation
food so good i went into the kitchen and ate the fucking chef
fool me once shame on you. fool me twice shame on me. fool me three times this has gotta be a sex thing for at least one of us
For Sale: One Dead Horse
For the Crazy Middle-Aged Office Lady
For the typical American SUV driver
For the witches and strippers
FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO GIVE A DAMN, I HAVE HAD TO CHANGE MY DIET AND BEGIN WORKING OUT FOR HEALTH REASONS. HENCE, I HAVE BEEN RELUCTANT TO UPDATE AS MY PROGRESS IS SLOW AND UP AND DOWN. CURRENTLY, I AM MORE INTERESTED IN BUILDING MUSCLE MASS, MAINTAINING MY CURRENT GUT SIZE AND MAKING SURE I REMAIN IN AS GOOD A HEALTH AS POSSIBLE. THERE IS NO SCARY DISEASE MERELY SOME IRRITATIONS THAT NEED TO GET UNDER CONTROL. CURRENTLY WORKING OUT FOR STRENGTH AND TO INCREASE MUSCLE MASS MAINTAINING THE GUT WITH FOOD & BEER
For Trade: Insane Roommate for Peace & Quiet
For Valentine's Day, I'm Sewing My Vagina Shut
foraging for a fuckberry to give
Forced into a great and difficult transformation
*forgets that you kissed my forehead*
forklift who trusts you very much leading you to her nest where a newborn pallet jack is waiting and squealing and squeaking for milk and she is showing you this because she trusts ands loves you so much
<Fozie> XIRWW.
<Fozie> XJEE.
* harm reports foz to dept of anti american activities
* Fozie reports harm to the zoo, ourangutang enclosure
<harm> i got owned yet again :(
<harm> ok this is it its razorblade time for me
* harm has quit IRC
* harm has joined #Proghouse
<harm> wtf goddamn mach3 protective bars
<Fozie> haha you suck at the suicide
frankenstein’s neck bolts are an erogenous zone, we’re all agreed yes?
Frantically clicking the cancel button
FREE -- ROBOT that makes Rice
FREE Baby Zombie Hand FREE
Free Broken Time Machine
free coffin (Dixie Highway)
Free dead (?) frozen wasps & hives (WASPSICLES!!)
Free dead piano. With impeccable karma.
Free Death Ray parts
Free Giant Cardboard Dinosaur
Free semi chewed up chair
5 FREE slices of cheese pizza (GONE)
Free stupid organ!
free them (they're just plastic ants, don't worry)
free to good home: cursed domain name
Free Washing Machine: (BEWARE: IT MAKES PEOPLE DIE)
Free Wood/My Soul
Free, currently unused Urn
friend who went to bed is a type of dead wife
friendly reminder that the new number between 5 and 6 is called Derf
<`Frieza> dont you get it! I have a giant Brain that is capable of reduceing anything down to a yes or no question.
<bUdDyLeE> LOL `Frieza I don't think that's how it's supposed to work
<bUdDyLeE> watch
<bUdDyLeE> What is the meaning of life?
<`Frieza> yes
<bUdDyLeE> elaborate
<`Frieza> no
<bUdDyLeE> fair enough.
Friyay... Starts Now.
From now on, anyone who uses the phrase "won the internet" is automatically disqualified from the internet.
From the keen literary mind of bachelor #2: "i AM DEFINATELY SKEPTICAL ABOUT THIS WHOLE INTERNET MEETING THING, BUT MY SISTER IS MAKING ME TRY IT. i GUESS YOU NEVER KNOW. i HAVE NEVER EVEN EMAILED ANYONE TIL TODAY.
From then on I was The kid that shat on Hugo the Hornet.
<Frostfyre> Alright. 5 reasons why I'm convinced that my penis runs Linux.
<Frostfyre> 1. I can create child processes
<Frostfyre> 2. I can handle multiple users on any platform at once.
<Frostfyre> 3. I'm VERY user friendly.
<Frostfyre> 4. I have incredible uptime.
<Frostfyre> and 5. When my system load gets too heavy, I end up dumping my core and the system shuts down.
<Frosty> I hate going into kitchens in Resident Evil. I mean - you just know that there's something in the 'fridge. There always is. And you don't want to open the 'fridge, but you know there's something in there that you need. However, you're running out of ammo, so you're left with killing a zombie using nothing more than a toothpick and the urine from pissing your pants.
6 FT + STYROFOAM ROBOT SCULPTURE MODEL - $900000
<fubar> We have a town called "Gay Head, MA"
<fubar> There's a town in Wisconsin named Spread Eagle
<fubar> There's a town in South Carolina named Sugar Tit
<Jagfire> I like gay head better
<fubar> I'm sure you do
Fuck "Mr. Right Now" of Bookcases ...
Fuck Continental coffee and the fucking coffee klatch that takes up the whole fucking sidewalk with their tangle of fucking mongrel dogs and overloaded SUV fucking style mega-strollers.
fuck man all six of my spider legs are killing me....
fuck this *closes the lid of my coffin*
FUCK YOU FOR DISRESPECTING ISSAC NEWTON WITH THIS TASTLESS PILE OF HIPPO SHIT
Fuck, fuck, fuck, shit, fuck, shit!!!!!
Fuck, I want him to destroy me.
Anonymous2: hope you mean it for real, that bitch got a dick the size of a skyscraper
Anonymous3(1): Well if it means I won't die a virgin then yes.
FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK FUCK
Fuckin liar. …..yeah I’m calling you a liar, cuz that what you are a fuckin L I A R! …..FUCK YOU TOO!, you…you product of a casual encounter. ….GET….OFME……UGH…UGH………..UGH……CLINGY........ASSSS.............BICH.......... ..............THAHS……WHUH………U……..GET BIOCH………………….BETTRNOT DO IT AGAIN ASSSHOLE post id: 15781695
FUCKING BIRDS, I SHOULD HAVE SHOVED THEM OFF MY WINDOW SINCE DAY ONE.
Fuckity fuck, fuck, FUCK.
full-force slamming my cock into a cliff face that ive painted to resemble a pussy after watching the roadrunner fuck it with ease
fully acknowledge there were too many froyo places in 2012 but they didn't ALL need to close
fun fact about me: When I was 6 years old I sent so much hate mail to the president (the second Bush) that the mail carrier had to tell my mom I needed to stop before we got FBI’d
Fun fact, if you were to take all the blood out of your body and put it in a bathtub, you’d die
<Funk> Hey I have a question for your mother
<zuKi> Sure thing, let me get her!
<Funk> Ask her how many Communion wafers you'd have to eat to consume a whole Jesus
<Funk> I think the puppet on the left supports my views. No, I think the puppet on the right supports my views the best. Hey, they're both held by the same man! GO BACK TO SLEEP AMERICA, YOUR GOVERNMENT IS IN CONTROL
<craNKGod> WE NEED TO REVOLT
<Funk> Trust me, you Americans are revolting enough
(funky Dildo not included)
Fuuuck we left the back door open last night andthe whole kitchen got out
Fuuuuck dude I got drunk last night and tried to take down the villain on my own and now he’s texting me some ‘I’m the only one allowed to defeat you’ shit bro what do I
FuzzGod5: The next time someone asks me to write a java program that runs over a network connection, I'm going to print out an entire ream of paper with "try/catch" blocks, crush their heads with it, then jump on their corpse and shout "WRYYYYYYYYYYYY!" triumphantly.
FWEE DWINKS, FWEE DWINKS, FWEE DWINKS, FWEE DWINKS, FWEE DWINKS!
<g33kk0r3> anyone know what carpet bombing is?
<vaportrail> umm...taking a crap on a vagina?
Gabriel's dick didn't work as a stunt double...It just... worked. - Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2
<Galactic> you know what's ALWAYS bothered me? cold cereal mascots
<Galactic> I mean that is just some FUCKED UP SHIT
<Galactic> the Trix rabbit, for example
<Galactic> I dunno man... if I were him I'd be fucking KILLING some kids
<Galactic> I remember a commercial where the fuckin rabbit WENT INTO A FUCKIN STORE AND BOUGHT A BOX OF TRIX WITH HIS OWN FUCKIN MONEY.
<Galactic> fuckin kids came outta NOWHERE and basically fuckin mug the poor stupid bitch rabbit
<Galactic> "silly rabbit Trix are for kids"
<Galactic> Fuckin rabbit just sits there and looks depressed.
<Galactic> FUCK NO that wouldn't fly with me
<Galactic> I'd have pimp-slapped EVERY ONE OF those fuckin bitches
<Galactic> and made them go get me the REST of a "complete breakfast" and eat Trix right in front of them bitches and THEN beat the shit out of them some more.
<Galactic> and wtf is with the disguises? All the dumb rabbit does is hide his ears and all of a sudden he's a fuckin kid?
<Galactic> I dunno about you, but if I SAW a 6 foot fuckin RABBIT with his ears tucked under a baseball cap, I wouldn't immediately think
<Galactic> "Hey, there's a cool lookin human kid, let me go over and share some of my cereal with him"
<Galactic> NO.
<Galactic> I'd be thinking
<Galactic> "that's a 6 foot fuckin RABBIT with his ears tucked under a baseball cap... what the FUCK was I just smoking?"
<Galactic> another thing... wtf is up with cereal being "A part of this complete breakfast"
<Galactic> last time -I- checked, cereal WAS breakfast
<Galactic> they show a big ass bowl of frosted flakes next to a waffle, a pancake, toast, a banana, a fuckin grapefruit... who the FUCK eats a breakfast that big
<Flaming_Duck> not me
<Flaming Duck> I don't even EAT breakfast nomore
<Flaming_Duck> I mean, I eat when I get up
<Flaming_Duck> but the whole thought "BREAKFAST IS ONLY SERVED UNTIL SUCH AND SUCH TIME"
<FLaming_Suck> bitch, you make my fucking sausage and egg sandwich when I pay you the fucking money
<Flaming_Duck> don't give me that shit.
<Galactic> Back to stupid cereal mascots...
<Galactic> Lucky Charms.
<Galactic> FUCKING LUCKY CHARMS
<Galactic> Lucky can turn the fucking MOON into a marshmallow, and he can't escape a bunch of fucking 6 year olds?!?!?
<Galactic> C'mon now, Lucky.
<Galactic> I KNOW your bitch ass has got to have a "Blow the fucking kids up" spell SOMEWHERE
<Galactic> or make "kid marshamllows" and EAT those bitches.
<Galactic> "They're after me Lucky Charms!"
<Galactic> ....
<Galactic> KILL THEM, BITCH!
<Galactic> I dunno why I went off on this rant here
<Galactic> it's just always bothered me."
gallops off into the sunset laughing at yo bitch ass
GameStop Girl, I want to kill robotic zombie terrorists with you - m4w
gay alice in chains voice into the butt agaaaaain same old dick it was baaaaaaaaaaaack theeeyun
Gay Christian Devil Worshipping Club
<gaz> i don't think terrorists would be stupid enough to do anything on independence day anyway
<gaz> not after the aliens did it
3gb .tif of mars downloading
3gb .tif of mars downloading hungwy
<gb> BlackDeth: have you ever tasted your own jizz?
<BlackDeth> no
<BlackDeth> or anybody elses jizz for that matter
<BlackDeth> i've shot jizz in my eye
<BlackDeth> but i wasn't aiming
<BlackDeth> so i dont feel as bad
<gb> sure you werent
<BlackDeth> no i mean there was somebody else at the controls
<blazemore> did he apologize
Gear Grinder X: once, we had these total freak seventh day advenist (or whatever) freak ass neighbors Gear Grinder X: and this girl Lanna was a little younger than me Gear Grinder X: she was a bitch, and they were all totally religious Gear Grinder X: she threw rocks at me once on my bike, and so I turned around, and went to run over here Gear Grinder X: I was hauling ASS, and you know what she did? Gear Grinder X: put her hands on her hips, and stood there and said "The lord will protect me" Gear Grinder X: well.... he didn't
gently and lovingly drags you over broken glass
*genuine cry for help but with 'lmfao' added to the end for some reason*
<George> : Walmart is selling Linux boxes now.
<George> : Onward and upward.
<George> : Once you get them in the Walmart's, Cosco's, and K-Mart's, world domination is near.
<3hreeD> : yeah george but there's only so much you can do with those linux boxes
<George> : Yeah, like run the net.
<Georgo> bah, you stupid people and your big paragraphs, I always get the gist of things by reading the first and last sentences
<Piggah> Well Georgo, there was this one time me and your mom went out to the store. However, it ended up with my getting these sudden, primal urges. One thing led to another and needless to say I was fucking her doggy-style and that's when I yelled "Who's the Boss?," stuck my cock in her ass, and then screamed "TONY DANZA!" But in the end we only landed up buying a few vegetables and some milk.
<Georgo> god I love happy storys
Get ready to be gurgled
*gets abducted by aliens* thank you. you have no idea how much i hated living on that planet
gets dragon insurance for my car in case a dragon fucks my car
-getting all cozy in bed- good night dust mites good night house centipedes good night silverfish good night spiders
*getting blown into a big balloon* hm?
getting high so i can more fully imagine early transitional amphibians
Getting paid to use Craigslist? Hell yes.
(getting REALLY mad) NOOOOOOO!!! THAT'S ONLY LEAFCUTTER ANTS!!!!!! ONLY LEAFCUTTER ANTS DO THAT!!!!!!!! AND THEIR FUNGUS ONLY EATS LEEAAVES!!!!!
GETTING STABBED THEN BLOWJOB AFTER!!!!!!!!!!
Getting too addicted to using my chain lightning orb. I’m not even using it on goblins anymore i’m like out with friends and i start zapping people with chain lightning in olive garden. Sometimes there isn’t even a big crowd it’s just like one or two enemies. It just feels so good to use. I need to pace myself. Go back to the classics. Just magic missiles and fireballs for a bit. I don’t like who i’m becoming
getting unzipped has to feel so good for the compressed file
* gg (Mibbit@205.204.48.221) has joined #Terraria
<gg> I just cut my hand with a knife while slicing a hotdog.
<@Sqozza> Awesome.
<gg> It happened because the phone rang. When I answered it, it was this clown I know named Steve.
<gg> He told me he had been to a graveyard and seen my name on six gravestones.
<gg> When I hung up the phone, I was surprised to notice my hand dripping blood faster than I'd anticipated from such a small wound.
<gg> Concerned, I bandaged the hand with a paper napkin, but realized there was butter on the napkin, and the butter had salt in it.
<gg> So, with a stinging hand, I ran cold water over the hand but the butter made the water slough off.
<gg> Then the doorbell rang.
<gg> I answered it. It was Steve again. He was holding a package for me and standing at a strange angle.
<gg> I took the package and slammed the door.
<gg> Opening the package, I noticed two things. 1) The package was unaddressed, and 2) my hand was still bleeding.
<@Sqozza> 3) Steve is awesome.
<gg> I ripped the package open and inside were five rusted nails and a jack rabbit's head.
<gg> I called Steve back, but he didn't answer.
<gg> Confused and bleeding, I tossed the box into the trash and sat back down on the couch to finish Dr. Who.
<TheBadShepperd> I knew this was going to end bad when you said you knew a clown.
<@Sqozza> Clowns these days
<gg> But the episode was strange. It was about to short people fighting over a rotten piece of meat.
<gg> The Dr. was nowhere to be seen.
<gg> I got out a T.V. Guide to see if I was mistaken about what I'd TiVo'd.
<@Sqozza> gg, maybe you were watching Jersey Shore instead
<gg> I wasn't. It was, indeed, Dr. Who. At least according to T.V. Guide.
<gg> I put the remote down and noticed that my hand was still bleeding.
<gg> Then I ate my hotdog.
<gg> Slowly.
* gg (Mibbit@205.204.48.221) has left #Terraria
<@Sqozza> What the fuck just happened
Ghostbusters breast cheese please
Ghosts aren't real, it was probably just the house settling that gave you that blowjob
GIANT SELF STIRRING AND SELF HEATING CAULDRON!!!
<gilm0re> I wanna make a movie called "I Rock Your Mom" and make it a story about a child who has to triumph over constipation and an erectile disfunction.
<TJ32> ahh.. an autobiography
Gimme another motherfucking quarter. What about my motherfucking pudding, motherfucker?!
girl is your pussy a graveyard because I’m dying to get in
girl smoked a newport with her pussy whole room smelled like a fuckin oil refinery
Girl: i like falling asleep with cold pillows by the way
SkibblesMcCheese: That's nice
SkibblesMcCheese: I like bunnies and marshmallows
Girl: well, i'm just lettin ya know so that you can have some cold ones ready for me after our extensive sex fest
Girl: i figured you'd be polite and do that for me
Girl: haha
SkibblesMcCheese: What am I supposed to do, put them in the fridge?
Girl: no, i usually stick mine in the freezer right before i go to bed
SkibblesMcCheese: Seriously?
Girl: for real
SkibblesMcCheese: That just bgave me a stiffie
Girl: hehe
Girl: why?
SkibblesMcCheese: I don't know... just imaging you sticking a pillow in the freezer... it just kinda made me hard, that's all
Girl: bending over to stick it in the freezer?
SkibblesMcCheese: Uhhh... yeah! That was it
Girl: what would u do if you came upon a scene such as that?
SkibblesMcCheese: Do you have clothes on in this scene?
Girl: hrmmm...
Girl: that's a good question
Girl: but... that's up to you
SkibblesMcCheese: So no
SkibblesMcCheese: In which case, I would build a campfire and roast some of those marshmallows
SkibblesMcCheese: It would get pretty chilly with that freezer open
Girl: shaddup!!
Girl: i wanted u to like, come up behind me and grab my hips and just pull me back into u with ur dick hardening against me... but hell, if you wanna make fucking marshmallows... i suppose i can settle for that
SkibblesMcCheese: I really like marshmallows
Girls are like tornadoes because in pictures it's like wow those look cool but in person it's all omg what do I do
girls love having their little digital archives
girls so afraid of my franken joint
Girls, the butt, weed.... (this is kinda dirty, so...)
GIVE GOOD BACK RUBS, SOMETIME MIGHT CRACK RIB BUT NOTHING THAT BOTTLE OF CHAMPALE IN BUBBLE BATH NO FIX.
give me hoops or give me a death: a girlie's date during march madness
Give me ur phone
<gleep> Heh. You people don't want to hear how one of my ex-bosses performed a mercy killing on a family's cat at their request.
<Sypher-Ryn> Yes we do
<gleep> I actually think it's quite funny.
<Sypher-Ryn> come on!! Mercy killings!
<me^2> tell us
<DrCloud> o.O;
<ashie> O.O
<gleep> He was visiting a cousin's family, they lived out on in the country. While he was there, they told them about their cat that was really old, and had gotten quite sick. The vet had told them they should have it put to sleep. But they just couldn't do it... they started to drive it the 20 miles to the vet a couple times but never got very far.
<gleep> So when he was talking to their dad, he said he could take care of it. He had his pistol in his truck. So that evening he finds the cat and takes it out back of the house.
<gleep> (Don't read this, sensative viewers! ) So he's out there with his 357, looking down at the cat, who really /was/ in horrible shape. So he's about to shoot the cat when... Something came over him. He stuck his foot under the cat and kicked it into the air... and shot it midair. The 357 blew the poor critter to bits. Then he turns around and sees... The ENTIRE FAMILY staring at him through the picture window.
<FJ> HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111
<ashie> best story ever
Global warming cause: 3.5 billion males creating heat w/ friction by constant furious masturbation & hasbeen rising since anime was invented
<gloone> america is the only country where people live in trailers.
gnome greening out on a pea
Gnoming - getting laid by a short man.
go back to sleep puppy *holds chlorophyll over your face*eategg24
<Goatroper> so i had a checkup at the doctor a couple months ago
<Goatroper> i waited in the goddamn lobby for like 2 hours
<Goatroper> i was just starting to doze off when they called me back into one of the exam rooms
<Goatroper> so i sit on this chair for like 30 more mins, and then fall asleep
<Goatroper> i wake up and have no idea what time it is or how long i've been waiting
<Goatroper> so 20 minutes later after I finished reading the Hispanic Business Weekly
<Goatroper> I start diggin through the drawers in the exam table and his desk drawer
<Goatroper> i find some hypos and don't touch them, some dressing gowns, and then i get to the drawer marked "OB/GYN"
<Goatroper> i open it up, take a peeky-peek inside, and what do I see? Speculums and rectal dilators.
<Goatroper> At this point I'm in his desk rolly-chair
<Goatroper> with about 40 rubber gloves in my pockets for later use
<Goatroper> so I grab a speculum in each hand
<Goatroper> and start making them sing and talk like little ducks
<Goatroper> i was rooting around for a sharpie and couldn't find one
<Goatroper> so i put them down and did my glove-trick
<Goatroper> i stretched a rubber glove over my head and blew it up
<Goatroper> then i grabbbed the speculums and started spinning around in his chair
<Goatroper> glove inflated on my head the size of two basketballs
<Goatroper> speculum in each hand
<Goatroper> spinning in his office chair
<Goatroper> i hear footsteps and as i'm extending my legs to slow down, the door opens
<Goatroper> the doctor is standing there with my chart in his hand
<kr0nus> omg
<Goatroper> i stopped spinning and just sat there, looking at him through the thin film of the glove
<Goatroper> he was like "Corey.....?"
<Goatroper> I said "Yep."
<Goatroper> held up the speculums.
<Goatroper> said, "I got bored."
<Goatroper> and he was like "That's quite a trick with those gloves. Where did you learn that?"
<Goatroper> I said "Many doctor's offices in many states."
<Goatroper> He was like "You want to take some with you?" as I got up
<Goatroper> I pulled the wad out of my pocket and said "Already did."
<Goatroper> then I walked out and i heard him laughing like a goddamn maniac as soon as the door was closed
<Goatroper> then the other day i go in again rofl and he just hands me a brand new unopened box of 100 gloves
<Goatroper> i was gonna ask for some speculums just to fuck with him but I was afraid he'd give me some
GOD (NOT ALLAH, BUDDHA, ZUES, SHIVA, OR ATHIESTS) BLESS AMERICA!!!!
God gives his hardest battles to his strongest soldiers and I'm dodging the draft
god I love a good corn on it’s cob
god if there was a book of forbidden spells I wouldn’t even hesitate
God remember when we were in Chicago and you saw me go "mmmm I think I will get the burger" about 5 times and you were like "god you're such an American!! kill yourself!"
God Shrek just look like he eat the pussy like a starving dog. I bet he good at it
God's favorite instrument is the human nervous system
GodSmackI5: hey god how about you shut be foe i find you and cut your balls off ok
Godzilla is cumming! We must flee!
Godzilla is one of the most arousing monsters ever spawned by human imagination.
*goes to a party and awkwardly follows friend around the entire time* *goes to a family reunion and awkwardly follows mom around the entire time* *goes to hell and awkwardly follows satan the entire time*
Going to napdonalds and ordering the sleepy meal
going to nowhere and ordering a nothing burger
Going to Target, anyone need anything nicer than what you'd buy at Walmart but not as nice as you'd hoped to afford at this stage in life?
10 GOLDEN RULES TO THE BEST ANAL PROBIN' EVER!
Gonna become the opposite of California sober no alcohol or weed ever only hard drugs
gonna drink water i find in hollow trees and see if that gives me magic
GONNA WIN THIS RACE SANG ELVIS AS HE STUFFED HIS FACE EATING DONUTS AS HE FELL OF THE TOILET...LETS GO PILEHUNTING!.JOHNSON!
Good morning, what the fuck was I cooking in here
good pussy smells like burnt toast
goodbye august you piece of shit
goodnight goblins. goodnight ghouls. goodnight screaming tomes and scrolls. goodnight floating glowing eye. goodnight my dear homunculi. goodnight imps and spectral wraiths. goodnight false god that feeds on faith. goodnight bony skeletons. goodnight inert collapsing sun. goodnight monster made of mud. goodnight vampires drinking blood. i wish you all good evil-night. and please do let the bed bugs bite
"goodnight, sleep tight." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ It was the accepted practice in Babylon 4,000 years ago that for a month after the wedding, the bride's father would supply his son-in-law with all the mead he could drink.
Googles how to tie a noose
gooodbyee 200 dollars helloo piece of pleastic
<GooRooPR> I've got cats, they like to puke (always on the fucking carpet, no matter what). While this bothers me, it at one time was tolerable when one kitty would puke the other would run in and eat it. I liked that system, I'd cheer them on, let them know that they where good kitties, pet them while they ate each others puke, and what not. I even had it down to a perfect science where I'd reduce catfood to insure total puke clean
<GooRooPR> WTF? Do they expect me to eat it? Cause I'm not some bottomless pit, they puke a lot and I doubt I could keep up with that.
<GooRooPR> sorry for the flood :)
<revolver> heh
<DirtyPunk> You can tell someone needs to get out of the house and interact with humans when...
<revolver> ...they're cheering for puke eating kittens?
gordon ramsey: let's have a looking at the walk-in (opens door and sees a little mushroom man eating a rotten cucumber like a banana) fuck me did you know you have a little ghoulie in there. fuck that's frightening. he's having a munch. at least somebody is enjoying the food
<Gorilla> aye. they didnt have any Dogs Bollocks in sainsburys, so i took a customer comment's card, and expressed my disappointment with them not stocking Dog's Bollocks on their shelves.
<Gorilla> tey sent me back a letter saying that they do not stock chinese delicacies. i think they thought i meant the actual testicles.
got a job at the cigarette farm where we raise baby cigarettes from our farm to your mouth. baby cigarettes drinking from mother cigar's teat drinking the smoke milk. images of marlboro fawns prancing and splashin in the stream. goorgle show me a picture of boobs and convert to .wav format
got hole on my mind like I’m JFK
got my dick caught up in a tree branch now im tossin a football up there to dislodge the darn thing
Grabbing my belly and going ohhh im so full in the middle of your vows
grabs a sword Alright, time to save my two favorite furry girls....LEEROOOOOOYYYYY JENKIIIINNNNNSSSS!!!!!!!!!!
<Graham> Let's say you have an ax. The kind that you could use, in a pinch, to hack a man's head off...
<Graham> And let's say that very situation comes up and for some very solid reasons you behead a man.
<Graham> On the follow-through, though, the handle of the ax snaps in half in a spray of splinters.
<Graham> So the next day you take it to the ax store down the block and get a new handle, fabricating a story for the guy behind the counter and explaining away the reddish dark stains as barbeque sauce.
<Graham> Now, that next spring you find in your garage a creature that looks like a cross-bred badger and anaconda. A badgerconda.
<Graham> And so you grab your trusty ax and chop off one of the beast's heads, but in the process the blade of the ax strikes the concrete floor and shatters.
<Graham> This means another trip to McMillan & Son's Ax Mart. As soon as you get home with your newly-headed ax, though, you meet the reanimated body of the guy you beheaded last year.
<Graham> He's also got a new head attached and it's wearing that unique expression of "you're the man who killed me last Spring" resentment that one so rarely encounters in everyday life.
<Graham> You brandish your ax. He takes a long look at the weapon with his squishy, rotting eyes and in a gargly voice he screams, "that's the same ax that slayed me!"
<Graham> ...Is he right?
Gravity bong legit got me scared as fuck
gravity is widely known to be a purple element
Grease me up and put me in some metal pipes. Watch me slide around until I get stuck and die
GREAT GOOGLY MOOGLY ITS ALL GONE TO SHIT
Great. He's just set evolution back about 14 years.
Greatest mac 'n cheese EVA
Greenday2262: I'll bet Gandalf got SOOO high.
Greenday2262: That fool can blow smoke-ships ffs!
SunuvaChod: hahaha
Greenday2262: I mean if Gandalf wanted to blaze with you, you would blaze right?
SunuvaChod: if gandalf wanted to blaze with me
SunuvaChod: id already be so fucked in the head that blazing wouldnt fuckin matter
SunuvaChod: so yes i would
Greens and slimeys former river perssson, iss looking for his preciousss. ..must like fish, freshly killed rabbit, gold things and dank caves. Must not LIE to us, precious,must not HURTS us. Nasty hobbitses only
Greetings earthlings! You have reached the home of bathtub girl. I live in a bathtub on the moon. That's right the moon. You know that big crater up in the sky approximately 200,000 from earth? That's where I live. Life would normally be lonely up here on the moon but I have my robot friends Wally Wires, Marilyn Monitor, and Krafty the Keyboard to keep me company. I also have you my readers. Bathtub Girl is that girl who views the world with wonder, refusing to let neither time nor others devour her dreams. She is naiad, the water sprite dancing and splashing with wild abandon within the serentiy of her sacred, sylvan glade. She is ageless, eternal youth, relishing the peace within her, immersed in the purity of her most basic element, water. Bathtub Girl is, The Goddess of the White Lotus Flower, departing her heavenly bed of petals to bathe on earth. She is every person surrendering in deep, watery repose to the yin that resides in each of us. Bathtub Girl is a vision of sensuous, alluring beauty gracing us this day with her surreal presence. She is the spirit within each of us that emerges as the embodiment of our cleansing and healing natures. She is every girl child, woman and crone who nurtures and nourishes us with the waters of life.
Greetings, sexual failures of the Hell-bound kind.
greyfox80988: The average American spends 6 years in the bathroom, and 6 months at a stoplight.
greyfox80988: I want to know who figures this stuff out o_o
greyfox80988: Cause that's what I'm gonna be when I grow up ^_ ^
Gripping the hot male-meat, he looks up, and shakes his head. Foxes! Then slides the length between his lips, sucking on it softly - To keep it from getting Cold of course.
Grocery Shopping in the Seventh Ring of Hell
“grow up” no. i cast wizard beam
Grumpy bear is just grumpy and not feeling it... He doesn't actively have a grudge against you. Okay? Pissed at You Bear is actively pissed off at you for something YOU did. He's a different bear. His belly badge is a screenshot of your text conversation with him.
Gruntilda is nice from her head to her feet. However, that ass is what I want to eat.
GUESS WHAT TEXAS ISNT ALL THAT BAD,THOSE BONEY WOMEN THAT SEEM TO ALWAYS ATTRACT THE ENDLESS AMOUNTS OF COCK-A-DOODLE-DOO,USUALLY SMELL LIKE PHEW,BEEN AROUND ALOT,AND GENERALLY HAVE A BAD ATTITUDE,THERE PELVIS BONE GETS IN THE WAY AND CAN DO SOME SERIOUS DAMAGE TO A GUY LIKE ME,WHOM LOVES TO BEAR DOWN,AND GET TO SOME HARD F-N,AND DONT FORGET TO FIGURE IN THE EQUATION,THAT WHEN THEY GET OLD AND WRINKLING,WHEN THEY FALL DOWN,THEY USUALLY BREAK THERE HIPS,THOUGH YOUR COMMENTS WERE TAKEN WITHIN HUMOR,THE FACT REMAINS,A HEALTHY WOMEN IS PERFERRED AMONG MOST MEN,I KNOW THATS FOR SURE,.GIVE ME ALL OF YOUR HEALTHY PLUMP WOMEN,WELL WELCOME THEM IN THE PALMETTO STATE,OF SC.SEE YA LADIES.........
<Guinivere> they have cable in Montana?
<Ouroboros> Yeah, you use it for barb-wire fences.
<Ouroboros> You know, cable.
<Ouroboros> Or for pulling your truck out of the ditch or whatever.
Gun wizard, but they have no offensive spells whatsoever and they’re just going around shooting buffs and heals at their allies. At no point do they use the gun as an actual gun.
Guy in the pit just said “forgive me master” I gotta get the fuck out
Guy taking his pet ball lightning onto the subway
guy who does buddhism slightly wrong and ends up in nevada after he dies
guy who doesnt understand the concept of restaurants: i wanna go to arbys house
guy who i paid to shoot slim jims into my mouth with a crossbow is really dropping the ball tonight
guy who joins people on their cigarette break and just starts blowing bubbles
Guy whose about to figure out eating 50,000,000 bananas is a lethal dose of radiation: mm im so full from 49,999,999 bananas but one more
GuyGuy: I am so fucking dead, dude.
Bilbo22: What's up?
GuyGuy: Ok, this is gonna take some explanation.
Bilbo22: Go for it.
GuyGuy: Alright. My wife goes crazy when I cum in her. She really likes the feeling of liquid shooting into her or something, cause she's absolutely nuts about it. It's like a fucking fetish.
GuyGuy: Anyway, Last week she went totally overboard with this. We were having sex, and everything was going great, but when I said I was about to cum she grabbed me by the shaft, forcefully yanked me out of her, got this fucking jar from the drawer in the nightstand, and collected my fucking semen in it.
Bilbo22: What the fuck?
GuyGuy: Yeah. Weird ass shit.
Bilbo22: No, I mean the fact you're telling me this shit. I don't want to hear this.
GuyGuy: It's important dude, hear me out.
Bilbo22: Fine, Fine.
GuyGuy: Anyway, I was asking what the fuck she was up to and she tells me she wants to save up my jism so she can take it all at once. So she sticks the jar in the fridge and tells me we can't have any more sex until I fill the thing entirely.
GuyGuy: And long story short, I just don't got that much juice in me, so after a week of trying to jack it until I could fill it, my penis felt like it was gonna burst. So I decided to cheat, and topped it off with some of this dove soap she has, cause it looks a lot like semen.
Bilbo22: Oh dear god, I know where this is going.
GuyGuy: So I give her the filled jar all indignant like cause she made me do this, and she promised me lots of kinky sex for it.
GuyGuy: Then she pulls a fucking turkey baster out of her dresser, sucks up the contents of the jar, sticks the baster in her pussy, and lets it rip.
GuyGuy: As it turns out, Soap apparently burns like a motherfucker when you put it in a woman's pussy.
Bilbo22: Oh shit man. When the fuck was this?
GuyGuy: Like, ten minutes ago.
Bilbo22: Then what the fuck are you doing on AIM!?
GuyGuy: Are you kidding? She's been in the bathroom for the past ten minutes screaming like a fucking banshee.
GuyGuy: I needed leverage. If she murders me now, I've got a witness who can testify against her.
GuyGuy: Oh shit, she's coming out now. If you don't hear from me in a few days, call the cops!
Bilbo22: I'll be sure to check under the porch for your body.
guys why are we criticizing i mean yeah we are the internet but porn is porn
<h0ward> it began with the forging of the great servers
<h0ward> three were given to the geeks, immortal, wisest, and fairest of all beings
<h0ward> seven to teh jock-lords, great football players and craftsmen of the locker halls
<h0ward> and nine, nine servers were given to the race of men whom above all else desired PRON
<h0ward> within the servers was a power that could govern each class
<h0ward> but they were all of them deceived
<h0ward> for another server was made
<h0ward> stile, the deceiver, forged in secret a master server to control all others
<h0ward> one server to rule them all
<h0ward> one by one the people of the servers fell to the great power of the master server
<h0ward> but there were some
<h0ward> who resisted
<h0ward> a great alliance of geeks and jocks marched against the fanboys of stile
<h0ward> and on the slopes of blogwars
<h0ward> they fought for the freedom of good, and only good pron
<h0ward> AAAHHH
<h0ward> FAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAP
<h0ward> victory was near
<h0ward> but the master server could not be stopped
<h0ward> the dark lord stile killed brunot son of brunob
<h0ward> and as luck should so have it
<h0ward> brunob cut the wiring of the master server
<h0ward> stile the enemy of good, decent pron of the earth
<h0ward> was wanked out of existence
ha ha gues what we have moved our files about this is to prevent the governments of the world from interupting or tranmitions to you the suporters of the brainsucking aliens
ha.....haaa...hahahah!!!! Myyyyyy... THIS!!!! [THUNDER CLAP]*LIGHTING CRACKLING* AHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHHAA!!!!!!!
<+HackerDragon>: uhmmm yeah I had some lube and "other objects" wrapped up in a towel under my bed. My mom decided that she was going to be nice and do my laundry for me today cause she is home sick. Yeah I just looked under my bed and the lube with objects is there but no towel...
had a dream that I met a wizard and we fell in love and became unhealthily attached to each other so we decided to meld into one single creature together but the process was horrifically slow and painful and most of the dream was us lying in bed holding hands while lesions opened up in our skin and seeped out blue and green fluid and the wizard said “this is going to take a very very long time” and I said “that's ok”
haha yay! *starts making sugars*
<@Hah|> A lot of you are way too attached to RO. If the servers go down permanently, I wonder how all of you guys would react.
<Dekar> I'm not that attached.
<Dekar> I mean sure, I love the game.. but if It went down, I would move on.
<com4> hah: i'd kill everyone.. in this room .. if the game went down.. and then i'd eat some yogurt
<com4> cuz you know yogurt tastes good. the fruit on the bottom stuff.. rocks.. and then i'd kill people
<HailBrak> me: "we should form a company that makes manly china patterns"
<HailBrak> my friend: "i agree. i mean, how much success am i supposed to have when all the patterns are called "tender blossom" or some shit? i want one called, like, "Glock" or "Beer and Tits" or "Lets Burn Down Fucking Pier 1"
Halloween toy idea: solar powered plastic vampire just screams
Hamburger Jesus only here in the USA
hamburns/cheeseburrips
*handcuffs us together* friendship bracelet!!
handler.: germans like american wrestlers
nos-spec: yeah cause american wrestlers look like german girls
hanging from the meat hook all by yourself, handsome?
*hangs a bunch of salami above the tub* Look up, it's a meatier shower
*hangs their by the neck with only his own flesh to rott away with his soul*
Re: one rope , one room
*walks in from the shadows and slices the rope with her sword* I wont let you die!!
^+^ **Where are you~my soul is bleeding~I am searching~am I blind~All alone and bound forever~trapped inside me for all time..**~*KoRn** ^+^
+Bloodrelease~give in to your fantasies~Bloodsin belong to desire~Bloodsic~immortal love+
Re: one rope , one room
but why im nothing but an infection
Re: one rope , one room
*slices her wirsts open with the sword, lets it flow, eyes roll back, moans with estacy*
Happy Halloween, motherfuckers. I'm gonna put my DICK in a pumpkin."
happy pride month
<happyguy> guess what! i actually found jeans of length 30-34!
<trio82> you wear 30-34's? whats ur height and weight?
<happyguy> 6'3", 150lbs
<banished> youre 6'3" and you weigh 150lbs?
<banished> i thought you said you were american
hard to get a narrative about weed
HaRd2KiLL007: ANMD THGEN MY FRIENDS WONDER WHY I WANNA KILL PEOPLE
<HardDisk> [k], have you ever been so stoned that if you were jerking off while eating a kitkat then all of a sudden you feel a salty taste in your mouth and because your so high at this point you cant tell whether the kitkat chocolate bar was expired or if that if you creamed into your mouth without noticing?
Has a worm ever gotten struck by lightningfaery-berry-blast
has abyone ever cussed you out lol
Has anybody seen my pet Weather Balloon she didn't come home last night and her food bowl is still full.
has anyone seen my pet bacteriophage its name is styrofoam and its about [hand touching the floor] this tall
has anyone shit on a floor like in a room or something because i have and its actually fun because you get alot of laughs out of the thought of people walking in and seeing it.
DICK cheney and george BUSH
HAST4U420: ever heard obiyuary?
hatched in 1464 (this is a rough guess using Earth years), in the DragonWolf (Daekar’Ootar) Clan's hatching grounds, deep within one of the glacial mountains of Illsyndra. I was the first of the seven hatchlings and bore the colours of both of my parents as did my sister, Kel'sharana. My brothers, however, only bore the colours of one. It was a very trying first couple of years. We stayed in the clan mountain, as custom dictates, to learn about socalising with other hatchlings and to make sure that the clan bonds are strengthened between the youngsters. However the other young dragons didn't like me and my siblings because we were different. We often had to suffer mild tail pulling and scorching from those who could produce flame. When we were older however our father taught us how to hold our ground and the bullies soon learn it was better to have us as allies rather than enemies!
HATER420666: i'm racist to gays
hatred for bugs has ended. we are entering the era of Bug Love
Haunted 1960s coffee grinder
Haunted 1988 Winnebago Le'sharo
Haunted Thai Puppet
Haunted toaster
"Haunted" Dictaphone
have some lesbian street lamps
have to keep it chained up now or it'll go right for my throat
have u heard of the dungeon synth mimic? it looks like a regular black metal tape but when you pop it in it only plays spooky boop noises. also it grows teeth and arms and tries to kill you
Have you ever considered that just maybe you don't actually get high from smoking weed I'm just always there secretly shooting you with my special drugged up darts every time you smoke it
Have you ever seen 'Alligator II'? I was the third guy who got killed by the alligator.
HAVE YOU GOT WHAT IT TAKES TO RECEIVE A BLESSING FROM THE GOD OF ALL THINGS HUGGY? THE FOLLOWING FOLKS HAVE !!!!!!NOTE SOME FOLKS HAVE BEEN REMOVED AS THEY ARE NO LONGER BLESSED ( THEIR LUCKY THEY AINT INCURRED MY WRAITH I MAY START A CURSED PAGE HEH)I HAVE ADDED SOME FOLKS ALSO POUTY GIRL JUST CAUSE SHE HAS A CUTE WITTLE VOICE HEY HEY HEH AND CAUSE I COULD JUST SEE HER EYES LIGHT UP WITH WONDER WHEN I INTRODUCED HER TO MP3S THIS WEEK HEH PONY GIRL CAUSE SHE SENDS OUT THE LEATHER BUTT PIC HEH AND I COULD MAKE MONEY LETTING PEOPLE SPANK HER LOL 1-900 SPANK PNY HEY IT COULD HAPPEN HEH I LIKE IT LOL SAMMY AND SUZI 2 OF THE NICEST KIDS I HAVE TALKED TO IN A WHILE WHO I'M GONNA HAVE TO PLAY NINTENDO WITH WHEN I VISIT THEM AND THEIR MOM JACKIE PSI MY PSYCHIC SEXUAL ADVISOR(g) REALLY THIS WOMAN IS HOT AND NOT JUST IN LOOKS EITHER KELTIC MIST: SOMETIMES GOLD IS TARNISHED BABE KNOW WHAT I MEAN? NO FEAR AND LIT 'O ME THE TEAM FEAR CREW: YEAH I OWE U THANKS FOR THE GIF!!! ANGEL THE COMMUNITY LEADER SHE HELPED ME WITH SOME BACKGROUND PROBLEMS THANKS GIRL I OWE YOU THERE IS ALWAYS A PLACE IN HUG HEAVEN FOR YOU MORE BLESSINGS TO COME SOON ALSO BLESSING WILL APPEAR ON THE SUB PAGES FOR FOLKS IN THOSE AREAS TO!!
have you told your local butch lesbian today how handsome they are?
Have you yelled at a stoned guy on a pink recumbent bike?
Haven't watched in a while, though, so it's possible my memory is sucking cocks.
having a pet is insane... there is a guy on my floor
having a ton of germs over for a party
having fried sex with my southern wife
having some sort of heaving dribbling beast over for lunch
<hazza-> there was a young vampire named mable
<hazza-> who's periods where really quite stable
<hazza-> and every full moon
<hazza-> she'd get out a spoon
<hazza-> and drink herself under the table
<|iCARUS> sick bastard
<|iCARUS> i like it tho :0
he breasted wizardly down the dungeon halls…
*he chuckles a bit and continues to rub at his member. He slowly nods a bit*
I know we gryphons are friendly. We are normally trying to be kind to your kind, naturally and ended up in wars with your kind.
he didn't pop wood, he popped toast!
HE FEEDS ON FRUITS AND LEAVES AND HAS SOMEWHAT OF AN INTENSE SEXUAL APPETITE.
He ha why its a home movey
He had a small penis
He has unseen enemies that plauge his existance.
he inhaled the entire hot air load that i let roar out of my pants... I was louder though, laughing so fucking hard at his coughing and gagging that i almost lost the granddaddy, the origin of the fart, the poop.
He is spamming scum. Send him nothing.
He really seems to enjoy it. A little too much. I am worried about him. I think he might be gay.
He shot Arnelia, slit her throat and caught the blood in a pot for blood stew! YUCH! They gutted it, torched off the hoofs, dipped it in boiling oil and scraped off the hair. They offered us the organs, lungs and all, and we declined. They were very happy for the donation.That was the first and last slaughter we attended. Of course I took pictures.
He smoking out a waterslide wit ppl still inside
he sucks though.
He was a billionaire from old money, but somehow it hadn't ruined him. He was kind and giving, tall, handsome, his penis was the perfect size. He had dated other women, but only you had ever truly captivated him, also he was a werewolf.
"He was always high and wearing t-shirts about weed" - cool dude's gravestone
He was beaten and punished by the ogre
He was broken and damaged by the ogre
He was damaged and harmed by the ogre
He was hurt and broken by the ogre
He was injured and hurt by the ogre
He was pummelled and tormented by the ogre
He was punished and pummelled by the ogre
He was tormented and injured by the ogre
He was tortured and beaten by the ogre
he's a physchopath he doesn't understand emphthy!
He's all crouched over me. He's cutting that baby over me! It's all over me. He's rubbing it all over me! Oh, God, there's stuff all over me.
He's just trying to warn her of the giant cock floating above her.
He's not having sex, he's committing suicide
He's so stupid, how could he have missed that?" BITCH, I AM RIGHT FUCKING HERE AND I HEAR YOU!!!
* " HE. WILL. BURN .IN. HE'LL ETERNAL FIRES WHERE THE WORM NEVER DIES***
Headbanger504: no but i heard ovituary
Heart fingering. Someone should've done this to Sam. Under the cut due to it being an actual heart Other images too Keep reading
Heartbreaking: person has a great point but uses delusional as an insult in their post
Heehee!! I've gone all soft and silly in the last fortnight and I'm in danger of transforming from Crazyfur into sloppyfur if something drastic doesnt happen soon!!
All these wedding plans are turned me into a pink frothy kinda cat! Ugh!!!!! Somefur save me!!!
*giggle* It IS romantic though!!!
HELL CAT NEEDS HOME
Hell On Earth, TX
Hella So-Cal people hella trip off of the word 'hella', its hella insane how much they care.
hello august you piece of shit
hello my name is Very tiny flying insect i see you've got an uncovered beverage outdoors. Can i fall into it and kill myself please please please please please please please please please please
Hello Texan followers. I am with you right now
Hello, 911, I found a chalice in my child's room.
Hello, Monday! ...now go fuck yourself.
hello, this is the most dumbest site i have ever been to please take it off the internet thank you.
<helminthes> omg, i was about to walk into class today but it wasn't until right before i opened the door that i realized i wasn't wearing pants, but i didn't go home i went ahead and dealt with it and lo and behold, there was a test in that class that i hadn't studied for at all. so i jumped out the window and right when i hit the ground my cell phone went off
<hakan> yipes
<rafeil> yeh
<helminthes> and that's how it all started
<helminthes> how was your day
HELP I'M FUCKIN TRAPPED IN A TIME RECURSION
Help I'm trapped in a fuckin time recursion
Help in trapped in a fuckin time recursion!
HELP!!! LOBSTERS ARE SCARING US!!!!
Help.......oh god...somone....help
Her cheeks were flushed red, like Cartman's coat. Her eyes, a striking blue, like Cartman's beanie.
HER: [tearing off clothes] YOU TOTAL HUNK OF A MAN, TAKE ME NOW!!!!
her: don't worry it's chill he doesn't even careblood spider, telepathically: you should touch her ears and lower back she's really sensitive there
here are some more really good neoboards screenshotshellyesbro
Here doggy. I, Gonad the Equestrian will help you...
here i come!!!!!! shlap shlap shlap
here's the problem with fruit: it's inconsistent. some apples are delicious, some taste bad. sometimes blueberries are great, sometimes they are disgusting. you know what's the same every time? doritos
Heres a tip are you having trouble finding the clitoris ? Heres a tip forget the sex cause you are the run from the law. You ate a kid dude
<herze> miss pearl
<herze> my love for you is like diherrea
<helpimarock> what
<herze> i just cant hold it in
<madpunk-nap> omg
<helpimarock> ahhhhhhhhh
<madpunk-nap> that would alomst be elite
<helpimarock> thats the sweetest thing ive ever heard
<madpunk-nap> if i didnt have to do with poop
<herze> haha
<herze> madpunk, even stevie wonder could see the beauty in you
<herze> i have a few more
<madpunk-nap> i dont want to know, im going back to sleep
<herze> you have over 200 bones in your body... want another?
<herze> lets play army, ill lay on the ground and you can blow the hell out of me
hes an ass eater from WAY back
<hextasy> so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Hey - if you can eat menstration from chickens, I don't see how eating cum (however gross it may be) can be a problem.
hey all you alien enthusiest ,
im 13 and I think I was abducted on my 12th b-day because I keep having areoccuring dream that an alien is grabbing my arm and i kick it he grab it's body and lift it over my head and jackhammer it ( jackhameer is a wrestling my that goldberg uses , you put their neck on your shoulders and then twist your b ody so when you land your elbow is jammed into their stomach ) and i have like 5 scars where the alien fought back on my knee, my forhad, my neck, my arm, and my fingers i think it bit me cuz i have abnormal bite marks
Hey any drumers out there who wanna join my band e-mail me if you do
hey asshole! you lifted up the rock and now I have to scuttle! motherfucker!
Hey do you wanna hear my playlist it's called Unrelenting Bullshit and it goes on for hours and hours and hours
hey don't cry. almost 400,000 species of beetles
hey girl i mean any pronouns
hey guys whats going on in h [sees the flayed corpse of god] ohhhh fuck. oh shit
Hey let's start a podcast!! **CLOTHES DETERIORATE + GAIN LAYER OF FILTH SUPERFAST LIKE NAZI IN INDIANA JONES MOVIE** Wow!!! Terrible plan
hey make yourself comfortable, want something to drink? we got pussy, gay water, and bleach
hey man looks like you’re enjoying your high. off topic but have you thought about hell lately and what it would be like to be there forever and ever and ever and
hey man your bong bit me. i’m uh, bleeding pretty bad
Hey man, it’s the bank. I gotta charge you $500 cause I really want it.
hey me and my partner saw you from across the bar we want to kill and eat you
Hey remember that thing you did in the fifth grade?
hey since it’s your first time using weed i figured i’d let you in on a few pointers to make sure you have a safe, fun experience. basically you do as much as possible and imagine the roof getting blown off your house by a storm and giant pterodactyls swooping down to eat you badly ok?
"Hey society? Can we please NOT try to push a shit fetish on the next generation? That would really be appreciated. Like, all these shit based products and games are giving me a huge concern at this point that this is all some sick fuck's plan to indoctrinate a bunch of shit fetishists"
Hey therapist, you wanna invade Carthage with me?
Hey There, Naked Guy
Hey you bastard! *starts cartwheeling towards you*
hey you kind of set off my prey drive. wanna get out of here ? you first
hey, hey breathe. this is entirely your fault.
HEY, HOWS IT GOIN? IM ANDY EVANS AND THIS IS MY PAGE. TONS OF HUGZ AND MIDDLEFINGERS TO ALL THE METALLIBANGERS OUT THERE. TO ALL YOU PEOPLE WHO DONT LIKE METALLICA......WHAT THE HELL ARE YA DOIN ON MY PAGE.....FAGS!!!
hey, sorry for the late reply, i allowed your message to pass through my mind like a sparkling-scaled trout in a clear mountain stream
hey.. two people were asking about you… so i gave them your address and phone number… their names were Skeletal Warrior and Skeletal Ice Mage
Hhuuuuuuuuaaaaaaghhhhh
Hi - I need a custom rear-view photograph of a human torso with a mass of spaghetti hanging out from between the buttocks. The model should be male, of average weight/build, preferably with noticeable body hair (swarthy a plus), in a standing posture (butt pimples okay). There should be a large mass of COOKED spaghetti (or any long strand-shaped semolina pasta except capellini and no whole wheat or spinach pasta) in a red sauce protruding out from the butt crack and dangling vertically. I DO NOT want any genitalia or sexual imagery featured, nor any distinguishing physical characteristics such as tattoos, etc.
hi Canadians
Hi I'm The Weed Smoker Hope Uoure Having A Blazin Day And Blazin Night. Stay Blazed - Weed Smoker
Hi I'm tumblr user #19473043445 and I'm a staunch leftist. I participate in the fight for freedom and equality by jerking off to incest porn to own the puritans and posting obvious scam donation links. You can support me by reading my AO3 fanfictions and donating to my kofi so I can make more fanart.
"hi im heathcliff. i live in the garbage and commit crimes and only eat bones"
hi waiter could I get the spaghetti I promise I’ll behave this time
hi! aaaaaaaa *im bit by 1,000 animals and die* *1,000 vultures eat my remains* *1,000 trees grow from my bones, forming a forest with 1,000 bugs and 1,000 birds*
Hi, its me. The warmest creature in the world. I love you. Im the warmest creature in the world and I love you so much and I need to be in your lap right now. Yes, I know about the heat wave. That's okay though because I was already the warmest creature in the world so I don't mind. I love you and you need to let me sleep in your lap right now. I'm soooo warm and I love you sooo much. If you say no you'll be saying no to a thing that love you. Let me sleep in your lap. When I fall asleep I get warmer. I love you
Hi, most annoying person you've ever encountered here. I noticed this post you wrote in 3 seconds doesn't line up with every experience I've ever had. This is extremely harmful to me, the main character of the universe.
...Hi.
---
"I'm sharpening my knife, kupo!"
awww yea
*lubes up* aww yeah thats the stuf fapfapfapfap
thx man
High chance we are in the evil dimension, guys.
High Tech Martyr
<Hiroe> he was dressed as a big fuckin devil
<Hiroe> like, HUGE costume
<Hiroe> 8-foot lizard wings, giant horns on the head
<Hiroe> at some anime con in california
<Hiroe> they were double booked with a southern Baptist group in the same hotel
<Hiroe> he's riding the elevator down to the con space
<Hiroe> doors open, little old baptist woman standing there
<Hiroe> he just says "Going Down" in his best evil voice
his balls would feel grait pressed up against my ass his dick would feel great in my ass
his evil eyes radiate a soul filled with evil very scary. sure he is in hell
HIS MORTGAGE RATES WERE SUPERB, BUT HIS PENIS WAS TOO SHORT, SO HE ORDERED 60,000,000 VIAGRA PILLS AND BEFORE HE COULD TAKE THEM HE WAS ASSASINATED BY 5 MILLION EMAIL ADDRESSES AT NO COST TO YOU.
his sad eyes and fat cock have captivated me
<Hito> Golden showers, fecal, fisting, bondage, S&M, cock-pumping, beastiality, dead people, babies, women, children, men, stuffed animals, trees, etc.
<Chubbzilla> Â¤Â¦HitoÂ¦Â¤ nice weekend planned
*hits blunt* if money is the root of all evil, why do they ask for it in church
hits the bong again and looks directly at the camera knowingly
hits the bong and immediately becomes aware of the narrative
Hmm, a dead body. [takes a slow drag off of cigarette] Looks like the Dead Body Killer is at it again.
Hmm. Whatever *deactivates your baptism with my mind*
hmm... *gets in evil bed and holds my evil stuffed animal* evil night.. *turns off my fucked up evil lamp*
HMMMMM WHAT WILL IT BE TODAY.....A NAZI WOMAN FOLLOW ING AFTER THE LUST IN BEWTEEN HER LEGS AND CARELESSLY GIVING LIFE AND THEN SNATCHING IT AWAY ALL BECAUSE SHE CAN CHOOSE......
WHY CAN'T CORPORATE AMERICA CHOOSE TO HIRE OR FIRE YOU......WHY DO THEY HAVE TO KEEP YOU WORKING EVEN THOUGH MOST WOMEN HAVE A BAD CASE OF DOWNS SYNDROME IN THE WORKPLACE!!!!!!WHAT WOULD THE WORKPLACE BE LIKE IF IT WASN'T FOR HOT CHICKS GETTING KNOCKED UP FROM ALL DIRECTIONS!!!!!......NOW ITS NOT "MY" FAULT "I" GOT PREGNANT!!!!!! I WAS A HORNEY BITCH (MOTHER JUSTIFING ABORTION) BUT LETS SUE THE NASTY AMERICAN CORPORATION THAT TRIES TO EXCERSISE FREE WILL AND FIRE MY INCOMPETIANT ASS.......THEY FIRED ME BECAUSE I HAVE BOOBIES....NOT BECAUSE I WAS SITTING ON CHAT ROOM BOUT ALL DAY LONG!!!!! GIVE ME MY JOB BACK PATRIARCHEY!!!! STUPID MEN!!!!
I SAY, "STUPID BITCHE"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
<hobbit> hey dude... are your ears burning?
<Dude> no
<hobbit> Ah... damn... I need to tweak my voodoo doll then.
<hobbit> Feeling any groin pain?
<Dude> heh no
<hobbit> hrm.... How about a scratchy throat?
<hobbit> something simple..
<Dude> nope
<hobbit> bah... the Book of E-Vile said this would work...
<Dude> i disabled remote access in controll panel
<hobbit> hrm.... that might be it.
<Dude> ya gotta be secure
<hobbit> hrm... lemme try something else... ::invokes the mighty god Hastur:: HASTUR HASTUR HASTUR!
<hobbit> Anything now?
<Dude> hmmm... i read uf nope
<hobbit> you missing your eternal soul?
* Dude checks
<Dude> it sez under properties it was never installed
<hobbit> bah
<hobbit> Now I have Hastur sitting in my living room demanding an eternal soul... and I'm fresh out..
<Dude> nice knowing ya
*holds your hand while i give you head*
holy fuck twin boo boo horn attack instant fatality
holy shit im going to go nuclear
HOLY SHIT THAT GUY ALMOST SPLATTERED MY UNINSURED BRAINS ALL OVER HOUSTON STREET!
Holy Shrimp! This Scampi Happening!
HolyViper7: im confused as to how i'm still allowed to breathe the same oxygen as other human beings. i just bought some tic tacs, and most of em are gone... and you know how some tic tacs get like, stuck? well, see, i didnt wanna make too much noise so i put the tic tac container in my lap and i hit the container. it was then i realized i had testicles. it was quite painful
Homer Simpson, march simpson Bert sipson, Lisa simpsom and Maggot sinspon. From my favorit Tv show The Simpson
Honestly I just don’t feel like jerking off right now
HOP OFF MY DICKKKK!!! wait get back on i miss you
horny futon mattress desperate for some hot action - $100
hot dog on pizza
Hot dog water is the exact opposite of holy water in that you can add a single drop of it to any amount of pure water and it will make the entire thing unpurewumblr
Hot girls = bad bad bad bad
Hot zombie sex roleplay - t4w
hotboxing my entire wizard tower
hotboxing my wizard tower with the strongest magic weed on the market. that eldritch bud. that dankest of dank. primordial terpenes, galaxy-shaking high. what bringeth you to the sesh, mortal?jetstream-torgodsurreptitiously making copies of your secret spells while you’re blasted out of this plane
HOTBOY4LlFE: ANYBODY KNOW WHERE I CAN DOWNLOAD THE NEW MATALLICA SONG IN REAL AUDIO?
How about a Wizard Staff that is actually a big magical stick bug familiarwizardgoblin
how am I supposed to make fried rice if the wok left
how are there people that can even remotely function on weed. im straight up moaning like a beast drinking milk
how come a baby born with a foot in its brain is considered a "Miracle Baby" but when I get my dick stuck in a drawer im just some asshole
how come there are no furcons in ohio? i feel like im the only fur here and it makes me sad.....isnt there anyone who would help me have one in ohio? anyone furson at all? i dont want to be the only kitty here....*sniffles and mews*
how come we drive on the parkway and i got beat up at safeway
How come when i havent eaten in a while i start to feel hungry
HOW COULD ANYONE POSSIBLY GIVE SUCH A GIFT!?!?!
how could you forget
"How dare you interrupt the Feast of the Beast!"
How do you kill a robot dog? #58427C
how do you say arbys we have the meats in japanese
How fleeting are all human passions compared with the massive continuity of ducks.
how it feels to be anything at all
How Surface Texture Affects Bloodstain Patterns
how the human brain works: electricity tickles the meat so that different slimes come out. sometimes the slime feels good sometimes bad. some people make more bad slime than good slime. that’s called clinical depression.
How to Detox 1) have a function liver and kidneys 2) congrats you're done
How to tell your friend his cat's dead
how to turn a girl on: during sex just say "thank you for letting me fuck you" over and over. she'll will love it.
How tricky is that dicky?
Hsd s adream U got a new pitbnamed it 293
huge fan of disgusting. massive supporter of gross and nasty
<HuhWhat> Since everyone's comign clean about bad things... back when I was 15 or 16, my friend invited me along to a family trip to Palm Springs. We were staying at some motel with cable, so I figured it'd be a good opportunity to watch some Iron Chef on the Food Network. Unfortunately, he would drag me out to the hot springs and the pool where I, who can't swim, would usually be the butt of his little pranks. He would drag me down under into the deep end and jab his fingers into my rib to try to make me drown. Anyways, at around 9:00pm, we came back into our room to enjoy the instant noodles his parents were making. I snuck into bathroom to take a piss and while I was doing so I noticed his little sister's bathing suit hanging over curtains of the bathtub/shower. It seemed pretty clear that she had left it there after having taken her shower. I couldn't resist and hoping nobody was outside, I pulled it down and sniffed the crotch area where
<HuhWhat> Whoops.
<HuhWhat> Don't read that!
<HuhWhat> Fuck.
human and bug relations will change by the end of the century
Human Soul (black friday special)
Humans irritate me beyond. Today I saw an ad on the internet. The ad was about a guy who offered to get a company logo tattooed on their upper back (below their neck) for $3000. Don't people have self worth or self respect anymore? Is capitalisms greedy hand that powerful? I pity this sad individual. When will the sheep of society wake up? People sicken me.
humans reached their peak when they made lava lamps
hunting and gathering for pdfs and mp3s
HURRY UP AND HAVE YOUR HEART ATTACK AND DIE AND SPARE THE REST OF THE WORLD YOUR SOCIAL POLLUTION.
hurt wizards hurt wizards
<Hvatti> MY CAPS-LOCK IS ON AND I DON'T KNOW HOW TO MAKE IT OFF.. CAN ANYONE HELP ME???
<[DoD]Xiao> typ capslock button :P
<aegis> Hvatti: hold down shift while writing instead...^^
<Hvatti> hey that shift-thing works thx!!!
<Hvatti> but it*s pretty difficult to write while holding a shift:::
<Lilly-> omg
<Lilly-> Hvatti find "caps lock" key and press it once
<Lilly-> number 3 from bottom left
<Hvatti> where can i find it
<Tiger> hehe :D
<aegis> at the left of your keyboard
<Hvatti> ok thanx::
<Hvatti> YES IT WORKED!!!
<Lilly-> aamm
<aegis> apparently it didn't
<Lilly-> lol
<Hvatti> CAN I NOW RELEASE THE SHIFT?
<aegis> yes
<aegis> you have to release the shift.
<Lilly-> omg how sweet !!
<Hvatti> like this?
* Lilly- faints
<aegis> yep, just like that
[HyperKinetic] They ate each other, they moaned. They were zombies
<h|tler> HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU TELL THAT I'M 13 BY LOOKING AT WHAT I'M WRITEING?????????????????????????????????????????????????????
I would love to visit some innocent happy gnome village and just start stompin
"i actually do think on some level obese should be considered a slur akin to other dated medicalizing terminology"
i admit it seems significantly harder than I assumed for two dogs to have sex
I also had a poor grasp on how stamps worked, so given that I wasn’t allowed to continually throw money away by putting stamps on my presidential hate mail, a lot of the times I just drew squares with little pictures inside on the corner.
I also have small dogs, and I don't want them to be sacrificed to dead rappers.
I am 30 or 40 years old and I do not need this
i am 5 kilobytes old
i am a college student with absolutly no money i dire need of a labtop to take with me to school.
I am a molecular biologist at UCSF. Over the years, I have accumulated a collection of strange and beautiful fungal contaminants (mostly filamentous and slime molds) that have grown up on my petri dishes. I have lovingly nursed and organized this group of stray microbes, and consider them like my children. Unfortunately, I'm moving to a distant land for a spell and my fungus collection is in danger of being dumped by my uncaring colleauges . To prevent this tragedy, I am looking for a fellow mycophile to take over the care of my little pets. They're very low maintenance... they must simply be kept in a dark drawer or closet and occasionally checked to prevent leakage or dessication. Please, be a kind soul and take in my molds!
I am a species of true bug
I am a very good Zombie-Lord, and always treat my filth-soldiers with true R.I.P. style and respect.
i am a victim of pleasure
I am creating upsetting spells in my fucked up wizard tower today
i am drinking fruited nectars like a hunnimg bird
I am easily amused by other people's pain.
i am going to suck you off! *puts in plastic vampire teeth and gives you the worst blowjob imaginable*
I am haunted by the fear that someday someone will find out that I don't give a shit about the Beatles
I am kind of hungry, and I want some real dragon porn to feed on.
So pleas, give me some pics and links of that lovely stuff.
"Yours truly 89asvela"
I am leaving the earth’s surface good bye
i am not going to a secondary location with you one of us dies here
I am not nearly advanced enough to come away from such a maneuver unscathed
I am not responsible for my washing machine killing people or making them ill.
I AM OFFERING FREE SERVICE TO LADIES WHO WANT TO GIVE ME HEAD JUST TO SEE HOW A PROFESSIONAL COLON CLEANSING SHOULD BE LIKE {wink} post id: 35584837
I am on the moon. what’s up lol. pee’d on Buzz Aldrins foot step lol… Pee foot.
I am part of the underground resistance.
I am saving myself for Phil Collins.
I Am the Alfred Stieglitz of Cock Pics…
I am the only person in the tri-state area who has been fired by every miniature golf course.
I AM THE SON OF SPAM SPADE, THE FORMER LOAN OFFICER OF NIGERIA, WHO WAS KILLED BY A RUSSIAN LADY WHO WANTS TO MEET YOU.
I am the surgeon & I am the patient & I am the technician handing over the scalpel & I am the scalpel & I am the pervert touching themselves in the corner
I am watching you fuck.
I ASKED A GUY WHERE NOTRE DAME WAS AND HE BEAT ME WITH A MIDGET.
I ASKED GOD FOR A SAVIOUR AND HE SAID LOOK AT YOUR HANDS
“I ate an edible last night” yeah I did too you dumb fuck it’s called food for dinner
I ate your ice cream sandwich. I am so sorry
i avoid printers at all costs but deep down i think i should've been a printer. life so easy. i sit there all squarelike and when someone has a minor task for me i goFUCK YOU
I be running my fingers through my bush pondering ancient wisdoms
I beamed a full ear of corn at someone so hard once that when it hit the doorframe it exploded onto the ceiling, the walls, and the door. There was no cob left.
I believe he did this as a warning against me ever trying to re-enter the dharmic plane, I have the utmost fear and respect for the shadow people.
i believe in you. you will find drugs. and you will take them
I bet if a mushroom could lap water out of your hand with a tongue that a gently drinking mushroom tongue on your hand would be the softest and gentlest thing.
I bet in hell they make John Kellogg eat a big bowl of lucky charms for breakfast with everything other than the marshmallows picked out and the milk is just melted snickers bars
i bet it feels good as fuck to erupt from the soil as a skeleton warrior
i bet it feels good to be an underwater plant just swaying in sync with the flow of water
I BROUGHT IT TO A SHOPS AND I WAS LIKE HEY, CAN YOU TURN THIS INTO A CATBUS?
i can be trusted on a nature walk i promise. i promise i will stay on the trail and will not run off into the forest never to be seen again i promise
I can see how he lures victims, he seems friendly , the fact he knows not to reville to much dark side , clever. , confident ,friendly , evil equals a serial killer.
I Can't Believe It's Not The Souls of The Damned™
I can't smoke myself cause they don't do pipes small enough to fit entire hobbits.
I cannot enter the dmv lest harmful sorcerers claim my soul
i cant be getting scam calls at 9 pm i dont have the energy to fuck with them
I cant come to your birthday there's a big ass skullll flying araound
I cant kill myself if theres any possibility of playing with a mans asshole is in my future
i cant leave america because what if i get a beverage and it’s not huge
i can’t believe the permian triassic extinction event took trilobites from us. they would love the ocean today. they would’ve loved garbage islands.
I can’t believe they made New York the new USA capital and no one fucking realized
i can’t stop smoking weed bc then i would have to give up my doom metal addiction :/
i cast spell of rupture your appendix
I cast the spell “show me your dog”
I cast ‘love you’ spell on you
I constantly manipulate everyone around me by calculating what would be the nicest thing to do in any given situation, making a point of doing it when it matters the most. This is supported by subtly, casually tailoring what I talk about to the person I'm speaking to, and saying what I think they may find funny or interesting. the really sick thing is I look just like a normal person and there's no way you can tell me apart from anyone. If I weren't such a monster I would be afraid knowing people like this are out there, but I know I'm on top and have nothing to fear.
I continue walking, and about a half a block later I realize: HOLY SHIT THAT GUY ALMOST SPLATTERED MY UNINSURED BRAINS ALL OVER HOUSTON STREET!
I could be wrong, but perhaps his current behaviors have something to do with the fact that his MOTHER RENTED OUT HIS ASS TO HUNDREDS OF PEDOPHILES TO SUPPORT HER CRACK HABIT!!!!
I could NOT be in feudal Japan. Here are some reasons why: 1. I wasn’t born then.
I COULDN'T CONTROL MY FEELINGS WHEN I AM ALONE.MY BOY FRIEND IS WORKING ABROAD. I JUST WANT TO HAVE PLEASURE .
GIVE ME SOME TIPS OR POSITIONS OF SELF PLEASURE.
DO I BECOME PREGNANT BECAUSE OF THAT?
PLEASE HELP ME.
i couldn't rub out NOTHING from this shitpile
I cranked my hog today/to see if it still squeals/i focus on the hog/the only thing that's real
i cum in pies!
I deman you to do it ?
I did not shat myself
I do highly enjoy being a chemical reaction
I do not want to fuck Edgar from The Aristocats. Can we just clear up that rumor now?
I do spells and shit for the elderly on weekends.
I don't eat mushrooms anymore
I don't even blast doo doo anymore my mental health is literally too balanced
I don't give a flying fuck about your children.
I don't have a permanent residence; the cops keep busting up my joint.
I DON'T LIKE GRAPE EITHER YOU SELF-ABSORBED COCKSUCKERS!!!!!
I don't mean to play devil's advocate here, but maybe you really should worship Satan, the prince of all darkness.
I don't mind sucking you off, but here's what I need from you
I don't trust the phone company.
I DON'T WANT A CAREER, I WANT HAMBERGER AND FRENCH FRY.
I dont actually know anything about birds or where they come from
i dont care if it greasy i want to have sanwich i want a perfect grilled i want a perfect cheese :3
i dont even care about getting “high” i just really enjoy coughing so fucking hard
I don’t believe in cops, so they can’t “arrest“ me. Whatever that means. continues jump kicking and jump punching a Kia soul
i don’t have a “mind palace” or whatever… it’s a male strip club in here
I don’t know enough about that to laugh at your joke. Try tripping or farting or something
I don’t know man this shit never happened before you showed up.
I extend my hand like a mob boss and allow you to kiss my ring but when you lean closer you see it's one of those glo-in-the-dark spider rings you win at arcades
I failed dumbass school :/ Going to amoeba college
I farted on every single one of my employees. All 37 of them.
I feel like an alien tomb would be sooooo fucking cool until a alien mummy gets up and chase you
I feel like if we could access a dog's dream for even a second we'd be so so terrified
I feel that this image needs more semen to be of high quality.
I feel the need to breakdown and cry, Now if I only knew why I feel like this, It happens everyday continuously, We never get used to it we only learn, To deal with it a little better each day, Each day I fight off these tears and, Continue to hide beneath another mask, Sometimes it fails to work as I feel a, Tear shed and roll down my pale cheek
i felt worthless felt ugly i felt gay
I find masturbation to be more sexually fulfilling than an actual physical relationship with another human being.
"i find pig roasts so erotic"
I attended my first pig roast last weekend,and for some reason found the thought of all of the people there consuming this roasted pig quite erotic! My boyfriend enjoyed it to, but not in the same way as I did! My question is,am i too wierd or is this just a passing perversion? I mean I can't wait till the next one...samantha
I flipped around and shouted, "THREE BOX OF CHEERIO!!!!!!!"
I Fought the Toilet and the Toilet Won
I found out you had a Sam's Club membership instead of a Costco membership. #ReasonsWeStoppedTalking
i fucking hate akira. goddamn, wiggles, is there anything you say that won't make me want to snap your neck and piss in your mouth?
I fucking love ebay I'd let it cum in me if it could
I fully understand non-existence because I used to not exist when I was a baby
I GET ALL OF MY ESTEEM FROM BELIEVING THAT I'M BETTER THAN YOU BECAUSE OF MY RANDOMLY ASSIGNED GENOTYPE.
I GET OUT BED AT 12:34AMM I GO TO TOILET TO TAKE SHIt. TOILET NOT IS THERE (GONE) (STOLEM)
I get that question too much. Maybe I was born perpetually high . Natural born weed warrior
i glow green in the night in my room i don't care im crazy
i got aborted at 2 years old, parents kicked me out at 5, expelled in middle school, died in 9/11, got pregnant at 16, sold my baby for a happy meal, car accident at 23, but here i am today with my high school diploma
i got assigned a grey alien pen pal and all I send him are polaroids of me grabbing my nuts &flipping the bird
I got diagnosed with aspergers after I wore a Devo shirt to an appointment with a therapist and they called Devo a one hit wonder and I spoke uninterrupted and aggressively for 40 minutes about how it's not right to call Devo a one hit wonder.
i got fast food mouth and disco tits
i got my new tetanus shot who wants to play bucket of rusty nails withme ^_^
I got porn on my Tiger Wrist Game.
I got so high I thought I was a dead hobbit
I GOT SOMEONES DEAD GRANDMOTHER IN URN
I got sued by the FEDS, for stuff I didn't do... and I still ended up alright.
i gotta put my vpn on for this, i don’t feel safe (while looking for rule 34 of Freaky Fred)
I had black candles , I still have occultist symbols.. My soul won't be saved . Because GOD said that I'm involved in Dark Doctrine I won't be returning back to The Earth. I'm alive, but I had an outer body experience of being in Hell . I saw demons on the ground unable to move and something that wasn't from the same planet told me why he's been in hell for 300 years he stole something. It's hard to live life in the most holiest way .
i had the slime of my life no, i've never felt this wet before yes, i swear, it's the truth and i owe it all to goo
i had to eat an emergency chicken sandwich. going back to bed now. bye
i hand you the blunt. your anger is washed away. gift of peace.
I Hate Having a Small Penis
I hate that ‘bad dream’ just means ‘nightmare’ instead of ‘shitty quality dream.’ I had a bad dream last night. It wasn’t scary it just didn’t make a lot of narrative sense
I hate the fact that I won’t live to see the year 2420…
I hate what America has become
I hate when I see videos of women cooking and their husbands/boyfriends just being fucking useless don’t piss me off I’m serious rn
i hate when you’re outside and the sun
i hate you windows i hate you microsoft i hate you apple i hate you ios i hate you siri i hate you cortana i hate you bloatware i hate you background processes i hate you onedrive i hate you icloud i hate you adobe i hate you photoshop i hate you creative cloud i hate you software updates i hate you microsoft edge i hate you safari i hate you google chrome i hate you startup programs i hate you pop ups
i have a dead Raccoon. Looks like a male. About 15 lbs. He's only been dead a few days. He doesn't smell since it's been so cold out. Will sell for cash to highest bidder or trade for Six Feet Under - The Complete First Season on DVD
I have a few:
Attack: Women just want equality.
Rebuttal: Equality is impossible with 2 genotypes. More accurately women want what they don't have without having to give up anything to get it.
Attack: Wars are started by men.
Rebuttal: No, wars are started by political powers. Women are also political powers.
Attack: Most violent crime is by men.
Rebuttal: Most reported violent crime is by men. Most unreported violence (including verbal) is by women.
Attack: Women still earn on average only (whatever bullshit dollar figure they pull out of their ass) compared to men.
Rebuttal: Women take on average (might as well bullshit while we're playing the game) more sick days than men a year and leave the job for maternity.
(this has been covered, but anyway)
Attack: Men are violent and angry.
Rebuttal: Actually, estrogen is the cause of aggression, not testosorene. In fact, it is testosorene that gives the feeling of alertness, friendliness and libido.
Attack: Men cheat. (you'll have to cut them off before they go into a long winded story about how her and all her friends were cheated on)
Rebuttal: Almost all men who cheat have had a history of verbal and emotional abuse from mothers and female partners. Maybe you should investigate the real cause for that. (and don't forget to add) Women also cheat.
I have a theory that Osama bin Laden is an alien from outer space. He lives despite all attempts, he lives on little and on rugged terrain and seems to be outsmarting the lot of us. We can never find him or talk to him.
Lets get the satellites ready :sj
I have an image of Jesus on my penis
I have an iPod, too, but my iPod is full of good music THAT I PAID FOR SO I DON'T GET CANCER FROM STEALING MUSIC LIKE MY FATHER THE BANJOIST!
I have been an addict ever since I was a kid. My first hit of “unstructured free time” left me craving more. maadmaan1
I have declared war on your penis.
“i have free will” no you don't. My spore compels you.
I have GOT to stop spending $
I have multiple dead horses that I beat regularly
I have never consumed a single minute of popular culture media in my entire life, and I have no idea who any of these characters are. I simply purchase these products to perpetuate the slave labor used in their creation.
i have no idea how that turd got on your ceiling, but it definitely didn't fly out of my shorts while iwas doing a backflip
I HAVE NOW BEEN ADVICED BY THE BANKING OFFICER TO SEEK IN CONFIDENCE A FOREIGN ACCOUNT INTO WHICH THIS FUND COULD BE TRANSFERED FOR SAFE KEEPING TO AVOID A LEAK FROM THE HIS FORMER EMPLOYERS.
I have responsibilities like self torment and isolation
I have some fries and two dips, one is mayonnaise, the other is dumb dumb sauce. No matter what, I CANNOT eat the dumb dumb sauce.
I HAVE THE PERFECT PUNISHMENT FOR YOU NAUGHTY GIRL. YOU ARE GOING BACK TO THE STORE AND RETURN THE DIRTY MAGAZINE YOU STOLE, YOU ARE GOING TO ASK THE STORE MANAGER TO PULL DOWN YOUR PANTS AND SPANK YOUR CHUBBY BOTTOM RED IN FRONT OF ALL THE CUSTOMERS. AFTER YOUR SPANKING YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SUPPOSITORIES PUT IN YOUR BUTT AND YOU WILL BE PUT IN 3 XLG DISPOSABLE DIAPERS AND PLASTIC PANTS WILL BE LOCKED ON YOU. THEN MOMMY IS GOING TO FEED YOU LOTS OF BABY FOOD AND BABY FORMULA WITH LAXATIVES SO YOU WILL KEEP GOING PEE PEE AND POO POO IN YOUR DIAPERS. MOMMY IS GOING TO MAKE NAUGHTY BABY STAY LOCKED IN HER POOPY STINKY DIAPERS TO TEACH YOU A LESSON. MOMMY IS GOING TO FEED NAUGHTY BABY LOTS AND LOTS SO BABY IS GOING TO GET CHUBBIER AND CHUBBIER. AFTER A WHILE BABY IS GOING TO BE SO CHUBBY THAT SHE WILL BE WADDLING JUST LIKE A TODDLER. MOMMY IS GOING TO TAKE YOU TO THE PARK AND NAUGHTY CHUBBY WILL TELL ALL THE PEOPLE WE SEE THAT YOU ARE A NAUGHTY TUBBY TODDLER AND YOU ARE LOCKED IN POO POO DIAPER. THEN MOMMY WILL CHANGE YOUR DIAPERS AND GIVE NAUGHTY BABY A GOOD HARD SPANKING. THEN IT BACK HOME AND PUT YOU IN AT LEAST 4 XLG DIAPERS AND LOCK U IN THEM. MOMMY WILL ALSO PUT A DIAPER HARNESS ON YOU TOO.
i have this mouse... and eat eats all my ramen... if i had the money to buy random mice food i WOULDNT be eatting ramen in the first place... i cant aford to feed this fucker.... if you have like a leaky faucet or creeky door or some shit... i will trade you...
I have tourette's syndrome and am prone to breaking out in HORSEHUFFER COCKKOCKER fits of profanity. That aside, I am ASSPLOWER BALLSUCKER still looking for a woman to treat me TITWIGGLING DONGBLASTER right and vice versa. Do these CLITSLAMMING ASSMASTER ads really work? Just curious....I'm a JIZZSNACKER COWCOCK 20 year old white male, with WIENER MASTER QUEEFEATER blue eyes, a sensitive disposition, and a poet. Please help this MOTORFUCKER POOPIEPANTS brother out?
i havent heard from charlie kirk in a while is he alright?
i HEAR Wikipedia is going "black" in protest. GOOD! Do it FOREVER. You've missrepresented and provided false info of wild horses 4 a decade!
I heard a knock on the door at 3am. I'm on airplane
i heard he can go into the spirit halloween without crying at all
I heard they’re killing you at work tomorrow
I hella fucked that hella skanky chick hella hard dude.
I hit a deer last night. It died instantly. I feel awful, but when I'm jogging I'm in my own world.
i hope donkey kong walks into my house and smashes a barrel over my head killing me instantly
i hope i never ever ever see this image while im high or it will also straight up kill me. it would make me so scared my skeleton would run away And id be a boneless scared heap on the ground
I hope this email catches you and imprisons you in my wizard tower
i hope this email finds you beheaded and on fire
i hope this email finds your family cursed for one thousand generations
I hope you never kill anyone and I hope I never kill anyone. I hope you don't get killed and I hope I don't get killed. Liberty is worth killing and dying for. The founding fathers knew this, we should too. Let's keep our nation free for our children and grand children just as it was for us and let's work together to make the world a better place for all men. Remember to READ, stay in shape and be careful.
I invented the printing press.
i just asked every scientist and they all said that you arent true here and thats not correct. i dont tolerate disinformations on my page. they do these things for no reason, and thats fine. we love all of them anyways because they are beautiful in their own yucky & terriblw waywhimsicalbirde
i just ate 3 pieces of colby jack cheese
I just came back from the doctor and he told me that I only have 3 days to live. I have been diagnosed with a rare-condition that was caused from mercury in thermometers. On my short list of things to do before I pass, I would like to have a beautiful girl slap my ass. I am 29 5'11 170lbs, need a quick response as I have many things that need to get done before Thursday...send pic and details on why I should make you my last.
I just came back from the doctor and he told me that I only have 48 hours to live. I have been diagnosed with a rare-condition that was caused from lead-paint. On my short list of things to do before I pass, I would like to have two girls team up and slap my ass. I am 24, 6'3 210, need a quick response as I have many things that need to get done before Thursday.
i just found an old carrot with a bunch of hairs coming out of it in the bottom of the crisper drawer. jackpot
i just need one more staff fragment and i can finally craft my staff of wolf lightningthe-evil-weevilWhat exactly is wolf lightning?
I just outsmoked a wild boar and it dropped two gold and 12 exp as it greened out
I just thought it was some cold-blooded shit to say to a motherfucker before I popped a cap in his ass.
i just unzip my cloaca and let the posts gush out of me
I just want to shit in the grass and everyone be cool about it for once.
I jut finished paying off this burger
I kinda witch sponge bob was here
I knew the satanic panic was not all lies and mass hysteria coming from holy roller southern christians!!!!! Where there's smoke there's fire!
I know I've just been a cunt and passed you all at the red, so if you've got enough road to catch up, I'll give you the room to pass!
I know the most dangerous dumpling-based spells and incantations. I can teach you how to enact wonton destructionovenroastedtwerkey
I know we all like to joke around here but when your posts are this likely to cause suicides, it's just dangerous
i know what girls want, its pointy hats and unethical spells beyond your comprehension.
I know when I kill one of the PCs off I have my minions seize them and drag them away from the table, screaming, to their actual death, but I didn't know it was this common.
I KNOW YOU DON'T KNOW WHY THERE ISN'T ANY HOT WATER, AND YOU DON'T CARE SINCE YOU HAVEN'T TAKEN A SHOWER SINCE APRIL, BUT THAT DOESN'T SOLVE THE FUCKING PROBLEM!
I know you said no pets but would it be ok if i brought a flaming skull
I learned that I am dragon. I am psi vamp, extremly so. I have to wear gloves as to not hurt people by draining them. This is wear you share about what kin YOU are!
That which gives life meening is that it ends.
Liveing is dieing. Dieing is liveing. Are you alive, or dead?
I'm also a dragon, a shinoar dragon to be precise, and psyvamp, though I don't drain people the way you seem to.
How did you find out that you are a dragon?
Flvrs lahss ss hrr shinerr anarrst!
"Yes, I'd like to buy a vowel..."
Realy weird magic. Basicly I reflected my true form in a miror of my own blood. Plus I alwase had a thing for dragons. I have a silver dragon pendent that I wear ALWASE. It is curled around a saphire, and it is my treasure."Yes I am aware of the fact that guys arent soposed to wear jewlry, but it is my favent thing in this world" I just dont know how to turn off my energy drainer thingy. Im fairly new to BEING a vampire, though psycic is something Ive alwase been. My thery is that the stronger our spirit, the more vampiric we become. I have the spirit of a dragon, what could be stronger than that?
I learned to worship Satan when my parents foolishly allowed me to play with a crayon set that included the color red.
I lied. I don't want to see your cock.
I like dragons and other animals
I like how bong can mean both penis and that big vertical disk that makes a lot of noise.
i like my sausages how i like my people: skinless
I like scrawny geekboys between 21-27 that I can toss across the room.
I like to spend a romantic evening soaking in a nice big tub of warm brine and have someone to mind meld with and rub my tentacles - touching - feeling - especially the 9th tenacle - if you know what I mean. --- hmmmmmm --- ;;-))
i like weed because it makes me a little dumb and it’s nice to have a break from all the otherworldly knowledge i possess
I like when you click a link and it turns purple its like youre bruising it
I liked it when she turned on her oven because I thought she was gonna make cookies, but I was not expecting her to throw a person into it. Ugh, unsubscribed.
I lit my pubes on fire, its a very cool way to shave.
I LOOVE it when giant bugs attack the city
i love denying christ it's like a hobby
I love Halloween I can't wait to hand out pure fentanyl to every kid dressed as a cop
I love jaywalking with another pedestrian lol we’re unionized
I love markdown text files they're like a brother to me
I love seasonal fruits they're like girl we're back lol
I love the feel of fur on my gentials. it feels wonderful! i just wanted to suggest that you mastrabate yourself with fur next time you do. tell me the results.
"Challenges are what make life interesting; overcoming them is what makes life meaningful." -Joshua J. Marine
AHHHHHHHHHHHHH HAAAAAAAAAA....I'm rolling!!!!!!!!!
I love this website I love it when people tell us what's wrong with them
I love to find bugs and be scared of them
I love to wear bras on my ass while I masturbate?
is there something wrong with me?
i love turning off lights. no need for all that
I love when I lose followers . YESSSSSSS GO AWAY…!!!!!!!!
i love when you kick people in the head and all their skin falls off and they go to hell
i m. Inthe pjrking lor right niw. so Scary. Where
I made these cookies but my dad ate all of them- Can I molest him? Can I molest him for you?
I MAY HAVE BEEN TURNED INTO A MARIMO AGAINST MY WILL BUT AT LEAST MY BASE NEEDS ARE MET AND I FEEL SAFE
I mean, all those hot babes in the Playboy mansion are sometimes taking huge shits in there and farting.
i miss the air comditioning in the hotel room so much i felt like such a slab
I missed a shift at amazon and they killed my little cousin
i must warn you missy, i am a powerful fucklord *ground shakes and dildos begin to levitate*
I MUTTERED “LOUVRE” JUST LAST WEEK AND IT TRIGGERED A LUNAR ECLIPSE.
I need a bong hit transplant
I need a little ass
I need able-brained men with some fighting years left in 'em to meet the horde.
I need help. Big time.
I think my house has demons in it. A couple nights ago i was drifting off to sleep when I heard what sounded like a deep voice saying my name. My first thought as my mind was playing tricks on me. I tried to ignore it but it kept continuing. I eventually got up to investgate. I searched the house. I kept hearing the voicee but couldn't fin anything. Then the door to my basement opened. I entered the basement and got really hot. Then I looked in teh corner and saw what appeared to be a man, about 5'10. He was naked and has what looked to be horns sticking out of his head. I became scared and ran up stairs. When I came up stairs I dicovered that all the lights in my house were put on. I ran out of teh house I saw red eyes. Nothign has happened since. Did I have an expierence with the devil. Or what?
Re:
Stop searching, you will not find him, it's happend to me several times throughout my lifetime, pay particular attn. to you're dreams when this happens, it's all I can tell you.
I need my weird alone time or I will explode
I NEED this on a pillow!!! I happen to have a fetish for poorly-drawn green guys.
I never did coke bitch!!! But I put 3 melatonin's up my butt and phreaked it...All night I dreamt of ghouls and devils
I NEVER NEVER NEVER buy any used CDs because it TAKES MONEY AWAY FROM THE ARTIST!
i never saw you, but you violated me and escaped in pieces, probably regenerating into more of your kind you bastard jellyfish.
I now not only have to live with my ENTIRE FUCKING FAMILY KNOWING THIS, but I also have to see a psychiatrist.
i occasionally get checked into mental hospitals and i view this as a vacation and take the opportunity to have tons of fun
I ordered the dippin' sticks pizza with bacon and the 2nd pie was a large with peppers. 10:36 still no pie. I'm hungry.
All that for "little-ol-you"?
I pawned your chastity key for drug money sorry
I PAYED 6 BUCKS FOR THEM SO I DONT WANT TO THROW THEM AWAY AND I DONT THINK I CAN RETURN THEM IF THERE ALREADY OPENED.
i promise to be nice as long as you promise to not accidentally set anything on fire.
i promised wizard DARE i wouldn’t try any wizard coke or wizard crack but obviously i was wizard lying
i pull into mcdonalds, i order the McHug
I ran over someone and now there's a bunch of flowers where it happened. It's like, I came back to apologize, not be lavished with gifts
I reach into my bag again and walk over to your TV. Suddenly you realize what's happening. I've put on every episode of every season of Dawson's Creek.
i read all about the female side of masterbation and how they give them selvs orgasms in so many ways... yet i cant seem to do the same.. i now start to feel a bit jelious and wonder if males can hav orgasms as well?
i read that weed in the 60s was like 1.6 percent thc and im laughing my ass off now
I really find minimal wave so endlessly charming like even if the specific album/EP/demo i'm listening to is kind of boring i'm like “wowww someone really made this... so cutes”deadeyesopened1dthe inherent cuteness of the moog
i really like how the milkman exists as an entirely fossilized character who now serves no purpose other than to fuck people's wives for the punchline
i really must apologize but i have a parasocial relationship with a large mcdonalds mocha
I really need to get rid of this god damn stupid wooden puppet!
I really want to fuck her but my dick doesn't agree.
I refuse to believe in the majesty or justice of any theology that gives rapists a chance at paradise but believes basset hounds lack souls.
I remember when Chevy Chase saying, 'Generalissimo Francisco Franco is still seriously dead,' was funny because it was a fucking JOKE -- but now it's on my goddamned TV 24 hours a day about this one-man circus!
I resonate with this so much!
i saw a guy stroking off while he was driving on the highway once. pre-rebuttals: 1. i was not looking at a mirror. 2. i was not in the car
I say this not unkindly, but firmly: to function as a member of a social species, you have to get comfortable with the idea that not everyone will like you
I say this with the utmost sincerity, but I hope you have the courage and space and freedom in the upcoming year to be the nasty little freak that you are. I hope you can find a place to realize that the things you think make you unlovable and disgusting are in fact very lovable and not disgusting in any way. I hope you find sincerity beyond your ability to even comprehend.
i sentance you to drink one SPILLION water.
i share a birthday with fucking jared sobway
i should be allowed to kill people based on how they talk about lesbians
I should be the boss at Arbys
I should have never made her eat the doo doo, She'll never come back, Everything we shared was for fuckcing nothing??? It's all over because of a little doo doo
I should quit my job to pursue a life of meaningless violence
i should sell this
i shouldn’t be in social situations i should be in the dark
I SMELL LIKE COMPOST BUT COMPOST SMELL LIKE FALL AND FALL VERY NICE WITH PRETTY LEAVES AND PUNKIN' PIE SO YOU JUST VISUALIZE THAT AS YOU DRY HEAVE AND EVERYTHING BE OK.
"I stab you DEAD!" (lunges at boss with serrated combat knife)
I steal images and bandwidth
I stimulate the economy by tickling its scrotum
i swear if i get called a satan worshiper one more time i'm going to kill someone. everyday i get asked by at least ten people if i worship satan. when i tell them that i don't believe in satan or god they ask me why. do i ask them why they believe in god, no. so stop fucking asking me why i don't. let me believe what i want and you can believe whatever the fuck you want to. just leave me be!!!
Re: stop calling me that
so........ do you worship satan?
Re: stop calling me that
people used to call me shit like that, ant they threw ice at me, so i just turned around and called them christian and threw lit matches on them. my advice is to fung good ways to fuck with them and confuse them using your superior gothic intalect . trust me, it makes for amusing anicdotes later in life when you meet people at clubs and cant think of anything to say
I SWOOP DOWN AND CAST INSTANT NUT THROUGH YOUR WINDOW
I think a rapist just got hit by a car cuz all I can smell is axe
I think all items should cost 8 dollars. That way evrrything costs 8 dollard
i think an electrolyte just bit me
I think autism is what happens when a dog accidently gets born in a human body.
I think copyright infringement should be legalized everywhere for any reason at all forever
I think everyone is like under spells
“I think female masturbation should be called flapjacking” and other reasons I don’t get invited to brunch anymore
I think he's an alien. Not like from Canada either but real woogie boogie outer space or he might be French or possibly French Canadian.
i think i just had a regular human experience
I think I'm Jesus
I think it's okay to love what you do, and even celebrate that. But there's a line that gets crossed sometimes where the art goes... “unlike all of those stupid people, who just dont get it.” And it's like... hey... who are you making this for, exactly? tallspookylady
I think Linux is beter, but I never see or use Linux befor, and I no that Windows XP is rely rely bad. I hav Windows 95.
I think rent should be $4 a month
i think some of you need to eat a slice of cheesecake and listen to ambient rain noises ten hours.
I think that if you asked Shaggy what his gender was he'd say 'you're, like, livin' in a prison of your own creation, man' and then eat a huge sandwich in one bite
I think we should all go on a trip to Transylvania & go save Jonathan. Dracula can’t stop all of us.
I think websites might just save America
i thiunk im sexyally attracted to music
I thought "raw doggin' it" was when you were too lazy to cook the hotdog before eating it
I thought I had barbecue spice on my finger but it was just blood
I thought you said you didn't like fart porn, you LIAR
I to have been through that horror.
i told walmart that my aunt died once just to leave work early
I told you dead people turn into anime.
i took a large dump in a birds nest while he was out collecting more supplies for his nest (which is now full of shit)
i took a shit on the thanksgiving turkey and almost RUINED thanksgiving
i understand stoners of the 60s and 70s deeply because if i didnt have computer and internet and all i had to entertain myself was prog rock and pulpy sci fi fantasy novels i would be smoking hella and imagining kingdoms of gnomes and alien prophesies all day too and lord knows i would have been impressed by air brush paintings
I understand that when I gain access to this site, I will be exposed to visual images, verbal descriptions, and audio sounds of a sexually oriented, frankly erotic nature, which may include graphic visual depictions and descriptions of nudity and sexual activity. I am voluntarily choosing to do so, because I want to view, read and/or hear the various materials which are available, for my own personal enjoyment, information and/or education. My choice is a manifestation of my interest in sexual matters, which is both healthy and normal, and which in my experience is generally shared by average adults in my community. I am familiar with the standards in my community regarding the acceptance of such sexual oriented materials, and the materials I expect to encounter are within those standards. In my judgement, the average adult in my community accepts the consumption of such materials by willing adults in circumstances such as this which offer reasonable insulation from materials for minors and unwilling adults, and will not find such materials to appeal to a prurient interest or to be patently offensive.
I USED TO BE A BACKSTREET BOY UNTIL THEY KICKED ME OUT FOR BEING TOO SEXY
I used to get the shit beaten out of me by mantis shrimp in second grade
i vant to smoke your blunt. sure
i vomited and used the vomit as lube to fap furiously to this pick......because i like it.
i waiunt pizza delicious cheesy pizza.
I WANT HIM TO BE MY PET DOG SO WE CAN HAVE SEX EVERY NIGHT!!!!!!!
I want his stinky pig cum inside me
I want my site to look like boiling alley
i want the curvature of the panel to match the curvature of his dick
I want to do a ritual for samhain , im thinking of doing some tarot, any more ideas?
this will be my ffirst sabth i will proform a ritual and i want it to be speacial,
shud i call certain dark/underworld lord and lady?
I want to fuck a skanky Republican chick - m4w
I want to fuck an extraterrestrial.
I WANT TO GET OFF MR. BONES' DYSPHORIA RIDE
I want to hate f*ck a Bush lovin, red flag bearin Republican
I want to make sure that you don't think I'm anti-penis in general.
I want to start off this post with saying how saddened I was to learn of the bombing at the Bostin Marathon
I want to take all of the teenage mutant ninja turtles and beat them into a green and red paste. im tired of those stupid fucking things. fuck the 80s. Master Ratso or whatever his name is can stay though im chill with him
I WAS A BACKSTREET BOY UNTIL THEY KICKED ME OUT FOR BEING TOO SEXY.
I Was A Teen Prog Addict
i was abandoned as a baby & raised by a wild pack of cigarettes
i was actually born as a CD but a wizard turned me into a human to teach me a lesson
I was blown to a smithereen, just the one
I was born at LSD Dream Emulator hospital
i was born in the downloads folder all alone with only a readme file to my name
I was born in the right generation I love smoking weed and meowing
I was just earing my morning Cereal. Until I saw it was actually teeth and the milk was blood
I was literally sitting like this with my guns
I was looking for photos of one physical condition that happens to penises and came across this photoset.
i was really horny during the york dungeon tour
I was there when JB Pritzker gave birth to The Bean
I was wondering if there's any Leonardo Da Vinci slash out there (not the Assassin's Creed kind).
i wear my headphones all day to listen to my frequency that keeps me docile
I went shopping for Fuck Me heels
i will fry you in butter, garlic, and herbs
I will not eat a whole roasted baby but i might if you put it in a hot dog
I WILL NOT WAIT OUT ANOTHER PRESIDENTIAL ADMINISTRATION BEFORE IT GETS UPDATED AGAIN!" To summarize: update the Best Of, please.
I wish all those dickheads that bullied me in high school could see how much Internet ass I get now.
I wish I could hate you to death then loot your shriveled corpse.
I wish I could liveblog surgery
I wish i had a machine that could be hooked to my head and display whatever i was thinking on a TV screen. [YES OR I COULD JUST CHANGES TEH TV SATATIAN TO FAGOT-TV CHANNAL 68!!! HAHA YUOR SHOW SUCKS] I like to think that that would make me millions. [YES MILLIANS OF PUNCHES OF DEATH TOO YUOR GROINS FROM ME JEFF K!!!]I create little movies in my brain and if something that easy were possible i'd be in the butter zone baby. [JERRY SI IN TEH BUTTAR ZONE FOR FAR TOO LONG HAHAHAHHAHAHA]But there is no such machine, so i have to attempt to explain to you what it is that i think about all the time. and let me tell you it's not an easy task. especially since i can only type so fast and my head is spinning. are you aware that it's 1:15 in the morning. [ARE YUO AWARE YUOR A SPINNING SHIT?] if your reading this you were probably asleep when i wrote it. what is this really? [CRAP] i don't think it qualifies as a poem.[POEMS ARE CRAP TOO] and a manifesto is a little to complex for my peon thinking. so what is it? a nugget of joy as space ghost would say. [A NUGGET OF TURD MAYEB] if i play with toys when i'm 40 does that make me imature? [NO IT MAEKS YUO A FAGOT YUO FAGOT] or just more advanced? or neither?....... why can't people just be themselves. [PLEAS STOP BEING YUORSELF YUO CRETIN] i am tied down by a family. but let me assure you that when the time is write i will be 100% myself. [WHEN THEY DISOWN YUO PROBALY] unlike you people who worry about what others think. i must admit though. i do worry sometimes too. it's only natural right? i'd better end this one before it takes up the whole fucken page. [YES END IT ALL] wow what a shitbarn page I think!!! I wouldant visit thes p
I wish I knew a wizard who hated me so I could blame all my problems on the wizard
I wish wizards were real so bad imagine coming out of a wal mart and seeing some guy with long robes and a big hat in the parking lot surrounded by wacky particle effects screaming some shit like “By the moon and the starlight, by the shield and the sword, I summon to me, my Honda Accord!” And then just getting into his car and driving off
i wish you could laugh react eBay listings. that's not worth $250. you fucking asshole. lmao
I woke up speaking Latin and had two leg nuggets as smooth as silk.
I would be so good at haunting you after i die
I would describe brutalism as “skeletal in philosophy”
i would have been utterly legendary on something awful
I would like to thank my friend, Bastard, for providing the description and abilities of the wood elves which I will be using throughout this series and if anyone else feels compelled to write some really hardcore sex stories with elves after reading this then…PLEASE DO!
i would've cannonballed the fuck out of the mayflower if i came across it back in the day
I'd like to introduce these fuckers to my wand- a regulation-sized Louisville Slugger, applied liberally about the head and shoulders.
I'd love to fufill your needs by helping me...
I'd rather eat cottage cheese out of a toilet bowl
i'd rather have a buffao take a diarer shit in my ear!!!!
I'll ask for a plastic cup for water at a fast food place and I'll put Sprite in that shit I don't even care.
I'll be damned if my son ever asks to go hunting. Get back in that room and don't come out until you're fucking gay
i'll close my eyes and make it disappear....
I'll fire your ass
I'll have plastic spread out and can supply an apron, goggles, gloves, chain saw, gun, knife, blade, explosive, poison, noose, bomb, bio weaponary, posionous snake, great white shark in tank of H20 (w/ chum), bazooka, anvil, dynamite, black widow spider, speeding cars and trucks or scorpion. If you prefer to kill me by some other method, please supply your idea.
i'm a contrarian. this means that, like a conformist, i allow other people to control my thoughts, but in the opposite direction.
I'm contagious.
"I'm four months pregnant with my father's child. But it's not the first time," Pat went on. "I've had four other children by him. They were sacrificed in satanic ceremonies!"
I'M FULL OF LOVE AND JOY AND ASBESTOS I LOVE LIFE AND I LOVE YOU
I'm gonna get surgery to turn me into an early 2000's wizard gif
I'm gonna level with you, friend: I am eating these croutons gay style.
I'm handwash only do NOT put me in that fucking mashine
I'm imagining a bunch of sims in their house with like bowls of chips everywhere and each bowls got green stink lines coming off them
I'M JUST HERE TO ESTABLISH AN ALIBI
I'M MAKING THE MUFFINS
I'm no expert in the mechanics of dragon ejaculation, but if what I know about jizz remains true in this case, I think that this means the car won't have to come in for an oil change for at least another 30,000 km.
I'm not badass I'm sadass I cry about everything
I'm not going to have kids mainly because I don't want my vagina to look like someone picked me up and swung me around by it
I'm on silly pillies
I'm out of weed so I have to smoke thw one that makea me scared
I'm pretty sure Gmail didn't exist in 1976.
I'M PRETTY SURE THAT IS NOT HIS FUNCTION.
I'm so freaking mad! Someone called me a terrorist because I wear diapers! He said I wear the same stuff that the arabs wear on their head! How can someone be such a jerk like that!?
I just want to go over to this guy's house and poop all over his bed! Then he'll know diapers are all about!
I'm so old!! *laughs, rubs big belly, falls asleep in tar puddle
i'm sorry i masturbated on your ikea catalog
I'm the 1%. I chew 100 year old leather garments instead of bubblegum and feed my dogs smaller dogs.
I'm trying to remember the rate of gastric emptying it's the one masturbation fact I always forget
i'm writing a full-length novel about a shark that fucks people
I'VE BEEN A GODZILLA FAN SINCE I WAS MOTHERFUCKING SEVEN. THAT'S NOT A MOTHERFUCKERING GHODZILLA RIGHTGH TERE.
I've been calling him spider but you can name him again if you want.
I've been melting dogs down to make this thing called dog metal
i've been phasing the phrase 'google it' out of my vocabulary and going back to 'look it up'. fuck you youve lost your generic trademark privileges
I've been told the pet play cannot contain talk of euthanasia
I've decided that taping crackpipes to my motorcycle would be tantamount to appeasement.
I've got a small penis - m4w
I've shown it's possible to be a dumb cross eyed cocksucker while also maintaining a rock and roll attitude
I've wanted to see gay kong and Godzilla sex since I was six
I've watched SEVERAL DOCUMENTARIES on them. Stop your stupid posturing. I'm not impressed.
i. am so small.
5 ibuprofen 2 garlic
Ice cream flavor idea: Triple Berry Fuckfest
ICEBERG LETTUCE SUCKS DICK
ICEEDEADPEPL: who doesnt like metallia
[ID: a tag that reads, “whatever kind of boots a wizard wears but thigh high”. /End ID]Okay consider, the boots lil nas x was wearingswordkind
IDENTITY EMERGES ORGANICALLY FROM ACTION
(idestroy) sigh (idestroy) ok so (idestroy) my friend got a handle of smirnoff vodka (idestroy) we killed it together in like an hour (idestroy) I went to bed (idestroy) in boxers (idestroy) apparently (idestroy) I woke up and had to poo (idestroy) instead of going to my bathroom (idestroy) I went out into the hallway (idestroy) into the stairwell (idestroy) removed my boxers and placed them on the stairs (idestroy) then took a massive liquidy shit at the top of the steps (idestroy) walked THROUGH it (idestroy) leaving poopy footprints (idestroy) left my boxers there (idestroy) went DOWN TO THE 2nd FLOOR (idestroy) from the third (idestroy) banged on random people's doors (idestroy) people came out and saw me walking down the hall naked with shit on my ass (idestroy) I made it to the stairs again (idestroy) went back to my floor but down a few doors to my friends (idestroy) there was like 15 people in their room (idestroy) it was packed (idestroy) I was naked (idestroy) I went into their bathroom (idestroy) and everyone was like what the fuck (idestroy) went into the toilet stall, tried to clean my ass (idestroy) FELL OVER AND SMEARED SHIT ON THEIR WALL (idestroy) meanwhile someone went back to my room and got my clothes (idestroy) and someone else found the poo (idestroy) they brought my clothes over (idestroy) I tried to put my shirt on my legs (idestroy) and said THESE ARENT MY PANTS (idestroy) so I got help with that (idestroy) got walked back to my room (idestroy) and went back to sleep (idestroy) woke up the next day (idestroy) thought it was a dream (idestroy) called my friend paul (idestroy) he told me all about it (idestroy) :( (ZS) note to self: never let idestroy have alcohol (idestroy) there's a facebook group "who pooped on the stairs"
<Idioteq> shit.. the zombie processes have gone chaotic on my pull parity
<happy> flip the bits, STAT
<Yoinkster> you should also vi the slackware
<thirtyseven|IGOTHEADTODAY> I get the idea that you guys might be making this shit up.
if i dont respond to a message from you i can basically guarantee its not because i dislike you. im just getting attacked by imps and shit all the time genuinely.
If I found a hypodermic needle lying on the ground, I would probably inject it into my arm. I think that shows you what kind of a devoted worker with a 'can do' attitude I am.
if i get shot do i own the bullet
if i leave my pussy hanging off the bed will a demon eat it
if i think of baby swordfish again i'm gonna be sent into a coughing fit
if i touched a bag of fentanyl i would jump with joy and childlike wonder
if i was a deer the first thing i would do is get a prion disease. the second thing i would do is run into traffic
if i was a genie i'd live in a lava lamp
If I was an orca I'd have killed so many trainers by now
if i was in an alien movie i'd be luring the xenomorph into a hot wok and adding chili, garlic, ginger, shaoxin wine, scallions, white pepper and sesame oil
if i were a shrimp id be so embarrassed because everyone can see my poop line
if i worked in a toxicology lab i would wear a shirt that says “I LOVE POISON”
If motorcycles were sapient they’d have virginity culture but for the taking of human life
if my surname was moog or theremin i'd invent a fuckass instrument too
If the internet were a moral place google would have ancient wizard graffics that show him looking at his orb for 30 seconds before answering your question but instead we have this BULLSHIT
if they hadn't assassinated jfk he'd be super old by now and would probably die so it's whatever
if you are on mobile good news! you can just move your phone around and it is like you are driving maisy car around the real world!
if you are out there reading this, please contact me, i believe it is our destiny to be together in freakybj2.mpg.
if you bring a blacklight into your average hotel you'll be disgusted by how women shoot their breast milk all over the blankets and walls
"if you can be normal about fatfurs like me you can be normal about people with fart kinks. because i asked you to. ok? or i'm beating you to death"
IF YOU CANNOT REFUND MY BRAIN IN FULL, I DEMAND A CHEQUE FOR $4,233.91*.
if you die in seattle you respawn at the last starbucks you went to
if you eat fresh food you get parasites. if you eat processed food you get bits of broken glass. either way it's $20 just to put stuff in your mouth
if you ever feel bad being a creature, just think how amazing it is that you can turn so many kinds of complex organic materials into sewage using almost nothing but your body!
if you find a dildo deep in the haunted forest dont use it. its mine
If you insist on pushing your kid around in a Hummer version of a baby stroller THEN AT LEAST PLEASE DO NOT PARK IN FRONT OF THE DOOR!!!!
if you learn to love bugs with all your heart the world will feel half as hostile and a thousand times as big
If you remember being a teenager you're a creep because you straight up saw yourself naked back then. The only way to be righteous is to obliterate your mind with drugs until you can't remember anything
if you see bright green flash illuminate the sky this evening it means my spell to give all cops bowlcuts has worked. red means im in jail
If you see someone post some insanely dark shit on here like "this pain of life is unbearable" wait a couple hours b4 u unfollow to be safe
If you stay up late to hang out with friends I don’t think you should have to be tired in the morning. I think it should be a freebie
If you stomp on a McNuggyBuddy do the others scream and cry or do they devolve into an animalistic frenzy and begin to mate with the corpse.
if you stretched out an average person's skin over a football field, you would be arrested and no one would like you or trust you anymore
If you think im not eating cookies in bed youre the biggest idiot theyre willing to invent
If you want an image of the future, imagine a sustainably produced boot stamping on a human face forever
If you want me to masterbate in them add an extra $5. Photos sent via email an extra $5. Pee panties are an extra $5. I don't do poo panties, sex panties or period panties. Sorry
IF YOU WERE IMPORTANT ENOUGH FOR THE CIA TO BE AFTER YOU, I THINK YOU WOULD HAVE BETTER THINGS TO DO THAN TO ORDER PIZZA.
If you work retail god I’m so sorry stay strong yall
if you're ever smoking and you get scared just remember it's your fault and you're going to be like that forever now
if you're not swimming in your own diarrhea, you're better off than me.
If you're wondering about the dragon president in Shadowrun continuity his name was Dunkelzahn but he canonically used the internet handle "The Big D" and hosted a radio talk show for decades before he ran for president on an anti-racism, anti-poverty campaign. He was president for ten hours before he was assassinated but this may have been ritualistic self sacrifice to seal away some kind of cosmic horror thingy and save the world.
If you've ever scooped out pumpkin innards, fingering me feels very similar- plus you can eat the "seeds".
If you've got a lady comin over make sure you leave condoms all over your house so she knows you'll put out
if your leftist queer space leaves no room for me, the most mean aggressive annoying anti social person you can imagine so i can constantly make everyone walk on eggshells around me as a sign of some sort of moral superiority, is it really a safe space at all
if you’re going to kill yourself you should do it at work so you can make it everyone else’s problem
If you’ve ever dunked your Oreo cookies in sulfuric acid instead of milk, unfollow me right now.
<ignatios> synchronised swimming mang
<Schatten> ok
<ignatios> _o>
<Schatten> _o>
<ignatios> <o_
<paranoid> <o_
<Schatten> <o_
<ignatios> o/
<paranoid> o/
<Schatten> o/
<ignatios> <o>
<paranoid> <o>
<paranoid> ~~~~~~~~~~~<o/~~~~~~~~ HOLY SHIT I CAN'T SWIM
<ignatios> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~/~~~~~~~~~
<ignatios> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
<ignatz> You are carrying one half-empty Anchor Steam beer, a GameBoy, and an angst-filled heart. You are in a clearing in the woods near a technology company.
<zebulon_y> w
<ignatz> You fall into the Pacific Ocean.
<zebulon_y> e
<ignatz> You are in a clearing in the woods near a technology company. There is a dwarf here with a hat that says "QA" on it.
<zebulon_y> drink beer
<ignatz> glug.
<zebulon_y> say hello to dwarf
<ignatz> FUCK YOU, THAT'S MARKETING'S JOB says the dwarf. He hits you with a memo and you die.
<ikkenai> what does sex in a boat and american beer have in common
<ikkenai> they're both fucking close to water
Ill turn america into a necropolis of black iron and ash Thousands of miles wide
im 11 and i eat weed every day fuck you
Im a starving child starving to death and this is the very last thing i have ever read. Gootbye.
im amaranthos lord of wraiths im 4739 years old and i love to smoke weed from my ghoulish bong carved in the shape of a flayed human head, and im very excited to be your new union rep
im at arbys slobbering all over my shirt because my coworker gave me a war head there is slobber dripping all over my arbys work shirt
im basically normal if you really dont think about it
im bitin the fart bubbles in the bath
im changing... augh... i can feel my dna changing... it hurts.... *hand turns into a dvd*
Im fascinated by Heathcliff's relative lack of reatraint. He has the powers of a deity and can manipulate the world around him in his favor. but he never strays too far from his little town or even his house and only uses his magical prowess to obtain meat scraps or to bully pugs
Im feeling fly and fresh at the same time. Im feeling flesh
Im giving creepy blowjobs now & they keep telling me they want just the normal ones
im going to be the most dangerous me theyve ever invented
im going to put my crocs on now and go outside, since i actually have a life. [puts on crocs and stands on the deck looking in at computer]
Im having a big bowlof shit
im hungry as fuck bro can you pass me a microplastic
im like a lava lamp you can fuck
im never leaving this hellsite
im not a kid, but im trans age and some of you are chasers
Im not falling for that a third time
im not gonna release your soul from my magic gem. so stop asking
IM ONLY ASKING 2900 FOR THE CATBUS BECAUSE ITS REALLY FURRY AND SOMETIMES PEOPLE GET SICK ON IT.
im parrying cars on the highway and backing up traffic for several miles
im really thinking like a cake pop of chicken meat deep fried.
Im simply addicted to birds!
Im smoking made up shit
Im so pissed we dont get fried chicken leg drumsticks without bones in them i just wanna take a big ass bite without hitting some random cartilage that i have to maneuver around
im taking backshots daily. from ugly men. for the sport of it
Im the gene that controls areola size
im the homosexual your racist uncle warned u about
im the multimedia wizard oooooh *turns you into a gif*
im your subway sandwich now, can you please take care of me
Imagine a gisnt shittimg in the siper boweol
imagine all the places you could hotbox in if you were 1 inch tall
imagine all the prehistoric cave creatures that never got discovered because they were so small and slimy… im so sorry dark suckler i love you…
Imagine blocking me when all I ever did was be miserable, hate on every group in existence and spread negativity and unfunny jokes
Imagine dating Gollum and he takes you home to meet his parents and as you walk in he stands up straight and starts talking normal
Imagine fucking. A girl and her pussy makes pinball machine noises
Imagine if al-Qaeda had done that stunt with the planes two months earlier and the 7-eleven PR team woke up to the worst day of their lives
Imagine if Radiation man saved the day and u go up to thank him and then you die due to radiation poisoning because he’s Radiation man
imagine if your feet were made out of butter instead of flesh and bones
Imagine no burger.
imagine stickin ur dick in a freshly poured cup of mcdonalds spriteed-longshanksme trying to retain consciousness as my dick sucks up the sprite like a small elephants trunk jeekoftheweek
Imagine that you are a dragon for a moment. Now imagine that you are devouring another dragon with your anus. If you've got a massive erection right now, you're probably into some crazy shit called voreaphilia.
<IMlifelike> I flushed a bag of skittles down the toilet yesterday and watched a NASCAR race in 8 seconds flat.
Immediately prompted me to go look up the words ice creamo, because I want ice cream now
Impairs short-term memory and psychomotor functions. Contains cancer-causing agents. Psychologically addictive.
Impure Mathematics ------ ----------- To prove once and for all that math can be fun, we
present: Wherein it is related how that paragon of womanly virtue, young Polly Nomial (our heroine) is accosted by that notorious villain Curly Pi, and factored (oh horror!!!) Once upon a time (1/t) pretty little Polly Nomial was strolling across a field of vectors when she came to the boundary of a singularly large matrix. Now Polly was convergent, and her mother had made it an absolute condition that she must never enter such an array without her brackets on. Polly, however, who had changed her variables that morning and was feeling particularly badly behaved, ignored this condition on the basis that it was insufficient and made her way in amongst the complex elements. Rows and columns closed in on her from all sides. Tangents approached her surface. She became tensor and tensor. Quite suddendly two branches of a hyperbola touched her at a single point. She oscillated violently, lost all sense of directrix, and went completely divergent. As she tripped over a square root that was protruding from the erf and plunged headlong down a steep gradient. When she rounded off once more, she found herself inverted, apparently alone, in a non-Euclidean space. She was being watched, however. That smooth operator, Curly Pi, was lurking inner product. As his eyes devoured her curvilinear coordinates, a singular expression crossed his face. He wondered, "Was she still convergent?" He decided to integrate properly at once. Hearing a common fraction behind her, Polly rotated and saw Curly Pi approaching with his power series extrapolated. She could see at once by his degenerate conic and dissipative that he was bent on no good. "Arcsinh," she gasped. "Ho, ho," he said, "What a symmetric little asymptote you have I can see you angles have lots of secs." "Oh sir," she protested, "keep away from me I haven't got my brackets on." "Calm yourself, my dear," said our suave operator, "your fears are purely imaginary." "I, I," she thought, "perhaps he's not normal but homologous." "What order are you?" the brute demanded. "Seventeen," replied Polly. Curly leered "I suppose you've never been operated on." "Of course not," Polly replied quite properly, "I'm absolutely convergent." "Come, come," said Curly, "let's off to a decimal place I know and I'll take you to the limit." "Never," gasped Polly. "Abscissa," he swore, using the vilest oath he knew. His patience was gone. Coshing her over the coefficient with a log until she was powerless, Curly removed her discontinuities. He stared at her significant places, and began smoothing out her points of inflection. Poor Polly. The algorithmic method was now her only hope. She felt his digits tending to her asymptotic limit. Her convergence would soon be gone forever. There was no mercy, for Curly was a heavyside operator. Curly's radius squared itself; Polly's loci quivered. He integrated by parts. He integrated by partial fractions. After he cofactored, he performed runge - kutta on her. The complex beast even went all the way around and did a contour integration. What an indignity - to be multiply connected on her first integration. Curly went on operating until he completely satisfied her hypothesis, then he exponentiated and became completely orthogonal. When Polly got home that night, her mother noticed that she was no longer piecewise continuous, but had been truncated in several places But it was to late to differentiate now. As the months went by, Polly's denominator increased monotonically. Finally she went to L'Hopital and generated a small but pathological function which left surds all over the place and drove Polly to deviation. The moral of our sad story is this: "If you want to keep your expressions convergent, never allow them a single degree of freedom."
(@Impure1NZ): Anyone else notice that 'strap on' spelt backwards is 'no parts'?
in 2017 we’re replacing our cerebrospinal fluid with sierra mistc3po
in a funk bc i wanna eat scrambled emu eggs
in a home invasion my attacker goes for a knife in the kitchen drawers but it's jammed by the potato masher and I make my escape
in a parasocial relationship with My true self
In American culture it is considered “bad luck” to leave the stove on when you’re not using it
In high school I was voted most likely to be tormented by spirits
In my free time I enjoy screaming at my wristwatch.
IN ORDER TO COMPLY WITH STATE AND FEDERAL FULL DISCLOSURE REQUIREMENTS, THIS SERVES AS FORMAL NOTICE TO YOU THAT THE RATIO OF FISHERS TO FISH AT LAKE CRAIG IS ROUGHLY 10 TO 1.
In the old days, the burger was a wet, lifeless item.
IN THE WILD, WHEN A FEMALE APE'S MATE DIES, THE NEW MATE OFTEN KILLS THE OLD MATE'S OFFSPRING.
In this day and time vampires have it easy. Our streets are crowded with the homeless, youngsters that have run away from home, the mentally off that our society totally neglects, and party goers and those out for a night on the town. When vampires feed; late at night in darkness, they have plenty of food to choose from. Most vampires that work urban areas are presented as young beautiful girls in their 20's. Many men have died letting the little head think for the big one. Wow, I got a fine looking gal for party time tonite....not knowing that the party they were going to was not going to be much fun for themselves.... Depending on the vampire and his personality determines whats on the menu. Most people that end up as vampire food are not even reported missing. Who is going to report a homeless person as missing. The Police would say sure we'll look for him and the report goes in the trashcan. A kid that has ran away from home is another No one looks for. Vampires have learned over the centuries to cover their tracks pretty well. The notion that vampires are not originally from this planet has been around for several centuries. Maybe it is they who fly around in UFO's and been identified as shooting stars even in our own Bible. If you would like to read about my First Kill click on the below box and read about the first face to face encounter I had with a vampire almost 25 years ago now. My best friend at the time Joe. S. was killed by a vampire. I will add different encounters on a weekly basis of the over 30 vampires I have encountered. Some I killed, some ran to other areas of this earth, and some are well hidden after our meetings. Be sure also to let me know of any Vampire tales, encounters, or if you know where a vampire is actively feeding. Tex.......
In today's times, I am unwilling to sacrifice my job for a piece of monkey ass.
Incredible... this aura!! I'm getting high as fuck off the marijuana created with his nen abilities... even though just a second ago all we had was ashes!!
<infinitySPZ> In the beginning, God Created man out of his own image.
<Fleebis> Was it JPEG?
<InkyGhost>Is it wrong to root for Tom Hank's character's death in "Castaway"?
<Rob> No, because its Tom Hanks.
<Rob> He starred in Mazes and Monsters, a blantant anti DnD film.
<Rob> Staring in porn is more respectable than being in that shit heap.
<Morrigan> Rob, that was before he was established. You have to take roles like that so you can get better ones.
<Rob> I don't care. Staring in porno would be more respectable than that.
<InkyGhost> You seem to have an unnatural fixation about seeing Tom Hanks in porn.
<Rob> Shut the fuck up, Ghost.
<Himi> Busted.
InnerGoat: My wife has 2 problems. One is the fact that everytime she gets drunk she gets mean. She always looks for a fight, or a way to make me feel like shit me. The other problem is that every morning after she gets drunk she has an explosive watery shit. One night she pushed me to far. She was drunk of course and felling a little frisky so we we messing around and I tried to put it in the butt, she got mad and started talking shit, about how I'm no good and my dick is small, and that she probally wouldn't even feel it. so we never did have sex. After she went to sleep I couldn't get the pain of her saying my dick was small out of my head. I wanted to embarrass her as much as she embarrased me. So I got an Idea I went to my sons room and got his bag of marbles. i then went to my secret stash and got a bottle of lube. I could just image her reactions when you shit marbles the next morning. I lubed them up one at a time and slowly pushed each one in. About a hundered in all. I got so excited I jerked off then giggled my self to sleep. The next morning I woke up so excited I couldn't stand it. I made allot of noise getting dressed so she would wake up. She did and not 3 minutes later she said " oh my stomach. not again" and ran to the bathroom. I was in thee brushing my teeth. Usually she would tell me to leave but the urge was to intense. She sat down and let it rip. She dam near had a heart attack from the noise. The marbles hitting the porcelin sounded like a machine gun going off in the bathroon. She turned white as a sheet and stood up. Still shitting all over the place. Marbles rolling all over the floor as they bounced around. It took her a couple of minutes to put it all together. She said " What the ****" I just laughed and laughed as she packed her shit and left. I really do kind of miss her though.
<inof> God used fork() to create Eve.
insane, drama-loving lesbian seeks co-dependent relationship - SA
"insects have an exoskeleton" walk on outta here with that talk pardner. it's a little box for their paste. ain't no kind of skeleton.
INSIDE YOU THERE ARE TWO Kidneys. Im gonna steal them
inside your body is PITCH BLACK your cells do all of that in the DARK
(inspects u through a microscope) ewwww ewwwww hahaha woahh ewww (continues looking but starts twirling my hair)
Intergalactic Warrior Kitten needs to be hidden from the CIA
Internet site saves world's soul
<intra> I have to go to Walmart to get some deoderant. But I thought it would be weird to buy just deoderant, so I thought about getting some DING-DONGs or something, but then I'd be buying DING-DONGS and DEODERANT. So I figure I might buy a shirt, but then I'd be buying DING DONGS, DEODERANT and a SHIRT. So I'm screwed no matter what I buy.
invent your own personal symbolic system
<Inversation> realised there were still debates about wigga and christianity etc, kicked the cd player to make it move then fell asleep again
<^Spike^> Debates about WIGGA?
<^Spike^> Is that some homie pagan religion?
<^Spike^> Yo yo, whathup mah earth sistas.
<^Spike^> Word to jo Goddess, aight.
* ^Spike^ fires his wand at a rival Coven while riding past on a unicorn.
* ion has joined #sp
<ion> today's my birthday
<deMoN> yo happy bday man ;)
<ion> thanks, my dad brought me a new case home from his work today
<ion> ok, it's not a new case, it's my old one...i didnt like the gray metal frame so i wanted to change the color
<plague> What color?
<ion> gold. i was going to spray paint it, but it would have ended up melting. so my dad said he'd take it to work
<ion> he works at this metal coating place
<ion> just brought it home today. looks awesome
<plague> So you have a gold plated tower?
<ion> no it's not gold...something else...let me go ask
<ion> copper. it's copper
<plague> Copper plated?? Is it running right now?
<ion> no dude...on my other pc..i just finished hooking up the mobo and stuff, i'm about to start it
<ion> stand back
<plague> Before you turn it on...I think you should know something...
* ion has quit IRC (No Route to Host)
<plague> Copper is a conductor of electricity.
<deMoN> think we should have told him?
<zeff> nah, it's funnier this way.
<plague> of course...<>
Note: the fuse box in his house was fried. knocked the power out.
*** IRC -- Based on the original code written by Jarkko Oikarinen
*** Copyright 1988, 1989, 1990, 1991 University of Oulu, Computing Center
<Jarkko> You people have turned a cute little project I did 5 years ago INTO A TREMENDOUS WASTE OF TIME!!! GET A LIFE!!! MOVE OUT OF YOUR MOTHER'S BASEMENT!!! You, with the bot... have you ever kissed a woman?
IronChef Foicite: well, there's a lot of reasons IronChef Foicite: i mean, roses only last like a couple weeks IronChef Foicite: and that's if you leave them in water IronChef Foicite: and they really only exist to be pretty IronChef Foicite: so that's like saying IronChef Foicite: "my love for you is transitory and based solely on your appearance" IronChef Foicite: but a potato! IronChef Foicite: potatos last for fucking ever, man IronChef Foicite: in fact, not only will they not rot, they actually grow shit even if you just leave them in the sack IronChef Foicite: that part alone makes it a good symbol IronChef Foicite: but there's more! IronChef Foicite: there are so many ways to enjoy a potato! you can even make a battery with it! IronChef Foicite: and that's like saying "i have many ways in which I show my love for you" IronChef Foicite: and potatos may be ugly, but they're still awesome IronChef Foicite: so that's like saying "it doesn't matter at all what you look like, I'll still love you"
ironic. even in the 'land of the free' your not allowed to fly a plane into a couple of towers. really makes you think
*irradiates you*
is a human shit considered 'nsfw'
Is a man not entitled to the smoke of his own bong?
Is domoes stilb ope
*is flung around by unseen force*
Is it considered paraphilia if someone likes to see men who wears polo shirts with nice collars... and behead them?
Is it disrespectful to wake 'n' bake? Like, what if you barely knew the person who died?
is national geographic playboy for zoophiles?
"Is someone in there?" I reply, "YES, YES, OCCUPIED, YEAH, THERE'S SOMEONE IN HERE" "You okay?" "YEAH I'M FINE THANKS, HOW ARE YOU?" "....Okay." They leave.
*is still vomiting* this is REALLY fucked-up shit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
is that your penis in your hand or is it my penis. you and i have begun to blur
is the man fucking lion related to the woman swallowing python
is there anything more offensive to the humble autist than an unruly shower curtain.
Is This YOUR Marijuana!?!?!?!?!?!?
*is unable to charge my beam attack* no babe seriously this like never happens
Isaac Newton gets hit in the head by a Granny Smith apple and discovers sour gravity
<Isajeep> in fotr when gandalf first goes to see that other gay wizard what does he first say to him?
<NickBlasta> stfu noob
<Setzer> stfu noob
<CRC> he says: "sup dawg, i r g4nd4lf da gr3y!"
<CRC> we should get the script to LOTR and make it l33t
<DC4ever> CRC - and then add subtitles to the avi of it, and rename it "L0rd of teh r1ngz0rs!"
<CRC> legolas: chex0r this out! *stabs orc in eye with arrow* LOL! di3 f00l! *shoots another orc with arrow* pwned!
<[H]Slacker> divx?
<NickBlasta> orc: CHEATER CHEATER WALLHACK!!1
<CRC> (when pippin/merry/whichever the fuck knocks the armor down the well) Gandalf: omg, noob!
ISO a Penis (with man attached)
.iso is short for .isopod file
<isocat> i tripped a couple summers ago and had a 'jerry' trip sort of, he had just died and i listened to some dead and tried to summon his spirit
"It ain't the pussy and it ain't the asshole." You may have heard of this little place between the pussy and the asshole.
it can easily be sanitized for your hine parts to sit comfortably farting away.
it didnt work but i did meet a lovely swamp witch that gave me a bunch of mushrooms she said would give me magic (:
it dont even feel like june it dont even feel like any month we just floatin thru time
it has come to my attention that everything is shit. when it really comes down to it i'm a little dick licking bastard with a fowl mouth. i like to think i'm intelligent, but really i can't even spell words correctly or use the words i'd like to use in the right way. i don't really even understand why i'm writing this. i'm pretty sure it's because i'm bored, or because i live in oregon IL. it's such a shit hole, everyone here is a disease, plauged to be worthless forever. i to am just as useless. i try to think i'm not, i try to convince myself that i have some greater purpose than the other people on earth. but it's a dream, i live in a dream, when i rise to my feet every morning it's because i hope that something momentous will occur. and when i end up sitting on a window sill at the local video store i realize i'm a waste of space.
IT IS AGAINST LAKE CRAIG REGULATIONS TO PRETEND TO BE A FISH IF YOU ARE A FISHER.
it is an honor 2 be in ur computer
it is foretold on the freaky slab
It is illegal to copy any of the material on these pages, and all theft will be severly punished in your afterlife as you enter our fields in Hell....
"It is pretty strange. I am huge empath. But this is one only serial killer, I have empathy for. I tried to find out why. And still not sure. Maybe because his SINCERETY and honestly in his interview, which is never the case with other criminals"
IT IS THE YEAR 666X. DEVIL CHAOS HAS PLUNGED THE WORLD TO DARKNESS. IN THIS HELL REALITY, HORROR MOVIES ARE KNOWN AS "REGULAR MOVIES."
It must be So Stinky…*dreamy sigh*
It probably is kind of fun to be a parent bird and find big fat bugs to put in your child’s goalpost mouth. And the more you do it the larger your baby gets, which shows your progress. Mine is reaally big, think I’m going to get a high score this time. It has a unique skin too, I’ve never even seen this one before. Has anyone gotten that one, dark brown and white belly with stripes? It’s not even in my Wrenpedia, it has to be a really special unlock
it really is called DOM insertion huh…
it reeks of smells in here
It represents a succesful uprising against the rule of one of the local warlords feuding in Europe at the time.
It says, "WHO WOULD POSSIBLY TRY TO BREAK INTO A CAR THIS CRAPPY AND LEAVE A SCRATCH ON THE TRUNK?" Darwin fish hides that.
It smelled like someone jizzed into a Frito bag and threw it in a bum.
It took practice but I finally felt that I had it down after several tries, one crying spell, and the Rocky theme playing in the background.
It was a clitorical question
It was like ecstasy his breath in my ear as he humped my padded rear end. Then he pulled my diaper back and shot his load then peed for ever
It was sick what they did. It was sick. They hurt it so. I don't care if it was dead. It still could hurt. Oh, the poor little thing. Why didn't they do that to me? Why didn't they? Not a baby! Not another baby! They just threw it on the fire, just like it was nothing but a piece of wood.
it will be a cold day in hell before I give up eating banana skeletons
IT WORX EVN BETR IF YOU USE YO-BOY SLANG OR FUGGIT HOW TO SPULL THENGS RITE.
it would be fucked up if the united states was real
IT"S TEN TIMES CHEAPER WITHOUT THE MICROWAVE PACKAGING!!!!!
It's a sad fact, but as an employer, you must realize that 73% of all employees die at work.
It's a tragedy, but take it up with God or Darwin or whatever.
“It's all water under the bridge.” “It's all poop in the toilet”
It's because YOU ARE A FAT GREASY CREULLER SHAPED SACK OF BITTER, STEAMING, ENVIOUS SHIT!
IT'S COMINGit-hurts-to-post
It's hot and humid out here. Like being inside a mouth. [stares with evil intent]
IT'S INVADING MY BRAIN AND I DON'T KNOW HOW TO STOP IT!
It's like a storm. Like a storm. It's red and black. But there's light. There's a light. It makes the fire mad! Mad! It roars! It's all black and red. All around the room. Like a storm. It's like a storm and it's got zzz-zzz-zzz heeeeeeee-bbb-b-b-b-blackness, thhheeee blackness. He's blackness. P-p-p-p. . . the black. . . the black. . . black... he . . . makes the storm. He's angry! He's angry! There's something going 'Wwwwhhhhoooooo.'"
It's like driving around in a lava lamp! Far out, brother!
It's like my brain, my heart and my pussy have been involved in a sick and twisted game of paper, scissors, rock since I met you: Pussy over brain, heart over pussy, and brain over heart.
It's nice that loud noises don't stick to clothes like smells do. That would be really bad if they did.
It's not a sweating problem, it's actually mucous.
It's official, there is no hope for MK hentai.
it's thousand yard stare summer
IT'S YOUR FUCKING TURN TO STEP ASIDE AND LET HIM/HER PASS.
"It's. . . Malachi.
its called hemp and its a material us stoners use to transform our lives
its dripping
its fucking dember.
its kind of fun to uninstall programs you arent using to free up space and see them all beg for their lives
its me boy the amulet speaking to you from inside your brain. leave the wizard council we dont need them!
It’s called brutalism
It’s just me and my stupid clit against the fucking world
it’s never a normal temperature anymore it’s always some fucking bullshit
it’s not too late for a revolutionary bacteria to crawl into the wound
ive been informed that the breaking wheel, gibbet, etc are actually 'solar punk', and possibly even Leftist
ive never fucked up someones pronouns this badly before, sorry
ivy: A man named William Reed's last living testament says that he is going to read his own will
ivy: Will Reed's will will read: "Will Reed will read Will Reed's will".
<Ixnorp[Regenerating]> I think I've found an excellent unit of size measurement. It's the 'I could kill you and hide your body in it' unit. People usually become very quiet after you say, "yea, I could kill you and 3 other people and hide the bodies in this"
< Izazael > Why did they never make romantic warheads?
< Izazael > I guess no one likes the taste of semen.
< Izazael > What could be more romantic than the girls who gag on cum club at yahoo?
I´m 39 years old and what is this
I’m a part of god.” WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT MEAN!??
I’m currently eating a slice of pizza so please know that while you’re scrollin through posts I’m over here, digesting
I’m nervous to see what the bakery looks like. The pendulum always swings back the other way whenever I have a piss easy day like yesterday. We’ll see in a mo
I’m not real. You sick puppies made me up.
I’m on that spectrum
I’m proud of you, Skeletor.
I’m really sorry for you or happy that happened idk I didn’t understand a word of this
I’m sick of the bullshit.
I’m slowly beginning to accept the reality that 2007 was not last year but in fact almost four years ago
'I’m thinking about the big bopper’s feet' 'You’re thinking about the big boppers feet?' 'YEA'
I’ve blocked people for being pregnant I never gave a fuck
I’ve never wanted to have sex with an airplane but I think it’s cool how some people want to have sex with airplanes. I think the world is a richer and more colorful place for it.
I’ve seen you people thirst after men I wouldn’t even feed to my creature
<J-dogg> Your pretty funny
<DirtyKate> I don't remember you.. but thanx
<J-dogg> Wanna cyber?
<DirtyKate> OK, but don't tell anybody (wink)
<DirtyKate> Who are you?
<J-dogg> I've got blond hair, blue eyes, I work out a lot.
<J-dogg> And I have a part time job delivering for Papa John's
<DirtyKate> You sound sexy.. I bet you want me in the back of your car..
<J-dogg> Maybe some other time. You should call up Papa John's and make an order
<DirtyKate> Haha! OK
<DirtyKate> Hello! I'd like an extra-EXTRA large pizza just dripping with sauce.
<J-dogg> Well, first they would say, "Hello, this is Papa John's, how may I help you", then they tell you the specials, and then you would make your order. So that's an X-Large. What toppings do you want?
<DirtyKate> I want everything, baby!
<J-dogg> Is this a delivery?
<DirtyKate> Umm...Yes
<DirtyKate> So you're bringing the pizza to my house now? Cause I'm home alone... and I think I'll take a shower...
<J-dogg> Good. It will take about fifteen minutes to cook, and then I'll drive to your house.
<DirtyKate> Jdogg, I'm almost finished with my shower... Hurry up!
<J-dogg> You can't hurry good pizza.
<J-dogg> I'm on my way now though
<DirtyKate> So you're at my front door now.
<J-dogg> How did you know?
<J-dogg> I knock but you can't hear me cause you're in the shower. So I let myself in, and walk inside. I put the pizza down on your coffee table.
<J-dogg> Are you ready to get nasty, baby? I'm as hot as a pizza oven
<DirtyKate> Oooohh yeah. I step out of the shower and I'm all wet and cold. Warm me up baby
<J-dogg> So you're still in the bathroom?
<DirtyKate> Yeah, I'm wrapping a towel around myself.
<J-dogg> I can no longer resist the pizza. I open the box and unzip my pants with my other hand. As I penetrate the gooey cheese, I moan in ecstacy. The mushrooms and Italian sausage are rough, but the sauce is deliciously soothing. I blow my load in seconds. As you leave the bathroom, I exit through the front door....
<DirtyKate> wtf?
<DirtyKate> You perverted piece of shiat
<DirtyKate> Fuk
<j03bl0w> Is it wrong to touch yourself when things like Miss Teen USA are on?
<|SeveN|> j03bl0w: no.
* j03bl0w touches himself in places with lots of nerve endings
<j4yj0hn> look at me! i watch mtv all day! I am brainwashed into thinking pop is an excellent style of music! Road Rules! Real World! Now to go buy my $100 dollar shirt from american eagle or abercrombie because i am a consumer whore!
<j4yj0hn> i hate television...
JaCk5tAh: i hope you droen in your own piss
jacking off on halloween like a fucking crankenstein
"jail isnt real," i assure myself as i close my eyes and ram the hallmark gift shop with my shitty bronco
Jallak went to Hebrew school at this one temple for years...there was no rabbi, the head of the temple was the Cantor. He had long hair and he sang a lot. He would always give us long sermons about judiasm and goodness and all that, getting very very very passionate, his voice rising, tears nearly coming to his eyes as he spoke of God aa a "Great cosmic teddy bear"...
<Jallak> It's been years since I went to Hebrew school...today I found out the Cantor had been arrested...for running a prostitution ring
<Jaques> What if there was a Resident Evil game in France?
<sands> it'd be boring as shit
<sands> all the zombies would run away
<JasonM> Oh my god.
<JasonM> I was at the train station today, and this REALLY EMO GUY comes up to me and asks me if i have a lighter
<JasonM> So i get it out and go to light it
<JasonM> Then his fucking fringe catches on fire
<aikon> LOL!
<JasonM> I pissbolted.
<JasonM> I'm scared of going back there tomorrow and seeing a burned emo corpse on the ground
<jaymeekae> i feel so american
<Moonman> you shot someone?
Jealous, controlling 300gb high-speed USB 2.0 hard disk
<jebus_Y2k> Here are some helpful hints just in case you may want to send me a virus.
<jebus_Y2k> 1. Don't threaten me repeatedly before you send the virus.
<jebus_Y2k> 2. Don't attatch the virus to a message that says "SUCK THIS, BITCH".
<jebus_Y2k> 3. Don't name it virus.exe.
<jeemer> you know, come to think of it i already have a 5 gallon aquarium
<jeemer> hundreds of billions of pets
<jeemer> i feed them malt and they shit out alcohol
<jeemer> its a pretty good system actually
Jerk Me Off And I'll Suck Your Cock
420 jerk off grants you the Stoner's Boner buff btw
JerrysCatTom: whenever i get out of the shower i have a habit of writing... well... drawing things in the mirror for the next person to see.... dinosaurs, ghosts, monsters, you know the usual... but this time, i went to the bathroom, and my mom had just taken a shower... so i look at the fogged up window, and write "look down" with arrows pointing downwards. we have the curtins covering the lower half of the window, so after you pull them aside you see another ghost with sharp teeth saying, "BOO!!"... god my parents are gonna think i smoke pot... :/
jesus christ. I Am Under Fucking Attack
Jesus wants you to fuck me
Jimmy: no if you punched a care bare do you think it would shoot a rainbow out of its ass
hooges: quite possibly
hooges: or maybe sugar
hooges: If that was the case, we could start a sugar plantation
hooges: just breed carebears and punch them in the face and get the smurfs to harvest the sugar out of their ass
John Goodman and a Parking Garage Kicked My Ass
<Johnno> wouldnt it be cool if there was a cow that had a door on it's side, that when you opened it up, it produced nummmy pie
<wonko> that's a good idea! hold on while I round up some venture capital...
JOHNNY "SUSTAINED" LIBIDO This variety of male may be even more dangerous than JOHNNY LIBIDO because at least JOHNNY LIBIDO tells the truth.
Join: Mr_Shroom (~Mr_Shroom@dt032n74.san.rr.com!)
<Mr_Shroom> Good gracious.
<Mr_Shroom> My ass is bodacious.
<Mr_Shroom> I had no idea!
<Mr_Shroom> Why was I not informed of my spanktacular backside?
<Mr_Shroom> Eh?
<Mr_Shroom> ...
<Mr_Shroom> Don't make me lay waste to your cities!
<Mr_Shroom> Fiiine.
<Mr_Shroom> You big babies.
Part: Mr_Shroom (~Mr_Shroom@dt032n74.san.rr.com)
<Coan_Arcanius> he's right, he did look good leaving
Jokes on you I'm barefoot right now
<JonTG> Man, my penis is so big if I laid it out on a keyboard it'd go all the way from A to Z
<JonTG> wait, shit
Joy is stored in the wildly inaccurate Halloween skeleton
<jre> One time I went into a stupid donut shop to take a pee-pee. They had a sign that said: PLEASE "FLUSH TOILET" BEFORE LEAVING. Flush toilet was in parentheses. So I assumed it was code for something
<jre> So I "pissed in the sink"
<jUmB0> lets buy cocaine and support south american independence
<JungleMason> There's a hole in my heart that can only be filled by you.
<Gabealicious> Have you tried epoxy?
<JungleMason> Yes, and the smell reminds me of you.
<Gabealicious> Or... maybe some of that spray foam insulation...
<JungleMason> I LOVE that shit.
<Gabealicious> me too!
<JungleMason> Tastes GREAT on a Triscuit.
<Gabealicious> Yes ... some folks call it 'ez cheez'
<JungleMason> Burger King calls it "Ranch Dip."
Just a psa for all bugs I am going to sit in the grass for a little while and you are NOT ALLOWED to climb on me
just another long hard day of contributing to low birth rates
just ask that person out, the worst thing they can say is an esoteric incantation that topologically inverts your body
"Just Curious..."
I happen to be a card-carrying chilehead, and have been for many years. I am also gay, and I know a lot of people in my social circles who are also chileheads. Is there a general connection between being gay and being a chilehead, or is it just that the people I know are an unusual group, and therefore I shouldn't make generalizations from what they do?
To re-phrase, are there a lot of gay people visiting these pages, thus confirming my suspicion that a lot of chileheads are also gay?
just found 3 bolts and a snail shell on da groun
just found out today that moths can make their genitals vibrate to throw off a bat’s sonarvenacavo
just frownloaded a terrorfright of SCARY images
Just fucking deal with it alright
Just fucking fuck me, already.
Just got back from putting fake ballots in a pigs mouth
just got revenge on someone who wronged me 6 years ago. never be relaxed ever. im coming
just introduced a local bat species into your room.
Just made about 15 servings of the worst pasta i have ever had in my entire life
just painted my toenails a lovely pearlescent blue that makes it look like my circulation is so bad i passed away without notice several hours ago
Just read that apple seeds contain cyanide. Concerning
Just saw a horse run by with a boner, I got super pissed and chased after it but he was faster than me
Just saw an adult man growl at a qr code on the wall
Just saw my doctor type "FUCKED FOR LIFE" on my chart then he turned the screen away and stopped making eye contact with me
JUST TO CLARIFY THE PRICE IS $.07 USD...I WILL ONLY BE ACCEPTING POSTAL MONEY ORDERS, CERTIFIED BANK CHECKS OR COLD HARD CASH (OR COIN FOR THAT MATTER).
<JustNoodle> be right back
<JustNoodle> it's time for my daily sacrifice of a virgin
<meatwad_> you're committing suicide?!
<k-rad-bob> i think we need to like develop a bit further as persons
<Prae_> just as i thought
<k-rad-bob> i cant imagine what life would be like with no arms at all
<k-rad-bob> irc'ing with a spoon in your mouth
<Prae_> LOL
<k-rad-bob> no masturbating
<k-rad-bob> spending life on a quest for weird chicks who'd pittyfuck you
<k-rad-bob> or like team up with a legless chick
<k-rad-bob> imagine the sex
<Kabuki_Dude> Shit... My teacher just sprung a surprise psych test on me. It was a damned describing game... Like: There's a forest, describe it. I was being a jackass and said that the forest was burned down and blackened.
<Kabuki_Dude> Then she asked me how I went through the forest. I said that I ran through it denying all logic and reason.
<Kabuki_Dude> She asked me to describe a vase in the forest, so I said that it had a penis on it.
<Kabuki_Dude> Then she asked me to describe a barrier blocking the way. I said that the barrier was my mom with a pickaxe.
<Kabuki_Dude> About 3 days later, my psych calls me and wants to 'talk'. Apparantly, my teacher called my psyche with the results of my test.
<Kabuki_Dude> Here's how it went down: The way you described the forest was the way you viewed life. The way you went through the forest was the way you went through life. The vase is your view on relationships, and the barrier is how you think you're going to die.
<Kabuki_Dude> Needless to say, my teacher keeps her distance from me now.
<Kacey> if I wsa president, I would change the "In God We Trust" to "In Goats We Thrust"
<KainSularei> I wish that it was possible to edit car honks
<KainSularei> sometimes someone tries to cut me off, but i always see it coming and speed ahead of them
<KainSularei> So I'm thinking I get some LOTR Gandalf bumper sticker on my back bumper
<KainSularei> I'd like to be able to hit the steering wheel and have them hear this booming "YOU SHALL NOT PASS!" as I go by
<kalani> Today a young man on acid realized that all matter is merely energy condensed into a slow vibration, that we are all one consciousness experiencing itself subjectively, there is no such thing as death life is only a dream and we're the imagination of ourselves...Here's Tom with the weather.
<`KArmA> and now, an Ode to Redhat 8, in free verse
<`KArmA> I heard that you were cool
<`KArmA> I read the reviews which said you were
<`KArmA> I downloaded your isos and burned you to CD
<`KArmA> The install was beautiful
<`KArmA> You loaded just fine
<`KArmA> But your network configuration sucked and you lied to me about my soundcard
<`KArmA> Then you wouldn't update your software like you said you would
<`KArmA> you lied repeatedly to me about my kerberos 5 libraries
<`KArmA> the sound still won't work despite your assurances
<`KArmA> and I'm left rage hating you, your company, the development community that spawned you and Linus Torvalds himself
<`KArmA> Fuck you Red Hat 8, if you are the example of what Linux Desktops are supposed to bbe
<`KArmA> then I will continue to use OpenBSD
<`KArmA> . . .
<`KArmA> thank you
* JaG cheers
<phr0work> hehe
<phr0work> that was pretty nice karma
<DesScorp> ha ha ha ha
<`KArmA> see? poetry does not suck r0b
<`KArmA> it just has to hit you in the right spot
<phr0work> hehe
<`KArmA> and if anyone posts that to bash.org I'm going to jam my Redhat 8 install CDs up your ass sideways
<DesScorp> you could've just done a Haiku......"Red Hat sucks my cock......OpenBSD rolls over the penguin......As I shave Linus Torvald's Mother's back"
<KaRn> so if i made a million $ american and moved to canada.....i'd be richer?
<Kashan> I hate it when H-manga's try to be philosophical
<dregan> Mehh.
<dregan> "As I lay there, with the cum flowing out of every hole, my schoolgirl vagina stretched beyond its natural limit by a twenty-limbed tentacle demon, I wondered 'What is the stars, what is the stars?'"
kawiz: being gay would be no problem with me
twins421: ..why
kawiz: its like... digging for water in a different spot in the desert
kawiz: sure, it's different... but you're still not gonna get any
twins421: ...............
twins421: wow
twins421: just ..wow
kawiz: i know
kawiz: i have profound analogies
< Kayne > man, i should take this vibrating monkey out of my ass... it's starting to affect my typing
<Kaz> Let's tell scary stories!
<The_Karma_Police> Ok, I'll start.
<The_Karma_Police> There was this guy, and he was in the kitchen...OF DOOM!
<The_Karma_Police> And in that kitchen, he baked...THE PIE OF LOST SOULS!
<The_Karma_Police> And to cool that pie, he put it in...THE WINDOW TO HELL!
<Kaz> Ok, let's promise ourselves to never tell scary stories again...ever
<Kazak> man I am bored, Im gonna try some weird shit
<Nash> uh oh
<Kazak> HOLY FUCKING BLOODY HELL!
<Nash> ?!
<Kazak> I PUT A STAPLE THROUGH MY DICK!
<Nash> HOLY SHIT!
<Nash> You really are a crazy bastard!
*Killer_jeep has joined the conversation.
<Kazak> good fucking hell this hurts LIKE HELL
<Killer_jeep> What?
<Nash> he put a staple thru his dick
<Killer_jeep> DEAR GOD
*Killer_jeep has left the conversation.
<Kazak> shit now I have to piss! Brb
<Nash> this can’t be good
<Kazak> BITCH ASS MOTHER FUCK!
<Nash> what happened!
*Darkness has joined the conversation.
<Kazak> the piss flew out of the staple holes
<Darkness> WTF!?
*Darkness has left the conversation.
<Kazak> I had to straddle the toilet to get it in!
<Nash> are you gonna go to the ER?
<Kazak> are you crazy? no fucking way
<Nash> well try pulling it out
<Kazak> I can’t it hurts like hell if I try!
<Nash> well it has to come out sooner or later.
<Nash> better off sooner, before anyone sees you.
<Kazak> GODDAM THIS HURTS
<Nash> its your own fault, you know.
<Kazak> shutup! augh this hurts!!!
<Kazak> GRGGRFFFFDJH~!!11
*Aaron has joined the conversation
<Aaron> whats up guys?
<Nash> The crazy bastard put a staple through his dick
<Aaron> FUCKING HELL
*Aaron has left the conversation.
<Kazak> THANK GOD!!! I got it out!!!
<Nash> right…what about the holes?
<Kazak> uhh…
*Malaina has joined the conversation.
<Kazak> I’ll have to cover my dick with band-aids.
<Malaina> what the hell are you talking about?
<Kazak> oh shit. Nash, don’t!!!!
<Nash> your boyfriend put a staple through his dick
<Malaina> FUCKING HELL YOU SICK BASTARD!
*Malaina has left the conversation.
<Kazz> Do vampires have anuses? Cause that's why I wouldn't let this kid invade a vampire's anus in this RPG, right, I was GMing, and his character was an Anus Shade, with the power to possess and control the anuses of people and animals.. and I figured that vampires don't have anuses.
<Zaratustra> a vampire's anus is present, but non-working.
<Zaratustra> like a network card without the appropriate driver.
<Kazz> Wow. You're the biggest dork on Earth.
<Sharkey> And you're DMing an rpg with Anus Shades.
Keep Cock Teasing
Keep in mind the mall Santa has a human dick.
Keep Your Goddamn Anal Beads Out of the Dishwasher!
<Kelly> i know a guy who was so facinated w/ tits he take two condoms, fills them w/ water, ties them together, slings them over his shoulders and wears them in a bra
<crazym> Kelly: you need to get out less.
<Kelly> heh!
Kenaz1220: ill choke your as out fuker!
Â«+kennyvÂ» drakkhen: heh, a buddy of mine offered me a p3 800mhz for 80 bucks about a year ago Â«+kennyvÂ» but i was like "GRRR FUCK INTEL BITCH" Â«+kennyvÂ» then i carved an amd logo into my chest with an old isa sound card
<@|KFG|Candle[DDD]> im from uganda
<@cylyk> interesting
<@cylyk> i'm canadian!
<@|KFG|Candle[DDD]> actually im not from uganda
<@|KFG|Candle[DDD]> where is canada?
<@swolf> its an american expansion pack
<khanjackalmoreau> i knew a kid who dressed up as a goth leprechaun for halloween
<khanjackalmoreau> all black outfit, with a grayscale rainbow, and a pot full of cure albums
<Khross> andy, time for the secret unix decoder handshake.
* andy sodomizes Khross
* Khross orgasms
<Khross> Okay, we can start the meeting.
2012 Kia Sorento EX with the soul of a Ferrari and built by craftsmen
*kicks your carcass* OMMGGG *kicks it again* EWWW
<Kiell> so it was my mate's funeral the other day
<Kiell> the parents asked his girlfriend to choose a song that he liked.
<Kiell> and between them they picked out "Bombtrack" by Rage Against The Machine.
<Kiell> So, just before the coffin disappeared to be cremated, Zach de la Rocha is screaming "burn, burn, yes you're gonna burn".
<Kiell> Funniest. Funeral. Ever.
Kill the part of you that feels like you need to put a bra on before people come over
“kill them with kindness” wrong, chain lightning.
KillKillKillKillKillKillKillKillKillKillKillalluringapex
king gizzard and the lizard wizard is like music made on a conveyor belt
king jizzer and the wizard pisser
<Kira> Tuesday was Groundhog Day and the State of the Union Address. As Air America Radio pointed out, it is an ironic
juxtaposition: one involves a meaningless ritual in which we look to a creature of little intelligence for prognostication and the other involves a groundhog.
*kisses ur forehead**I absorb and consume one precious memory*
(kitten) One time, a friend and I were attempting to install a CD burner in his machine. (kitten) The intstructions were translated from Japanese to English - not too bad a job, either. (kitten) However, occasionally, they will come across a word that simply does not translate, so they will use the phoenetic Japanese. (kitten) So we wound up with, you click here, you run this, you do that, ho-shin-kai, you remove the disk.. (kitten) Took it to a friend's father who speaks passable Japanese - he said "I think it means something like, 'to breathe the mystic spirit of the dark dragon'." (kitten) What that has to do with CD burners, I couldn't tell you. (kitten) But anyway. (kitten) I believe that 'zig' is akin to this phenomenon.
KitterLittie> Man, this sucks KitterLittie> I just sat down to poo, but before I even sit down I hear this big *KERSPLOOOSH!* KitterLittie> So I'm all freaked out, wondering how that happened, I jump and turn around... KitterLittie> Turns out that I forgot I had the TV remote in my back pocket before I took my pants down :(
<Kitty> h1 u wnat 2 d8?
<tavaryn> no nall, you're too l8
<Kitty> :(
<Kitty> but it is r f8
<tavaryn> maybe you should w8
<tavaryn> because we just can't rel8
<Kitty> but we r old enuf 2 m8
<tavaryn> you can't put food on my pl8
<Kitty> but when im with u i feel gr8
<Kitty> i thought we were going fishing i already bought the b8
<tavaryn> maybe i should give you another chance with a clean sl8
kixor: well, how are you going to get around the north american ip ban?
Kovia: duh, last i checked i live in texas
Kovia: and texas is south america
Kovia: way to go, idiot
<KJ> I was in a shop in Britain, when an American tourist in front of me tried to pay for something in US dollars. The shop keeper politely told her that this was Britain, and you can't use U.S. dollars here. The lady replied... "But I had no problems in other third world countries"
<kleitin> where are u guys from?
<Hyperbyte> I am from the Netherlands
<kleitin> netherlands is in usa ?
Knock the Pants off that Ass!
Knocked up my workplace with my 40 hour long week and it gave birth to a beautiful baby paycheck
knockin out his tonsil stones with the strap
Knocks all of this bullshit off the counter
Known issue, and not limited to the far-right. We've all seen more than a few leftists get off to violence against pigs,...
<Kobe_Tai> guy comes in complaining of abdominal/rectal pain
<Kobe_Tai> all of his vitals look okay
<Kobe_Tai> no abdominal distension
<Kobe_Tai> no nauseau/vomiting
<Kobe_Tai> we go ahead and admit him
<Kobe_Tai> and during his initial body audit
<Kobe_Tai> I see scratches and tearing all around his anus
<Kobe_Tai> so I'm like "have you been raped? or eaten anything unusual?"
<Kobe_Tai> and hes like "no"
<Kobe_Tai> so I make him an appointment with radiology
<Kobe_Tai> and send him down for an Abdominal Ultrasound
<Kobe_Tai> about 45 minutes later, they're calling me
<Kobe_Tai> and they're like "OMFG COME DOWN HERE"
<Kobe_Tai> so I go down
<Kobe_Tai> and theyre all like white as ghosts
<Kobe_Tai> I put the film up on the slidr
<Kobe_Tai> *slider
<Kobe_Tai> the guy failed to mention that he had ?AN ENTIRE VLASIC PICLE JAR RAMMED UP HIS ASS
<Kobe_Tai> pickle
<Kobe_Tai> so, we sent him to surgery
<Kobe_Tai> and because the lid was off
<Kobe_Tai> it formed a vacuum
<Kobe_Tai> and they had a real hard time removing it
<Kobe_Tai> no, they drilled a hole in it to release the vacuum
<Kobe_Tai> when they did he hemorrhafed
<Kobe_Tai> *hemorhagged
<alex> all he wanted was to have a good time :(
<alex> first of all if i wanted to have anal sex with a jar i would find one of those plastic ones
<Koel> imagine a mother dick feeding a whole nest of chirping baby dicks
<@koenig> I just had a very fun time with a telemarketer who called my home.
<@koenig> She was telling me that I had "won in a drawing" and that I might have won a Hummer or a trip to Orlando and some other crap.
<@koenig> So I said, "Hey, them Hummers is sure nice."
<@koenig> "Oh yes," she replies.
<@koenig> "I bet they can haul a lot in them Hummers."
<@koenig> "Oh certainly."
<@koenig> "Do you think they could hold something that was like 6' long?"
<@koenig> "Most likely."
<@koenig> "And weighed like 150-200 lbs.?"
<@albus> oh dear.
<@koenig> "Possibly."
<@koenig> "Well, I'll cut right to hte chase. Do you think they could carry a dead body?"
<@koenig> "Uhhhh."
* albus hears police sirens.
<@koenig> :)
<@albus> you should use her as a reference when you apply for a security clearance.
<@koenig> Well you realize I didn't actually claim to HAVE a dead body. I was purely curious, in case I get into the funeral service business.
<@koenig> It's my new idea, "Die With Style, Inc." where instead of a hearse you drive out in a Hummer.
<@albus> ...
<Kolar> For the record, I want to get a copy of that one video of JFK getting shot, so I can dub in the Unreal Tournament 'HEADSHOT!' sound clip.
<Kolar> Lee_Harvey_Oswald is on a KILLING SPREE.
<Domarcet> So what does that make the film of Ruby shooting Oswald?
<Kolar> Lee_Harvey_Oswald's Killing Spree has been ended by Jack_Ruby.
<Kolar> Jack_Ruby was looking good until he died of cancer in prison!
<Kolar> And then the chat window could come up and say "JFKennedy: OMG camper fagz"
<kolby> you know those bathrooms at football stadiums where like a bunch of guys just stand next to each other and piss in em?
<kolby> they had a smaller version of that in this restaraunt and I looked up while I was taking a piss and there was a mirror
<kolby> I started messing with my hair and I pissed all over myself and everyone behind me had this horrified look
<Scofco> hahaha, so you were pissing in the fucking sink?
<kolby> huh?
<kolby> ...fuck
<komies> It got dead in here.
<komies> Riech, tell me a story.
<Shish> make it have pirates in it!
<Riech> Five pirates and one woman wash up on a desert island after a shipwreck.
<Riech> Before long they are all getting pretty horny so they all make a deal.
<Riech> Each pirate will marry the woman for one week at a time, at which point the next pirate in line will marry her and so on.
<komies> Five pirates and one woman? Seems like my kind of island.
<Riech> All the pirates get sex every five weeks and the woman gets sex as often as she wants with a different pirate each week.
<Riech> The situation works wonderfully for five years. When the woman suddenly dies...
<Riech> The first week after wasn't too bad.
<Riech> The second week was getting sort of bad.
<Riech> The third week was getting pretty bad.
<Riech> The fourth week was really bad.
<Riech> The fifth week was horrible!
<Riech> By the sixth week it was unbearable...
<Riech> ...
<Riech> ...
<Riech> So they buried her.
<korosu> I can't believe I just took a shit in my bathing suit at the beach. What the fuck? I cant stand up and take it to the ocean, because I am wading in a puddle of feces at this very moment. Any change in my seating position will send my poo spilling down my legs and into view of every sunbather within 30 feet of me. There is no way I can play this off as a fart.
<korosu> It doesn't help at all that I've been spun out for 3 days. I can hardly see straight! How am I possibly going to explain this to my wife when she comes back from getting chili dogs to ask me what the fuck I just did in the presence of my children? She'll make me drop trau in front of everyone again. There it is. The family on the blanket to the right of me just asked if I could smell "that". I gotta go.
<Kosmo`> Why is it called PUBLIC hair if it's on a "private" part?
<pakz> you moron! it's not PUBLIC, it's PUBIC
<Kosmo`> uh... really!?!? HOLY SHIT!
<pakz> what?
<Kosmo`> hehe, now I see why my girlfriend laughed when I asked her "why don't you shave your public hair?"
<Kosta> I bet men wouldn't be so fascinated with vaginas if they secreted lima beans
<Koult> Hey Lac'
<Lac'> Sup dude?
<Koult> You know I went to the cinema with Claire
<Lac'> aye
<Koult> She gave me a blowjob half way through
<Lac'> really!?sweet!
<Koult> No dude, not fucking sweet,
<Lac'> ?
<Koult> Just as I came I was looking up at the screen,
<Koult> and Elijah Wood aka Frodo looked right into the camera
<Koult> and now I've got his face burned into my memory, I feel I've just gotten head from a fucking Hobbit
<Lac'>I'd type rofl ect but if I dont stop laughing I'll piss myself
<kperpy> then i heard my mum at the door and naturally i panicked right, but luckily i alt+tab'd to porn and took off my pants before she saw that i was on the microsoft website
<Kris> I tried to use an ouija board as a mouse-pad once, but my stupid <censored>ing mouse kept opening diablo2 when I wasn't watching
Kristopolous: I don't think we should have thermometers, speedometers, or odometers.
Kristopolous: This is America damn it!
Kristopolous: Thermofeet, speedofeet, and odofeet for me, thank you very much!
KUBSCHA: GOSSMACK ION RADIO
Kudos to the clever cop who used laser pointer 2 lead my nude howling ass into his cruiser...
<kuribo> cacti: got any porn haiku?
<CactusJac> Ejaculation
<CactusJac> Spray your load onto my face
<MikeSweetser> It's what's for dinner.
<kuribo> either this CD player is possessed or it's trying to tell me to take out this Avril Lavigne CD
<kuribo> i would think it was these cheap ass CDrs i bought
<kuribo> but my christina aguilera retail CD does it too
<MikeSweetser> Ted, every insight into your CD collection reveals more of a damaged, lonely man. :)
<Kurt> Good day prospective employer, I am both smarter than a hatful of periwinkles and prettier than two bags of smashed assholes. Fail to employ me at your own risk.
kushblazer6662di have these really old blunts that im not gonna roll up so ive been chopping them up and smoking them in a bowl like a centimeter at a time. is that better or worse than just smoking them as a whole cigarillo
<L0ne_W0lf> I saw a lady at work today putting a credit card into her floppy drive and pulling it out very quickly. I inquired as to what she was doing and she said she was shopping on the Internet, and they asked for a credit card number, so she was using the ATM "thingy."
La La La, I'm so high
<LabMonkey> ok riddle me this
<LabMonkey> I open the pack of cigarettes
<LabMonkey> pull out one
<LabMonkey> pick up my lighter
<LabMonkey> put the cigarette back in the pack
<LabMonkey> then try to light my nose...
<LabMonkey> What the fuck, over.
LADIES--- call me Global Thermonuclear War cause my game is mad strange and if you come back to my place I'll keep buggin you to play chess
LADIES— call me Katrina because the governments not going to care when i ruin your home
*ladling green bubbling liquid out of my cauldron and into my bong* oh yeah this is gonna rip
<lagmagnet> I forgot I downloaded the best of the 70s disco
* lagmagnet burns out to cd to listen on the train tomorrow
<BBQ_69> "best of 70s disco" dude, you got ripped.. there is no such thing!
<lagmagnet> hah fuck off :) 70s disco rocks :)
<BBQ_69> yeah, but then you run out of cocaine
<lagmagnet> true
<lagmagnet> :(
<Lailoken> On Cinemax tonight they're showing Shrek from 11:00 to 12:30 and then Best Sex Ever from 12:30 to 1:00.
<Lailoken> Somewhere in America parents leave their child to go to a dinner party, "Here honey, you just watch Shrek and we'll be home some time after midnight."
Lance XOX: I will dye with satin
Laptop fan hungry. Feed it 152 loose dog hairs.
Large Glass Jar (possibly containing a ghost)
Last night as I went to bed, I put on a diaper, like usaul! When in the middle of the night comes I wake up and wet my diaper so I don't have to get up! I did not have anything to drink before bed so I wasn't weiring about waking up. That's right I didn't wake up. Morning came...I woke up thinking my diaper was dry. I thought about how the day was going to be. But as I was getting out of bed I realized I had wet my diaper in my sleep! I tryed to remember if I did wake up in the middle of the night to wet them but I hadn't. Cool...I have this hyonsis tape that sometimes I lesten to, maybe that is the cause of it? I don't know but I hope this happends more and more
Congratulations. Hopefully, you'll start wetting the bed on a regular bases soon. *sigh* I love being a baby.
Last surviving trilobite found in 4 gallon fishbowl filled with dyed rainbow gravel, pink plastic plants and SpongeBob decorations
latches onto you with my sucker
Laura, he said as a sort of epitaph to his meal, You were an F student, a B- Fuck, and an A+ meal.
Laura, i will kill your bunny
Lava lamp wizard
Learn to use your magical powers inside you. We all have them we have just lost our way. Come inside and learn how to get them back. I have found some very interesting things about ESP and much more I can show how to use ESP NOW. I can teach you how to use your Magical powers.NO BULLSHIT IT REALLY WORKS..
Legion Kreinak: The world's so fuckin' politically correct these days. Before you know it, we'll be required to call black & white cookies african american & caucasian cookies! Dragon Phoenix: I could just see that on crayons...
lemonlimeskull: So I'm sitting in Hardee's (Carl's JR for anyone here one the west coast)
lemonlimeskull: This huge African American dude sits across from me at the booth. Plenty of tables around, of course, since this is Hardee's.
lemonlimeskull: Since I don't usually have uninvited guests at fast food restaurants, I'm naturally a bit put off while simultaniously wondering what the deal is.
lemonlimeskull: The guy goes "Hey, man what you do for a living?"
lemonlimeskull: I must've looked really confused, but I manage to answer "Game designer... Why?"
lemonlimeskull: The guy sits there for a good thirty seconds, looking out the window over my shoulder.
lemonlimeskull: Then he finally looks me straight on and says "Good, lemme ask you a question..."
lemonlimeskull: "Why don't Pacman wanna eat eyes?"
lemonlimeskull: I just gave him this really quizzical look, then he gets up and leaves.
lemonlimeskull: After a few seconds of wondering wtf that was all about, I look out the window over my shoulder and see about five police cars slowly driving off into the distance.
lemonlimeskull: The worst part is...... WHY doesn't Pacman wanna eat eyes?!
<LeoDV> Don't fight for fuel, stroke your tool!
<KANG> that's the worst slogan anyone has ever had
<LeoDV> Touch your sack, not Iraq!
<KANG> I stand corrected.
<LeoDV> War is heinous, thumb your anus!
<LeoDV> http://www.masturbateforpeace.com/ This is where heroes go when they die
<KANG> I hate you more than anything
lesbians should get $
“less is more” is a lie perpetuated by big small to sell more less
let's all green out together and pass away
Let's eat Donal trump for dinner u get his dick if he has One.
LET'S FUCKING FRISBEE
***LET'S SWAP: MY SOUL FOR A CUBS CHAMPIONSHIP***
letd go eat parts of that guys car
Lets all suck on glass together and make the aquarium clean for everyone
lets give it up for pleasures of the flesh !!
lets groove tonight .. impaled on spikes of life
lets see.....
when prey wiggles inside me.
when prey messages my insides.
yiffing is a plus on the way down any kinb.
hmmm so much but i figure those are the best ones....so i'll give you that for now till i feel like posting a full list
note: im so damn yiffy it ant funny
Let’s click each other
level 271 penismancer demonstrating his arcane might
<lib1790> so, at this college there was an extra credit question "Is hell endothermic or exothermic"
<lib1790> this is what one kid wrote:
<lib1790> First, we postulate that if souls exist, then they must have some mass. If they do, then a mole of souls can also have a mass. So, at what rate are souls moving into hell and at what rate are souls leaving? I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.
<lib1790>As for souls entering hell, lets look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to hell. Since, there are more than one of these religions and people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all people and all souls go to hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in hell to increase exponentially.
<lib1790> Now, we look at the rate of change in volume in hell. Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in hell to stay the same, the ratio of the mass of souls and volume needs to stay constant.
<lib1790>So, if hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter hell, then the temperature and pressure in hell will increase until all hell breaks loose (i.e.,Hell is exothermic).
<liv1790>Of course, if hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in hell, than the temperature and pressure will drop until hell freezes over (i.e.,Hell is endothermic).
<lib1790>So which is it? If we accept the postulate given by Ms.Therese Banyan during my freshman year, "That it will be a cold night in hell before I go out with you," and take into account the fact that I still have not succeeded in having a relationship with her, the second case cannot be true. Therefore, hell is exothermic.
<lib1790> the kid was the only one who got credit
<LieparDestin> i challenged god to a duel once
<LieparDestin> the next day my rabbit died
<LieparDestin> i guess i lost :(
Life hack: add white chocolate chips and sea saltmxxnlit-witch
Life is one big yeehaw and then you die
Lifetime supply of hot sauce
like girl get a life, commission your oc shitting
like im so bored let’s all wash our pussies and our dicks
<limeking> Hey jen, ya wanna come over and we can wrap ourseves in plastic, shit ourselvves, and then eat our own shit while listening to MC hammer?
<Jennie254> Ewwwww gross!
<Jennie254> That's fucked up! Why would you even THINK I'd want to listen to MC Hammer?? .
LIMP BIZKIT LOOKALIKES TO THE FRONT OF THE LINE!!!!!!!
<link>once upon a midnight dreary, while i pron surfed, weak and weary, over many a strange and spurious site of ' hot xxx galore'. While i clicked my fav'rite bookmark, suddenly there came a warning, and my heart was filled with mourning, mourning for my dear amour, " 'Tis not possible!", i muttered, " give me back my free hardcore!"..... quoth the server, 404.
<hokage> *cries*, scary....
Listen -- you're a good defender and your pussy is fantastic, but that's not what our team needs right now. We're trading you to Greater Boston in exchange for someone who has a car
Listen bitch i don't know who you are but that shit about Jesus Peeded on me Is bull shit ok you have no fuckin heart to say that FAT WHORE
listen kid. try the sleep burger at dream diner. go down doze avenue and make a right at the stoplight. head down and take a left on the corner of 66th sheep and napland. dont forget your pillow and blanky – this one’ll knock you right out.
listen lets be real, *pulls up a chair, sits on it backwards* on the real *flips chair over, lays on it* really real *climbs under chair*
litany against the sunk cost fallacy (If It Sucks Hit Da Bricks)
literally just add more garlic
Little known fact.....the pedals in a PT Cruiser are spaced further apart to accommodate crocs
Liu Kang voice I showed Outworld that loud smoke, could be medicine.
live your life in a way that when people find out the freaky sex shit you're into they're just like "haha yeah that definitely makes sense"
Local alternatives to "Cowboy Up!"
Local Dyke Massages a Sandwich
<Locl-Yocl> I helped the EMTs at a car wreck and got blood all over my arms and shirt. It looked like I murdered 20 people with a fork... anyway, I walked into a convieniance store down the street and said my girlfriend needs a tampon. The guy at the counter was mortified.
<Logan> I have to say that sex ruined pornography for me. I discovered that women don't scream, "Fuck me you big-cocked cowboy!" when you touch their elbow.
loincloth will be making a comeback
Lol my large and handsome pig didn’t find Anything of interest in your yard
lol: lots of lesbians
Long live bad taste!
look at my thoughts boy
look at the excitement in his body language
Look at this crazy fish
Looking for a dead deer
Looking to trade my SOUL for a Wii
"looks like a burrito fell out his pocket, hes crawling up to get it and crying. thats gonna cost points" - commentators on my snowboard run
<Lord-Data> god damn faggot game
<Lord-Data> why the fuck would i wanna pick up a corpse when im on 10% health, theres a minigun in front of me and im under fire
<Lord-Data> when i push use i wanna use the god damn gun, not fuck the damn corpse
lou bega beckons his son closer and whispers something as he dies. it was either Mambo number sex or mambo number six the son couldnt tell
[loucura] yummm... french fries and gravy
[Crysanna] you need cheese with that
[loucura] Yeah, but I don't feel like melting any cheese.
[loucura] That, and all I have is american cheese, I'm afraid it'll go to war with my french fries
louder than skeletons fucking on a tin roof
Love how liquid comes out of sooo many different types of holes on this planet
love it when people say hung instead of hanged when referring to gallows like LOL nice compliment but they are getting killed for real
Love seeing Christians be like "I can't believe LGBTQ teens are worshipping Satan instead of our nice god who hates them"
love wearing all black in public i hope no large gaseous heat emitting orb in the sky comes along and makes my day worse
Low-concept science fiction
<Ludious> I think it's delightfully ironic that the aisle across from the valentines stuff at Walmart features family size bottles of vaseline.
*lugs oxygen tank up your steps* hi.. im hear..*gasp* to eat ..youre pussy
<luna> okay okay, so it *probably* isn't going to snow, but i can
<luna> imagine it!
<roland> well, if we're imagining, i can imagine buxom women will fall
<roland> from the sky like sexy hailstones.
Lunatic: All those opposed to the patriot act raise your right hand
Lunatic: Raise your hand high
Lunatic: Now raise the other one
Lunatic: Hands behind your back
Lunatic: you're under arrest for treason
(lupin) yeah (lupin) I'm pissed (lupin) I went to Wal Mart and they stopped me because I had a backpack (lupin) and they said "We'll have to hold that for you because of recent events" (lupin) and I said "Listen, if I were a terrorist, I think I'd pick a better place to bomb or infect than a backwater WalMart. I'd at least go hit the Super Wal Mart in Bryan because I could go get McDonalds on the way to blowing it up." (lupin) and they let me keep my bag
<Lyme> I got Fight Club for 6.98 at walmart.
<Black_Bishop> I am Jack's low price guarantee
ma... pa... i done swallered a lil lego feller... and i ain't feelin so good
macaroni and she's
<|mac|> Had a job in Govt, my mind misfired, I got fired, Maryland says if you get fired from state service cant come back for 3 years
<SideShow_Mike> mac did you chainsaw kill someone at work? I thought it was damn near impossible to get fired form those jobs.
<|mac|> no sideshowmike I had a nervous breakdown and shit on my supervisors desk
<clay45> whoa
Made a lowball offer on eBay as a joke and it got accepted. uh oh.
made an awesome sandwich its time to sit on a steel beam high above thecity skyline and eat it
Made banana bread and it tastes like Chernobyl aftermath
<maff> AMERICA'S ARMY
<maff> defend freedom. online. with some 13 year olds.
<mage> it will be nice to be back in america
<sparks> I feel the same way
<sparks> having come from alabama
Magic 8 Ball - Will I Get Laid Tonight?
magic isn't always “find connection with all things in the universe,” sometimes it's just “make tasty soup” or “shrivel your kidneys” yknow how it is
“magic mushrooms”? uhm, actually, all mushrooms are magic, so jot that down
MAGIC SPRINKLES for Kirkland!
Magic wand to solve life's problems
Magic witch cookbox
Magician confesses invasion coming eminent at dawn of darkness speaks inner eye winger of dooms fire.
Awareness is your Key to escape.
Spiderorchard
makeing a bad gril good
always a boy never a gril but im realy a bad gril at heart
HELLO BABYS
makes up a sandwich to get hungry at
makes you imagine the sound of a bowling ball striking pins
making my humidifier and dehumidifier participate in a cruel and pointless war
<MakoClause> shit
<MakoClause> i am so dead
<MakoClause> there is this huge dent in our christmas ham
<MakoClause> where i decided to liberate some of it for a sandwhich
<MakoClause> but i liberated too much
<Zappy-Holidays> dude
<Zappy-Holidays> ham raeper
<Zappy-Holidays> where are your morals
<Zappy-Holidays> I know why you really carved out a little bit
<Zappy-Holidays> *nudge* *nudge*
<Zappy-Holidays> *wink* *wink*
<MakoClause> dude
<MakoClause> i didn't fuck the ham
<Zappy-Holidays> U FUCKED THE HAM
<Zappy-Holidays> HAM FUCKER
<MakoClause> I DID NOT FUCK THE HAM!
<Zappy-Holidays> UR FAMILY WILL EAT YOUR SEAMEN
Male beauty is my special interest, dude
<@Malf> dude im pranking people on skype
<@Malf> i called this american pizza place
<@Malf> and i go "are you mexican"
<@Malf> "no"
<@Malf> "ok i'd like to order a pizza then"
<@Malf> "sorry we dont sell to racists"
Man if you're going to be mean and least get it right. I smoked crack. I would never have wasted coke on snorting it.
man im talking tickle down economics
MAN, I RIPPED THAT MOTHERFUCKER OUT OF THE ENTERTAINMENT CENTER LIKE A KUNG FU NINJA AND WHIPPED THAT BITCH AT THE FLOOR WITH ALL OF MY STRENGTH.
<mander_> if east timor can be a nation..
<mander_> is there really any reason my bathroom can't be?
<Mandingo> This is why I go to CNN.com.
<Mandingo> http://www.cnn.com/2002/US/08/08/porn.patriot/ index.html
<American> im not clicking on anything that says porn patriot
<AirsickMoth> some american.
<manero> MANLY THINGS:
<manero> 1) JOHN WAYNE
<manero> 2) WAR MOVIES
<manero> 3) BEER BRATS
<rebrane-> 3) WAR MOVIES WITH JOHN WAYNE
<rebrane-> 4) FARTING
<manero> 5) LARGE CIGARS
<rebrane-> 6) CARS
<rebrane-> 7) FIRE
<manero> 8) BOWLING
<rebrane-> 9) CARS ON FIRE
<ian> 10) BEAR SUIT
<rebrane-> 11) GUNS
<rebrane-> 12) GUITARS
<skitzo> 11) ANAL SEX WITH YOUR BEST FRIEND IN THE TOOL SHED
<Primary> 13) JOHN WAYNE'S GUN
<rebrane-> there's already an 11, skitzo
<manero> so our friend, she's in the part of med school where you do all the genital exams and shit
<manero> and prostrate exams, etc
<manero> and a couple weeks ago, they had to do it on a real person for the first time. and so she was very nervous
<manero> so she's doing the exam, she does the front and everything is ok
<manero> and she does the back door and she gets through it all
<manero> but at the very end, as she finishes
<manero> she didn't know how to tell the dude she was done, so she slapped him on the ass
<manero> i had tears running down my face for 10 minutes after she told the story
<blach> alright bitch, im done with your bunghole *smack
<manero> the funny part was the dude was like 60, too
MANG MANG MANG MANG MANG MANG MANG.
mantises are the closest living thing to centaurs
<mantra> the other guitarist in my band owns my soul
<mantra> i sold it to him in third grade for a peanut butter cup
<mantra> he still has the little yellow paper
ManuelMADMAX: CANNIBASL CORPSE
Many years ago, before I was born, a DC-10 crashed near my soon-to-be house, and everyone on it was killed. That area was turned into a Dog training area for the police, but when people intrude on the area, they sometimes have claims of seeing people walking around, searching almost for something or someone. Could the police be using dead souls to have their Dogs chase down?
Abiogenesis (ab-i-o-jen`-a-sis) n. (Biol.) The theory of spontaneous generation from non-living matter [Gk. a-: neg.: bios, life, genesis, birth].
March- More disgusting nerds challenging me to css, I attempt to peacefully, civily decline, but am butchered with threats. I have no choice but to face them. Now, understand this, my own personal safety was at risk in these matches. I HAD to feign to be terrible at css.
Mario and Luigi's mutilated corpses were later found stuffed in a warp pipe.
<mark_007> i was peeing before and i hear this shuffling outside the door, so i lift my leg and kick the door as hard as i can
<mark_007> and like i hear this bump, and an "OWW", so i really quickly finish up and open the door
<mark_007> my little brother's lying on the ground holding his head and writhing in pain
<mark_007> HE WAS LISTENING TO ME PEEING
<MartinBlank> I knew a guy who dressed up for Halloween as a giant penis with ferns growing around the base, and said he was dressed as a dickweed.
MARY MOTHER OF JESUS, AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" WHAT THE HELL?
Masculine and feminine are over. Its just The Urge now. The desire. The torment.
Masterbatung, squierting, its all in my wheelhouse .
<mattb> funeral was for my uncle
<[OmegentooX]> Did he die?
<mattb> that seems to be the popular opinion
Mattbot80: The creepiest thing happened at work the other day i went to the bathroom and there was a female janitor cleaning it and i was like shit i'll have to come back later she sees me and says something in spanish i have no idea what she said but she had like an evil witch cackel a hispanic guy had walked in behind me and told me she had invited me to go ahead it creeped me out
DaShizza: You seriously should have just whipped it out, did you really have anything to lose?
Mattbot80: Well i went the urinal and whipped it out thinking that's creepy but she wouldn't be able to see anything but my back but then she starts mopping around my feet and then she put the mop between my legs and hit my foot and i was like fuck this i'm gone i'll piss myself if i need to.
Mattbot80: It was the most akward momownt i've ever had in a bathroom
DaShizza: hahahha i just showed my co-worker hahah, thats hysterical
Mattbot80: Glad you enjoyed it this may very well cause deep emotional scarring and a phobia of public bathrooms or female janitors
<mattbuck> !pball
<mattbot2> | !pball 10 | <Peel> i would start by kissin you softly on your lips
<mattbot2> | !pball 10 | <Peel> whilst undoin your shirt
<mattbot2> | !pball 10 | <Peel> then i wud move down your neck and start kissing your chest
<mattbot2> | !pball 10 | <Peel> all the while i woould be undoin your belt and your trousers
<mattbot2> | !pball 10 | <Peel> i would then rekease your long hard throbbin cock from your underware
<mattbot2> | !pball 10 | <Peel> and move my tongue down from your chest to your waist onto your penix
<mattbot2> | !pball 10 | <Peel> *penis
<mattbuck> not that one AGAIN!
<mattbot2> | !pball 10 | <Peel> then i wud give u the best head of your life
<mattbot2> | !pball 10 | <Peel> and i will let your imagination take you from there
<mattbot2> | !pball 10 | <Peel> NOW can i have my ops back?
<Maxstah> i had a cable repair call at this arian nation nazi guys house today
<Maxstah> funny his name was joseph black
<Maxstah> i told him thats ironic
<Maxstah> he got pissed
may i humbly suggest these?[ID: a photo of a pair of thigh-high dark blue suede boots with high gold heels. They are covered with bead embroidery of stars and zodiac constellations.]bee-barf
may i proffer a dark curse?
maybe i do want a lava larmp
MAYBE IF THERE WAS ANY HOT FUCKING WATER COMING OUT OF THE SHOWERHEAD IT WOULD HELP WITH THESE DISEASES AND SHIT AND INFECTIONS THAT YOU ERRONEOUSLY THINK WILL WASH AWAY, BUT THERE'S NOT, OKAY.
Maybe if we didn't give serial killers such cool names like "The Night Stalker", and we'd instead call them "The Small PeePee Killer" we'd have less serial killers
Maybe it's fred's psycho leer that's putting shaggy off the suckage.
maybe the weed addicted 2 me
maybe there never were any twin towers. like did u ever see them?
maybe we’re looking at the same moon at the same time tonight
<MazeMachino> id ownz us all and we know it
<MazeMachino> well maybe not jud
<MazeMachino> he doesn't know it
<MazeMachino> but he'll find out
<MazeMachino> when Doom3 arrives in the shops
<jud_> yay, pasty fat white zombies for everyone!
<MazeMachino> yeah, w00t
<MazeMachino> pasty fat white zombies? Americans?
<jud_> why spend bazillions on a computer capable of running doom3 when i could just look in the mirror?
<MazeMachino> Doom3, the game where you get to shoot American white trash in the gut
<mazix> IAN VAN DAHL CASTLES IN THE SKY 8.99 Genre: SOUL/R&B
<mazix> Released: 12/19/1900
<mazix> Country: USA
<mazix> this song is older then i thought
<SJ7Trunks> haha
<Crom> AHHHHHHHHH
<Crom> MILLLENIUM BUG
<Crom> WE ALL GONNA DIE
* Crom hides.
MC with zombie(?) at Loyola stop - w4z
mcdonalds mcflurry in the current year is such a massive fuck you. paper cup no lid no cookies on the bottom. you gotta mix it yourself with a spoon made of recycled plastic and hatred. the spoon will break after two stirs. and then you're just sat there like fuck me i'm an idiot so you ask for another spoon and they're gonna look at you like “get a load of this guy” so you just take the second spoon silently in shame and try again. guess what. yeah fuck you thats what. second spoon breaks. now it looks like a complete skill issue. you refuse to ask for another. so you use the decapitated spoon part and shovel your half plain half grey mcflurry into your dumb face. and it has oreo essence but its not like it used to be. the world you grew around and into is dead and here you are. a fool. and they're like fucking $6 at that point just rob me at gunpoint
<McKain> in psychology
<McKain> we were discussing sleep
<McKain> and the blind kid with bad hearing asks
<McKain> "I heard that if you are dreaming and falling, and you hit the ground, you die for real"
<McKain> and my professor immediately says "Yes. You die."
<McKain> I LOL'd so hard
<McKain> then someone else asks
<McKain> "I hear that if you have a nightmare in which you die, you die for real"
<McKain> and he goes "No, that's complete rubbish"
<McKain> I wanted to ask "I hear if you are dreaming that you are battling zombies and you get bitten, you will wake up and be a zombie. True or false, Professor? TRUE OR FALSE?!"
mdvb: Matt, you not watching the State of the Union?
strestout1: ill tell u the state of the union
strestout1: we're losing jobs, the economy is going to shyt, the whole world hates us
strestout1: god bless america
strestout1: the end
me (liberal) on my way to spread my transgender propaganda (literally just exist) and harrass republicans (say hello to my dad)
me and her is going to A SUPER ORGASM, OH MY FUCKING GOD WE'RE GOING TO FUCKING CUM!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
me and my boys gathering around a boulder during the supermoon. we r going to beat the shit out of it. this is the only night it's possible
/me casts lvl 10 erection on newk
Me helicoptering my dick so the cops can’t triangulate my cellphone signal
me online shopping: *violently comes out of a trance* what have I done…
Me, accumulating worldly possessions: this is awesome!Me, moving worldly possessions: this blows!
me, as i force a dollar bill into the self-checkout machine: thats right.....good boy......vore president washington
Me: shit who smoked all the weed? my therapist, hannabis lector: whoa dude idk that’s crazy
Mead is a honey beer and because their calendar was lunar based, this period was called the honey month ... which we know today as the honeymoon. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ In English pubs, ale is ordered by pints and quarts...
meeking a smee
<Meeko-Priest> I was talking to a pimpin' ghost with my friends Lisa and Candace.
<Meeko-Priest> "Are you there?" Ouija Board: NO "Why not?" Ouija Board: SEX "Oh. Goodbye"
<Mek> my dad gets junkmail from all over the world
<Mek> hes had em from, belgium, france, austria, australia, Canada, America, Argentina, Russia and the Czech Republic
<Mek> and also Jamaica
<Paulio> its his mailorder bride catalogues
<Mek> you get them too??
<^Melchior^> MY NAMES BUSH!... HELP MY FIND IRAQ'S NUCLEAR WEAPONS, ORDER YOUR VERY OWN "FIND MR. SADDAMS WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION DETECTION KIT", Kit Includes: Darts and a Map
Members of a religious cult in Thailand routinely ate the feces and dead skin of their leader, whom they considered to be a holy man with healing powers.
meows loud as fuck shattering all glass within 3 miles no survivors
<Merlin> according to Time-Warner, if you channel surf or mute commercial breaks you are a thief
<Merlin> so lemme see, if I download MP3s the RIAA hates me, if I dub a movie off HBO the MPAA hates me, if I skip commercials the TV execs hate me...
<Merlin> am I allowed to store leftover pizza in the fridge and eat it the next day, or will Pizza Hut sue me?
<Merrick178> OMFG
<Merrick178> My Mom just called and I sound like my dad
<Merrick178> She said "Is that you?" I said "Yea" She said "Im glad you answered cause boy am I horny!"
<Merrick178> AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
<Merrick178> WTF
<Merrick178> IM GONNA GO STAB MYSELF IN THE HEAD NOW
mess around in notepad for long enough and you start realizing things
Metro - The Underground Hell of DC
<mETRo> you shoulda taken it back to walmart lol
<mETRo> they take anything back
<zx2ms> dude serisouly I was read to just throw it away and buy a new one
<zx2ms> instead of go through the hassle
<mETRo> you could bring in a box of used rubbers there
<mETRo> and theyd be like "was there anything wrong with them? "
<[xENo]> just set the kid on the counter
<zx2ms> lol
microdosing hell by being awake and literate
microwave for three hours
microwave timer set to 20 minutes, smoke a bowl and toss the pigskin cuz thats what cool college guys do t hese days they are jock/stoner hybrids
Midcentury fact: people in the 1970s were happier because conversation pits allowed gatherings closer to the earths center and therefore encouraged psychic healing. They also had many narcotic drugs
might be an outlier here but when i smell my neighbors smoking weed i just smile and nod its like adjacent to hearing christmas carolers for me… good tidings and joy unto you brother
might fuck around and save my own life one day at a time
<mightious> it would be cool to get attacked my a monster or something, I mean think of the stories
<mightious> or if you died you'd be a hero
<Hidden_7> yah, I prepare for monster attacks daily
<Hidden_7> cause imagine if you WERE a hero
<mightious> I have garlic incase of vampires, and a cross incase of a vampire, and on the rare chance of a vampire I have holy water
<mightious> ...actually im only prepared for vampires
<MikeTheLanceman> IT AIN'T ROCKET SURGERY PEOPLE.
<Miliwen> Alucard, how the hell do you make a city in SimCity4?
<Alucard_the_Kook> Making a city is ... a lot like making love to a beautiful woman.
<Alucard_the_Kook> First you need to check her out, get the lay of the land.
<Alucard_the_Kook> Next, you need to tease her a little. Make trails over her body, allowing you to move freely.
<Alucard_the_Kook> Then you fiddle with the zones.
<Alucard_the_Kook> Finally...
<Alucard_the_Kook> You give the bitch all your money.
millenials try this: use your barbels to search for food in murky water
MINISOTTTAAAA SSUCCCCKKSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11 YOU'RE ALL FAGGOTS WHO STEAL MUSIC!!!!
Minnesota is not an independent libertarian republic located on an idyllic palm-shrouded island in the Carribean. It is in the Midwest. (The last point bears repeating. Please reread it.)
<Miro-kun> An F-111 was flying escort with a B-52 and generally making a nuisance of himself by flying rolls around the lumbering old bomber.
<Miro-kun> The message for the B-52 crew was, "Anything you can do, I can do better."
<Miro-kun> Not to be outdone, the bomber pilot announced that he would rise to the challenge.
<Miro-kun> The B-52 continued its flight, straight and level, however.
<Miro-kun> Perplexed, the fighter pilot asked, "So? What did you do?"
<Miro-kun> "We just shut down two engines."
MISSING: Half a Cockroach. I guess all the bug guts glued this HALF OF A BUG onto the floor.
<missing> a chick walks by, u wish u could sex her
<missing> but ya standin on the wall like u was poindexter!
<akaIDIOT> since when is sex a verb?
<corngrits> i had sex
<corngrits> isnt that a verb ?
<ceraph> no, thats a miracle
MISSION PUNK'S DRINKING OLYMPICS 2002 QR Code Link to This Post DEAR FRAT BROTHERS & SORORITY SISTERS, I AM INVITING YOU TO THE MISSION FOR THE MARINA VS.
Mistakes I Made Last Halloween: 1. Waiting until the last minute to buy a costume. 2. Using cheap candy. 3. That hokey-looking scarecrow I put in the yard. 4. Letting one of the children escape alive.
MisVampyre: i'm so outta questions....i'm horrible at asking them
rhys_rhaven: questions are cute
rhys_rhaven: but the real way to understand a person is simple
rhys_rhaven: you wind a cord around the top of the biggest pair of stairs you can find
rhys_rhaven: and then you wait till a person is about to walk down the stairs, where they will obviously trip and have horrible things happen to them
rhys_rhaven: and then you walk 20 feet way. and you put a thing of frozen bacon in a skillet
rhys_rhaven: and you make the skillet so it can only be heated by a locked drum underneath it, which can be lit only by a single pilot light, which you then line with det cord trailing to a small mortar next to it. which you fill with kittens
rhys_rhaven: hungry, meowing kittens
MisVampyre: oh. my. god.
rhys_rhaven: And lastly you put a timer on the on the propane for the bacon. So they have a choice
rhys_rhaven: save the person
rhys_rhaven: save the kittens
rhys_rhaven: or eat the bacon
MisVampyre: you're awesome
MisVampyre: omg..eat the bacon
rhys_rhaven: Thats it. I love you
mmmmmm this apple so crisp now i know why pigs kill and cook themselves to eat it
<molo242k> ALLO WESTERN COMRADES! NO COMMUNISTS HERE! JUST HARD WORKING YANKY DOODLE DANDY WESTERN CO WORKERS! OH BOY! TIME FOR SOEM MORE OF THAT FAMOUS AMERICAN APPLE PIE! PERHAPS LATER WE WILL ENGAGE IN MANLY EMBRACE WHILST STILL CLINGING DESPERATELY TO THE ILLUSION OF HETEROSEXUALITY JAH?
<monami> this utility has a macro recording function but no loop command
<monami> so i record a macro, and then put a stapler on the keyboard to hold the button down
<monami> and go have coffee
<monami> i note that the stapler, on the whole, is a more efficient and productive employee than i am
<Monsoon`> They could make a TV show about IRC. Call it "American Idle"
<Montana> yeh but chinese for dinner.. Peking Dick FTW
<Dauntless> ... LOL
<Montana> omg here we go
<Dauntless> Can you say bash.org?
<Montana> why? so it can join the other 1 million quotes of random people saying 'i love wang.. oops typo, i meant computers.
<Montana> Screw this
<Montana> If i'm getting quoted I'm getting my moneys worth:
<Montana> MONTY PRESENTS THE ULTIMATE QUOTE
<Montana> OMFG my naked sister just ran into my room and before I could sex her she set fire/other means of destruction to my room but because Im a total geek it doesnt occur to me to get of irc and fix it.
<Montana> I instead enter a conversation on computers: OMG MY COMPUTER HAS GOT A VIRUS! OH WAIT NO, ITS WINDOWS/LINUX/MAC/ NORTON/AOL. Now for the obligatory Windows ME insult where the name of the product is mistaken for a pronoun for myself:
<Montana> ME SO GAY! WHOOPS IT LOOKS LIKE THE INTENDED PURPOSE OF THAT STATEMENT WAS TO HIGHLIGHT MY OWN HOMOSEXUALITY WHEREAS I MEANT IT TO BE THE HOMOSEXUALITY OF THE OPERATING SYSTEM! HOW EMBARASSING!
<Montana> Now for the topic of sex:
<Montana> I HAVE A GF.. AND BY GF I OF COURSE MEAN A GFORCE 20MB 3.45 SYSTEM RETRO POWER MAX SUPERMAN RAPING COMPUTER STICK!
<Montana> Furthermore, I make a comment as to the worth of sex but comment of my lack of sexual activity.
<Montana> Hmm
<Montana> I'm forgetting the most impostant part! The lack of social interaction!
<Montana> OMG I just opened my blinds and the sunlight burnt and I saw this guy with a swollen chest and I was like WTF and my dad says 'thats called a girl' im like WTF IS A GIRL then i went and downloaded 50GB of porn.
<Montana> </end rant>
<Montana> Anyways, as I said before.. dinner.. brb
<Dauntless> o_o
Moon shaped anomaly in the sky tonight
<MooseOnDaLoose> Hey Mike
<goatboy> what?
<MooseOnDaLoose> Pussy.
<goatboy> er?
<MooseOnDaLoose> Pussy.
<goatboy> and?
<MooseOnDaLoose> Pussy.
<goatboy> ...
<MooseOnDaLoose> Pussy.
<goatboy> i dont get it
<MooseOnDaLoose> AND YOU NEVER WILL.
<goatboy> bastard
<Moot> ok, here's what we do
<Moot> we break into AOL HQ
<Moot> and instead of the AOL setup utility, we put metallica mp3s on all of the startup cds
MORE RACCOON FOOD AND CHICKEN WINGS THAN ANY HUMAN COULD EVER NEED.
<Morj|YeozWins> I was once driving along the freeway,and a friend through some garbage out the window, and this lady ran over it
<Morj|YeozWins> So she started chasing us
<Morj|YeozWins> So I started going like 150-180 km/h down the freeway to get away, and she followed me
<Morj|YeozWins> So I eventualyl pulled over, and she gets out of her car and runs up and goes "WHAT THE HELL, WHY WERE YOU DRIVING SO FAST YOU LITTLE ASSHOLE, I HAVE A BABY IN THE CAR YOU KNOW"
mornings are for coffee and sertraline
morshed potater
MortalTerror2: ANGLE OF DEATH IS A GREAT SONG BY SLYER!
MortalTerror2: DAMIT WHY DONT YOU LOSERS TALK ABOUT MUSIC NOT NO GAY SHIT
MortalTerror2: metallica is classic rock
MortalTerror2: they play metallica on the classuc rock channel now
MortalTerror2: well jason newstaed has left metallica
MortalTerror2: YES HETAFEELDS RYTHEM IS HARD TO PLAT CAUSE METALLICA IS AWSOME
<mos6581> i made a pornomovie once. though, i had such a small budget that i couldn't afford to hire any actors, so i had to act all alone. I gave the movie a name "hand".
most american flags you see are fakes but if you find the real one and burn it then america stops existing and communism wins
MOST HUMBLING MOMENT: ONETIME I WALKING DOWN RED CARPET AT FOREST CREATURE AWARDS AND I STEP IN DOG DOO.
motaro outsmoked me so bad i almost broke my ankle
Motorbreathx420: if you ever tralk like that to me i am going to find oput where you live and kick the shit o
Motorcycles mature much faster than humans, and can, with regular medical attention, live more or less forever. Given their greater speed and power, it’s only natural that the average uplifted motorcycle views humanity as a race of playthings. Perhaps a particularly interesting human might be allowed to ride a motorcycle for a time, but much like a dragon and rider there is no doubt as to who holds the power in the relationship.Not every motorcycle kills people, and many don’t rush into it, citing a desire for it to be someone special: a Christmas shopper carrying too many precarious boxes to properly see the road, someone with especially high blood pressure (a “squirter”), or maybe a tired trucker whose eighteen-wheeler’s seat is at comfortable jumping height for a motorcycle. Motorcycles like crashes with a lot of moving parts, Rube Goldberg-esque chains of cause and effect, of broken bodies and broken parts scattered across the asphalt to strike yet more bodies and parts. The scraping of steel, the screams, the gouts of burning fuel, they’re what every motorcycle fantasizes about.Again, not every motorcycle is in a hurry to kill people. But the expectation is there. Motorcycle parents asking their children when they’ll finally produce a body. Motorcycle youth urging a hesitant friend to rev the fuck up and plow into someone. The first kill is special, given an almost religious significance. Some motorcycles want to be there for their romantic/sexual partner’s first kill, and refuse to court any motorcycle who’s killed before, which is viewed as more than a little creepy by the more enlightened members of motorcycle society.And there’s this terrible double standard, too. Motorcycles that don’t kill anyone are viewed as broken or weak, but motorcycles that kill around are shamed for it too: motorcycle culture places so much importance on vehicular homicide as something special, something that really means something, not just a thing to do for fun when a motorcycle is bored. Conservative motorcycles like to claim that overkillers are devaluing and debasing the noble art of running people over in the crosswalk.Obviously that’s ridiculous and motorcycles should be allowed to kill whoever they want, whenever they want, without anyone making a big deal out of it.
MotrCycleForLife: I think a cute movie idea would be about a parrot who is raised by eagles. It would be cute because the parrot can't seem to act like an eagle. After a while, though, to keep the movie from getting boring, maybe put in some pornography. Later, we see the happy parrot flying along, acting like an eagle. He see two parrots below and starts to attack, but it's his parents. Then, some more pornography.
Mountain Unicyclers: I've seen you in the fells and there is only one word for you BADASS!!!!!!!!
Mr. Joyce and Mr. Hemingway did a certain amount of drinking together. The author of “Ulysses” was a thin, wispy and unmuscled man with defective eyesight. When they were making the rounds of the cafes and Mr. Joyce became embroiled with a brawler, as he frequently did, he would slip behind his hefty companion and cry, “Deal with him, Hemingway. Deal with him!”
<MU-Ravage> tuesday night Im going to a funeral home
<MU-Smash> why?
Mushrooms are objectively the funniest thing on gods green earth like this one destroys your liver and kidneys and kills you this one makes a fine cooking oil this one introduces you to the machine elves this one grows in your shower and slowly destroys your lungs this one is delicious in a stir fry. Who else has the range
must feel so good to be soil absorbing rain
MUST HAVE A STRONG CLIENT BASE AND KNOWLEDGE OF THE SEATTLE/TACOMA AREA !!
My body is a machine that turns food into diarrhea
my body is not a temple it's a World Trade Center and every day is 9/11
My bongwater has developed it's own ecosystem
My brain has been destroyed by gay porno!
MY BUSH MAKES THEIR TOWER EXPLODE
my childhood raped again
My cytoplasm hurts
my dead wife. the ad free internet
My degree is in Communications and I have been working for the last two years for a private advertising company for peanuts; guess what the city of LA is paying me to do this job!?!??!!??!?...ready?....listening?...ready?... .........$72,000 DOLLARS A YEAR...HAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHHAHAHA SUCKAS!
*my dick hard as a rock* he is just drawings
my dinner just hissed at me
My dragon ass could never work at the car dealership
MY EDIBLE JUST KICKED IN
my ex used to get pissed off every time i showed them this video they would be like “that's not how a train works” really angrily and storm out of the room
My eyes bulged out of my head when I read the sign "DO NOT FLUSH TOILET, IF YOU DO, YOUR SAMPLE WILL NOT BE ACCEPTED."
My family is away and so far for dinner I've had two carrots dipped directly into hummus tub, bourbon, and 7,000 peanuts
my favorite flavor is red“ ”that's what a vampire says before it kills you
my favorite LSD story is from this old microsoft engineer who took a ridiculous amount of acid and found a way to open a windows xp control panel of his brain and turned off his fear of heights
My first sandwich from hell (Lunch) Hope U read this..
my foot hanging off the bed i don't even care anymore just let the monster take me ...
My friends and myself all went to a bonfire in the middle of a park, and got shitfaced. I met somebody there, and we ended up going out (even if her brother wont admit it). It was completely sex based.which I didnt mind until I realized the bitch gave me the fucking clap.
MY FUCKING SISTER (who is religious, married and 9 mos pregnant) WALKS IN ON US!!!
My ghost is such a joke!
My goal is to eventually destroy this company from the inside.
My hard-on just fucking went limp and fell off.
"My head would explode if I didn't get a strange piece of ass every day." - JFK, June 11, 1962
my high horse is actually awesome and fast like the wind
my high school b-ball team dabbled in the black arts, passing the talisman of PleasureKevin from man to man,.. enhancing our pussy licking
My horrible clamping beak can tear through woven fibers and wood grain like butter
My lack of any sense of morality insures I'll steal everything not permanently nailed down.
My Magic 8 Ball Lied to Me. Again.
My magical senses could detect his virgin blood surging with desire every moment I was near him.
My music is of THE best taste in the world. My devotion towards music was established in 7th grade, with my first Marilyn Manson cd (yea wow). My step dad, Todd, said that music has become a drug of mine. A drug, meaning... that I use go to it to relieve myself, to escape from my own reality...(a drug is something that makes you want more, and something that is used to an extent of abuse)...so...my drug is my music....yeah, i'm weak...
my mustard gas detector wont stop going off for some reason
"My name is Legion. I am going to kill you!
my name is Thomas..im 24 years old ...this is all true with no exxagerations...ever since i was a little boy ..( i grew up in the woods of a small county in VA)..i would roam the woods and the outdoors looking for whatever was out there...i would sit thinking that i could fly like the birds, climb like a squirrel,run and hunt like the wolf.i wanted so badly to become wild. I hated people and the evils they bring,.As a child i watched a neighbor kill my beloved pets..3 dogs and 2 cats...and some lizzards...this lit a fire inside of me...i was a boy but the rage was overwelming.I thought of revenge...i wanted to kill...a beast was slowly emerging...thats when it all started...i remember going into the deep forests and listening, then praying and pleading that i may become a wolf....i said chants i begged the gods i did dances ...all this and I was but a child....everynite for months i would try to transform myself..i would imagine my body turning into a wolf...i sat up so many nites trying to transform..over and over and over.. i remember some time going past and nothing happend...the pain of my loss subsided for the moment...then it happend...it was afternoon my little brother and i were playing on an old dirt sawmill road about a mile from home...we were riding bikes and playing...then from out of the woods came the 2 neighbor brothers that had killed our pets...i remember feeling very nervous...my little brother was very outspoken and he said somthing in the lines of here come the killers... the eldest brother...(his name Peter he was about 16 years old his little brother was about 14 or 15.) ..grabbed my little brother by the back of his neck and shoved his face in the dirt(my little brother was about 12 and i 13) and started slamming his face up and down into the ground.... thats when it happend...i started growling...not a human growl but a doglike deep bass growl...i started to slowly walk towards peter as if he were prey...my head was lowered and i walked with a great ease and comfort without any fear what so ever...when i was about 20 ft from him i ran and leaoed upon his back and sank my teeth into the back of his neck...i ripped out a large hunk of flesh with my teeth ...he flung himself round and round till i fell off...he then screamed as he saw blood covering his white t shirt and he ran home with his brother and never looked back.i tasted his blood and evr since that day things have been quite different for me...i have become a beast when it calls for it...i feel a primal transformation take place ..it comes during time of physical confrontation or when i want it to come ..and in this primal state my senses are extremely keen ..beyond imagine.. i also have a strength that propels me beyond my normal human capabilities..i can run so much faster,climb,jump everything that requires strength i can do 100 times better if not more...i also have a craving for raw meat and blood but i dnt think that has anything to do with it, but when i eat raw meat or drink blood i get a rush that is unimaginable..well that is part of my story..all true...if you want to ask me anything feel free.. email me at wolveXx@aol.com i believe that the months of conditioning on my brain that i could become a wolf ,actually mentally ,gave me all the abilities and physically also but with no physical transformation...i can feel the beast within..and it is like a comfort that keeps me safe...i am my own gaurdian...but there are 2 sides......this is a very short account of what i am...i am looking for a female donor...i thrive on the energy that comes from blood..it is truly amazing....this may be a bad idea posting this but here goes....i live in central florida and i am willing to travel where ever it may be..i am a traveller
My neighbour the Loud Sex Man is not having loud sex tonight and is instead mournfully playing the harmonica
My normal caffeination regimen:
My pet bacteria just walked into a puddle of hand sanitizer and died
My photons touched your photons, what’s next for us
my pillhead uncle is trying to hire a samurai to assassinate his parole officer
My plan to create a perfectly flat and level Kansas by moving 5,501 cubic miles of earth from west to east. It’s the ideal Kansas. Still some details to work out about rivers, roads, etc. Watch out for the 900-foot cliff bisecting Kansas City.
My Pops use to slang to him. He like speed balls coke & heroine. I walked by him when I was young I almost shit my pants. True story.
My soul for original recipe 20 pc bucket
my soul has been stolen
My spirit guide is an iguana who I've named "Don", as in Iguanadon, because he's a great lizard. Don wears nothing but sunglasses, it's really quite disturbing, and all he does is scream "BABY CAT" over and over and over, but it's him being there that reassures me. Anyway, I've had some frightening dreams lately, like the one where I was molested by a flaming door with giant arms and Don wasn't about, or where I was pissing maggots, so I guess that yeah, it is illness related and it gives me a case of the living willies.
my stim is slapping ppl who make fun of my other stims
my stupid ugly bullshit dot com
My three weed-smoking deathknights—and yes, they've sworn to destroy all things, and smoke weed
MY TRICKY DICK MAKES THEIR GATES WATER
my tummy has been described as “a melting pot culture”
My uncle's old border collie once tried herding salmon that were swimming upstream
<myst> of course with all the pro- USA, rah, rah, crap we hear... i probally just ignored it
<Joshua> ah damn, i'm sorry about that
<myst> ah teens and guns. yes i have read a few stories on that topic.
<Joshua> as an american, i'm going to have to appologys
<Joshua> *appologies?
<Joshua> soemthing like that
<Joshua> fuck it
<Joshua> i'm an american
<Joshua> i don't have to spell
<myzery> MIAMI -- An 81-year-old woman who arrived in court Thursday in a wheelchair plotted to smuggle 9,931 doses of Ecstasy in her luggage on a flight from London, authorities said.
<matts> hahah
<[prefix]> haha
<matts> What a doofus
<skycriesx> whered u read that
<myzery> the onion
<n> the only thing that gets him away from eq is beer
<Doza> at least he hasn't totally sold out
<n> what we need is a helmet we can strap onto him... with tubes that go down his thoat... and you hook it up to the puter... and it dispenses beer every time he gets a frag
<n> then he'll play q3
naming a drink monster is actually scary as fuck they shouldve named it healing safety drink
<Narcissus> Dude I had a fucking crazy night last night
<Thomas> yeah?
<Narcissus> So you know how Jason is basically a crazy redneck?
<Narcissus> well we were sitting around drinking when he just pipes up "let's go hunting guys!"
<Narcissus> we're in the middle of the city, right, but we're sort of drunk, so me, Mike and Aaron go for it
<Narcissus> We head out to the park, drinking from the camelback of course, and see these fucking geese; Just hundreds of fucking geese sleeping by the river.
<Narcissus> we're just kind of stumbling around laughing, but Jason takes a fence post, UPROOTS the motherfucker, and just Braveheart charges this field of geese
<Narcissus> the geese start going apeshit as he's swinging like mad, just honking like crazy tearing up the river
<Narcissus> the three of us don't know what to do, but three generations of inbreeding sure as hell did. The fucker cracks one of the geese over the head, and it's just frozen, sort of stunned
<Narcissus> without a second of hesitation, Jason grabs his dull ass pocket knife and just pounces on the goose, stabbing wildly, and let me tell you.. there's a fuckton of blood in a goose
<Narcissus> this thing is hemorrhaging blood, completely covering him, but he keeps stabbing it
<Thomas> wtf dude? that's fucking nuts
<Narcissus> just listen, it gets worse
<Narcissus> We are completely dumbfounded, we don't know what the fuck just happened, but we're pretty sure it's extremely illegal
<Narcissus> we decide to wrap up the goose in Aaron's jacket and take it back to the apartments
<Narcissus> so we walk like 3 miles back, and take it to the field by the power station
<Narcissus> Jason's not done though, he takes his dull blade and SKINS THE MOTHERFUCKING GOOSE
<Narcissus> takes out the entrails, the whole nine yards, takes for fucking ever
<Narcissus> at this time Mike is turning pale, he's looking up all the laws we'd broken, and he kept yelling about some security guard watching us
<Narcissus> I told him to stop being paranoid, but he wouldn't let up
<Narcissus> so he grabs the goose and just fucking chucks it, as hard as he can over towards the freeway
<Narcissus> needless to say we were pissed, but we weren't about to spend all night looking for that shit
<Narcissus> So we snuck home, drunk, hungry and defeated
<Thomas> Now that's a fucking adventure
<Narcissus> yeah, I know, but just imagine this episode of cops:
<Narcissus> four college age guys, drunk, walk out of a darkened field in the middle of a city at 3 A.M. after spending several hours working on something, and one of them is COVERED in blood, holding a dull, bloody knife, claiming to have just hunted, skinned, and then completely thrown away an entire goose
<Narcissus> you can't right better shit than that
<Thomas> I don't think we should ever hang out with Jason ever again
<Narcissus> Agreed
NASA just discovered a vampire continent
<nastsmom> this place looks like a ghost town
<Espresso> try changing the colors of your client so it looks like hawaii or somethign
<Nate> The Americans spent 5 years and 10 million dollars to develope a pen that would write in space, freezing cold, extreme heat, and in zero gravity.
<Nate> The Russians used a pencil
Nativity figurines. Crucifixes. Rosaries. Clean out your apartment, all this nerd shit is chick repellant.
Naughty at a Funeral - w4m
naughty children must feed the ants to appease The Hole
<navi> HELLO, MY NAME IS ASHLEIGH, AND I AM REAL.
<Chibi-Usa> HELLO
<Chibi-Usa> MY NAME IS CHIBI
<Chibi-Usa> AND I AM A FIGMENT OF YOUR IMAGINATION
<Frostuman_The_White> HELLO
<Frostuman_The_White> MY NAME IS FROSTUMAN THE WHITE
<navi> and you are going to take over Middle Earth
<Frostuman_The_White> AND I AM AN ALCO---I'M GOD! YES! THAT'S WHAT I MEANT!
naw i'm looking at elite moons at exclusive times
Necrophiliac seeking corpse
Need a volunteer to give me a vasectomy
Need comfort dick due to Michael Jackson's death?? - m4w
Need info on how to be a naked human sushi platter (for a freind, not public)
NEED MAD SCIENTIST TO CLONE DOG
NEED SARAH PALIN LOOKALIKE ASAP FOR ADULT FILM
Need someone to kill a bug, right now
Need Someone to Turn Me Into Furniture
Need to diversify my substance abuse portfolio
neeeeeed a dark elf baddie to blow nirnroot smoke in my face and i hear that ringing as i look down her tunic
neopets forum posts i reference all the time but nobody getsconarcoin
<netw3rkd> i was going through my parents dresser and found a sock full of weed and took some
<netw3rkd> oh shit my mom is behind me
*** netw3rkd has Quit (Connection reset by peer)
Neurotic, angst ridden, high maintenance stress ball seeks...
NEVER be vulnerable. FLUSH your medication down the toilet. LIE when people ask how you're doing. SUPPRESS your feelings. ALWAYS be irritable and abrasive. MAKE SURE you push away anyone who's close to you. CANCEL your therapy appointment.
Never ever ever eat raw white onion and then smoke cigarette.
NEVER flip your canvas. That's valuable time you could be using to draw everything at a slant.
never forget that you are someone’s most legendary fumble
never forget what green onion has done for you.. for all of us
never forget when saruman literally told gandalf “you've been smoking too much weed bro”
never inviting the origami guy to the smoke sesh again. he folded up the last of our flower into a beautiful dove that flew away on the wind, inspiring a melancholic but still uplifting reverence in all of us
never let being a girl stop you from being a boy
never “look inside” yourself btw i just tried it and there was already someone in there looking back it was so awkward
New carebear is named Pissed At You Bear and he's just pissed at you
New from Apple: the I-God!
New growth Fir lumber is so soft I can literally gnaw through it, take bites from it. And they build houses from this stuff, disgraceful
new kind of guy who browses the internet a bit before bed
[new to sadism] I'm gonna hurt the blood out of you
New York City is about a lot of things. One of those things is seeing the upper limit for the size a rat can be and that limit is larger than you'd expect
New yorka seeing pizza for the first time in 2 hours: HUBBA HUBBA, GET A LOAD OF THAT DAME
Newzfoxjr: Holy shit dude
Newzfoxjr: my friend ding dong door bell ditched a house across the street
Newzfoxjr: he ran to a bush and hid, the guy answered and he was dressed up in a freaking S&M suit
Newzfoxjr: so my friend comes out of the bush, looks at him, AND GOES INTO HIS FREAKING HOUSE.
Newzfoxjr: it's been like 2 hours
Next time someone says you don't look autistic, politely ask them if you smell autistic.
NEXT, BOOST YOUR CELLULAR RECEPTION AND DRIVE OUR TEENY LOLITAS WILD WITH HUMAN PHEROMONES MADE FROM PRE-OWNED INKJET CARTRIDGES.
nice 420 joke the police are on their way
<NightShade> hey Bamihap, lets do a singalong :D
<NightShade> The internet is really really great
<Bamihap> FOR PORN
<NightShade> i got a fast connection, so i dont have to wait
<Bamihap> FOR PORN
<NightShade> there's always some new site
<Bamihap> FOR PORN
<NightShade> i browse all day and night
<Bamihap> FOR PORN
<NightShade> its like surfing at the speed of light
<Bamihap> FOR PORN
<Bamihap> WHY DO YOU THINK THE NET WAR BORN???
<Bamihap> PORN PORN PORN!!!!
<herr_flick> roflol
<NightShade> I'm glad we have this new technology
<Bamihap> FOR PORN
<NightShade> which gives us untold opportunity
<Bamihap> FOR PORN
<NightShade> from your own desktop, you can research browse and shop
<Bamihap> FOR PORN
<NightShade> untill you want to stop
<Bamihap> FOR PORN
<Bamihap> ALL THESE GUYS UNZIP THEYR FLIES
<Bamihap> FOR PORN PORN PORN
<herr_flick> lmao!!!
<Bamihap> SO GRAB YOUR DICK AND DOUBLE-CLICK
<Bamihap> FOR PORN PORN PORN!!!!
<NightShade> o.m.f.g. :D
<Bamihap> sorry shade, we masturbate ;)
<@nik0li> SANTA MONICA, Calif. (Wireless Flash) -- A woman in Santa Monica, California, is attempting to lose weight in a manner others may not be able to stomach -- an all-semen diet.
<@nik0li> Starting December 1, a plump porn star named Kim Kelly hopes to lose between 10 and 20 pounds by spending 30 days on a diet consisting largely of semen -- or as she prefers, "man juice."
<@prence_> shit, ill eat my own man-juice if it will help me lose 30 pounds!
<Nirvana000> So I went to Wal-Mart today to try and buy a copy of San Andreas.
<Nirvana000> I couldn't see any copies on the shelves so I went to the counter to ask. The girl didn't speak a word of English. I tried asking her "Do you have San Andreas for sale? " in a REALLY slow and clear tone, but she just shrugged her shoulders. Then she said something in Spanish over the speakers.
<Nirvana000> I was REALLY getting pissed at this point.
<Nirvana000> She must have called the manager, cos he came up to the counter and started asking me in poor English what I wanted.
<Nirvana000> Me: "Do you have San Andreas? SAN ANDREAS!"
<Nirvana000> Him: "SAN FERNANDO!?!?!"
<Nirvana000> Me: "WTF? SAN ANDREAS!"
<Nirvana000> Him: "AAH, SAN FERNANDO!"
<Nirvana000> He went into the back muttering something about San Fernando. WTF?
<Nirvana000> Couple minutes later he came out with a copy of Madden NFL 2004. He was waving it around, and he wouldn't stop saying "SAN FERNANDO! SAN FERNANDO!"
<Nirvana000> And then I just left.
niteowl7710: When I went to the website to see what the current cover
niteowl7710: And I got a pop-up from Spice.net...offering me (and I quote)
niteowl7710: MONSTER TITS -- THE LARGEST BREASTS ALLOWED BY LAW
enigmamofm: Wow.
enigmamofm: wait
enigmamofm: "By law?"
niteowl7710: That sir, is what it said
enigmamofm: There's some sort of regulatory legislature on this issue?
niteowl7710: I'm not sure but I now have a new goal in life
niteowl7710: Figure out how to get a job in the Department of Health & Human Services (makes sense to me)
niteowl7710: In the "Breast Measurement Bureau"
niteowl7710: I'm sorry ma'am but those are just too large, I'm going to have to fine you
niteowl7710: Well yes Ms. I'm sure this does just seem like titty fucking, but I assure you is a valuable tool we use here at the B.M.B.
enigmamofm: You are a credit to you community sir.
<Niva> I bet whoever invented Jello did so because he had a lot of friends who did acid, and really wanted to fuck with them.
<Niva> "Hey, Matt, pour me a glass of water."
<Niva> "Sure man, I- HOLY SHIT!"
<Andolph> And just to tease them, they stuck all kinds of stuff like doll heads and legs inside the jello
<Niva> Dude, this water isn't pouring?
<Niva> "What are you talking about? You're getting it all over the floor!" "IT'S STILL IN THE PITCHER, MAN!!!"
No but I fuckin. Ate the cake so I don't give a shit.
No dude you're clearly under the influence of the amulet I'm leaving
No Homo We Smokin Penisas
no i want it NATURALLY on the end of a BONE
no idea what this means
no its not a “bush” it’s my second wizard beard
NO KIDS. WEIRD ADULTS ONLY!
$200 no lowballs no negotiation i know what i have
No matter where you go, there will always be a floating mass of warm air which smells like unrefined ass SOMEWHERE in the area.
NO MORE JOY AND NO MORE HOPEWICKED RITUALS INVOKE –BLASTING DARK AND TWISTED ROPEIN THE DEPTHS, OF MY PENIS STRONGHOLD...
No more leftovers please god I want a fast food burger so bad
No More Sex With Fruit
NO NON-BELIEVERS!
NO NOXIOUS CREATURES (NO SNAKES, NO SCORPIONS, FEW BUGS, NO DUBYA.) SHEEP, SHEEP AND MORE SHEEP - VERY CUTE AND CUDDLY.
No offense to the people of Texas but if there was a big red button that said “destroy Texas” on it. I might. I may.
no one talks about how hard it is to be a gay person who doesnt care about astrology
No puppies for this bitch!
NO RETURNS, EXCHANGES, or GUARANTEES – NO EXCEPTIONS!!!!
No they won't because why would anyone eat a mouse that's stupid not all men are bad and not all men are stupid you may have had a bad experience with a man but not all men are bad granted there bad men but instantly accusing all men as bad is immature I'm dating a man and he is nowhere near stupid and I know for a fact that he won't eat a mouse and in pretty sure I could name at least five other men that won't do something as immature as that and saying that a man will see a mouse and eat it won't get you a anywhere with a man if anything it will drive them away.
No you cannot fix your entire life at 2am. Go to bed.
No, they gotta eat. That is the point of all these. Crumb is ant food. Web provide food, like job provide money. worm eat dirt. Flies are weird.
<no_soul> did you know the testes on blue whales weigh like 400 pounds?
<no_soul> thats a hefty sack
<ecoli> my god.
<no_soul> just a little fun fact for you all
<ecoli> them is some big nuts
<ecoli> did you know that the blue whale's penis is 11 feet long?
<no_soul> i bet the shoot loads like a fuckin cruise missle
<NobelDek> I got all my history from Age of Empires
<JoseoftheWired> Using video games to learn history is probably a bad idea
<JoseoftheWired> And the American colonists decided to rebel against the British because they were camping all the tea.
<[7hs]> Brits lost because of lag
<NobelDek> No, the Brits were noobs. They didn t know how to play in DS_America.
<[7hs]> The Civil War happened when someone turned FF=ON
<JoseoftheWired> The Japanese hated the Koreans on their server so they invaded
<[7hs]> Hitler used a wallhack to get into France
<[7hs]> twice!
<TheStupidOne> No...paris lagged out
nobody has seen the president in three days [burping and rubbing my president shaped tummy] that's crazy
@NocSchool: 3 hours left...1 page a half left... @NocSchool: then i'll smoke a good bowl to forget all i've learnt :P +SnypeTEST: NocSchool: isnt that the american dream?
<nom> Bush wipes his ass, right?
<Ultron> No someone does it for him
<Legion> yeah with the constitution
[nonchalantly goes to hell]
none of those words are in the voynich manuscript
nooooo way I took the edibles that make your armor come to life and start jacking you off
normal people will never understand how valuable a dragon png can be
NORMALLY SOME SORT OF IDIOTIC QUOTE WOULD GO HERE. HOWEVER, NOTHING CAN MATCH THE SPLENDOR OF THE TEDDY BEAR'S PICNIC. WE HAVE MIRRORED THE ENTIRE SITE IN CASE IT EVER GOES DOWN. So, if you're frightened of dying and... and you're holding on, you'll see devils tearing your life away. But if you've made your peace, then the devils are really angels, freeing you from the earth.
'Northern Lights, Juneau, Alaska'. Sydney Laurence. c. 1920s.
Not all furs live a happy life. Some furs hate being what they are. What they've turned themselves into. What others expect them to be. They try to change things, and end up envying their past. They see they've changed the wrong things. They wish they'd changed earlier. Learned their mistake sooner. They do nothing, and their future turns into a bottomless pit. Friends disappear. Enemies multiply and band together. They see this, try to fade away, and end up just that much more visible. They alone are the balance for the rest of furrydom. Necrofurs start their existance at death. Void of form. Content. Purpose. Moral. They are puppets to a lesser cause. They know this. They hate the path they are forced to walk, the world they are forced to wander though, but most of all, the human that pulls their strings.
not enough fucking sauce on this thing some1get get me some damn sauce!!!
not even a penis ritual can save us now
not going into extreme detail but it involved 5 gallons of lube and 16 footballs
Not me though, my wizard hat is intensely, agonizingly vertical, displaying dominance in matters of both social standing and arcane mastery
not now kitten mommy is having imaginary beef with a person she hasn’t spoken to in six years
Not only did you let him marinate in failure for a moment you also gnome laughed on his corpse
not to be lustful on main but i really just need a man over 350 to roll over me in his sleep and flatten me like a steamroller and if i die its just how it has to be
Not to interrupt D9's ranting on the stupidity of 70% of humanity or anything, but everybody should smoke a bowl in those astronaut's honor.
I am.
to the potheads.
"United we're stoned, divided we're busted" -Stonernet.org
Poodleanus.
good idea
LooooooLA00O0o0))o
NOT TO MENTION AN EXCELLENT NATIONAL HEALTH CARE SYSTEM, A NOT-TOO-BLOKEY PUB CULTURE AND THE ABSENCE OF RIGHT-WING CHRISTIANS IN GOVERNMENT.
<notBel> Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly; but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.
note to self make disease that makes sword flaccid
note: you can chill the dough in the fridge if you can't bake them right away for any reason, but if you have to refrigerate it, let the dough come up to room temperature again before you bake them, otherwise the tops will not get cooked fully if the dough is still cold when it goes in. as an added note, if you oven stops working.... “did you try unplugging it and plugging it back in after two minutes” does indeed work on ovens as well as computers and don't forget fun sugar sprinkles !
Note: You can die up here.
nothing brings me more joy than watching the life leave a noob's eyes
notice: if you continue, several fetish scenarios will proceed in sequence.
Noting for later (as we need more butter for this, and probably won’t do a grocery shopping till the weekend). amyamychan
<novalis> How many surrealists does it take to change a lightbulb?
<novalis> Two. One to hold the giraffe, and another to fill the bathtub with brightly colored machine tools.
Now choose your fate: ENTER and join us Freaks..OR Run Away like a scared little mouse.....
NOW I HAVE THESE 60 MILLION VIAGRA PILLS AND SEEK YOUR HELP IN TRANSFERING THEM TO YOUR ACCOUNT.
now i mean it sexually
now THIS is the kind of philosophical liturgy i come to tumblr for. FINALLY i can defeat the pope
<[NSGuide]Greedo386> I'm American. I respect the Bill of Rights. Freedom of Speech is one of the greatest parts of being American. That being said, you have no rights in here, whatsoever.
<NuclearisWinterius> "Without the USA there would be no France, just a greater Germany" and the guest on the show said "Without France, there would be no USA, just a greater England"
<Method> hurray for france!
<Method> without england, there'd be no USA, just a really big canada where they all spoke french.
<Method> i don't know what's worse
<ari> Without Finland, there would be no IRC and this pointless discussion would not be taking place :p
<nuhduhnewbie> socks that don't add up are obv the work of terrorists
<nuhduhnewbie> omg missing socks must be turned into turbans;o
<PuffinFreshWog> and bombs
<PuffinFreshWog> and the left over socks are broken down and then sold to a sock making factory
<PuffinFreshWog> and then all the people whos socks when missing, go and buy more
<PuffinFreshWog> and then the factory makes a lot of money
<PuffinFreshWog> and it gives a lot of it to the terrorists for making the socks go missingin the first place
<PuffinFreshWog> and that is how they get their funding
<PuffinFreshWog> its all a delicate cycle
Nuns used to scare me. Then one day I went and murdered four of them. I'm not afraid of nuns anymore. I don't know, maybe this is some kind of skill that can transfer over to this job or something.
NYC SUBWAY RANT: JESUS CHRIST!
“nypd” actually means new york personality disorder
NYUNG, NYUNG, NYUNG, NYUNG.
<^o-o^> the development version of Xemacs has a warning file in it
<^o-o^> "People with epilepsy, persons with a history of heart problems and users of Viagra should not use this version of Xemacs"
<drwiii> i bet bob dole is sitting home pissed because he can't use that version of Xemacs
Obese City is a site that makes me want to never eat again and hide in my closet crying
OBRERO, CAMPESINO, TELE-ADICTO, LIBERENSE DE UNA VEZ y PARA SIEMPRE!!!
Occult themed blow job.For weed.
<Ocher> hey guyz
<Ocher> I SUCK DICK FOR COKE
<Ocher> o god...
<Ocher> i think my brother has a wireless kb plugged in
<Ocher> IM A HUGE FAG
<Ocher> yep...
<Ocher> he does...
<Ocher> MAKE BONDAGE AND BEASTIALITY NATIONAL PASTTIMES
<Ocher> argh brb
* Ocher is now known as Ocher`Beastiality`Pwnz
<Ocher`Beastiality`Pwnz> O SHIT HERE HE COMES
Ode to My Hand (not a Grecian Urn)
...of course that could totally backfire in the worst possible way and end up in him gutting you and storing your internal organs in his fridge.
Of course the birth rate had plummeted and lately massive suicides had occurred among women of all kinds. Children were committing suicide as young as age 3, even the males.
offensive house-guest needed (no joke)
Oh and I sat on a fold up chair next to my dresser ( no I don't have a big office or a crypt.) and I had to sit side ways. So my back is really hurt because of it. I have a better chair now but. MY BACK ouch Oh my real art work is not up yet I don't have a scanner. So I will be putting them up As soon as I can there's over 2000 works of EVIL art for the world to see. I have been waited for this day all my life. NOW I HAVE THE INTERNET AND ACCESS TO BILLIONS OF PEOPLE. WOW may be I will get lucky and some one Will want to display my art at a ART GALLERY. A real gallery. WHEN ALL MY HARD WORK EVER PAY OFF. OR AM I JUST OUT OF MY Damn MIND. I got to give props to my boy Chris Powell. We used to dress up a ninjas. and steal shit. We used to steal lawn mores. and sell them to the weed dealers. Behind ICE CREAM CITY..I remember when I went to the flea market and 7 Vicelords garbed me and beat me up, afterwards I went Chris Powers House and told him what happened. He called all of the FOLKS and even got Prince Paul to join us. We went back and Killed all of them. I went to the fruit stand and on the way home some ass pulled a gun and wanted all of my food stamps. and the milk too. he told me to run and fired the gun at me. But he missed me. I took 10 pink flamingos from a yard for my mom.. in the summer of 85 And the movies I really like are the Matrix (seen it 30 times DAD) GOODFELLAS all time fav (seen it over 200 times) Casino (seen it over 100 times) Yes I am a THUG, or a NINJA.(ICP) no one every says any thing to me ever except that I am crazy. Well all of the Great minds were all looked upon as crazy so I guess its a honor.
oh boy your only 12, enjoy youth, I'm 14 and let me tell you, you learn more things from 12-14 than you do 0-12.
Oh fuck dude, you smoked that weed? That's the forever weed. The weed that makes you high forever. Hope you're having a good time because it's permanent. Also I hope it's okay, but I just invited 100 people over, and if they find out you're high you're FUCKED.
OH GOD IS GREAT, GOD IS GOOD!!!!!!
Oh good my weed brownie is kicking in, I won't have to think about how shitty work was today yaaay yaaaaay yaaaay yaaaay.
Oh I’m so sleepy… won’t you use !tuck to tuck me into bed?
Oh man did you eat the whole edible? The whole thing? Yeah that's bad bro. No you're gonna be fine. The horse demons don't like that though. Yeah the evil horse demons with fucked up scary human faces that live in the bathroom at night so they can get people who are too high. Those ones. Yeah they can smell when you're scared.
Oh my God .... I saw Average-Looking Guy!
oh my god i just killed it in the mcdonalds drive thru
Oh My God! You dirty little GIRL! - m4w
OH MY GOSH, THIS IS SO INCREDIBLY BAD BUT I CAN'T STOP LOOKING AT IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
oh thats a wizard
oh twist the knife again i'm close
Oh yah, Im German, Polish, Irish, Scottish, and Cherokee. Im a Cherscottpoliriman! Dont ask, my brain shut off when I attempted to meld that all into one word. At any rate, this basically means that I can eat and drunk ANYTHING. Bring on the motherfucking draino!
oh yeah this happened with one of my toad blood tapes, scary stuff
Oh, and where does the wasabi go (the belly button just seems wrong)?
Oh, by the way, I only collect FINGERnails. No toenail clippings, please.
Oh, no! Something's wrong. They got knives! The men have got knives and they are hurting each other. I don't understand. I'm scared!
oh, sorry. breakfast is served from 7:00 to 7:15
Oh, sweet absurdity...
ohh man i dont feel so good what did you say you put in that nerds gummy clusters casserole
Ohhh the earthly delights
<ohm> damn
<ohm> FUCK
<ohm> DAMN
<ohm> i was just in an AIM convo with a chick, and my grandmother's window pops up
<ohm> FUCK
<ohm> i go like this to her
<ohm> "i want to suck on your clit"
<ohm> FUCK
ok . . . I give up . . . just fuck me like a whore
Ok ok What Is a Furry? If you Don't know what A Furry is. a Furry is half human and half animal. thats One way Of looking at them. or their humanized. or anthropomorphic.BIG word. well anyway you put it they're cool.and i wish i could meet one. :-) ell What is the Furry lifestyle? Hmm good question everybody has there common opinion. some take it extremely serious and far. But I Just Like it because I think their Cool and very different. Ok that didn't Help A Furry isn't all about looks NO it's lots of things. well then what is it eh? Think about all the Stories you have read About animals with human Characteristics. wind in the Willows.Disney's Robin Hood.winnie the pooh. The Lion King.Fox and the hound. the list goes On for ever.thay were all humanized or anthropomorphic. what that means is that they kept there
OK, just give me a half hour or so to drop a deuce and swing by Chipotle, then I'll join up with the revolution.
ok. fucking a hamburger. having sex with a warm hamburger. cheesy hamburger sex. lettuce sex in the hamburger sex burger. having thr sex lettuce cheeseburger and fucking it. fucking thr bun. using thr hamburger fucktoy,. then and then I eat it ok. this had to be done at some point, ur just jealous I'm pioneering burger technology. also I'm the hamburger ok. yes.
Ok. I'm going to sting you now. Goodbye
okay spring. what's next. some other new bullshit i bet
*old hillbilly with long beard voice* they bout done tore my pussy UP
<oldskools> U.S. Attorney General Ashcroft, U.S. Commerce Secretary Evans resign
<eco|wk> Knowing the country's luck, we'll get someone worse than Ashcroft.
<dataw0lf> I would say that's impossible, but I don't want to jinx the country.
<oldskools> BREAKING NEWS-President Bush appoints Hitler's ghost as the new U.S. Attorney General.
<OmegaHedgehog> Haha, a very funny thing happened to my cousin right before Christmas
<OmegaHedgehog> My cousin was watching South Park with me, something he really isn't supposed to be doing
<OmegaHedgehog> The episode where Cartman thinks a dildo is a sports watch was on
<OmegaHedgehog> So he goes and writes down 'dildo' on his list to Santa
<OmegaHedgehog> His dad goes and reads it and freaks out, and goes up to ask him where he heard what a dildo was
<OmegaHedgehog> He replies with "I heard Cartman talk about it on TV. It's something like a sports watch, right?"
<OmegaHedgehog> So his dad (my uncle) tells him it's a chocolate chip cookie, and asks my aunt to make him some
<OmegaHedgehog> So the next day he goes to school, and here's the best part
<OmegaHedgehog> He gets up in front of the whole class and tells them about how his mom gave him her biggest dildos and how yummy they were
Omg hi!!!! *lays a greeting egg*
OMG I JUST POOPED IN MY DIAPER
and my mother and father are walking up the stairs to the entrance of our house. I am only wearing a diaper and it is very wet and now poopy. The house smells pretty bad because I've been in it for a few hours. oh sh^t my diaper bag and all it's contents are spread out all over the floor i don't have time to pick them up. ARGH OH NO HERE They come
ompletely armored creature, only weak spot: hiz nutz. real cheap shot in a fight. oh shi I forgot mah logic breifcase
On April 4th, all therians are encouraged to go outside at 5:00 their time and make their theriotypes noise as loud as possible. The point you ask? 1) Some therians think they are the only ones in their area. 2) People will hopefully hear and search up or ask us what we are doing. If asked, reply with 'I'm a therian.' If they ask what that is, tell them to search it up. Repost, Reblog or Repin to make this known. LONG LIVE THERIANS!
on july 12th 2004 the statue of liberty reached down & picked up 1 guy & ate him. not very many people saw this happen & no one got any pictures of it. the eyewitness accounts never traveled very far or got any attention on the internet or anything
once I snorted a fat line of nuance and everything started depending. watch out
ONCE INSIDE THE CASINO, YOU WILL SUBSCRIBE TO KARA'S FREE FAN CLUB, WHERE YOU WILL BE ENTERED IN A DRAWING TO PROTECT YOUR IMMUNE SYSTEM.
Once the dead horse decomposes, you're gonna wish you beat it more
once whan i was high on crack and pot, i thought i hanged out with a buddy all day in the woods, but it turned out i was locked up in a police car the whole day.
ONCE YOU RECONNECT WITH YOUR HIGH-SCHOOL FRIENDS, YOUR FREE CREDIT REPORT WILL BE SENT.
One disorienting thing about getting older that nobody tells you about is how weird it feels to get a really passionate, extremely wrong lecture from a much younger person about verifiable historical events you can personally remember pretty well
One does not simply fuck into Mordor. Its black gates are guarded by more than just anons. There is evil there that does not sleep, and the Great Brown Eye is ever watchful. It is a barren wasteland, riddled with penis and balls and discarded porno mags, the very air you breathe gives you a boner. - Boromir
One last thing MAGICK RULES
one of my eyes is maaaad dilated bcuz i saw a sick titty out of the corner of one eye
one of the most erotically charged environments is a visitation room
one of those edible situations where you wake up and everything is scary until like 3pm
One thing I've noticed about people who leave Christianity is they go directly into therapy
One time I prayed for my meal at work, and an old man came up to me after I finished praying and said, 'it's not very often that I see people your age pray in public. Keep praying! Pray boldly!!' After he said that, he gave me $10 and walked away...God is so good.
One time my card declined at a subway and I literally watched them eat my sandwich in front of me.
One time that expresses my Sephirothity is when this kid called me a douche and I gave an evil laugh and told him that when the Reunion came he would be first to get burned by the flames of justice. Then i glared at him and my hair fell over my eyes so i couldn't see what he did but i think he was really scared because he kept making these yelping noises.
<OneiWilly> i hate games that are always go get the red key
<OneiWilly> open the red door then get the blue key
<delay> yea
<Auger> yeah, i mean, what the fuck
<delay> thats why i didnt play resident evil
<delay> it was horrible like that
<OneiWilly> yea but there were zombies
<delay> I was like "damn i'd hate to live here and have to go to the bathroom"
* delay runs down the hall, grabs the blue gem, opens door one, runs back to get SHIELD EMBLEM makes it to the bathroom door... wets himself
<Auger> no you pee inside the emblem and it opens up a secret passage
only come out in the dim lights. vampire
Ooo, I fall apart
ooooh, i'm sooo scared. *a few seconds later* nevermind, now i'm ACTUALLY scared! aaaahhh!!!
Oooohhh Dracula your so fucking hot i want to fuck your tight vampire ass so bad your going to fart and shit out my cum
oooooh i got plany of disk space
Open your mind to new pastabilities
OR YELLING ABOUT HOW SENSITIVE AND KIND YOU ARE AND HOW YOU WANT TO MARRY A NICE NORMAL GIRLWHY CANT YOU FIND ANYONE NORMAL HOW COME NOONE RESPONDS??!!!
ordrmedia.tenor.comcan we do this ^ again please. what the fuck happened? who was this hurting? why did we stop?
Orgasm denial. Orgasm anger. Orgasm bargaining. Orgasm depression. Orgasm acceptance.
Orgasm Notice - 3 Days to Pay or Quit
Originally Posted: 2002-08-02 22:58 (no longer live) Contact Information: print ALL UPPER CASE TYPING SUPPORT GROUP QR Code Link to This Post I'M INTERESTED IN FORMING A GROUP FOR ALL THOSE WHO LOVE TYPING IN UPPERCASE.
Originally Posted: 2004-11-18 13:04 (no longer live) Contact Information: print WE ARE MOVING TO NEW ZEALAND AND YOU AIN'T QR Code Link to This Post NEW ZEALAND (aka LordoftheingsLand) - A BUCOLIC COUNTRY LITTERED WITH POSTCARD SCENERY.
<_orion> I love escelators, they can never break, only temporarially turn into stairs
Other ways to contact poster: Well, for starters certainly NOT by slapping me so hard or calling the cops (again)
Our lovely Pedigreed Minature Poodle was violated by our neighbors Golden Retriever. She somehow got outside when the delivery people came by and was impregnated in front of our house in broad daylight.
Our relationship will end in a death match
<Ouroboros> Has anyone ever logged into dev0n's FTP?
<Affe> ouro: that some kind of sexual innuendo?
<xpander> is that a euphemism?
<Ouroboros> Possibly
<Ouroboros> Shhh
<Ouroboros> I try to be subtle about these things.
<Affe> in that case, i 'log into dev0ns ftp' all the time
<Ouroboros> Yeah, she gave me her "login" but she won't reply to my "/msgs"
<Affe> dude i had 'sex' with her in the 'butt' the other day
<Affe> oh wait
<Affe> we're being subtle
<Ouroboros> You know, I think the modern-day computer tech replaces, to some extent, the mystic of ancient times.
<Ouroboros> Here we have these strange, inexplicable boxes that are sometimes possessed by demons, and the mystic comes and opens the sacred box and waves his magic charms and things and somehow exorcises the spirits and makes everything good and whole again.
<Ouroboros> Then he takes all your money and disappears.
out in public looking tortured
out of jail, broke, horny
<outcaste> costume party tip #417 - If you forget to pick up a costume, just turn up in your underwear. If someone asks you what you've arrived as, just say "premature ejaculation - I came in my underwear".
<sara> oh god that's awful
<outcaste> yes, yes it is
<jimmie> what a great idea Ã° jimmie/#hades makes notes
<outcaste> or...wear a condom on your nose, when people ask you what you are, just say "fuck knows"
<Outpost> I love how everyone is blaming Obama for the oil spill..
<AnnoDomini> It's actually the British.
<Outpost> yeah, you'd think British Petroleum would've made that known.
<AnnoDomini> See, Americans dumped English tea into Boston Bay.
<AnnoDomini> The British, after biding their time for 237 years, have struck back.
<AnnoDomini> YOUR MOVE, AMERICA.
<Outpost> ...I am so in love with you right now.
<overkill_78> So this chick came over today.
<overkill_78> We talked for hours.
<overkill_78> Then she went to go take a piss.
<overkill_78> I busted in on her while she was pissing, and she got mad at me.
<overkill_78> So I trapped her in my room and set my room on fire.
<overkill_78> Fucking bitch is dead now.
<camdaman86> How are you not in jail?
<overkill_78> It was in The Sims.
*overlooks majestic plains of north america & feels the wind's plea to respect the land that raised his ancestors* "my phone's about to die"
P2P (pervert 2 pervert) file sharing
<PA_stoned> for once i wasn't thinking about sex
<PA_stoned> lookit that, i guess being stoned does not necessarily make me horny!
<DS_lonely> *gasp* and i bet your not stoned.
<PA_stoned> yes i am!
<DS_lonely> WHAT!
<PA_stoned> why else would i be eating pussy with my finger?
<PA_stoned> oops!
<DS_lonely> noice!
<PA_stoned> i meant puddding
<PACHUKA> i was watching the wizard of oz and all i could think about was dorthy in 6 inch heels, completely shaved, chained up and with nipple clamps
<mikey1207> LOL
<mikey1207> i will never watch that movie the same again
<Esttt> fuck, im eating breakfast you arsehole
<PacMan85> fresh fl strawberries
<jedrek> strawberries aren't in season here yet
<PacMan85> well that sucks
<jedrek> not really
<jedrek> i prefer waiting a bit to living in america's hospice
<Paddy> well hello there
<Nyte> DIE INSOLENT WENCH
<Paddy> ok
* Paddy dies
* Paddy 's corpse begins to rot
* Nyte-ddr begins humping it.
<Paddy> umm
<Paddy> thats just wrong
<Nyte-ddr> but it feels so right
*** Signoff: Paddy (Quit: )
Pair with: Ambulance
paleontologists have unearthed a single, ancient JPEG
<Pants> you know .. living in australia .. and being raised watching so much american television .. sometimes you get confused and think to dial 911 instead of 000 for emergencies
<Paradox> So, guys, I have some news.
<Paradox> I know I usually don't talk much about stuff unless it's solid, but this is interesting, and I think you should know.
<Paradox> I just got an E-mail about an interesting proposition.
* volsung_ perks up.
<Paradox> Apparently, there are lesbians that want my 'hard cock.'
* volsung_ flips Paradox the bird.
<volsung_> :)
<Paradox> They want it 'now,' apparently, so the timetable is somewhat limited.
<volsung_> Are you going to just take their offer as presented, or is there an opportunity for negotiation?
<Paradox> I'm not sure.
<volsung_> I'm sure your hard cock is in great demand. An exclusive deal might not be in your best interest.
<Paradox> Last time I got an offer like this, there were some catches.
<@parasyte> I went straight towards my room where my nice large full size bed I had since I was 5 years old awaited me. I opened the door and...
<@parasyte> ... there is my sister, riding her fat boyfriend, fucking his brains out.
<@parasyte> My first thought was, "Wow, she had perky tits". My second thought was, "Wow, so does he",
PART I TITTEE ISLANDS ADVENTURE updated! PART II TITTEE ISLANDS ADVENTURE 2000 updated!
*passing a homeless furry*hey man you got any changeoh sure man just let me-*friend stops me* dont give him anything man he's just gonna spend it on a bike pump
PBeaud6981: soes any boby no what metallicas first music video was
<pdksh> jesus h christ
<pdksh> 'i got tired of that screensaver on that other computer so i turned it off'
<pdksh> my sister hard-shutdown my bsd box.
<pdksh> in the middle of a kernel compile.
<pdksh> not to mention that the little blinky light on the hub was annoying her
<pdksh> so she pulled out that wire too
<pdksh> ...
<pdksh> and she managed to rip a wire pair out of the wire.
<pdksh> yet she wants to be a cs major in college.
<dmaster-> I would beat her into a coma
<pdksh> dmaster-: im about to. either that or change her aim password so she jumps off a bridge.
<bob354> pdksh: haha a cs major?
<pdksh> bob354: yeah... 'i like to surf the internet and chat on aim to all my friends all the time so im good with computers and im good at that microsoft wordart. mom said i should go to computer school like you!'
Peace March (An alien's perspective)
Pearl realname: mario gets blown up by bullet bills and the mushroom kingdom gets revenge by blowing the fuck out of bowser and then its revealed this was a false flag by wart so luigi wakes up from a nightmare and throws a stopwatch at mario which gets back to the moment in time before he was shot to death and then luigi gets shot instead and then mario gets revenge by going to wart's palace and meanwhile princess peach flies on a yoshi to find a 1-up apparently rare in this universe and then mario goes to wart's place and distracts mouser by doing a freestyle dance and then he goes inside and chases wart around a bit but then wart knocks him off a tower and he almost falls to his death but then a resurrected luigi comes back and they both go to kill wart who by the way has his ass out the whole time for some reason and they put him into that vegetable machine and he gets stuck and starts farting so they light his farts on fire and this blows him up and everyone lives happily ever after
Peasants Fear The Ruthless Tyrants Punishing Blows, Trudging Day And Night Inn DespairKeep reading
<Pedro> And dude, this Wily Castle MIDI rocks the proverbial socks.
<DarkMatter> An lo' did the sock enjoy the MIDI, whilest the sinners did cover their ears in shame of their pop music. And God smiled upon his creation and said, this rocks omg.
Pee isn't even that good unless you heat it up
<peng> NOT JUST A PEN
<peng> A LIGHT UP PEN
<peng> IT GLOWED
<peng> IT WAS AWESOME
<peng> IT GAVE ME JOY
<Amanda> SHE WANTED IT AS A TOKEN BY WHICH TO REMEMBER YOU
<peng> I think she used it as a dildo.
PENGUINS STILL AVAILABLE!
PENIS BLASTER ATTACK
penis isn't real. pussy isn't even real. the only thing that is real, is the pleasure of combat
Penis Raise
People are walking biomes if u think about it
people keep asking about this so i'm gonna clear the air: the bong is ceramic. it's not a real head, it's just shaped like one. the teeth in it are real though. each and every one prised most tormentously from the boastful mouths of the fools who thought to challenge my claim to the throne of shadows. their anguished blood yet soaks the corners of my oubliette, never to dry. the branch manager wants to meet with me on thursday, says he wants to hear our demands. i've seen this kind of play before and i think he's gonna try and bring me over to his side. well let me tell you he can damn well offer me a fleet of luxury cars if he wants to - i'm a union man through and through, and i will defend our interests. and i already command a fleet of draconic chariots anyway
People unpleaser
people who like art are so simple-minded you're like an amoeba that reacts randomly to meaningless stimuli
people with siblings love saying shit like “you never played first degree murder knife chase?”
People's Gay-public of Drugifornia
People, is something wrong with me because I have aquiared a taste for harder porn, normal porno doesn't do it for me anymore I like to beat off to beastiality and old grandma porn while I strangle myself with a belt, just wondering is it OK? ( have a 40GB hard drive and and 24GB is all hard porn so far)
Thanks
Peperony and chease
< 01@peregrine > Then a great item, the 24 Hour Bukkake Semen of Moe Nishimura
< 01@peregrine > -- poor Moe-chan has men blowing their wads on her as she goes about her
< 01@peregrine > daily life, brushing her teeth, sleeping, going to the bathroom, and so on
< 01@peregrine > dude that's bukkake i'd consider watching
< 01@peregrine > the comedy
< 01@chesed > I think that'd get annoying when you're doing your daily activies and random guys are blowing their load all over you
< 01@chesed > it'd prolly be the worst day to do laundry
< 01@chesed > "I just fucking cleaned that! FUCK!"
< 01@peregrine > you'd need an allstar male crew
< 01@peregrine > with precision aim
< 01@chesed > haha
< 01@chesed > matrix load-blowing
< 01@peregrine > i'm just imagining like
< 01@peregrine > guys hidden in the bushes and shit, as she walks by
< 01@krelian > that's what happens in 24 hours bukakke
< 01@krelian > they like bust out of the closet
< 01@krelian > and it's a hit and run cum
* peregrine rolls
< 01@spider-hime > hahah
< 01@krelian > girl walks into the bathroom
< 01@krelian > and dude blows his load
< 01@peregrine > they need to just go all the way
< 01@peregrine > and have some chick being tormented by a clan of bukkake ninjas
< 01@krelian > *girl walks down street*
< 01@krelian > *ninjas out of bushes*
< 01@peregrine > hehe
< 01@peregrine > totally
< 01@krelian > *ninjas blow load*
< 01@peregrine > then DISAPPEAR
< 01@krelian > <girl> what the hell was that!
< 01@spider-hime > STEALTH BUKKAKE
< 01@krelian > *girl walks down street*
< 01@krelian > <girl> omg it's raining
< 01@Perrin > *camera pans to roof of building*
<persia> my favorite country song is "i fucked my horse on a sunday morning"
<migg> my fave country song is "Its midnight in montana, and i cant get my dick out of this cow"
*** You were kicked by sandk1ng (i like the song "i kicked my friend for makin fun of music i listen to")
<pete_> Dude, if I ever become an emt
<pete_> I'm so driving the ambulance to a funeral home,
<pete_> Walk in and just be like, "Hey, sorry if I'm late..."
Petition to remove the ozone layer just to see what happens
petplay but youre a slug so i just stare at you for 3 and a half hours while you eat 1 piece of carrot
Ph-Ph-Ph-Phone Sex
pharoahs fuck better because they ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh put the pussy in a scarmophogoghs
Phatboyfoo: cannible corpse is horrible
<Philgone> also what is wrong with keeping your penis in a woman
* Philgone strokes his cabbage patch doll
<Philgone> toasty warm
<BFG> is her name cynthia veronica picklesbury?
<Philgone> no.. roland
PHL: YOU FUCKING LIAR YOU DID IT - YOU TAZERED ME IN THE BACK!!
<pHluid-> And that theoretical cap of 12k/sec, I've never seen it. 8k/sec is the tops I ever saw moving text around, except for that one mystical time when the moon was aligned properly. :
<Tom> sometimes if I drink goats blood thats still warm and cut fresh from the goat I get 800k/s
<datacide> i have sacrificed virgins and managed an extra 0.1 kb/s
<datacide> in the end i decided it is better to defile them
<datacide> gives you more on the long run
<pHluid-> datacide: That's because virgins create line noise.
Phoenix> Dude, wanna hear a fucked up story? Phoenix> So, Im at the usual weekend frat parties and i've been talking to this girl for the majority of the night. Phoenix> Anyway I ended up going back with her to her dorm. About another 8shots later, we end up fooling around on her bed. Phoenix> So about 10min's into her giving me head, I had to drop the fattest shit in my life. Phoenix> All my meals were followed by 3tsp of metamucil so I could get lots of fiber in me to combat the carbs a litte. Anyway im holdin my #2 in and finally it goes away. We both end up passing out on her bed, she's butt naked and im in my boxers. Phoenix> I wake up to piss and I find myself covered in shit. It was all over the bed,sheets,etc.... Im freakin out so I did the most horrible thing in the world. Phoenix> She's sleeping with her back towards me, so I take my boxers off, scoop up some shit and gently smear it on the inside of her butt, her lower back, and a little on the back of her hammies. Phoenix> I get dressed and leave... This poor girl is gonna think she did it. I didnt know what else to do though. I have no clue what im gonna do when I end up running into her.
<PhoenixBourne> Ok, so a friend of mine had an AWESOME idea at school
<PhoenixBourne> You know rohyphonol? (whatever the spelling is)
<linforcer> Is he gontna make a trebuchet
<linforcer> no
<PhoenixBourne> You know date rape drugs?
<linforcer> Sure
<PhoenixBourne> Right, rhyphonol is one of these. It knocks you asleep after an hour or two.
<PhoenixBourne> I should also mention, a side affect of rhyphonol is amnesia of events whilst under influence of the drug.
<PhoenixBourne> Now, a friend of mine had this idea: 1) Prepare ingredients 2) Take rhyphonol 3) Bake cake 4) Fall asleep 5) ?????? 6) Wake up 7) CAKE?! CAKE! Where did this come from?!
<linforcer> SURPRISE CAKE!!!!!!
<phreakinb> 1876: At the Centennial Exposition in Philadelphia, America's first 100-year birthday bash, fair goers visit the Turkish Hashish Exposition and toke up in order to enhance their fair experience.
<`WarpKat> it's nice to know that my parents weren't the only stoners from the past
<phx\afk> i spent the past hour doing leet network diagnosis
<phx\afk> i flexed every single last one of my skillz
<Diz> to what end?
<phx\afk> i meditated on the problem
<phx\afk> i consulted the big book of hardware
<phx\afk> i consulted oracles, farseers, nearsighted witches and trolls
<phx\afk> what i shouldve done
<phx\afk> is PLUGGED THE FUCKING NETWORK CABLE INTO THE FUCKING SERVER
pi4arctan1guy: I cam home from grocery shopping and there wasn't enough room for all my food and I thought "This isn't fair! Most people never have to deal with the frustration of not being able to fit all their food in their refrigerators!" Then, I put my hands on my big white belly and laughed a very deep laugh, while my top hat bobbed up and down and my cane leaned against my stack of property deeds and hundred dollar bills.
picture if you will, that you are a well-to-do individual in the 70s. you have just committed the perfect murder of your spouse or business partner or something. you’ve set up all the evidence to clear of you of all possible suspicion. and now you’re on a plane on your way to a distant country under the guise of a business trip until it blows over. you are relaxing in your window seat. the pilot announces a storm approaching. as the sky darkens and turbulence hits, you look out the window. your face goes white as a sheet. there. on the plane wing. detective columbo.
Pink Upholstered Vagina Couch
piracy isnt theft but i wish it was. i wish i could download a disney movie and then they dont have it anymore
piss before drugs, you'll be nice and snugsgarlicbunny
pizza in oven
PJ- I'm mad crushing on your bearded ass. - w4m
Plagiarism is one of the most despicable things in the world. And Karma's a bitch, so don't steal
*planet explodes* *removes one earbud* what
play stupid games win aweswome toys
"PLEASE BE CURTEOUS AND REALIZE THAT I HAVE BOUGHT THE LAST 100 PACKAGES OF TOILET PAPER AND MAYBE IT'S YOUR TURN TO BUY SOME." 3.
PLEASE DO ALL OF THESE THINGS SO I WON’T THINK YOU’RE ANY DIFFERENT FROM THE OTHER STUPID, LAME, CRAZY, MEAN GUYS I’VE MET ON THIS SITE.
Please don't fat shame my cock :(
please eat enough and drink enough water and get enough sleep. this is so that you have enough energy. because we need you to be writing and drawing porn on the internet
please my friends are doing psychedelics and for whatever reason one of them asked me if I have anything to read and I checked my bag and all I have us Dante’s Inferno
Please note that underage readers are still expected to BECOME ADULTS QUICKLY and BUY MY BOOKS AS SOON AS THEY GET PUBLISHED, because to do otherwise would be WORSE THAN DROPPING OUT OF SCHOOL to become A DRUG DEALER OR OTHER CRIMINAL.
please put us out of your misery
Please remind him that there are so many fucking people online and weird shit gets eyeballs on it
"PLEASE STOP EATING MY FOOD OR AT LEAST REPLACE THE FOOD YOU DID EAT OR GIVE ME MONEY FOR THE FOOD YOU STOLE." 2.
Please stop making fun of my big, wet, disgusting eyes. They allow me to see shrimp and other small prey in the darkness of the abyssal plain.
Please take my Pez. I have too much respect for the Pez to throw them away, but they are cluttering up my office.
Please trade me a 12 pack of caffeine Free Diet Coke for the bag of feet.
Please try one of our region's traditional haircuts such as The Day Drinker or Tractor Accident.
Please! Oh, God! My virginity! NOOOOOOOOO...
<Plot> I was either going to die now
<Plot> or get 80% third degree burns atleast
<Plot> someone had the gas nob opened
<Plot> I went into kitchen
<Plot> switched a bulb
<Plot> and wham
<Plot> kitchen was filled with one big ass fire ball
<theForger> woah dude
<C--> damn
<Jyrsija> jesus
<ThaDragon> If you just blow up your kitchen, and then proceed to get on IRC and tell people about it, you might be a junkie.
plus im planning to get a tatt that sez "S.K.I.T." in gothic text or old anglish or something like that. meaning SERIAL KILLER IN TRAINING
Point being, for the likewise attention-span-challenged: THIS SECTION IS NEITHER MEANT FOR THOSE SEEKING LONG-TERM RELATIONSHIPS, NOR FOR THOSE JUST TROLLING FOR ASS.
*pointing to an american* you know that thing would eat you if you were a yummy burger, right??
police also found a small bag of weed weighing 95 lbs. Some would call it a large bag but to me, the coolest reporter alive, its no big deal
Pollen : The Magic Fairy Dust of Satan
<Pongball> Religion is like a penis.
<Pongball> It's fine to have one.
<Pongball> It's fine to be proud of it.
<Pongball> But please don't whip it out in public and start waving it around.
<Pongball> And PLEASE don't try to shove it down children's throats.
<Pookablu> Ron Dwight, the author of the RAR compression format, passed away a few days ago.
<ev> he was found in several same-size pieces and had to be combined to put him in the coffin
Poop before shower ultimate power, Poop after bath you're on the wrong path
POPCORN IN MICROWAVE PACKAGING IS A HUGE SCAM! !!!!!!!!A PLAIN BROWN PAPER BAG WORKS JUST AS WELL!!!!!!!
<popemichael> I'm thinking about drinking a little tonight too. It might make my pain pills work better.
<jamie> Isn't there a "do not take with alcohol" warning on your pill bottle?
<popemichael> It's okay, I took it off.
Possible McDonald's slogan evolution next 20 yrs: i'm lovin' it -> im lovin it -> mm..lovin it -> mm...eat -> haha..mmm.. -> m.haha...yeh..m
Possibly in Need of Exorcist
Post-sex cigarette is lame. Best thing to have after sex is a peanut
posts that make you want to get in the water
Posts that melt my brain into a puddle of toxic slutch (derogatory)
( PovRayMan ) In one of the bathrooms on campus, someone
wrote: "The Americans are the Nazis of the 20th Century." ( PovRayMan ) Below it, another person followed up: "The Nazis are the Nazis of the 20th Century, you fuckwit."
<PovRayMan> Weee
<PovRayMan> some hot chicks asked if I wanted to go to the bar with them
<PovRayMan> and drink
<PovRayMan> and dance
<PovRayMan> i said no
<PovRayMan> because star trek is on
<Poyzin> The vet supervisor was asking me to jack off a horse to get the semen to artificially inseminate a female horse.
<Kilts> wtf lol
<Poyzin> But listen! This was a racehorse, so the owner says that I need to massage it's prostate. I'm assuming you don't know this, but the prostate on a horse is VERY fucking far back there.
<Poyzin> So, I get on the arm-length glove and I look in the room to see another doctor with a cat or something. Tells me we had too many animals so the horse was moved to a room close to the front.
<Poyzin> Well, I get there, and I put my arm in this horse's ass. I'm talkin' less than a foot from my shoulder deep. All in clear view.
<Kilts> ROFLMAO
<Poyzin> And then some redneck couple come in and they see me because this front room has shit protection on it.
<Poyzin> "You a vet?" The guy ask. I wait a few seconds to see if he was joking, but then I look back to the horse's asshole.
<Poyzin> "Nah, I'm with the Amish. I'm their mechanic."
Ppl actually like when i explode into gore onto them
practicing violent botany
Praise the Lord! An OFF picture! I though they went extinct. This is amazing BTW.
pre nut hysteria is real and its fatal
preheat oven
<prence> oh
<prence> my
<prence> god
<prence> i just hit the print button
<prence> instead of save
<prence> on some porn
<prence> and its printing out on my moms printer
<prence> and im upstairs
<prence> and cant do anything about it
<Presto> why do they even do that on websites.
<Presto> If the link above is flashing you win!
<Presto> but it seems that the link is always flashing...
<Presto> infact, I have never seen it not flash.
<Moeser> its more like "if you are a gullible user, YOURE A WINNER!"
<Presto> pisses me off
<jenara> ive clicked it before
<jenara> turns out, you don't win
<jenara> you sell your soul
<jenara> TO THE DEVIL
<Moeser> NOOO NOT THE DEVIL!
* Moeser rips off his mouse button
<Moeser> must.... not... click...
pretty zombie girl your eyes were falling out
Prezzzozzy: ill wipe ur ass with ur on head
“printer” is a special box with a demon inside it
Pro tip: if you have depression try distracting yourself with stupid pointless shit for the rest of your life
PRO TIP: No matter how good of a writer you think you are, you are not a better writer than the original script writers for The Gummi Bears cartoon. People are reading your story because they want to jerk off to Spock having sex with Captain Janeway, not because they wondered where they would go on their first date.
<Prometheus> Are you made of Copper and Tellurium
<Prometheus> because youre CuTe
<Cruel> Are you made of holmium and molybdenum
PS: If you are looking for porn on this page you can fuck off aswel.
PSA: tumblr user littlefuckinmonster is stealing human bones from cemeteries in Louisiana. Please don’t let them get away with this and spread the word/signal boost!
PsychoJ: Canada is like........America-lite... All of the awesome none of the bullshit.
<puertoroo> so, i was at the store and the hot female clerk was checking me out and stuff
<puertoroo> then we came back to my place and tore my bedroom up
<puertoroo> then we did it on the stove and then on the washing machine
<HuhWhat> And in the real world, what happened?
<puertoroo> ....i never even made it to the store :(
<PufF-> think im gonna wait to smoke up til i get to work
<PufF-> i dont like driving high
pull yourself up by the jockstrap
pullin out your spine n crackin it like a whip
*pulls away from the kiss and looks away bashfully* i-i'm sorry but.. i don't like it when your giant blood spider watches us make out
*pulls out gizmo* check it out dude, i got a noetic resonator at the surplus store *turns dial up to max* *everyone in the room starts biting & tearing into each other*
<punchcard> you know you're a geek when you read the headline "Bush won't order ports reopened" and think they are talking about a firewall
<punchcard> "By order of the President of the United States of America, -A input -p boats -l -j reject."
<PunK> she was a fast machine she kept her penis clean she was the best half woman that I ever seen
<purem> my sk00l had an anthrax scare today
<purem> it ended up being some poor guys coke :(
<purem> he's prolly gonna get expelled :/
<purem> or at least kicked outta the faculty
<purem> and then executed
<Morris> haha
<Morris> They mistook some coccaine for anthrax?
<purem> yeah
<Morris> hehe
<Morris> Poor guy
<Morris> All he wanted, was to do his lines.
<purem> ya
<purem> it's bad enough that he lost his coke, but he had to go and quarintine like 600 people into that building for like 4 hours
<purem> heh
<Morris> :/
<purem> rough day
<Morris> Coke heads around the world now lable their coke with "Not Anthrax" stickers.
<purem> "COCAINE INSIDE"
Purifying a tainted well by shooting the water.Deciphering an ancient tome written in an unknown language by shooting the book.
purp people purp people-Stoner Philospher, Weed N. Wisdom
pussy corrosive
Pussy so tight it caused people to dying
Put a little stink on that slop !!!
Put a pancake on a girl’s head when she’s asleep to keep her warm and safe.
Put it on your TOS that dicks appearing through ghosts costs extra
<putnam> i got a speech from my latin teacher about how in europe its commonplace for men to cry
<putnam> and crying is so special
<putnam> i asked her if she wanted me to cry for her and she said no, stop being a pussy this is america
*puts hands on your ass* *we teleport to a high mountain and share a passionate kiss*
puts my uncomfortably wet hand on your shoulder. see here, gay boy- can i call you gay boy?
putting a down payment on a five guys milkshake
<qbpsawk> but try saying
<qbpsawk> "ID LIKE TO BUY A FAG" in a bar in america
<qbpsawk> and you see what happens
<qbpsawk> :D
<St-Knight> Well if I was the bartender I'd know to give the guy a cigarette.
* slow wants to buy a pack of fags
<Rivers> i'd like to burn a pack of fags
QR Code Link to This Post VACANCY - WOMB FOR RENT **************************** Hi Gentlemen, My name is Maggie.
qreepyboris: However, I can tell you with authority that my French extra credit project is going to ROCK
qreepyboris: We're making a film of a few shortish skits in French
qreepyboris: And one of them is so awesome
qreepyboris: Schindler and Santa accidentally mix up their naughty and nice lists. :-)
qreepyboris: So Santa goes to all the Jews' houses and they're not there, 'cuz they're all in camps
qreepyboris: And I haven't read the whole script, but there is no way it can possibly be not funny
<qrg> how do they deal with dice rolling
<cmplx> you need vr dice. they're usb.
<cmplx> then you put on these special glvoes
<cmplx> and roll them acrtoss a vr desk.
<cmplx> no, ass, you click a button and the dice are rolled for you
<qrg> i meant the randomization
<qrg> of the dice being rolled
<orion> i've never heard of a computer spitting out a random number
<orion> or a random quote
<orion> never.
<nyisles> qrg: cat /dev/urandom
<orion> thus, random numbers from dice == impossible
<orion> it's not like computers generate photorealistic motion pictures
<orion> or perform millions and billions and trillions of intense calculations per second
<orion> i seriously doubt they could simulate die being rolled
<orion> i mean jesus, they control the stockmarket and most modern finance, big business, corporations
<orion> but as far as picking two random numbers from 1 to 6
<orion> it's fucking unfathomable.
<cmplx> until computers can acccurately model the behavior of a giant glob of cum entering the earth's atmosphere, computer science has failed.
<Quad> [Two men are standing face to face. One man is with a woman who looks suspvcisouly like a prostitute. Money is exchanged, and the woman leaves with the second man]
<Quad> Fur trader
<Quad> [Molson drops from the sky]
<Quad> Budweiser
<Quad> Molson....Canadian for Budweiser
<quarterz> "if you email me, i will kill all your processes. if you telephone me, i will kill all your processes and delete all your files. if you stop by to see me, i will kill all your processes, delete all your files, and remove your account."
- quit: (CIA) (SDF@n00b-3A83B275.dyn.optonline.net) (Killed (NickServ (Ghost command used by FBI))) (@NSA) OMG GHOST GOVERMENT
*** Quits: F-D-P (ME AM USA! KTHKX TOUCHDOWN! whatever...)
*** Quits: X-7 (irc.canadian-chicks-kick-ass.ca irc.usa-chicks-are-fat.com)
<R0SC0E> i think [shaolin soccer] was about to be released same weekend as Resident Evil
<R0SC0E> but they pushed it back to not be in competition
<mightyflo> zombie soccer!
<mightyflo> you could put the shaolin soccer guys up against a bunch of zombies
<mightyflo> they could do like bullet kicks and blow their heads off and stuff
<nitrifik_> no, zombies against zombies
<nitrifik_> slowest soccer game ever
Rabidplaybunny87: A Touching Story of Love and Marriage
Rabidplaybunny87: An elderly man lay dying in his bed. In death's agony, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favorite chocolate chip cookies wafting up the stairs. He gathered his remaining strength, and lifted himself from the bed. Leaning against the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and with even greater effort inched himself down the stairs, gripping the railing with both hands.
Rabidplaybunny87: With labored breath, he leaned against the door frame, gazing into the kitchen. Were it not for death's agony, he would have thought himself already in heaven. There, spread out upon newspapers on the kitchen table, were literally hundreds of his favorite chocolate chip cookies.
Rabidplaybunny87: Was it heaven? Or was it one final act of heroic love from his devoted wife, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man? Mustering one great final effort, he moved himself toward the table. His parched lips parted; the wondrous taste of the cookie was almost already in his mouth; seemingly bringing him back to life.
Rabidplaybunny87: The aged and withered hand, shakily made its way to a cookie at the edge of the table, when it was suddenly smacked with a spatula by his wife.
Rabidplaybunny87: "Stay out of those," she said, "they're for the funeral."
Rabidplaybunny87: Okay, so my neighbors officially hate me
GarbageStan23: why?
Rabidplaybunny87: Well, me, david and andrew were having a bonfire in the backyard, and we were making s'mores and all... and suddenly we here sirens, and see a firetruck turn into the street in front of us.
Rabidplaybunny87: So we all went running to see what was up, and our neigbor's house was on fire!
GarbageStan23: oh shit!
Rabidplaybunny87: Yeah, and when we got there, the wife was crying into her husbands arms, and we were just kinda standing there, and then she saw us, and then like for 10 seconds, gave us the dirtiest look ever
Rabidplaybunny87: Turns out, we were still holding our sticks with marshmallows on it, watching the fire....
Rabidplaybunny87: talk about bad timing...
race horses are named in an identical manner to weed strains
RaceTM: yeah its really weird it seems like every time i re-install, something goes wrong
RaceTM: i have yet to get a flawless ghost image
RaceTM: its pissing me off lol
RaceTM: and im sure its probably one dumb program i always install that messes things up Veritech Ferret: hehe Veritech Ferret: Windows
<RadAghazt> I bought rice vinegar to make sushi. Now to figure out how.
<RadAghazt> Ok.
<RadAghazt> There are instructions on the bottle, but...
<RadAghazt> they're in Japanese.
<RadAghazt> At least I think they're instructions.
<RadAghazt> This might say "death to all gaijin with this poisoned export rice vinegar" for all I know.
Radiation poisoning but in a sex way. Is this anything???
<Rafa> A Pirate walks into a bar.
<Rafa>The bartender says "Hey youve got a steering wheel in your crotch."
<Malkatov> The pirate says "Arrrr its driving me nuts"
<Rainman> god, my head is killing me, must be the maths classes
<Darkduck> you should drink up an aspirine with some vodka and smoke some weed
<Darkduck> that'll definetly take care of it ;)
<Rainman> dude I'm still at school
<Rainman> where the fuck would I get any aspirine ? :o)
Rant: God pooped on my day
RANT: MY CRAZY GIRLFRIEND
Rant: My giant dick
<RATA> FUCKING PISSED OFF
<SpaceCadet> BREATHE
<SpaceCadet> in through your nose, slowly exhale through your mouth
<SpaceCadet> BREATHE
<SpaceCadet> BREATHE
<RATA> IN THROUGH MY BONG
<RATA> OUT THROUGH MY MOUTH
rats smoked all your weed I watched it happen, encouraged them, and also partook
RATS! DEAD ONES! Need dead rats removed from attic for 5,000 CD's
RAVE: My Horny Applebee's Lunch
<raven> Any cat people here? I've got a problem with Nicky...
<Leth> I've been known to be handy with a wok
<Lore> Why, I'm a cat person.
<raven> I took Morgan to the vet yesterday - he was gone for a total of 45 minutes, got two vaccs and a blood draw.
<raven> Brought him home and Nicky went BALLISTIC.
<raven> Spent the rest of the night yowling and hissing and attacking MOrgan.
<CrazyClimber> nicky smells the hospital smells on morgan
<Lore> Yeah, I've seen that happen.
<raven> Is there anything I can do to get the hospital stink off him, then? Pack his carrier in coffe grounds or something?
<tieboy> how about a bath
<CrazyClimber> just give it a day or so
<Lore> We tried catnip and butter, and neither worked.
<agent_orange> butter?
<agent_orange> you buttered your cat?
<Lore> Yes.
<raven> it's the best way to butter the house.
<raven> Cats are effective butter delivery units.
<Lore> We read somewhere to put butter on a cat's forehead.
<agent_orange> did the emolient facilitate insertion?
<Lore> And the other cat licks it off, and likes the first cat, because it tastes like butter.
<Lore> As I said, it didn't work.
<agent_orange> you read sopmewhere to put butter on the cats foreWHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU THINKING
<tieboy> rub the two cats together vigorously until they smell like each other
<agent_orange> piss on them both at the same time
<tieboy> KITTY TASTES LIKE BUTTER
<raven> It's more fun to put tape on their feet.
<agent_orange> why not do both
<agent_orange> and then get out the handycam
<Lore> I believe what I was thinking was "Maybe it will work. And even if it doesn't, I get to butter the cat's forehead."
<agent_orange> AFHV would *love* some footage of sticky-pawed, freshly buttered cats trying in vain to avoid a stream of steaming miller lite
<Samwise> You know what helps with feuding cats, Lore? Sending me lots of cash.
<agent_orange> now, see, I read somewhere --
<agent_orange> I think it was leviticus
<agent_orange> -- that what you should do is frost them
<agent_orange> betty crocker, right out of the can
<raven> Chocolate or buttercream?
<Leth> rave: go chocolate, buttercreme isn't pareve
<CrazyClimber> you're frosting meat?
<agent_orange> and then there'a always Cat Wellington
<agent_orange> "What are you doing in the kitchen, dear?" "Just buttering the cat, pumpkin!"
<agent_orange> "Why don't you baste the chicken while you're at it, too, dear?" "Baste the ... *light bulb* ...Sure! Sure, I'll 'baste the chicken'!"
<CrazyClimber> a google images search for "buttered cat" returns a picture of isaac hayes
<agent_orange> chocolate salty cat balls
<Raven> Come, boy wonder! We shall rid the world of crime!
<monkeymilk> yes! together we will thwart evil-doers and criminals alike!
<Raven> To the batcave!
<monkeymilk> wait, my download just finished
<monkeymilk> 20 minutes of gun point rape
<monkeymilk> or so the description says
* monkeymilk is away - away
<Raven> ...Maybe he's trying to think up ways to save the girl. =/
<Robocop> he never said girl, could be two guys
<Raven> ...
<Raven> So, Robocop, are you prepared to clense the world of evil in the name of justice, as my trusty sidekick?
<Robocop> no i'm busy trying to find a good site for making a pipe-bomb
* Raven is starting to think IRC isn't the best place to start his superhero campaign.
<Raven> I tried setting my hotmail password to penis.
<Raven> It said my password wasn't long enough. :(
Ravers can perfectly understand and have amazing conversations with anyone under the age of ten. Ravers know where all the best toy stores are. Ravers get the most mileage out of their shoes. The toes and heels always curl up because they're so worn down. Ravers always wish the dj would spin that OC Transpoting track that they keep hearing on the bus ride home. Ravers are the only people who don't have their age calculated in months, yet still wear and use pacifiers. Ravers always consider every new place they go to as a possible location for a party. Ravers hug EVERYONE. Ravers can DANCE. Ravers can be found dancing everywhere EXCEPT the main dance floor. Ravers understand the art of the bathroom conversation. Ravers choose their clothes by texture, colour, and size. Ravers love homemade clothes because they've seen the price tag on a pair of Lithiums. Ravers get the most enjoyment out of gino/guit stories. Ravers always order water when they go out to clubs. Ravers realize that Evian spells naivE backwards. Ravers notice that the doors near the Mackenzie King Bridge have an e on the handle. Ravers always know the most likely spot to find other ravers within a one-hundred fthump thump tweet thump tweet thump. Ravers constantly point out the trippy visuals in everyday life. Ravers helped Adidas through the lean years. Ravers never know the name of their favorite tracks. Ravers know how to SMILE. Ravers always choose e on multiple choice questions. Ravers are good at playing guess what he's on. Ravers will say hi to those people they don't know, yet always see on the bus. Ravers can't watch Electric Circus without it being muted. Ravers define the style of music they listen to as good. Ravers know what to do with a dead glowstick !
Ray, come in Ray. She's right here, Ray. She's sucking me off.
rb this to pass a joint to our fallen heroes (food service workers that worked through 420)
<[1RB]sika> once you fuck a ham it will change your life forever
<Lee> Really? I found Turkeys to be the best fucks
<[1RB]sika> but hams have a perfect sized hole in the middle already cut
<Lee> I know, but turkeys have those nice little wings that act perfectly for handles
<[1RB]sika> balogna is good too
<[1RB]sika> and when you're done jacking off with it you can call your pets to clean up the mess
<rbeattie> If you were MEANT to understand it, we wouldn't have called it 'code'
RE: Confiscated Marijuana overvalued
Reactions to small dick!
!! READ !! If you're a therian and have territory in the woods/forest(s) please wear orange! There are hunters that can kill you if you're wearing a tail or ears (because usually that's all they see is those two things). When hunters see orange they know you aren't a target so please wear something orange.
2. READ. You aren't going to learn to be a good killer by watching Cheetoos commercials on the boob tube. Go to the library or your local bookstore. You will find good tidbits in the true crime section.
*reads the advice after I already put you in the machine*
Real cure for autism finnally are found
https://tiptonchiropractic.wordpress.com/2013/02/18/dietary-secrets-for-autistic-children/
Never ever trust evil entities control all governments
Realize woke = satanism, once you leave god and natures rules your an open door for the demons.
reaper: knock knock
SaladTongo: Who's there
reaper: banana
SaladTongo: shit i didn't think you'd find me here
<reaper> I'm not racist I have colour TV :/
10 reasons why you shouldn't take shrooms & wear adult diapers
<Reaver_Reload> This reminds me of a time back in college, where one of my friends who was really dumb, she was crying one day and i asked her what was wrong. Turns out she broke up with her boyfriend, but she wouldnt say why.
<Reaver_Reload> I convinced her to tell me, and apparently she was talking with her other two friends about their boyfriends. one friend was complaining how cold her boyfriends nuts were when she was giving him head, and the other one agreed that her boyfriend's were really cold as well. (their boyfriends names are richard and thomas btw)
<Reaver_Reload> So she says she has never given head and the other two encourage her to do it, saying its a 'great way to keep a guy'
<Reaver_Reload> Just two days later apparently she ran crying to her friends and they asked her what was wrong, and she said "I tried giving him a blow job, he was enjoying it at first but then he just got up and left and said we were over before i had even finished!"
<Reaver_Reload> concerned, her two friends asked her what was wrong.. turns out she said "Wow, your balls are really warm.." and he asked "why? is that bad?" and she goes "oh no its just that richards and thomases' balls are really cold"
Red Do8991: dose eney body who is no gay like asid bath
<red13n> average blue whale produces over 400 gallons of sperm when it ejaculates, but only 10% of that actually makes it into his mate. So 360 gallons are spilled into the ocean everytime one unloads, and you wonder why the ocean is so salty.
<Redden> you know what you shouldn't take on planes?
<Sealab> Leslie Nielson?
<Bagel> Box Cutters?
<Dodge> William Shatners?
<Scotty> Gameboys?
<DotTom> Babies?
<The Amazing Rando> Wesley Snipes?
<seander> Flaming torches?
<Gib Yob> Vials of smallpox?
<Kelvin> Zombies?
<Tomuber> Mutha fuckin snakes?
Redneck DEATHTRAP! tiff mower
Redrooster: "roger that alph chick, aim for the fire escape on floor 5" ... redrooster: ABORT, ABORT!!!
Redrooster: "roger that alph chick, aim for the fire escape on floor 5" apha chick: "touchdown...redrooster..alphachick has landed on fire escape, ready to deploy sinister death.........huh...shit shit..... redrooster: ABORT, ABORT!!!
<ReeferCpe> ugh, just some bangbus porn
<ReeferCpe> two PALE ass people
<ReeferCpe> it was like watching ghosts fuck.
Refund from God
Reganbishop: my house may be sold, my boss is an idiot, and my x is a pain......
Kanzure: ahhh grasshopper. You have achieved the american dream....
reject modernity. reject tradition. embrace a secret third thing
religion is so fucking funny the world is just too beautiful there must be a higher entity behind all this. lets oppress women
REMEMBER !!!!!! This is only fantasy if you are UNDER 18 LEAVE NOW !!!!!!! Other than that let the eating commence !!!!!!!
remember not to believe everything you read online!!! especially if I say it!!
remember this holiday season- to satisfy blood lust eat candy canes as they feel like crushing bones with your teeth
remember to check your halloween candy bag before eating this year! it may include twizzlers which just fucking suck
Remember to rest today! Go on a EVIL walk, listen to some SINISTER music, or play some DIABOLICAL games!
remember when u were like 11 and the only thing u wanted was a lava lamp
Remember, life is short, so enjoy it! by getting yourself a lava lamp.
REMEMBER, THIS IS NOT A SLEEP REMEDY, THIS AMAZING PRODUCT TARGETS THE BACTERIA THAT ACTUALLY CAUSE SNORING!
REMEMEBER IF HARD WATER IS CAUSING CALCIUM BUILDUP IN YOUR BONG, JUST LET SOME WHITE VINEGAR SIT IN THAT THING FOR A FEW MINUTES AND SHE'LL BE LOOKIN BRAND NEW. JUST DONT SMOKE WEED WOTH THE VINEGAR INSIDE PLEASE
Removed from Golden Corral for screaming "THE BIG MAN'S GOTTA EAT!" while waiting for the chocolate fountain to be refilled.
Renleve: Pimpegration!
Renleve: Maria whores herself out at $20 a go under her pimp's auspices to 3^x - x^3 + 7x + 12 guys every day, compounding hourly, where the Wednesday lunch hour, starting at noon, is the zero mark. What economic model should Johnny employ to maximize personal revenue through the following Monday (by which time Maria will surely have died of a heroin overdose or at the hands of an overly enthusiastic customer)?
Renleve: The correct answer was "smack dat bitch up and take all of her Jacksons, fo'real". We would also have accepted "voodoo economics". Thanks for playing, Maria, you dumb slut!
Required skills are: POOP v.4.5, Fart Maker Pro v 6.0, Doo-Doo 9.5/2002.
<reston> make jizz ice cubes
<reston> thats a fun party prank
<stu> you realize that's cryogenics
<reston> yeah but imagine when a chick puts one in her drink
<stu> what if she puts it up her twat
<reston> the sperm will be dead
<stu> she could get pregnant from an icecube
<stu> no it wouldn't
<reston> yea it would
<stu> uh.
<stu> how do you think IVF works?
<reston> theyre organisms
<reston> theyd die
<reston> i dunno
<reston> you know too much about sperm
<stu> well, i have a lot.
Restored Gnome (may be haunted)
retail workers should be paid a million dollars for having to listen to the same pop songs over and over again
return of the foul ogre
<reuben> somebody keeps jiggling the doorknob on my front door, then running away
<reuben> i don't know if i should call the police, or hook up some electricity to the doorknob
<cristobal> why don't you put ice on the stairs
<cristobal> and heat up the door knob
<cristobal> and swing paint buckets down from your two story foyer
<cristobal> then a few years later, fade from the public eye.....
<Reverend> IRC is just multiplayer notepad.
<revmoo> download the cky movies, they are a lot better
<ImpLin> where i get those?
<revmoo> kazza mart
<ImpLin> wheres that?
<Geoff-> at the corner of kazzalite and google
<ImpLin> what town?
<Geoff-> takingthistoofar, USA
Rhodes had been awake for 36 hours because he was afraid that he would be killed in his sleep. He wondered if there had been a deliberate attempt on his life in advance. He believed the likelihood that he had been killed was very high. He may have been sleeping rough in the forest for some time in anticipation of an attack.
RIAA Rep 387: My name is Mark Guineve, and I am a representative of the Recording Industry Association of America. We here at the RIAA, have recieved reports of illegal filesharing of copyrighted materials on your PC. We are currently filing lawsuits, against copyright infringement offenders, and are willing to give you a courtesy warning to stop these illegal activities, or we will subpoenea your ISP, to take further action. RIAA Rep 387: We have detected several acts of illegal piracy on your computer. RIAA Rep 387: Ma'am, I am also in New Jersey and I can call your house if you would prefer.
Girl: what am i supposed to do RIAA Rep 387: Ma'am, are you currently using KaZaA, or is it another File-Sharing service?
Girl: kazaa
Girl: i just closed out of it
Girl: WHAT DO I DO!!!!!!!!! RIAA Rep 387: Ma'am, it is necessary that you now dance around topless with a fishstick in your pants. RIAA Rep 387: Ma'am, are you doing this yet?
Girl: **** u! RIAA Rep 387: Not appropriate language, Kristy. RIAA Rep 387: Nah, I'm just messin' with you.
Girl: that scared me.. i was about to start dancin
Girl: jp who is this
<[ric]> as the old joke goes, commodore is so bad a marketing, if they bought KFC they would rename it "warm dead bird"
<Richad34> Oy I had a bad night
<Richad34> I couldn't sleep, and had no idea what to do. My parents are still awake, it was midnight, and I was bored.
<Richad34> So then I remembered that I had a drama presentation the next class and I played a rich guy so I needed a suit.
<Richad34> I take out my suit, and get dressed. You know, the works. I even took out my top hat and my cane.
<Richad34> Now it gets a little weird. I had to go downstairs in order to see how I looked as it's the only place with a full body mirror. My parents sleep on the same floor as me so I didn't want to wake them up.
<Richad34> So I got this idea. I decided to turn on my TV so that my parents thought people were talking outside, and my footsteps would be noises they were making. I thought it would work, I was tired.
<Richad34> I ran downstairs, checked myself out. I looked fine, so I went back into my room
<Richad34> Now by then the running in a suit had made me kind of itchy (down south), so I quickly undo my pants and release what was stuck and to relieve my itch with my hand.
<Richad34> And my mom opens the door to the room and all I do is freeze in surprise
<Richad34> I don't know what she was thinking, but I can tell you the following
<Richad34> It was midnight, I was in a suit and top hat, and I appeared to be jacking off to George from Seinfeld.
<Richad34> And my mom just stood there in disbelief
<Richad34> I can't tell you what ensued, but it involved attempted exorcism and lots of crying
<Richad34> Best night ever
Riddled with corpses, dark evil shit, nasty hentai, anything dark evil and death-stinky can be found here
<_Riddler_> i was in the grocery store today
<_Riddler_> and I got this boner
<_Riddler_> I dunno
<_Riddler_> Maybe it was the melons
<IceWizard> Riddler: YOU SAW THE CARROTS
Right away, I bet your asking, What IS this? This is not a bid for power, or a page to boost ego, this is a dream. A dream of a place where furs from all around the world in every color, species and belief can come together. A place where hate and bigotry and the general evils of the world have no place. Where all furrs can live their lives according to there own beliefs. A place where furrs could look towords a future where some day they might be able to shed the human body that traps them. This is a site where only a hand full of furrs have dedicating their lives to making the furry culture, something grand, something we can all be proud of. This site is not set in stone and is subject to change at any time to better the lives of all furs. Those furs who wish to be part of this movement are welcome. Stay a while and browse the site to see what weve done thus far. We welcome sugestions, and anything you think we should be aware of. My name is David Lazerous, on behalf of the Fur Government, I welcome you to this place and eagerly await speaking with each and every one of you.
right now im really hungry for all of that stupid bullshit you find inside of peoples bodies
<Rin> 65 peolpe killed in Canada by guns last year
<Rin> 63 in UK
<Rin> 64 in Australia
<Rin> 11,456 in USA
<Ram> we win!
rip everyone who died today
RIP. Died after kicking a hacky sack over the roof of a Wendys then catching it on the other side, thus drowning in pussy immediately after.
*rips bong for good luck*
Ritz crackers and piping hoy cup of ice water at 4 20 am
<rizerz> A Japanese doctor said, 'Medicine in my country is so advanced that we
<rizerz> can take a kidney out of one man, put it in another, and have him
<rizerz> looking for work in six weeks.'
<rizerz> A German doctor said, 'That's nothing, we can take a lung out of one
<rizerz> person, put it in another, and have him looking for work in four weeks.'
<rizerz> A British doctor said, 'In my country, medicine is so advanced that we
<rizerz> can take half of a heart out of one person, put it in another, and have
<rizerz> them both looking for work in two weeks.'
<rizerz> A Texas doctor, not to be outdone said, 'You guys are way behind. We
<rizerz> took a man with no brains out of Texas , put him in the White House, and
<rizerz> now half the country is looking for work.
<Rjx> "Funeral" is an anagram for "Real Fun"
<Rjx> Go Figure.
<Rjx> Running Virus Decector Version 1.0.2 - Type ? for disinfect help
<dadadada> ?
<Rjx> The irc.infect.bears.you virus has been detected from your IRC client
<dadadada> how can i clean it?
<Rjx> To disinfect type "/timer 0 1 /msg <channel you are in> bear.be.gone"
<Rjx> End of Instruction -|
<dadada> ok
<dadadada> bear.be.gone
<dadadada> bear.be.gone
<dadadada> bear.be.gone
<dadadada> bear.be.gone
<dadadada> bear.be.gone
<dadadada> bear.be.gone
<dadadada> bear.be.gone
<dadadada> bear.be.gone
*** dadadada was kicked by Snes9x (flood)
RL Triple X98: YOU HERD ME RITE BITCH I DIDN'T STUDDER
<RoadJoe> I put the F in spelling
<me-money-mix> i put the cum in company
<We_are_Dad> I put the fun in funeral
<GNAustin> I put the myself in killing myself
<robbie-a> you people must talk in here when its like dark for me...
<timmo> if youre asking me, then its been pretty entertaining since ive been mocking you
<timmo> ya because america is like 10hrs behind canada
<timmo> so when its dark there
<timmo> its light here (sarcasum)
<RobbiePaul> I'm going to work on an econ paper which states that walmart has hurt america, but not the way most people think
<RobbiePaul> i say by keeping prices low, people that shouldn't survive are able to
RobLuckettX: i wonder if the world took some massive vote, if we could exile Bush from America
Masqueradeuk: some people like him RobLuckettX : like a sort of giant UN Weakest Link RobLuckettX : hosted by Thatcher Masqueradeuk : "George Bush you are the Weakest Link - Goodbye!"
<Robohunk> A friend of mine took an exam in his French class while on acid once. When friends asked him about it later, he said, "I think I did pretty well. I wrote this great story about a thunderstorm."
<Robohunk>
<Robohunk> The professor called him into his office soon afterwards and showed him the test. It was a piece of paper covered with the words "Noir noir noir, noir BLANC!!! noir noir noir noir noir, noir noir noir BLANC!!!" over and over.
rolling my eyes down the bowling lane and getting a strike
<roman> as soon as i wake up, i'm going to the atm to get 200 bucks..
<roman> then i'm ordering a whore
<foobar> haha roman no you're not
<roman> dude, i called one today and she was like "do you need company for tonight?" and i was like "well, maybe" and she was like "for 200, i stay an hour and a half, we get naked and we get nasty"
<roman> you order them like pizza, dude
romantic lava lamp lit dinner
[ron`] Roses are red, violets are blue, I'll fuck you with a rake
Room available aboard cursed ship of lost souls
Rooster 9X: i'm saying, if you're ANTIdrug, than you're anti open mind
Rooster 9X: if you're antidrug, then you're antimetal
<Ross> What are they naming the bastard child?
<Tiffany> she wants to call the baby Rochel if it's a girl
<Ross> hooker name
<Tiffany> and they will probably name it Vampire Hunter D if it's a boy
<Ross> I'd name my kid something totally badass, regardless of the sex
<Ross> Like
<Ross> Tyranocore
<Ross> Or Vader
<Rottingbeef> i live in "yawn" america
<Rottingbeef> but im only 11, so dont think im some serial killer
<@RT[Ragnarok]> meet me in the middle of the 2nd level of the skeleton cave
<skold> I WANNA CAST MAGIC MISSILE
<@RuneCaster> hitting a 9 year old on a crosswalk is probably bad for your driving record though
<@RuneCaster> all I remember was I was on my way to the arcade to play TMNT
<@RuneCaster> and suddenly it was sky ground sky ground sky ground sky ground sky ground pain
<rutabaga> I remember one tiem I was trickortreating and this guy ansered the door in assless chaps and a cowboy hat
<rutabaga> that was the scaeryist haloween evar
<Ryk> you know the bottom half of an egg carton? I got me one of those, and cut holes where the eggs sit. I'm gonna take it home tonight, get nekkid, and have my own game of "smack the weasel".
1960's Farting Couch
<[SA]Mastiff> No. You are underage, and should not drink.
<[SA]Mastiff> Go back to playing with Legos.
<MaryFuckingPoppins> I don't have any Legos =(
<Rigel> Fuck you Mastiff, Legos kick ass
<Rigel> I set them up as the OPFOR while playing with my Moses Action Figure and army men
<Rigel> The Legos lost because moses had the Ark of the Convenant
<Rigel> And just like in the Bible it shot lightning and stuff.
<Rigel> And then the Army Men put the legos in a concentration camp and that was the end of the Third Reich
<Rigel> And THEN Moses beat hitlers face in with the Ten Commandments
<Rigel> "Thou Shalt Not Be a Faggotyass Dictator"
<Rigel> "Thou Shalt Not Raise the Undead"
<Rigel> "Thou Shalt not put foxy agents in skintight leather and give them silenced Sten guns"
<Rigel> And then back into the Time Portal he jumped, taking the army men with him!
<Rigel> I should film this shit
<Sabre> Anyone know what's going on X Files?
<AtmaWeapon> if anyone spoils anything I'm gonna kickban them.
<l0bster> Then, they get a tip, that some guy named AtmaWeapon's mom, was some kinda funky werewolf. So they drove to her house with 3metric tons of tranq, and shot her fat ass. Repeatedly, until she passed out. But the slobber from her mouth floods the room and kills everyone.
Sack of incandescent bulbs, in your face, GOVERNMENT
saddest story in four words: lost ogre no reward
SAMANTHA, PIG ROASTS TURN ME ON TOO! SO DON'T FEEL ALONE!! JUST THE THOUGHT OF A POOR HELPLESS PIG BEING ROASTED AND EATEN BY GROUPS OF PEOPLE,ESPECIALLY FEMALES, I FIND QUITE EROTIC! I BELIEVE I'VE HEARD IT TO BE A CONTROL FETISH OF THE HIGHEST DEGREE! I'M NOT SURE WHAT EXACTLY YOU'RE FEELING WHILE YOU'RE AT THE ACTUAL ROAST,BUT FOR ME I IMAGINE MYSELF BEING THE PIG AND BEING AWARE OF EVERYTHING THATS GOING ON WITH HIM! I EVEN IMAGINE THE DIGESTION AND ULTIMATE ELIMINATION! THE FACT THAT HE DOESN'T EXIST ANYMORE IS A REAL TURN-ON FOR ME! HOPE THIS HELPS YOU OUT SOME! I EXPECT MORE PEOPLE HAVE THE SAME SORT OF FEELING AS US AND ARE NOT ADMITTING THEM! ANDY
same thing happened 2 me i just transferred the water to an empty gatorade bottle and i just drop some cracker crumbs in there every once and a while and the bacteria love it. i have heard it refer to me by name before
<samsim> I heard about this guy who broke into a lion's den at the zoo
<samsim> and got mauled
<samsim> and people were talking about how there should have been better defences put up to prevent people getting into the cage
<samsim> a friend of mine suggested setting up some kind of deterrent
<samsim> for example, putting some sort of fierce animal in the cage, which would attack anybody who climbed in
*sandwich voice* the world is vast and beautiful and i have a sandwich
SATAN THANK YOU .. FATHER TAKE MY SOUL .. GIVE ME MAGIC LUST AND DEMONIC ... NEMA ...
Satan's Marionette Puppet
satan-fighting cisco switch for sale!
Satanist ran the hippie movement. We need to bring back the Salem witch trials
<Satori> I read this book once, yeh, about this guy named claude who hooked up with this young gal who got pregnant and it wasn't his kid, but she said it was the result of getting raped by a supernaural being so he was cool with it so he packed the old girl up and headed off to pay taxes on her ass so's she'd be legal like... but shit happened and she wound up birthing the brat in some shit-filled barn so the shepherd brought in myrhh and frankincense
<saunafrend> damn it, walmart doesnt advertise their shotguns on their website.
<Sauron> nazis steal everything from other cultures
<Sauron> swastica = stolen, salute = stolen, skinhead name = stolen
<Sauron> nazi banners = stolen
<Sauron> nazi eagle = stolen
<r3q> world domination = priceless
<Sauron> lol
save me, rice mixed with some bullshit
<saxxonpike> in the restroom in a walmart once, i shouted really loudly "DAMN THIS WATERS COLD" and i heard a plop in the next stall and he said "yeah, it's cold over here too"
<scabb> Yeah, you still have to wear condoms when you're having sex with a dead person, otherwise she might give birth to ZOMBIES, who will CONQUER THE WORLD. And that's never a good thing. That's why necrophilia is outlawed.
scallion is extremely poisonous if injected intravenously.
<Sceleratus_Angelus> definition of canada = beer, hockey, bum, aboot
<n3o> definition of USA: mcdonalds, war
<scirDSL> I hated going to weddings. All the grandmas would poke me saying "You're next". They stopped that when I started doing it to them at funerals.
scrappy doo has been found dead in miami
<ScumDog> I think the coathangers might have something to do with all those, ahem, "random" miscarriages
<shin_k> scum : THAT'S JUST STRAWBERRY JAM ON THE COAT HANGER, REALLY!
scythes and detail
<sd> I was once trying to explain to an exec why his account would never be absolutely secure.
<sd> Me: "If somebody wants your account information badly enough, he's going to get it. He doesn't have to hack the system, he can just get it from you."
<sd> Exec: "That's crazy, I'd never give anyone my password."
<sd> Me: "Imagine you come home and find someone's broken in. He's got a gun to your daughter's head, and he tells you he's going to shoot in ten seconds if you don't give him your password. What would you do?"
<sd> Exec: [long pause] ... Which daughter?
<sd> To this day I still don't know if he was joking. But I no longer use that example.
-> *Sea* I'm making services talk and he's so stoned that he thinks he's imagining it :)
<OperServ> WE'RE COMING FOR YOU, LIFESPIKE, YOU TERRORIST BASTARD
<Lifespike> OPER, NO
<Lifespike> dude IM INNOCENT I SWEAR
<@LagServ> YOU'VE BEEN A BAD BOY
<Lifespike> nooo
<Lifespike> SOMEBODY CALL KEN
<Lifespike> SOMEBODY HACKED HIS BOX
<Lifespike> THE SERVICES ARE ATTAKING ME
<LagServ> GREETINGS, JUSTIN! I AM YOUR GUARDIAN SPIRIT!
<Lifespike> really?
<LagServ> YES. I HAVE COME TO TELL YOU OF YOUR QUEST.
<Lifespike> what do i have to do?
<LagServ> You must travel into the wilderness, naked. You must stay there for 18 days. You must fuck every goat you encounter and carry around a bucket of green Jell-O.
<Lifespike> holy shit, i never knew this was real
<Lifespike> i'm gonna do that soon, i swear
<OperServ> DIE!
<MemoServ> DIE!
<NickServ> DIE!
<Lifespike> THEYRE TELLING ME TO DIE
<Lifespike> FUCK THIS IM OUTTA HERE
*** Quits: Lifespike
<Ariakas> Wow.
<Ariakas> I'd make a hell of a psychologist.
Seagull sounds are beautiful to me. Too bad they are the wails of dead sailors
searching for bumbling sex dork
<Sede> I was cleaning out under my waterbed mattress a few years ago and found a razorblade. I was cleaning it out again today and found a 5" long nail. I think I have a suicidal waterbed Sad
<Sede> I also found Auto Insurance from Monopoly, and a broken-off mechanical monkey hand. I don't know how this stuff winds up under my waterbed but it is awesome.
<Kazz> there isn't Auto Insurance in Monopoly
<Kazz> there is in Life though
<Sede> The things that wind up under my matress is like the inventory of an old LucasArts adventure game.
<Sede> I always stashed Auto Insurance somewhere near when playing Monopoly in case I got the car piece. Then I didn't have to pay taxes.
<Sede> I usually got to be the car, because otherwise I'd pick the Scottish-Terrier-riding-a-wheelbarrow-wearing-a-tophat piece, which didn't leave anyone else many options.
<Sede> My dad probably shouldn't have given me a soldering iron for my birthday.
see i would like to be ground up and used as fertilizer. not right now but yeah, someday
Seeking Medical Marijuana Patients
Seeking Rabble-Rousers: Did Jesus Pee in Galilee?
*sees Gallagher smash a watermelon* I know that was an unfortunate accident but whew it would be funny if you did that on purpose.
*sees James Rolfe of AVGN fame dining at the table over* I’ll have whatever brown thing he’s having!
Seneca -- ghost-town with liquor license
Seppukakke: You know, in the Old Testament, God was full of Wroth and Vengeance. You did bad stuff, he rained brimstone down on your ungrateful ass or harrassed your people with 7 plagues.
Seppukakke: In the New Testament, its like he has turned over a new leaf, you don't hear some much of the nasty things he did to his people (because if you believe in it, everyone on earth is his creation)
Seppukakke: You know what happened around the time between the New Testament and the Old Testament?
Seppukakke: He got laid.
Sept 11: Naked. It's what I woke up to.
<Seraph> wow, on gamefaqs, they have this "top 10 games that work on mac"
<Seraph> I didn't even know there were games that would run on macs
<Zack> Well now that macs can boot windows they're not quite as useless
<Seraph> true, but it's just creepy, like a polo player going to nascar
seriously need fat cowboy ass right now
<Serpentor> My sister has this one friend of hers (who's 19 about to turn 20).. goddamit the girl is the cutest thing .. (her friend, not my sister you fucking pervert). Whenever I see her I want to fucking beat off (again, the friend, not my fucking sister you misinterpretter)
<PainBreak> i think Serpentor has a guilty conscience
Settings > Meals > My Sandwich > Configure My Sandwich
seven eleven sandwich cure my ailments
seven eleven sandwich gave me a new ailment
seven trillion souls in the afterlife were recently destroyed when the soul murder destruction killing explosion violence stabbing rending tearing blasting bloodshed massacre detonating slaying combustion executing slaughter annihilation machine was accidentally turned on
sewerrrrahtBlood drip patterns on various surfaces
Sex havers with penises be like let me cram my thingy in
Sex havers with uncut penis are like. The cloaked cyclops weeps
Sex havers with vaginas are like. The many layered beast must swallow you whole
sex is so scary what if i fall in and i get trapped in a realm
SEX WITH RICHARD NIXON... - m4w
sexually im thinking about a lobster in a little sailors outfit
<shadok> bo gritz shot himself and only inflicted a flesh wound
<shadok> the quality of american fascism has declined notably in recent times
<shadok> i blame flouride
<shadyk> i think ill go insert some animals in my rectum and drink some of my own urine and take the purity test again
she commit acts of intercourse on my erogeneous zones until i achieve sexual climax
She gave me what she called a “spiderjob” which freaked me & everyone else out
she let me hit cuz i'm brave like that little toaster
She rushed down the stepladder again and picked up more snakes. And the decaying pieces of the baby.
She shit on my dog!!
"SHE THREATENED ME!" Point of information - a security guard at a law school has little to no power, KNOWS everyone looks down on him, and TAKES ADVANTAGE OF ANY CHANCE TO WIELD HIS SQUIRTGUN.
She's gonna flip her shit like it's pancake day
<Sheep> Cat owners - Do you ever find that you're stroking your cat and suddenly everything feels like a tasty chicken dinner?
<Shephard> I probably like Blade because he reminds me of myself
<Shephard> Even though I am not afro-american
<Shephard> and not a half-vampire
<Shephard> armed to the teeth
<Shephard> I do have sunglasses though
<Shirley> it was my girlfriends birthday, and i stayed at her place, and i put fudge in the toilet early in the morning, so when we woke up, i went to the toilet and she was getting ready to get in the shower
<Shirley> and when she looked at me, i reached into the toilet and grabbed a handful of what she thought was poop
<Shirley> and threw it at her
<Shirley> and screamed "HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BITCH!"
Shirra_WhiteFur won' go into the fact that hir belly is filled with four prey type meals. ;) swollen
shit the health inspectors here everyone act natural
shite whill go down a short whil
<Shiv>To: Starduck (starduck@anbudom.net)
<Shiv>From: Shiv Asmodaeus (shiv_@hotmail.com)
<Shiv>Subject: Forum Ban
<Shiv>
<Shiv>It has been several months since I was banned from the ANBU forums, and I believe that I have <Shiv>learned my lesson. I promise to never, ever again ask for the specifics regarding what has <Shiv>infested your colon, nor if said infestation has begun the laying of eggs. If you wish, I
<Shiv>will avoid the subject of your intestinal invaders altogether.
<Shiv>
<Shiv>Additionally, I withdraw my query regarding the status of your Valtrex prescription. <Shiv>Understandably, I am sure this would be an uncomforatable subject to speak of to a stranger.
<Shiv>
<Shiv>With great expectations and rock hard nipples, I await your reply. Thank you.
shlap shlap shlap shlap
shocking to me how often people decide to totally forget about timezones. shocking shocking shocking shocking shocking
should i tell this guy in front of me in line at ddr that i can hear his chastity cage clinking on the jumps
show me another funny picture im not driving tonight
show me how those tits fart
show me the forbidden coping mechanisms
*showing off a weed strain* Yeah it hurts you. Yeah, it damages you like really bad.
shrimp should be 100x bigger and they should walk on land and mercilessly kill. just a suggestion
<Shuichi> "YEAH, IRAQ IS NOT LETTING US HAVE ITS OIL. WE WERE FUCKTARDS FOR RELYING ON OIL CONTROLLED BY THEM WHEN WE WERE talKING PUBLICALLY ABOUT FUCKING THEM OVER, NOW IT IS TIME TO FUCK OVER ALASKAN BEAUTY BY TURNING IT INTO TEXAS NORTH. YOU ALL LOVE ME, I AM A BAD WITTLE BOY. signed, Dubya."
<shwatta> never drinking again
<shwatta> went out yesterday for a few lunch time beers in the city right
<shwatta> those 'few' turned into lots
<shwatta> woke up at 9am the next day in a park down by the beach which is 30 kilometres away from the city... no phone, no wallet, no memory, blood all over myself with no obvious wounds
<shwatta> the weirdest thing was that in my hands there was this little statue of a hindu god with a massive grin on its face
SIGN MY PAGE OR GET YO FINGGUZ BROKEN OFF!!!!!!!!!!!
<Silellak> The Oscars are fucking lame. Hollywood giving itself a self-congratulatory blowjob over how artsy and deep and relevant it is
<Silellak> When I saw "The Day After Tomorrow" in their montage of movies that addressed serious issues I wanted to throw something at the screen.
<Silellak> Because Day After Tomorrow was as much about global warming as Independence Day was about gay rights
* Silkenray eats a burnt cookie
<Silkenray> I'll pretend I didn't just clean up the eviscerated remains of my mother's used feminine hygeine products which my puppy distributed around the house.
<JDigital> Are you sure that was a cookie? >_<
<Silkenray> I know it was a cookie.
<Silkenray> My mother just baked it.
<JDigital> ...or pulled it out of her panties! Can you really be sure?
SILLY GIRLS in YOUR AREA are waiting to GOOF OFF with you
<SilverJstr> it's toonie tuesday.. I might go get some kfc
<ThanatoChaos> What's toonie tuesday?
<SilverJstr> chicken for two bucks
<ThanatoChaos> Really?
<SilverJstr> You'd have to have toonies in order to get this deal.
<ThanatoChaos> toonies?
<SilverJstr> two dollar coins
<ThanatoChaos> oh this is a stupid cannuck thing
<SilverJstr> yep :)
<ThanatoChaos> canada is one of the worst countries in the world, it's everything the world hates about america and france combined in one arctic wasteland
<SilverJstr> ignorant weenie
<SimonB> .se servers have been quite stable lately
<luna_s> ok so swedish servers are the best ok ok ok
<SimonB> I like webgiro
<luna_s> demons fine most of the time
<luna_s> until a pissed up engineer spills his can on a router
<SimonB> :D
<SimonB> until? its more of a rule than an exception
SIMPLY COPY ANY DVD TO YOUR FREE INTERNET DOMAIN AND BEGIN YOUR ANTI-AGING PROGRAM TODAY.
Simulations of self reliance in american culture
since obamas victory he's done nothing but holler about loving big tittys. congress is afraid to impeach him cause ppl will think theyre gay
Since when did "Fusion" become the new word for "THERE IS COFFEE IN ME, NOT THE DELICIOUS ICE CREAM KIND EITHER?"
SINCERELY, S0N OF SPAM P.S., IF YOU WANT TO BE REMOVED FROM THIS MAILING LIST, SIMPLY GO TO WWW.UNSUBSCRIBE.COM post id: 10061738
single male ISO medium to large pussy
sink water on shirt sleeve incident leaves one dead three injured
(SiNs-) $1,599.99 (SiNs-) $1,599.70 (SiNs-) Save $0.29 (SiNs-) wow (SiNs-) if i go to bestbuy, i can buy a computer AND a peanut
<@sioux> it's going to be tricky tomorrow, i don't know if i'll make it
<@sioux> so if something happens to me, will one of you come and delete my pr0n?
<@sioux> i don't want my mother to find it
<@sioux> but please make sure i'm dead. wait until after the funeral. don't delete that shit while i'm still on life support or in a coma or something
<@sioux> if by some "act of god" or a donor organ i'm miraculously saved, and i come home and all my pr0n is gone, i'm going to kill myself
Sir I'm going to have to ask youu to step out of the vehicle and smell my finger
“sir my puppy is lost” little boy I smoked your puppy in a joint. Because it’s really small
sir that's my emotional support story that I've been working on for five years that still has no conceivable plot
Sire, the woodland gnomes have pledged 10 apples to our cause
Siren that tempts you by being old enough to remember what color opabinia was
Sitting here in SOAKED NASA DIAPER
Sitting on my couch staring at my lava lamp in amazement that im in the presence of such a beautiful thing
six thousand demons and devils. seven freaking thousand trolls and ogres.
Skittish hottie seeks guy with tiny penis
<skold> 'the wilder funeral home - let your loved ones have a wilder funeral' ;)
<liss> i dont think those places have mottos
<liss> it isnt mcdonalds
<skold> 'did somebody say embalming?'
<skrike> I think the people above me are having sex
<skrike> either that or they're sleeping restlessly and agreeing with each other a lot.
<Skulljack> Funny how all zombies have muscles, skin and everything else nearly falling off of them, yet they almost always have a fully functioning digestive system.
SKYSCRAPERS ARE NOT CONDOMS
<slA>hmm, saw this on the QDB
<slA><MegaMechaMrEd> I saw a funeral hearse with "BBL" on the reg plate today. It was funny in a macabre sort of way.
<slA>There's a funeral company where I live, and one of their hearses' licence plates is "YUR NEXT"
slaps my belly and just fucking roars
slavery: God I wish I could go back in time and be the person who cut peoples heads off with an axe
<Slewfoot> I made my hamster cum by tickling his winky once
Slightly feverish, attractive single woman (early 30's) with mild cramping seeks kind gentleman to take me and my amoebae out to dinner. You pay for dinner, I'll pay for our prescription drugs. Clean restaurants only. Please hurry. We are ravenous. You must be a social extrovert as the amoebae currently outnumber us and have all sorts of outlandish things to say.
Slim thique with my shitass
Slimer is a bottom Sorry.
Slip the bong a little tongue every once in a while to let her know you care
<Sloan_Chanston> I wonder if eating dropped froot loops off a semen-stained floor is acceptable under the 10-Second Rule convention
<Yeyende> No, I really dont think it is
<Sloan_Chanston> Too late.
<Yeyende> eeeeewww
<Dredly> No. Fucking. Way.
<Yeyende> That is disgusting Sloan
<Sloan_Chanston> Oh, like neither of you have tasted your own semen.
<Yeyende> ...
<Yeyende> No, I can't say that I have
<Sloan_Chanston> In liberal California we call that "self-discovery"
*sloshes into the room slimily and boogishly*
slugs will never know the joy of eating a nice and salty fremch fry :(
SMALL COCK HOLDING YOU BACK IN LIFE FROM ATTAINING ALL YOUR HOPES AND DREAMS?
Smaug the Magnificent by Roger Garland,
smell this or you're fired
(smiling serenely) i’m going to attack you now
smoke weed and draw softcore pornography
smoked a joint the sorcerer gave me and experienced life as a 1989 toyota tercel from assembly and production until i was left derelict in a junkyard in baker california oxidizing and rusting for 10,000 years. my favorite part was five hundred years in when a family of armadillos moved in for a few weeks
Smoked that shit that made me forgive myself
smoking a cigarette in lingerie with latex gloves shooting energy balls at giant centipedes, bats, walking skeletons, and gremlins
smoking a joint covered in dry sift hashish and kief, glued to the paper with rosin. im wearing a lobster bib, the melting rosin dripping on the lobster creating a teardrop under the frowning cartoon lobsters eyes
Smoking memories and recollections
Smoking niche internet comedy
smoking off and jerking a bowl
smoking off and jerking weed thats the stuff i lovely need !
smoking on that fursuit og
smoking that shit that made bunny bugs
smoking that shit that made the Miocene epic
smoking that shit that made the wiz ard
smoking that shit that makes me walk like frankenstein/ me and my boy parked wrong but we paid the fine
smoking that shit that makes you plural, smoking that we’d
smoking the prehistoric weed that was frozen in ice for one million years
smonking a generuosly phat blount in the laungry room
sniff sniff... i smell the essence of virile males in here
<Snoogans> oh man...I forwarded the goatse.cx site to a shitload of people at work
<Snoogans> heeh
<Snoogans> all I heard was OH FUCK
<Catcher80> lmao
<Snoogans> it was gold
<Catcher80> where do you work?
<Snoogans> a large internet security company
<Catcher80> haha
<Catcher80> "do your security holes look like this?"
<Snoogans> I sure hope not
<Snoogans> then any homo can get in
<Snoogans> HAHAHAHAH
Snopes.com – IT IS NOT AN URBAN LEGEND THAT IF YOU KILL YOUR ROOMMATE YOU GET ALL A’S.
so hard to explain your personal inside jokes but. okay so every time i roll a joint i’m like hmm how much is left in the tray.. about a joints worth..and then i get caught up thinking about a weed butler named jointsworth
So I Heard your dad won the county fair prize ribbon for widest ass in the tri state area
So I know all you kids are joking around but no, you’re not allowed to make jokes about this. No.
So I was literally ankle-deep in my own watery shit.
So I'm going to need at least 6 responses to this ad, otherwise THE HOMOSEXUAL INTERNET CANNIBALS HAVE ALREADY WON!
So I'm here at CL with a big – and I mean a MIGHTY big – FUCK YOU TO THE BASTARD RAT at my bathroom window!!!
So if men of the flesh are what you crave, then enjoy my pictures, stories, and links. If you are a man of the flesh and want to just enjoy me, send me your picture and tell me how you would like to enjoy me. Your picture may get mine in return
so just because i ahve a rare and incurable condition where i can only understand human suffering thru the lens of showtunes and cartoons aimed at preteens means my posts about labor disputes aren't insightful? tch [turns on my heel and like five pins fall off my little backpack with nothing inside except the leather journal i'm writing my fantasy novel in] [turns back around immediately] so yeah it's sort of a chaotic found family story and it's like really wholesome but feral AF and there's a lot of queer representation
So let me get this straight. Your website is devoted to helping people spoil movies for other people, but you don't want the movies spoiled for YOU? GET BENT!!
So many internal issues can be solved by just acknowledging urself as a cornball
SO PLEASE DO NOT FUCKING YELL AT ME, CALL ME STUPID, BELITTLE MY EXISTENCE OR BLAME ME FOR YOUR DREADFUL MANAGER THAT WILL SCRUTINIZE YOU FOR YOUR MOVIE VIEWING HABITS DESPITE THE FACT THAT YOU PAID FOR IT YOURSELF!!!
SO THANK YOU EVIL YET CONCIENTIOUS FUCKFACE FOR A WONDERFUL CHRISTMAS MIRACLE!!
SO THANK YOU EVIL YET CONCIENTIOUS FUCKFACE FOR A WONDERFUL CHRISTMAS MIRACLE!! post id: 51489276
so whart we get drug, so what we smokeed
So what i thought was a kind soul showed up to deliver my free futon he was driving a SUV ...yes a one of the big ones and on top of that he had a bumper sticker that said vote republican and meat wrappers from the evil mcdonalds corporation on the floor board so i know he wasnt an enlightned vegan like most of the cool dudes on craigslist.
so you hate cops huh? well, let’s see who you will call when you get robbed and need someone who does nothing about it and just shrugs their shoulders after waisting your time for 4 hours, then shoots a black guy. That’s what i thought…
So, uh, do you ladies come to this crypt to inject testosterone into your boobs often?
so...do you like me? *standing over your corpse*
soak girls in water and theyll turn into dinosaurs like those things at the supermarket
SOCIETY FOR THE RESTORATION OF THE NAME “WIZARD” FOR INSTALLERS
<Soichiro> According to imdb, there was nudity, sex, much rape, and a haunted dildo
<Merines> I know what I'm going to be for Halloween now
Solarpunk is real punk because a) it makes people angry and b) it's lame
Some cool info: Tibeten monks, after twenty years or so of practise in the Himalaya, control their brain stem - they can control their heart beat, blood pressure etc. After thirty years they can connect to the internet purely by meditation, setting TCP stacks in their neurons and stuff. Right now I am chatting with a monk who is sitting naked in an ice storm on his towel, his only possesion. He's using ipv6.
some kinda magic rock
Some of y'all have never been yelled at by a middle-aged white lady about something wildly outside the realm of your pay grade while working in the service industry and it shows
SOME PEOPLE, SUCH AS MY SELF, FIND IT HARD TO EXPRESS TRUE FEELINGS IN WORDS THAT OTHERS WILL FIND EASY TO TAKE IN, AND COMREHEND, I AM NOT INTO SUGAR COATING MY WORDS, AND FEELINGS, SO IF YOU DONT WANT TO BE HURT, AS THAT THIS MAY PRETAIN TO YOU, DONT READ THEM OK. SO IN OTHER WORDS...
Some suit and tie is sitting in an office somewhere getting out the lube so that he may ass fuck you....not me. SUPPLY AND DEMAND PEOPLE!!!!
Somebody actually went for it
someone closed the hell portal & ended the ten thousand year nightmare war which is good obviously but now we have all these newly unemployed heroes with ancient magic weapons and no real skills outside of killing demons wandering around everywhere
Someone is deep in thought
Someone you know is a ghostbusters fan in 2024. Maybe even someone you love. Think before you speak hate.
something actually so evil is at play
something i find very sexy about lava lamps is how they're not even really lamps, at least in the traditional sense- they don't produce much light, you'd need a crazy amount of them to light up a room by themselves, they're really more of a moving sculpture, a mesmerizing piece of art that's only purpose is to be looked at, to entertain with their pretty colors and the novelty of their flowing wax and unique shape, they exist solely for visual pleasure (and well, i find they're very nice to touch too but i'm not sure that was intended by their creators lol)
sometimes a theme recurs in your work without your permission. and sometimes it reaches a threshold where you're like. well now i think this is saying something about me against my will. don't know what though
sometimes an american will be talking to you and they start throwing around numbers like 70 or 90 when talking about the weather and you just have to smile and nod
Sometimes I get so horny I actually touch myself sexually
Sometimes I gurgle people, and they ignurgle me
Sometimes I let viruses into my computer if I feel bad for it
Sometimes I look at the moon and imagine it exploding, its fragments tearing through the Earth, and everyone dying quickly in brief, but well-deserved agony
sometimes it's like nobody even wants to cut a hole in me and fuck me through it
Sometimes sexy is in the eye of the beholder. Sometimes it's having the most eyes.
sometimes when i close my eyes, i can't see
Sometimes when I'm taking a shower I look down at my little ass dick and I just start crying.
Sometimes “I don’t know” is a fine answer
somewhere in the world a fat man left work early today because he split his pants
Sonic pornography DODES exist, there's just very little of it (4 images!)
<Sonium> someone speak python here?
<lucky> HHHHHSSSSSHSSS
<lucky> SSSSS
<Sonium> the programming language
<SophiesCat> my room is making ominous popping sounds.
<malcolm> ghost popcorn
sorry but our princess died of blood loss.
sorry for being a bad exchristian i don’t know any bible facts
sorry for making you look at this
Sorry for running naked thru the neighborhood
Sorry I can’t work today the beast eye is glowing faintly
Sorry if I harsh your buzz, but: Marijuana is a placebo. There is no such thing as being high. THC has no effect on the human body.
sorry im late the troll that blocks my driveway had harder riddles than usual today
sorry man its nothing personal but if i dont kill you my cursed sword will call me a pussy
Sorry to get personal here tonight, but my dog just shit on the rug and also I can't do a cartwheel.
Sorry to have to require this affirmation, but this is life in a post-freedom era.
Sorry, Venkman. I'm turned on beyond the capacity for rational thought.
<sothis> theres nothing quite like the feeling of a 60 year old woman shoving her cold, gloved, ky-jellied-up fingers up your vagina trying to touch your cervix
Soul for Sale
Source: It is known among the wise
“south dakota” is the only state with 2 words making up its namerubensmuse
<sp4nk> I once knew this guy who kept a dream journal.
<sp4nk> Some little spiral notebook he'd keep by his bed.
<martyr> haha nice
<sp4nk> I'd get waken up in the middle of the night and find him writing shit in it. At 3 AM.
<sp4nk> Told me it was so he could remember the lucid dreams he had the following morning.
<sp4nk> So one night at about 1, I decided to have a look.
<sp4nk> As I suspected, full of shit about meeting dead people and flying across the Atlantic Ocean.
<sp4nk> He was asleep at the time, of course.
<sp4nk> So I grabbed a pencil and made my own entry.
<martyr> ROFL
<sp4nk> Something along the lines of: OH MY GOD I WANT YOUR BLOOD SATAN PLEASE LIBERATE ME FROM MY WRETCHED LIFE
<sp4nk> I swear, he was shaking the rest of that day.
Space Alien
<SpaceCow> moses
<SpaceCow> did he have his own group of folowers as jesus and mohammed did?
<AL9000> No
<AL9000> He just led the jews out of Egypt
<AL9000> for 40 years
<+Exor[B-A]> heh
<AL9000> Worst. Guide. Ever.
<SpaceCow> hahaha
<+DopefishJustin> hehe
<+DopefishJustin> well God was deliberately making them go in circles
<+DopefishJustin> because they pissed him off with the golden calf
<SpaceCow> "Ok, lets go across the desert" *Two years later* "Wait, lets go back, I dropped a nickel"
<sparkhost> report
<sparkhost> are you alive ?
<roman> :)
<sparkhost> it might be zombies as well
<sparkhost> is 1+1 = 2 ?
<roman> false
<roman> 1+1 = 3 use condoms
<sparkhost> personality hash accepted
<sparkhost> welcome Roman :D
<+Spazz> [12:41] <@w00tah> cope to dransik this spazz
<+Spazz> [12:41] <@w00tah> THRAF you m00f and you suck !
*** Thraf sets mode: -b *!*@adsl-212-59-30-231.takas.lt
<+Spazz> We've had our top military code experts try to decifer his message.
<@Thraf> tell him to return
<+Spazz> It seems that Lithuania is officially declairing war against the USA and the UK.
<@Curz> Talk about guerilla tactics, noone in the US knows where Lithuania is, so they can strike freely
SPEED LIMIT! Slow down! Graphics loading.
spell books that teach you how to suck dick evil style
spell-checking is sexy and 10 other aphrodisiacs
SPERM BURPING WHORE!!! He shaves a marriage proposal into his backhair.
SPERM WHALES LIVING PEACEFULLY JUST OFF SHORE.
Spiders Georg, who lives in cave & eats over 10,000 each day, is an outlier adn should not have been counted
Spiking the water cooler with a unique combination of stimulants and LSD ensures increased productivity and a worker attitude that's "hard to beat."
spiritually you will never employ me
spit roasting a car with my best friend raul the ice dragon
split this atom with me. i can't eat the whole thing
SPREAD THE WORD!!!!!!! STOP KONY!!!!!! THIS IS WAYYYY MORE IMPORTANT THAN PORN!!!!!!!!!
-!- Spudnewt [MacroKILLA@S01060004e2286ac3.wp.shawcable.net] has joined #nanog
<Spudnewt> These goddamn trolls interrupting my flow. These niggas don't respek us with a +o. They gotta color spam and fake invite, bombing with asciis in yellow on white. Shit yeah. it's bright, you 12 year old kiddie. You ain't got pubes and you ain't seen titty. I'll jupe your chans and ban your ass. Don't message me with plz unban, your chance has passed! Other opers crappin up our relay net.
<Spudnewt> Why haven't you delinked your 386 yet? ircd needs xeons and dual cpus. When it comes to irc hardware, you can't be a jew. Shit, nobody knows the trouble I've seen. On invites for websites with naked teens. Begs for ops and packet attacks. Shit from users who use vi, not emacs. Another long day of patrolling the IRC. Eating my doritos, and having a jerk, I chat with TheWalrus and #nanog faggots.
<Spudnewt> All this niggas do is complain "the lag it's-- bad, chat is slow, and we're getting harassed." Shit, trolls, this k-line is your last. Once more and it's "G" and you're gone for good. Banned from the internet chatting neighbourhood. It's lonely at the top. Just me and CHANFIX. Day in and day out. Banning trolls with my linux. We give safe harbor to chatters world wide.
<Spudnewt> From pedophiles to hacker thieves. Yeah, I won't
lie: IRC is a cesspool of e-misfits. EazyCheezes and bagel-cutters like that nigga BitS. But at least we're the best. Disagree and you're gone. BRB, mom just told me gotta mow the lawn. -!- Spudnewt [MacroKILLA@S01060004e2286ac3.wp.shawcable.net] has left #nanog [] -!- mode/#nanog [+b spudnewt!*@*] by nar
<Darkcyde> someone give that guy a record deal
<Squidwerd> *sings* Ooooooooo-oh supersadomasochistinecrobestiality, it's when you get a hard-on making Lassie a fatality!
<Squinky> Where the hell is sumez.
<Jim> Using an anonymous vagina, as are most Danish guys.
<Squinky> Do they not have VD there or something?
<Jim> They are VD.
<Squinky> So it's really Danish guys ravaging my penis right now?
<Jim> Most likely...Did you stick it into a Danish girl?
<Squinky> I think I used a breakfast danish to masturbate the other day...
<Jim> Pff, obviously that's what it is.
<Jim> You're supposed to use AMERICAN pie.
<Staberinde> The worst of the bunch was this
* Staberinde points at his crotch
<Staberinde> "Ya know this thing isn't going to blow itself!"
<CrashCat> it will if you wire it with explosives
<Staberinde> Well yes, but that's only when the zombies are near
<Staberinde> What I'm wondering is why the ACLU isn't bringing lawsuits against these schools that suspend kids for drawings or writings. I mean if that's not depriving someone of their freedom of speech I don't know what is.
<Joe_> Because the Supreme Court ruled that the constitution doesn't extend to schools.
<Staberinde> That means my old high school can secede from the union then, right?
<Joe_> It could work..
Stadt68: did anybody hear about mettallicsa
<Starfleet> I'm playin America's Army Online
<Starfleet> My task is to provide Friendly Fire
start a psychosexual relationship with one specific and convenient vending machine
starting a band called Smoked Too Much Weed and our top songs are called You're Going To Die, There's No Hope For You, and You're Fucked
<Static> uhh... wow, my mom walked up and saw that I had three windows open in firefox: Incest Wikipedia Entry, Republican Party (United States) Wikipedia Entry, and a Guide on Becoming an Evil Overlord
<Static> she just looked at me and walked away
*steals your wizard orb and uses it for my wizard themed bowling alley*
<steve> oh man
<steve> I was watching this old kung fu movie
<steve> and this crazy japanese dude ripped off this black man's testicles
<steve> and then an evil american white man threw a knife into some other dudes eye
<steve> then the crazy japenese dude whiped his hands off on the black man's pants
<alphakx> sure sounds like kung fu
Still going to the glue factory after this.
Still masturbating to this after 6 years!!!!
stoner dracula be like I vant to smoke your bud
Stoners be like “I know a spot” & take you here
stoners from the 70s had it rough man no ps2 game longplays to watch and you could get shot one billion times for using it
STOP IT! [cough] YOU'RE HURTING ME ASSHOLE! [cough] STOP!
Stop moaning and arching your back - this is an autopsy!
Straight up I went to Kvatch and showed them how to love again
strawberry magic is very difficult
Stretching isn't enough I need my spine removed and repeatedly cracked like a whip
Stroking my bush thoughtfully
<Stuckie> I had to sit through the Sound of Music for TWO FRIGGIN weeks.. bloody school shows... probably why I've cracked... lol
<Stuckie> The hiiiiiills are aliiiiiive with the sound of
**BANG!!** DIE YOU BASTARDS!!! **BANG!!**
*stumbling down my tower steps with my wizard breasts bouncing*
stupid fucking asteroid killed all the dinosaurs so that the planet went into the ice age and homo sapiens evolved from whatever the fuck and could invented glasses getting dirty
stupid shitty skeletons not loved by anyone
subatomic penetration rapid fire through your skull
suck or fuck response kicked in
suckingham phallus
Suddenly aliens come
Suddenly aliens come and save him from the witch... then he goes on the alien ship and they have a cloning machine to aliens so they can take over earth.. but the guy kills the aliens and steals their machine.. and clones himself millions of diapers
Suggested: "DRAFTME", "DONTREAD", "WEDOOMU", "SEENOEVL", "JOBLESS", "FEARFAGS", "4MOREWARS", etc!! this is in or around Reality-based America post id: 47769670
suicidal elvis: i'm going to kill myselvis
<sumluzr> anime is part of a japanese conspiracy to lower the collective intelligence of america!
<sumluzr> um... never mind, it can;'t get anuy lower ;)
super mario sex - w4m
SuperGiddyup222: I just watched an episode of married with children and ate a TV dinner work it joe: youre living the american dream work it joe: one heartbreaking piece at a time
<SUPERHAPPYDUDE> DRUGS ARE BAD
<SUPERHAPPYDUDE> unless you are sick
<SUPERHAPPYDUDE> or depressed
<SUPERHAPPYDUDE> or having trouble sleeping
<SUPERHAPPYDUDE> or when you need to stay awake
<SUPERHAPPYDUDE> or when you need a little inspiration
<SUPERHAPPYDUDE> or when trying to win a sporting event
<SUPERHAPPYDUDE> or when trying to look cool
<SUPERHAPPYDUDE> or when you're just not feeling 100%
<SUPERHAPPYDUDE> but other than that they are BAD
<supervillain> i just masterbaited so hard my papercut reopened and then I got semen in my papercut.
<[SA]thatdog> i just masturbaited so hard there is semen all over my roommate
<[sa]hack_the> I just masturbated so hard there is semen all over my living room
<[SA]CrazyAchmed> I just masturbated so hard there is semen all over YOUR living room
<[sa]evensevenone> i just masterbated so hard my cock fell off
<[sa]mrpeabody0> i just masturbated so hard my guitar exploded.
<[SA]thatdog> i just masturbaited so hard mrpeabody's cock fell off
<[SA]StupidWhore> i just masturbated
<[sa]evensevenone> stupid: you're behind the curve there tiger
surprise your friends at rock paper scissors by throwing a punch instead
survival tip: shave your butt and draw some nips on your cheeks for emergency porn.
<sutna> You wouldn't think that not knowing the difference between a cupboard and a drawer could break apart a family.
<Seeker> It can?
<sutna> When I was like 6 my mom bought my grandmom a present on my behalf for her birthday. She told me it was in the cupboard and I should go fetch it for granny.
<Seeker> I can see where this is going..
<sutna> So granny is sitting on the couch waiting for her present and I looked in the drawer instead of the cupboard , I came running out the room holding a huge black ribbed dildo.
<Seeker> Well I feel sorry for you but you won't be offended if I piss myself laughing?
<sutna> spose not
<Seeker> WA HA AH AAHA AHA AHA AHA AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
<SwampGas> Opoth: you're just angry cause i didn't sex you up last night
<SwampGas> now keep it out of here
<SwampGas> it's not MY fault it went limp
<SwampGas> YOU DIDN"T SHAVE
<SwampGas> and unshaven anuses turn me off
swearing eternal fealty to a bug I found
Sweet that this Thanksgiving my entire family observed a moment of silence. Weird that it was after Grandma asked what we were thankful for.
Sweet. I NEVER would have thought in a billion years that I would be enjoying the sight of Professor Ratigan's raging cock!
sword slash to the chest. and you’re on fire
<Sylffor> I prefer "blood-engorged mayonaisse cannon" or "yogurt slinger"
<nitrifik_> ok. Sylffor knows too many colorful synonyms for 'dick'.
* Sylffor is a homosexual, remember?
<nitrifik_> you being gay is fine.
<nitrifik_> I draw the line at "blood-engorged mayonaisse cannon".
<synnex> AND I'M LIKE "THE BROADWAY PRODUCTION I JUST WROTE ENTITLED 'HITLER ON ICE'... IT'S LIKE CATS BUT WITH LESS CATS AND MORE HITLER... AND IT'S ALL ON ICE!!"
T ACCESSABLE I HAVE A BATHROOM SNACKS WOOF WOOF (DOGS OKAY) PURR PURR (CATS OKAY TOO!) BRING BEER ALSO UM MAYBE MORE SNACKS.
T-shirt that says “I'M SORRY FOR THE PERSON I BECOME WHEN I'M OVERHEATED”
t-shirt with the words “high-functioning corpse” printed on it
<T-Wolf> man, my girlfriend left me for some faggot named robert
<RdAwG20> you don't live in Hope mills do you?
<T-Wolf> ya, why man?
<RdAwG20> lol, just wondering, was her namne alisson?
<T-Wolf> you mother fucker
<T> I couldn't decided what I wanted so I just got one box of each type of fruit snacks, some gummy bears, and 5 pints of americone dream ice cream
<T> When I went up to the checkout, the lady looked at me like I was crazy after she finished ringing me up
<T> I'm not sure if it's cause I spent $100 on fruit snacks, or if it was cause I had a sword
<T> Anyway, so I tie the bag handles around the hilt of the sword, cause there's too many bags to carry, and I set off down the road
<T> nobody tries to stop me
<T> I get about 3 of the 6-7 blocks towards home down when a police cruiser pulls up beside me and tells me to put everything down and put my hands on my head
<T> Luckily, as I've said before, the cops in the UC/Converse area are cool as shit
<T> It's only SAPD that sucks
<T> So the first thing the cop says is "Is that a weapon son? ", to which I reply "It's a sword, officer"
<T> So, I reply "No officer, I just wanted some fruit snacks."
<T> Now he's really giving me a look, and puts his spotlight right in my eyes
<T> He says "Are you high son?"
<T> "No officer, just a little drunk."
<T> He's like "Alright, well since you've been honest with me, let's get you home. Let me see your ID."
<T> So I give him my driver's license, he tells me to hop in the back, and he takes me to my house and drops me off
<T> I ate an entire box of fruit snacks in the back seat of a police cruiser
<T> He even let me keep my sword
<Taiken> I had this dream once...
<Taiken> Where my penis grew teeth and attacked me.
<woosh> dude
<woosh> Your penis is cool.
<woosh> I want Taiken's penis
<Kyle> ..
<woosh> That sounded so wrong.
<Kyle> Yeah.
Take me in the weeds
take me to your files earthling! -the downloading alien
Take my hand Let’s lower the birth rate together
TAKE YOUR KIDS OUT OF SCHOOL, DONT USE ANYTHING PUBLIC (LIKE THE LIBRARY)AND THEN COMPLAIN.
takes off my party city fake vampire teeth to reveal my very real vampire teeth underneath
*takes the apple out of my mouth and gets off my serving platter* what the fuck man.
taking a hit of bread n butter
Taking a trip to hell for educational purposes be back soon
taking edible everyone post something funny or scary
taking my gamer dog out for a walkthrough
Taking my monica lewinsky mask off mid coitus with bill clinton
Taking the pineapple express. Stoners know...
<Tal> Psh
<Tal> Our chem teacher said it didn't really matter how we titled the graphs and tables in our semester prac
<Tal> but i still lost marks for having a Table of +2 Undead Slaying and Graph of Destiny :(
<TalonArkrys> Guys, I've decided that there needs to be an addition to the current laws of nature. "Lesser Life Forms Are Not Allowed To Make Talon Feel Stupid". I saw a bug on my kitchen floor, and it was rather unexpected. As such, I threw my cup at it. The cup was made of glass. And contained my coke. Now, I have shattered glass as well as coke all over my floor. The worst part was, when I looked closer, the bug was already dead.
<Tancients> "I must rescue the bunny and feed her the daily amount of carrots!"
* Tancients encounters Serajadeyn! *Screen spins and boss music starts playing*
* Serajadeyn dresses his stolen bunny in harem outfits and has her lavishing in comforts in the top of the tower. . .surrounded by silks and burning braizers, a wine cooler type stand next to the pillows with cold fresh carrots
<StolenBunny> XD
<Tancients> O_o
* Serajadeyn laughs at Tancients and hits him once doing quad 9 dmg
* Tancients counters the attack with long-named sword and returns the damage twice-fold!
<Tancients> Ha!
* Serajadeyn sucks up the damage, cackles and grabs Tancients, tossing him from the top of the tower: scripted battle; you loose
* Tancients is glad he saved up all his extra lives for this battle. Regenerate ring: God powers applied!
* Tancients casts Ultima ultimate imprisonment; customization: 1 prison cell for Serajadeyn.
* Serajadeyn taunts the would-be hero with a booming, evil voice; "YOU SHALL NEVAR RESCUE TEH BUNNY" (unfortunately it was the t/l's day off and some grad student filled in the script over the japanese taunts
* Tancients strikes at Serajadeyn with his long-named sword. It shatters. A stagehand quickly runs a new replacement for him.
<Serajadeyn> @_o;
<Tancients> :P
<Tancients> What can I say, the quality of props seems to be decreasing with budget cuts.
tantalized and compelled by a wet sorcerer
<Targen> Just saw the Smallvile season finale. (that's what you call those, right?)
<NekoGuy> season finale? the last episode in a season right?
<Targen> Yes.
<NekoGuy> Yes, that's right.
<NekoGuy> You've passed the American Television Culture test # 1
<NekoGuy> You win 20 pounds of fat.
Tarnished meal with a side of fingers
Taste review: Make the video game muffins oh my GOD. knightjockey
<tate> Male Mantises are killed right after procreating. They die having lived a full and happy life.
<Samus> ok, I'd be a gay mantis
<Samus> no death for me
<Samus> i'd be living it up in Miami Beach
<Samus> going to the gay mantis discos and shit
tatsumio: itd be pretty neat to have a vagina somehwere on my body that I could have sex with Oogy Boots: :O
tatsumio: and the vagina got the full orgasmic effects too
tatsumio: imagine. Oogy Boots: and you thought I was a freak!
tatsumio: double orgasm
CyAteon: if it was on his arm or something would be really weird.
CyAteon: not only would you be having sex with your arm
CyAteon: but your arm would orgasm Oogy Boots: LOL
CyAteon: unf unf unf unf ARGGGGGGHARARHGA <arm cramps up>
<tay> oops I did it again... I klined your bot... and then smoked some pot.. oh baby baby..
TBH = the beastly howl
<TC|crapping> I AM HOMOSEXUAL AND SHOULDN'T LEAVE MY STUPID GAME LOGGED IN WHEN I GO TO THE RESTROOM.
<TC|crapping> Love, TC's wife.
Tears just welled up in my eyes at the thought of getting some donuts god save me
Technogen: weird, my VCR just lost power for no reason...
Technogen: damn ghosts keep turning things off in my house.
Technogen: last thing they turned off was my sex life...
'Ted Bundy does not represent my people', 'You do not have ASPD', 'I'm talking about necrophilia'
<teddy> bryno, thats the dumbest thing ive ever read
<teddy> and ive read the patriot act...
<Tedward> so there's this pimp right. he's collecting money from his three ho's.
<Tedward> he goes to the first ho and asks for his $100. she says, "But I only owe you $50!"
<Tedward> he slaps her and says, "don't correct me, bitch!"
<Tedward> he asks the next ho for $150. she says, "But I only owe you $100!"
<Tedward> he slaps her and says, "don't correct me, bitch!"
<Tedward> now he goes to his third ho.
<Tedward> he asks for $200. "but I only owe you $150!"
<Tedward> he slaps her and says, "don't correct me, bitch!"
<Tedward> next he visits the fourth ho.
<Tedward> he asks her for his $250.
<Thy_Dungeonman> hold on, wait a sec
<Tedward> what?
<Thy_Dungeonman> you said three ho's, not four. idioth.
*Tedward slaps Thy_Dungeonman
<Tedward> Don't correct me, bitch.
tell your bulge i said hi
ten dollars is really the new one dollar
<Ten> My house is made out of balsa wood, so when I want to scare the neighborhood kids I lift it over my head and tell them to get out of my yard or I'll throw it at them.
tending to my pet anarchists. going into their solarpunk themed enclosure and spreading packaged medicine around in bushes for them to naturally gather. refilling their stock of grain discreetly so they think it all comes from their garden sized wheat field. I spot one and she hisses at me and calls me an authoritarian tankie but i make cooing noises and offer zines as treats and she lets me pet her
<ter> america is the melting pot, canada is the lukewarm mug
* terra begins dousing people in gasoline
<hngkong> Terra, why kill us?
<terra> Shush
<terra> it's perfume
testosterone infused gummy worms to sprinkle in the he/him enclosures for a fun treat while encouraging their natural instinct to hunt
Texans are surprisingly not used to heat. They are used to 65 degree spaces knowing that its 85-90 degrees outside them
thank you jointsworth
THANKFUL FOR ALL THIS PUSSY
That burrito, jesus. But from where? - m4w
That kind of thing lasts longer than 'DaMN baby you got a fine ass!!!' Believe me.
That was so scarey... gave me goosebups
That's actually a sign of adhd or perhaps even autism
that's dong and gong. bong means neither of those things
that's gay as hell dude... [later, in hospital burn ward]: DOES IT LOOK LIKE I KNEW THERE WAS AN EXTREMELY POWERFUL BEING NAMED "HELL DUDE"
That's not funny, dude. My brother died that way.
That's when the cannibalism started.
Thats right your cooking up some trouble because you are still harassing me and I WILL CALL THE COPS but first what is your name
Thats the boogeyman he slapped egon on the tits
that’s just my nightstand knife don’t worry
THC The Heaving Creature
<thcip> Answering Machine: Did you ever hear one of those corny, positive messages on someone's answering machine? "Hi, It's a great day and I'm out enjoying it right now. I hope you are too. The thought for the day is 'Share the love.'" Beep." "Uh, yeah...this is the VD clinic calling...Speaking of being positive, your test is back. Stop sharing the love"
The '90s? Yeah, I remember. Bosnia, Rwanda, Waco, Columbine... man.Tragic. ... Oh, you meant Sprite Remix. Yeah, that was LOL and Win.
The air is poison and vegetables give you exploding intestine parasite that will explode your intestines
The anthro deer wakes up early in the morning. He gets out of bed, showers, earts a hearty breakfast, and decides to try on his new slip-on shoes. He puts them on, and pads out the door of his cabin, hidden deep in the forest....
sorry to interrupt, but shouldn't this be in the RP forum?
carry on.
*keels over*
Sorry.
The apple they fed to snow white wasnt poision at all it was just a red delicious
The average mage doesn’t shower, for he uses his own aged sweat as ingredience for more powerful potions.
the beautiful girls are on SSRIs you can't even pronounce
The bed broke, the cops came, no homsapians were hurt, just bruised.
the best part about browsing a deviant art gallery is seeing the artist literally not improve at all over many years and hundreds of images.
The Big Bopper's been dead for half a century, where the fuck is the porn of him?!
The black smoke is my soul.
the bong of truth reveals all lies
the breast women of titfuck archipelago
the cambrian period was like 10 years ago
The cancer was directly given to me by Satan as punishment for my refusal to participate in human sacrifice.
The cannibals had an automatic spell protecting their girl-butchering cave
The cashier at Walmart commented about my all organic produce. She said, 'I bought some of that but it didn't taste better to me. Too expensive.' I replied, 'It's cheaper than chemo.' She looked at me with a shocked expression and started to tear up. Then she told me about a family member who had cancer. Everyone in line behind me started looking at their baskets with more attention. I didn't mean to make her cry, but I made five people think about what they were eating. Maybe ....
THE CAT BUS ONLY HAS 50K, WHICH ARE ALL HIGHWAY MILES AS I DROVE IT TO WORK 2 DAYS A WEEK AND THAT WAS IT.
"The cheek of every American must tingle with shame as he reads the silly, flat, and dishwatery utterances of the man who has to be pointed out to intelligent foreigners as the President of the United States." The Chicago Times review of After Lincoln's Gettysburg Address.
THE CIA CAN NEVER TAKE MY MEDICINAL POND WATER
The cool thing about thrift stores is that adult diapers are always dirt-cheap when they have them!
THE COP GROWLS "TAKE OFF TH OSE JEANS, CITIZEN." I COMPLY, REVEALING THE FULL LENGTH DENIM TATTOOS ON BOTH LEGS. THE COP SCREAMS; DEFEATED
the crumbs aren't actually ant food anyway! the ants gather crumbs to feed their domesticated fungus. they have farms. they eat the fungus and bring organic matter for the fungus to eat. and theyre not terrible they're lovely.
The delicate balance that is my ballsack
The desperate desire to be healthy overshadowed by the sheer force of a hamburger
The dinosaurs didn't "rule the Earth", they were just alive. Stop giving them credit for administrative skills they almost certainly did not have.
the dinosaurs were likely scared
the doctor reveals my blood pressure is 420 over 69. i hoot & holler outta the building while a bunch of losers try to tell me that im dying
The doctor told me professional wrestling wasn't real, but what the hell does he know?
the drain emptied my tortures away to the nearest wastewater treatment plant where the solution undoubtably turned into some foul pain-spawn of evil burbling proportions that would later wreak havoc on Chinatown, only to be defeated by Godzilla or an oversized Mr.T.
the dream of a cyberwizard: smoke and mirror mind cloud projections thundering slow and silent like the heartbeat of a glittering crystal motherboard in the sky. electrobutterflies drifting over fields of hypnocircuits and forests of dendritic rods of lightning. deep in the hollow vein of the system, the fluttering heart of a gentle slumbering processor, incubating its newborn ones and zeroes. the whole world spins positives and negatives in stormy reverie
The effectiveness of poop jokes starts off high in your early years and then plummets in your early teens. As you grow out or your teens we see a gradual increase in the effectiveness of poop jokes until the ripe age of 50, where they’re now the funniest jokes you’ve ever heard - this is also correlated with a gradual loss of pride.
the email can’t reach us here
The evolution of Rock music in the U.S. was carefully planned by Satan and carried out by his servants step by step.
The expert ham sniffer of Spain is "at the limit of human possibility" smelling 800 hams a day to make sure they are perfect for Christmas. "I will find a way to sniff 801. Perhaps 802 is possible."
The fastest way to accomplish The Project is to cease being afraid of The Project. The Project cannot maim you. The Project cannot kill you. The Project is more afraid of you than you are of it. It is okay if The Project turns out differently from how it was in your head, and it is okay if it has flaws. You are capable of engaging with The Project.
THE FENG SHUI OF THIS WEBSITE IS FUCKED
The field of geology can unlock a deep Dread in a similar way that the spaces between stars or the depths of the ocean can, something existential and primordial. I have learned about the moving and colliding and buckling of tectonic plates beneath the Earth’s surface, how the crust is miles thick and the heat increases with every kilometer closer to the core. The forces it would take to push mountains miles into the sky and melt and compress rock and force continents to bend and break? How impossibly heavy a mile of stone must be? Best not to think about it. You will never be crushed by a mile of stone, or warped and metamorphosed by the heat and pressure in the depths of the earth, or anything like that. Well.I mean. Perhaps you will be after you are dead, if you turn into a fossil. Lots of things that were once alive and breathing are now trapped so deep in the earth we will never find them, and they will never be exposed to light again. ...Just don’t worry about it. Geologic time, too, is crushing. The Grand Canyon forms a cross-section of millions of years of geologic history. Near the bottom, there is a layer of rock from the Cambrian period, the Tapeats Sandstone—about 500 million years old, and 230 feet thick. Good? Okay. Below that, a body of impossibly old rock called the Vishnu Schist, which is hundreds of millions of years older, from the Precambrian era. (Why? Well, there’s a gap in the record called the Great Unconformity, which represents hundreds of millions of years of geologic history just straight up fucking gone. We don’t know why. Maybe don’t think about that either.) Rocks from the Precambrian era are rarely exposed to the surface, which is why fossils from then are so rare—and when we find fossils, they are of living things so alien, we have no words for them. Some of the Precambrian fossils are always being slowly, inexorably annihilated in the earth’s molten mantle, pressed down and forced underneath continents to meet a death beyond death. But I don’t know what chills me more—the thought of those Precambrian fossils, records of living creatures so unlike us we cannot name them, slowly being subducted into the mantle, pushed underneath miles of stone into ever-increasing heat and pressure until they are erased forever from existence, or the thought—the reality—that they are simply...still down there. Deep, deep beneath us, locked in a primordial tomb that we cannot reach because it is just...too...deep. We can find the imprints of microscopic organisms in stone that tell us that they lived, but being pushed underneath the earth and melted into magma? That’s truly irretrievable annihilation. And it happens all the time. I’m just saying. There’s a reason people thought hell lay deep beneath the earth.
The first time you chill on the block
The following pages contain descriptions and links to images of nonhumans doing things that the Government thinks that tender lil kiddies eyes shouldn't see. If nonhuman sex offends you, or if you think it MIGHT possibly offend you, or if you are just easily offended in general (In which case I pity you), you shouldn't have come here. Nope. Uh-Uh. No way...So, if you're a lil worried already, you should go back before it's too late! What this basically means, Hatchlings, is that after you pass this page, I ain't responsible for what your sensitive lil eyes see. I don't want to receive stroppy emails raving about the filth I have here, or about how I'm sinful, immoral, twisted or just downright perverted. You know why? Because I already KNOW I am and I don't need anyone else to tell me that. If you come into this site, you become a PART of my perversion. So... Keep that in mind as you choose your path, Hatchlings.
The headmore horseman, a ghost with too much head. Watch out! He'll give you too much head too!! Spooky
THE HERBAL INGREDIENTS IN THIS PACKAGE WILL INCREASE YOUR REVENUE PROJECTIONS BY 3" AND CLEAN THE INNER WALLS OF YOUR INTESTINES.
The hometown grim reaper…
The human digestive system is not 100% efficient. No system is. I have had a method of filtering and re-prepping my stools for consumption. I estimate that I can survive, meal wise, off USD$0.75 per day purely by sifting, straining, rinsing, and dry baking the contents of each and every stool, then mixing with filler material such as seasoned corn meal.
the impact smashed me like some fecal-laden pinata.
The inside of my shirt is itchy and I’m at work kill everyone
the internet is done for
the internet lets you connect with people from all over the world which is really amazing i know this is old news im just having a moment
\ THE LAMEST BLACK METAL BAND IN THE WORLD SITTING IN A LAPTOP CIRCLE ALL HEADBANGING AND LEAVING MEAN REVIEWS FOR CHURCHES ON YELP /
The last tumbleweed has died in captivity
the left testicle is for logic and forward thinking and the right testicle is for creativity and art
the legendary wizard known as eight testicleratazom
The liberals are making bubba Gump shrimp co VEGAN
the Los Angeles Ants have signed ants to a 10 year 1000000000 crumb contract
The lovemaking lasts for two hours, with the passion getting hotter with each new form to fill out and sign. You've never been fired like this before, not with this much pent-up passion and urgency. You feel like you're being fired everywhere, all at once. After the heat is passed, you go home, satisfied. You pass out, exhasted from the furious firing session from earlier. You wake up the next morning, jobless, yet ready to call for Unemployment with a resolve that you hadn't had before. It's an addiction, but an addiction that you have no intention of kicking. You can't wait until you are fired again.
The Magic Nine Factors That Cause the "Seattle Chill"
The McDonald's drivethru microbiome. Predator: big trucks. Prey: sedans. Bugs: birds. Food: mcdonalds. God: mcdonald worker. Weather: light up sign. Grass: pavement. Water: grass
The Midwest is perfectly suited for a new Buddhist kingdom
The mighties of heaven have gifted me visions: a subway-born sandwich, so fit for a king. Italian bread on some ham and some cheeses, and purchased for eating so ravenously.
The mighty sloshing of pee in my feet terrifies the hardest of criminals
THE MISSION PEOPLE WILL DRINK WINE COOLAH'S AND THE MARINA PEOPLE WILL DRINK JANGLE (OLDE ENGLISH AND GRAPE SODA).
the mlp horses got more fuckable over the decades but the care bears got less fuckable
The Monster Manual but it's blatantly written by the monsters
the moon is literally my favourite circle
The most dangerous thing you can do when you are broke is cook a terrible tasting meal because no matter how horrible it taste you gotta eat that shit
the mutuals gathered around me patting my back as i retch miserably
the new US dollar, will feature a image of a dark spirit, which will be called a 'wraith dollar' and worth 2x as much
The next time somebody complains about millennials, maybe remind them which generation linoleumed over all those beautiful hardwood floors.
The nineties piss me off to no extent.
The Ojibwe nailed it. Wawa is exactly the right name for a goose.
THE ORIGINAL PLAYSTATION: THE LAKE!
the primary ingredient is something called "olean" which I have since learned is Latin for "Unwashable & Indestructible Ass Grease."
The problem with America is stupidity. I'm not saying there should be a capital punishment for stupidity, but why don't we just take the safety labels off of everything and let the problem solve itself?
The psychological thriller of figuring out what you want and what you’re going to do about it
The purpose of America is to produce maximal quantitties of an animal called "corn" which is delicious yellow seeds that hurt you to eat them. On sometimes the seeds was other colors and have nutrience inside (good) but there's been a whole 500-year project to make it bad instead.
the reason that wounds that break the skin hurt is because its always supposed to be dark inside your body and when your blood sees sunlight for the first time it gets scared. and that causes the pain. or maybe it doesnt
The remaining sour-seeming gummy has morphed into a jazzy flask called the Sour Pillow. Gideon wore the Sour Pillow around his neck during his overnight sleep with some dragon-related dreams.
The Return of Jesus' Jugs - w4m
THE RICHES OF A THOUSAND KINGS AWAITS!!!
THE RICHES OF A THOUSAND KINGS AWAITS!!! This machine has not been officially documented, certified, guaranteed, licensed or approved by any organization, government, association of any kind.
THE ROOT OF YOUR PROBLEM COULD BE PENIS SIZE DISSATISFACTION!!
the sadism will continue until your disposition toward my posts improves
the sexual tension of bilbo smoking a pipe with gandalf in fellowship of the ring and when bilbo blows a smoke ring gandalf blows a ship that goes through the smoke ring. good god.
The Sexy Tub Shart Incident - m4w
The skeleton isn’t inside you, you’re the brain so you’re inside the skeleton.yourmutualfriendsSometimes posts make me uncomfy
The smell of burning trash and gasoline turns me on.
the snail in my ear told me to bite a chunk of flesh from your arm u chill with that?
the soda they sell at subway is like 150% the potency of normal soda
The sound of dracula music fills the halls
the spirit is willing but the flesh is experiencing technical difficulties
"The summer sun was sinking through the trees in the pa-" -HEY WHAT ARE YOU READING?
The sun hung low in the sky, and my thoughts hung even lower.
The thin bread crust. Pizza delivery is twice as dangerous as being a cop. Salute the real troops.
The thing is nobody at pride is evaluating you to determine if you're queer enough to be there because they're too busy thinking "it's so hot out" and "why is this lemonade 12 dollars?"
the thing most fiction gets wrong about wizards is that almost all of them would probably be perverts or at least 80%. i think magic mastery is like learning to artistically render realistic teeth or feet where you really just aren't going to be motivated to do it for non-fetish reasons most of the time. i look at that hat and i know that guy has at least three kinks that aren't fully translatable from the runes of arcana. nobody wears that big of a hat without being a sex freak
The Time I Lost Control of My Bowels on the Water Slide
the trick is to eat a yummy sandwich at a strange time of the day.
the twelve most terrifying words in the english language are: i'm from the government and i'm here to torture you to death
The U.S. Government today changed its emblem from an eagle to a condom because it more accurately reflects the government's political stance. Condoms stand up to inflation, halt production, destroy the next generation, protect pricks, and give a sense of security while actually screwing you!
the victims of communism bar and grill
The war between Anthill 30.443273,-84.206652 and Anthill 30.443247,-84.206643 has ended in a decisive Anthill 30.443247,-84.206643 victory, with the former suffering 267,865 killed in action, and the latter suffering 113,734 killed in action
The wee-woo wagon- I mean, the ambulance.
the whole world uses the beautiful internet. this is the world wide web. the www. the world wide web. it's a web. and it's world wide baby
The winner of a cannibal fight dies on the way to the insane asylum.
The Wizard High Council is asleep! The time to ponder illegal orbs is now!
The woods were full of whooping goblins and vampires.
the world needs more dragons in love
The Zex Temple is a continuum of psychic power which can be used to solve the lofty philosophical quandaries of the ages, aid in the mutation & evolution of the human organism, slay the ignorance perpetuating organized religion, promote absolute psycho-sexual freedom, and eliminate those who dare to threaten creative expression across the planet. What does the blank faced academician know of astral projection, Karmic balance, precognition, and psychic warfare? Those fools who merely break away from organized religion and, like a jilted lover, fall into the tentacles of alternative belief systems which deductively utilize the word ''magic'' are pawns in a metaphysical chess game.
<The_Cold> I wish it was the end of January.
<Tenchi147> it is
<Tenchi147> in japan...
<Tenchi147> in japan it's the year 2025
<The_Cold> I wish it was the end of january in North America.
<Tenchi147> it is
<Tenchi147> in canada
<Tenchi147> it's like 1805 in canada
<the_muss> New Game! add the word "anal" to the beginning of car names. Anal Jamboree, Anal Explorer, Anal Pulsar, Anal Prelude, Anal Adventurer, Anal Legacy, Anal Nexus, Anal Swift
<pyrophoric> lol, Anal Jazz, Anal Ram, Anal Probe
<iuqcaj> Anal Bandit, Anal Forester, Anal Laser, Anal Escort, Anal Sovereign, Anal Beetle, Anal Golf, Anal Samurai
<the_muss> Anal Eclipse, Anal Discovery, Anal Wrangler, Anal Ambassador, Anal Vanquish, Anal Vagrant, Anal Diablo
<pie> Comedy Gold... Anal Trooper
<the_muss> lol
<pyrophoric> lmao
<the_Speed_Bump> I have a severe, irrational phobia against midgets with red hair who wear black trenchcoats and sell kitchen cleaners in back alleys behind hotels whose names start with the letter 'U'.
<the_Speed_Bump> Every day is a struggle.
TheItch: Dude, funniest thing ever!
TheItch: I walk into the bathroom at work, walk up to a urinal, and get ready to... you know.
TheItch: From one of the stalls, I hear a low rumble, which escalates to a groan, and then to a roar.
TheItch: What follows can only be described as the most vile and putrid sounds of human excretion in history. This man apparently pooped out his intestines.
TheItch: Moments later, I hear from the same stall, "Oh god! Someone CALL AN AMBULANCE!"
TheItch: Now, this is an executive restroom at a private bank, and the door has a number lock on it, so it's not some kid trying to be funny. And the man sounded genuinely distressed.
TreesSneezing: lmao! What did you do?
TheItch: Suppressed my laughter as best as I could, zipped up and got the hell out of there.
THEN I REMEMBER I NOMINATED FOR GOOD CITIZEN AWARD FOR ME GOOD WORK WITH KID WHAT WEAR HOCKEY HELMET ALL TIME.
THEN YOU WILL MEET ME AT THE WORLD'S SMALLEST DIGITAL CAMERA WITH $30,000 IN CORAL CALCIUM.
THEN... ******FEAR NO MORE********** JOIN US at the BIG DICK SEMINAR this weekend, at the Marriott in Tyson's Corner Virgina You might not be able to change your actual penis size, but you can change how you feel about it!
There are endless possibilities when you have a toddler and a barbecue.
there are four peas in the world *incredibly scary and angry voice* find them
There are free girlfriends in the haunted lake fwizard
There are literally a million better ways you could incorporate your ass crack into a tatoo.
There are no photos of real humans involved in explicit sexuality on this site. Women holding weapons are simply posing and not involved in sadistic or masochistic abuse.
there are no stakes and no ones going to ever die
There are only so many tomorrows. So do whatever you want NOW!!!
there is a demon in your house named CARBON MONOXIDE. he enchants your mind with confusion and your body with exhaustion. you need to call a powerful exorcist named HVAC TECHNICIAN
There is a man wounding people using psychic powers in chicago. At irving park and clark. He is using telepathy to throw peoples dogs around. I just saw four beautiful expensive huskies get turned into a red mist
There is a special class of demons who frequently refer to themselves as "power demons" who seem to provide the "glue" so to speak, to establish the link between the soul and spirit body enabling the person involved to gain conscious control of his spirit body.
There is always one comedian in every family, and snoop is ours, he just loves to perch in the rafters and dive bomb the visitors to the hatchery. Lucky for them he is still a baby.
There is an ogre on the loose in chicago
There is literally no reason to be embarrassed or ashamed. You're among friends, I have drawn this man's insides as well as his <b><i>SHITTY ASSHOLE</i></b>
there is literally so much drama happening inside of a lava lampmeowthefluffy
there is no problem on earth that cannot be solved somehow with skeletons
there r so many good images . internets crazy
there should be an elephant species that’s parasitic
there should be coming of age stories for people turning
there there girl. now take a sip of the diet coke. there you go. easy now
There's a dead body outside my house
THERE'S A PLASTIC BAG OVER THE TOILET LIKE IT'S A GUNSHOT VICTIM AT THE MORGUE.
There's a way to remove it~Go into the power shellthen paste in: reg add HKCU\\Software\\Policies\\Microsoft\\Windows\\WindowsCopilot /v “TurnOffWindowsCopilot” /t REG_DWORD /f /d 1like thisThen restart. Also here is how to turn off the awful search suggestions:How to Disable Windows Web Search and Speed Up Your PCStop the OS from pulling up web results when you just want files and apps.Tom's Hardwarevenonomnomicon
there's been an accident at the explosion factory
There's no better way to absolutely spoil a perfectly wonderful roast than by overcooking the vagina and uterus.
there's no time to explain. get in the pea.
There's people with arms that are bleeding.. . . There's people with no eyes, and they're bleeding from their eyes. There's people that's got no noses! And there's people that got ears cut off. . . . An-n-n-n . . . and there's people with missing fing. . .
there's something about porno that feels almost sexually titillating
There's something disturbingly sexy about this
theres this amazing green plant that makes girls do some awesome crap to each other when they smoke it
There’s nothing we can do, Governor. His last meal request was Olive Garden’s never ending pasta bowl.
these are just words if u are easily upset don't read them they don't reflect anything i want to actually do and don't endorse anyone to do anything illegal (in other words i do not and am not going to do myself or encourage others to do anything that might harm themselves or others) i hate writing this but the internet/BBS's have become so policed of late....
These are my personal views, and are not intended to be viewed by anyone with morals. If you are such a person, your IP address is being logged, and I will refer you to the proper authorities. The disclaimer says that you have agreed not to bitch about the contents, not that I cannot bitch about the readers. DONT LOOK AT ME IN THAT TONE OF VOICE! At any fucking rate, as I mentioned, this is MY page. I will do with it as I see fit. If I wanted to post a pic of someone getting fucked by an elephant, I will!
“These people are literally rotting alive-” “Awesome send it”
THESE PILLS MUST BE TRANSFERED TO YOUR ACCOUNT USING A HAND-HELD ORGANIZER WHICH MAY BE OBTAINED FROM A FREE GOVERNMENT-AUCTION WEB SITE.
THESE PILLS WILL NOT ONLY MAKE YOU LOOK 3" LONGER, THEY WILL GET RID OF YOUR FLEAS AND TICKS FOR GOOD!
<TheWickerMan> My cousin
<TheWickerMan> Is the epitome
<TheWickerMan> of stupidity
<TheWickerMan> I told her to clean the turkey for some dumb party we are having
<TheWickerMan> And she puts it in the oven right
<TheWickerMan> and sets it to
<TheWickerMan> "clean"
<TheWickerMan> and I was like "y u do dat"
<TheWickerMan> "oh the oven has a clean setting"
<TheWickerMan> so we all ate
<TheWickerMan> TV dinners that night
They are both orange tabbys and they LOVE to 69 eachother.
They are probably using slimer for lube.
they call it the practice weed. one hit and youre prepared for the real thing
they can't stop you from thinking about gay sex on company time
they didn’t say his name, but he popped into your head, didn’t he?
they force-fed jesus bongwater on the cross
They gave me this note before they left with the fridge
they injected my dog with skeleton dna
they laced this bread with olive oil and sundried tomatoes
they need to invent sex for people scared of being naked
They say ooooh be a good boy for daddy and you'll get a reward. But then the reward is just gay sex. This is bullshit. I wanted a skateboard
They shot abraham lincoln in the hat and he died
they should allow you to report posts for being gauche or passé
they should have a cambrian explosion again
they should make a website that is basically like a diary except your vent writings are read by thousands of people who scrutinize you for not accounting for their own personal experiences
they should make lunchmeats and breads and cheeses that walk to you from the fridge and synchronously form a perfect sandwich right in your hands
They start like ring-around-the-rosy, where you join hands. Then they take meand hold meup in the air and turn mearound. They're making mea pointy thing again. I'm frightened. They're saying things to each other that I don't understand. They do it over and over again, and all of a sudden, when they're finished, they just throw me on the ground. I hurt when I hit the ground.
THEY WANNA TAKE OUR LEMONADE
They're called Cheeze Its because Cheese It
They're hissing at me. SSSSSSSS.
THEY'RE NOT GONNA COUNT THE NUMBER OF KEYS ON YOUR FUCKING CARTOON PIANO
THEY'VE BEEN PICKING AT THEIR FISH-FRIENDS!!
theyre shooting each other in the heads and im slipping on the blood
theyre suckin dicks for free out here its like dogs eating dogs out here
Think about it this way: if you own a dog, every time you take a crap, you're taking a crap on your children's faces. Keep this in mind next time you think about purchasing a dog. Or a kid.
thinking about experiencing my first sensation soon
thinking about her (tiffany lamps)
thinking about the matte blue scooby doo fruit snack
<third_planet> The other night my friend had some pot and wanted me to smoke it with him, but we had nowhere to smoke it because both our parents were home.
<third-planet> So we drove around looking for a place to park so we could smoke in the car.
<third-planet> We eventually settled on a Wendys parking lot..
<Mr-Butlertron> The logic is all there...
<third-planet> I know, it was a ridiculous idea. We were just desperate and that was the first place to pull off..
<third-planet> So we park in the back of the parking lot under this tree, and it's dark out, so we figure we're secluded enough. We start to light up and a cop pulls in. So we both sit really still and hope the cop will think the car is empty and just parked there. Or that he won't notice.
<third-planet> The cop circles the parking lot once, then parks behind us and we're both freaking out. So Bobby, my friend, takes all the pot and shoves it in the glove compartment. But the car smells like pot, so we figure we're busted.
<third-planet> So Bobby says we've gotta distract the cop from the pot. In a huge flash, he rips his shirt off, undoes my pants and sticks his hand inside. Before I can process what's happening, the cop knocks on my window. Then he looks in and sees Bobby shirtless, with his hand down my pants and turns bright red.
<third-planet> I roll my window down and the cop says in this really flustered voice, his face bright red, "you guys be good now" and walks quickly back to his car and drives off.
<third-planet> He didn't even notice the smell of pot.
<third-planet> We drove home in the most uncomfortable fucking silence ever.
this and a blunt
this and some premarital
this caption is so deceptive, this video is so much more than that
This disgust me and hurts my heart
this email could have been a clit sucking
This genuinely might make me cry. I already deeply appreciate King Arthur for making the best GF 1 for 1 flour. And having good recipes. But an article posted by them from someone with disabilities about how to do the thing even with disabilities? That’s just genuinely lovely. I know that my bad there is low, but it’s low for a reason and hopefully stuff like this can continue to raise that bar for disabled people like me.
This has caused me to receive dozens of yiff encrusted hate mail, giving me much emotional trauma, and making my life a living hell.
this image grabbed me by the ankles and slammed me into every available surface
This is a picture of my friend Becky. She used to be a happy, popular girl until one night she snorted marijuana at a party. She died instantly. Please, don't do marijuana. It's the most dangerous drug out there. Please don't wind up like Becky.
THIS IS AN EASTERN LOWLAND GORILLA WHO IS FAIRLY DOCILE ALTHOUGH HE DOES NEED TO "STRETCH HIS LEGS" FROM TIME TO TIME.
This is dead animals radio. Where the frog c-c-c-croaks!
This is for real, and I need help for real.
THIS IS FREEDOM FROM DEBT - CUT YOUR MORTGAGE IN HALF WITH OUR AMAZING REMOTE-CONTROL PASTA POT.
This is how Americans reacted to 9/11 imagine if macro furries were real
This is it! The one that'll kill us all!
this is my home.Look arond.
this is the most disgusting horrified web site i have ever been. but its AWESOME!!! now i can feed my twisted side of me
This is the place for Cannibals who have realized the reason they are Cannibals, is because of a fantasy to actually Save their woman from a terrible fate. Mutilations, or spitting of a woman are not allowed here, since there is no hope of rescueing her after she is dead. So please stick to Swallowings, bar B Ques, Potting, frying, presentation on tables, plates, etc. I believe a woman's body should be treated like a temple, and worshipped like a goddess. Eating her nicely, is one way not to piss them off at us, you know how touchy they can get about cannibalistic fantasies. Good Luck, Good Eating.
This is the secret missing episode of the Angry Video Game Nerd. It was never released because it was too damn sexy. Warning you must be 85 years old and must have eaten 57 crates of camel shit to view.
this is what hell looks like
THIS IS WHAT YOUR SKIN LOOKS LIKE
This is where things get graphic. Stop here if you don't want to cry.
this is why we need to get all your stuff archived, so that if you go to prizzles--
This isn't a political position this is literally just your fetish and I know for a fact you were jerking off while typing up this post.
this isnt art. Its fucking furry
this little piggy at the farm THIS little piggy at the farm, the other little piggy cried WHERE THE FUCK AM I.
This LUSCIOUS, SLIM & BUSTY *32D-endowed* geek girl is WELL-QUALIFIED to solve VIRTUALLY ANY computer-related HARDWARE, SOFTWARE, OR NETWORKING problem you're faced with.
this meme has become too self-aware
THIS my 3rd ABOrT
THIS PAGE WAS GIVEN BIRTH ON TUESDAY, JUNE 4TH, 2002
This party is popping like pussy and popcorn.
This picture gave me herpes, obesity, cancer, AIDS, hormone imbalance, depression, nail fungus, blindness, constipation, scurvy, lupus, and premature ejaculation.
this pimple is making me crazy
This Plays Tation is Pissing Me Off
this sculpture is from 2011 by artist sara swinkkiller-fille
This sentence structure is the product of a madman
This site contains stories in which you will find depictions of violence and explicit sexual content. And sanity-shattering horrors from beyond time and space. And 800 foot women bent on seduction and destruction. And amorous werewolves. And evil enema-wielding nurses. And... well, you get the picture. It is not suitable for children. Or fundamentalist religious types. Or sane people. In fact maybe you better just leave right now before it's too late. Really. You have been warned.
This site does not promote child abuse, rape, killing, drug use, sex to fruit, ripping tags off pillows or any other horrible thing.
THIS SITE IS BADASSED ....ITS LIKE A TRAIN WRECK YA CANT LOOK AWAY FROM!!!!!!
This site is one of The Apocalypse's & Eviland's many web worlds. We want to bring you an EVIL experience. And create you an atmosphere. To do so.The Devilman has made a lot of stuff and put it all here. We have Many Evil things for you. And they're all free. Mouse cursors, Icons, Sounds, Wallpaper, Evilopedia, SEXY EVIL BABES to view and meet, HANDSOME EVILDUDES.you can even send your picture to Evil Babes(R) or Evil Dudes(R) Chat with them in The Evil Chat Rooms, Visit the SATAN'S PAGES the largest ARCHIVE on SATAN in the world, HELL, SELL YOUR SOUL, VISIT THE SATANIC CHURCH, HALLOWEEN Land, Learn how to use your MAGIC POWERS some call ESP, walk in The dark and errie GRAVE YARD, NIGHTMARE LAND with 3D interactive nightmares, Visit hell in 3D, Check out The Evil Art of The Devilman, See reall live Nightmares, Download tons of FREE mp3 files of Evil Trance / Techno / Death Metal / Punk / ,Free EVIL stuff mouse cursors, icons, wallpaper, themes, screen savers, and sound files, Trick or treat at Halloween Land, and so much more...it was made to display The Devilman Stokes's Evil art work but it started getting a life of its own. started thinking for it self (Read or liston Eviland's Story) So come in side and see The Devilmans world a place where you can open your minds eye and truly see for the first time in your life. Each world is in it's own sub world and Eviland is just one of those worlds. there is a lot to be seen here. OVER 333,000 pages to be seen here. Full Link list here. The Name says it all.
This slave is your Bellybutt to kill. With this oath this Bellybutt dies!
This town and bong water, perfect together
this used to be the oldest bar in texas until they built an older one
THIS WEBSITE IS DEDICATED TO THE MEMORY OF MY GHETTO HERO AND MY BROTHER Joseph C. Amunson R.I.P. We no who did it were gonna get you. :(
THIS WEBSITE IS NASTY! U PEOPLE ARE TOTALLY TWISTED! U ARE ALL PERVERTED AND MESSED UP IN THE HEAD. I THINK I BETTER GO BEFORE I THROW UP ALL OVER MY PC. U ARE NASTY PEOPLE!!
this whole thing run by a script and controlled by virus
"This Whole Thing Smacks Of Gender," i holler as i overturn my uncle's barbeque grill and turn the 4th of July into the 4th of Shit
This will be one of the hardest books you have ever tried to read. SATAN DOES NOT WANT YOU TO READ THIS MATERIAL!
This world is inhabited by creatures known as Bunnies
This wouldn't happen to me if i were a huge dragon
<ThisIsASentenceInANick> Saber, just imagine yourself being gangbanged by moths. This is what will happen to you if you don't behave.
<Saber> what
<Saber> I didn't do anything
<Saber> and I have a bat
<Saber> I'll fight them off
<ThisIsASentenceInANick> That's not going to help a lot.
<ThisIsASentenceInANick> Can't you just feel their tiny cocks writhing against your skin, Saber?
<ThisIsASentenceInANick> Just straining to reach an orifice?
<ThisIsASentenceInANick> Do you like it?
<ThisIsASentenceInANick> Does it feel good?
<Saber> That's bizarre to the point that it doesn't affect me
"THOSE FUCKING BIRDS SHIT ALL OVER MY GOD DAMN FUCKING ROOM!
Though we can be sure Tolkien never intended for his male characters to mack and become pregnant, our intent is not to make the late author perform various feats of acrobatics in his grave.
three sweet and dare i say it sexy fish need a new home.
throwing a grenade and then immediately throwing myself on top of it to save everyone
throwing several swollen lithium batteries into a steaming cauldron & cackling
*thunderous slam dunk noise*
tickling is fun until I get fed up with it (2 seconds in) and then decide to beat the assailant to a pulp
Â«TiGryphonÂ» ...but there's nothing quite as priceless as the look on a teenage cashier's face as she rings up wine, cheese, bread, and chats aimiably with you, and then rings up a cucumber, and a box of condoms and gets suddenly quiet...
TIME MACHINE / NUCLEAR REACTOR PARTS
<timmo> its kind of weird
<timmo> my grandma dropped acid
<timmo> and hijacked a school bus full of penguins
<timmo> so its kind of a family crisis
Tire Dragons are my favorite magical beasts.
Tired of dieting. Need a little buddy that will help me along. No I do not want to walk your dog. I already get enough exercize. So if you can give my intestines an infestation of tapeworms, I will give you $500.
<TittiesMcEarmuffs> ( . )^_^( . )
Tklramos: hey nayone know anything about this NAPSTER MP3 search oftware that is going around?
<[TN]FBMachine> i got kicked out of barnes and noble once for moving all the bibles into the fiction section
to anyone saying “the rogues are this and the warriors are that” that’s not the point the point is there is more wizards every second post is a wizard i scroll thru my activity wizard liked ur post wizard reblogged ur post wizard cast spell on ur post it’s relentless
to be honest, i don’t think his cum has an entirely liquid texture
to ben quite franklin with you,
to imagine me eating pussy imagine a pig going wild on a watermelon
to me it's a trolley opportunity
To my farty boss and his bowels.
To my neighbors: please have louder sex
To My Redneck Neighbor: Please Neuter Your Cat Or I Will
To quell my rage I often eat hamburger
To sum up, DON”T SQUASH ME, MY COFFEE, MY PAPER AND MY SOUL AGAINST THE FILTHY WINDOW OF AN UNAIRCONDITIONED SUBWAY POD TO HELL WITH YOUR FUCKING GIGANTIC DONKEY RUMP.
To the Crazy-bat-shit-lady who picked up the free fridge
To the girl who threatened to skull fu*k me last night.
To the girl with the vagina - m4w
To the hottie cop who doused me with pepper spray - m4w
to the junebugs: HOW IN THE EVER-LOVING HELL ARE YOU GETTING IN HERE??!!!
[To the penniless, clingy watchers]
To the person/slut who disposed of their DILDO in my yard:
To the Robot Woman who crushed my family with her purse...
To the tailgating cop who ruined my blowjob on the QEW
[to the tune of boil them mash them stick them in a stew] Beat them, burn them, throw them off a cliff
<Toazt> "Too few women on the internet?
<Toazt> There are lots of women on the internet,
<Toazt> only most of them are naked and in JPG-format."
today we honor the brave sacrifices of the griffon riders who destroyed the twin obelisks of the world darkness center in warlock city
Today while astral projecting I invoked it by using it's face as a sigil and it attacked me, it was incredibly powerful and I barely fucking escaped but I will have to face it again soon.
<toe-sleep> i tell you what. if i had my way...
<toe-sleep> i'd be the one writing the propoganda leaflets america drops on baghdad
<toe-sleep> say shit like
<toe-sleep> "say no to saddam and in 6 months you're eating big macs!"
<fysh> get the mc'kebab buy one get one free mondays only
<fysh> KEBAB MONDAY
<toe-sleep> "resistance is futile. opertion desert mcdonalds franchise will succeed"
<toe-sleep> "would you like some freedom fries with that?"
<fysh> brought to you by CENTCOM AND THE UNITED MCDONALD FREEDOM FUND
<toe-sleep> (a corporation of SONY)
Tomorrow I delete my gallery | I am back (Didn't delete my gallery)
TONIGHT WE FUCKING THE BONGcyberitual
tonight we let the severed head talk
TONIGHT… WE’RE DRINKING FROM THE BONG
<Tony> I challenge you to a duel.
<Tony> Penises, at dawn.
<Beerman> but battling against an unarmed opponent is so unfair
Too bad that giant jellyfish dragged you away so fast.
too many tabs open its freaking me out
Top 5 Myths About America
Topic in #os: hey guyz, stop pickin on irix.
<SCO> w00t! i bought unix! im gonna b so rich!
<novell> /msg atnt haha. idiot.
<novell> whoops. was that out loud?
<atnt> rotfl
<ibm> lol
<SCO> why r u laffin at me?
<novell> dude, unix is so 10 years ago. linux is in now.
<SCO> wtf?
<SCO> hey guyz, i bought caldera, I have linux now.
<red_hat> haha, your linux sucks.
<novell> lol
<atnt> lol
<ibm> lol
<SCO> no wayz, i will sell more linux than u!
<ibm> your linux sucks, you should look at SuSE
<SuSE> Ja. Wir bilden gutes Linux fÃ¼r IBM.
<SCO> can we do linux with you?
<SuSE> Ich bin nicht sicher...
<ibm> *cough*
<SuSE> Gut lassen Sie uns vereinigen.
* SuSE is now SuSE[UL]
* SCO is now caldera[UL]
<turbolinux> can we play?
<conectiva> we're bored... we'll go too.
<ibm> sure!
* turbolinux is now turbolinux[UL]
* conectiva is now conectiva[UL]
<ibm> redhat: you should join!
<SuSE[UL]> Ja! Wir sind vereinigtes Linux. Widerstand ist vergeblich.
<red_hat> haha. no.
<red_hat> lamers.
<ibm> what about you debian?
<debian> we'll discuss it and let you know in 5 years.
<caldera[UL]> no one wants my linux!
<turbolinux[UL]> i got owned.
<caldera[UL]> u all tricked me. linux is lame.
* caldera[UL] is now known as SCO
<SCO> i'm going back to unix.
<SGI> yeah! want to do unix with me?
<SCO> haha. no. lamer.
<novell> lol
<ibm> snap!
<SGI> :~(
<SCO> hey, u shut up. im gonna sue u ibm.
<ibm> wtf?
<SCO> yea, you stole all the good stuff from unix.
<red_hat> lol
<SuSE[UL]> heraus laut lachen
<ibm> lol
<SCO> shutup. i'm gonna email all your friends and tell them you suck.
<ibm> go ahead. baby.
<SCO> andandand... i revoke your unix! how do you like that?
<ibm> oh no, you didn't. AIX is forever.
<novell> actually, we still own unix, you can't do that.
<SCO> wtf? we bought it from u.
<novell> whoops. our bad.
<SCO> i own u. haha
<SCO> ibm: give me all your AIX now!
<ibm> whatever. lamer.
* ibm sets mode +b SCO!*@*
* SCO has been kicked from #os (own this.)
Topic is 'The Official Anti-AOL Channel - Kill America Online!!!'
* Set by Digea!Digea@AC886815.ipt.aol.com on Sat Oct 05 12:40:33
*tosses coin in a wishing well* i wish coins were sentient *coin screams as it sinks into the water*
TOTAL PUNK RAWK: LIMP BIZIT IS TRUE METAL, THEY KNOW HOW TO ROCK THE HOUSE
* TPEGrunge is away: -(be back in 12 years)- since -(01:54)- pager -(off)-
* TPEGrunge is back: from -(be back in 12 years)- gone - (626wks 1day 6secs)-
<tragic> canada is basically USA Expansion Pack
<tragic> i would seriously pay money, like... movie ticket prices (per incident), if there was a device that allowed people to teleport from one place to another during irc conversations. it would be all like
<tragic> <aZnb0i002> MAN FuK U ILL CUM 2 UR hUouSE and RaPE ur MOM biTCH ill FUCK you uP!
<tragic> <john> oh seriously? *warp*
<tragic> <john> hi
<tragic> <aZnb0i002> oh, hello there sir. i think you were talking to my brother a minute ago. however, he left me to give you his sincerest apologies and sends word that he hopes your mother is doing exceptionally well today
Trained my dog to donate blood on command
transsexual satanists
anyone into it let me know
Trauma Kittten: OMG MY CAT JUST JIZZED ON ME Trauma Kittten: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW
lordviram: hahahahahahahahahahahahahahah
lordviram: wtf didi you do to it?
lordviram: i didnt know you were into all that
lordviram: lol
lordviram: wow Trauma Kittten: well he's a longhair cat Trauma Kittten: and sometimes his pants get matted Trauma Kittten: so i was holding him on my lap Trauma Kittten: and he was purring with his eyes closed and i'm like trying to untangle them Trauma Kittten: then i realized one of the bunches wasn't a tangle, it was his nuts Trauma Kittten: they both kinda feel the same Trauma Kittten: then my hand gets a glob of clear stuff on it
lordviram: wow Trauma Kittten: i'm gonna kill myself
lordviram: that's just
lordviram: hahahahaha Trauma Kittten: i just jerked my cat off
lordviram: i'd say something but nothing can really add to the effect of admitting you just jerked off your cat Trauma Kittten: heh.... Trauma Kittten: i'm surprised that one didn't make it to your profile heh
lordviram: that's cuz i'm gonna post that to bash.org
lordviram: LOL Trauma Kittten: !
lordviram: ....wow Trauma Kittten: OH NO Trauma Kittten: the cat is back Trauma Kittten: heh
lordviram: maybe it wants to return the favor
lordviram: heh Trauma Kittten: well there was one site i saw where it recommended putting whipped cream on your clit and letting em lick it off Trauma Kittten: but i wouldn' go that far, i don't think
lordviram: you dont think?
lordviram: o.0
lordviram: well. you did just jack off your cat. Trauma Kittten: BUT I DIDN'T MEAN TO FOR THE LOVE OF GOD Trauma Kittten: i was just trying to make him have nice pants
lordviram: you are one freaky chick
<trav> Christians have Jerusalem
<trav> muslims have mecca
<trav> stoners have amsterdam
<Tre`> I've got to find away to earn some dough
<bishoptl> sell some sperm. that's legal in the States, isn't it?
<bishoptl> or plasma - that should free up some $$$
<SHD> he's too young for selling sperm
<Tre`> I need *a bunch*
<bishoptl> sell your friends' sperm
<Tre`> that's just disgusting
<bishoptl> how badly do you want NWN
<bishoptl> I'm not saying you have to go milk them yourself
<bishoptl> just pass around the tupperware container
<TRG> so, my mom was putting in her CD with church pics but it wouldn't work on her computer
<TRG> so she put it in mine
<TRG> now, the last thing I watched on windows media player was hardcore lesbian porn
<TRG> that got into the action right away
<TRG> so my mom puts in the cd into my computer
<TRG> opens up windows media players
<TRG> and the porn starts playing
<TRG> and when I realized what was happening I was like "oh fuck"
<TRG> but then...
<TRG> she goes berserk
<TRG> she was screaming "THIS CD HAS BEEN POSSESSED BY THE DEVIL!!"
<TRG> and she took out a HAMMER
<TRG> and smashed the fucking CD
<TRG> it was the best thing ever
<TRG> not only was I completely off the hook
<TRG> you have to love the awesome displays of religious apeshit
<TRG> I think if god existed, he put people like my mom on this earth to entertain us
Tricked a kid into reading Tom Sawyer for me.
tried to overdose on aquarium pebbles & the hospital laughed at me and the ambulance drivers all took turns whipping me with catheter tubes
*tries to open bag of chips quietly at funeral*
Tries to throw a punch at you and accidentally grabs your penis and starts jerking you off real good
TRIP REPORT. Dosage: .25L hot chocolate, 15g marshmallows. t-5m: began heating water, feeling anticipation. t2m: extremely cozy throughout whole body.
tripped over a severed head on the sidewalk and wound up with a broken cock. my life is hell.
<TrivBot> Question 3. A man's beard grows fastest when he ______?
<_Cozmo_> shaves it
<emul8or__> shaves
<RatAway> jacks off
<TrivBot> Here's a hint: antici
<Rjx> anticipates sex
<TrivBot> Rjx got the answer: anticipates sex. In: 5.7secs.
<Rjx> wtf?
<Troll> Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken
<poppyq> or you could just look at porn
Trolls will be blasted into a fine jam. Flamers will be extinguished with extreme prejudice. All others welcome. :)
trucker positivity around the globe
true computer nerd seeks true love, or better yet, true extramarital sex
TRUST ME ON THIS: MINE IS MUCH, MUCH NICER!!!!
trust me this plan will be better because im gonna smoke my smart weed. im smarter when im high..
try some of this deathweed. i hear it’s supposed to make you into a real skeleton
trying to balance weed tolerance is like the tony hawk pro skater grind meter
Trying to make an american jiangshi by taping a mcdonalds receipt to the corpses forehead
trying very hard to stuff your soul back thru your pussy
Tuffy173: GET A ROOM, THIS IS HEAVY METAL, NOT PANSYLAND
Tune Your God Damn Piano
<TURBOMEAT> my car caught fire.
<TURBOMEAT> I tried to flick a cigarette out the window
<TURBOMEAT> and it was only like 1/4 down
<TURBOMEAT> so it bounced off the window and went under the seat
<TURBOMEAT> 2 streets later there was smoke billowing out from under me
<TURBOMEAT> it landed on some paper
<TURBOMEAT> then started to burn the material under the seat
<TURBOMEAT> I wish someone had TOLD me smoking could be hazardous
<Turing_> this is going to sound very gay, but we were watching the discovery channel today at work where there were these sort of african olympics in a tribe when a male reaches mating age
<Turing_> anyways...the guy had to be nude and do this relay on a balance beem to appease some god
<kunio> HAW
<Turing_> it was strange because even flacid he had a penis the size of the empire state building
<orestes--> gah
<dab[afk]> ugh
<Turing_> it was mesmorizing, my secretary kept in rythym to its bobbing
<Turing_> lol
<Turing_> I felt terribly inadequate
<Turing_> I hate the discovery channel
"TURN YOUR GOD DAMN MUSIC OFF AND HAVE SOME RESPECT FOR PEOPLE SLEEPING!!!" just bursts through the air at 100 decibels and startles everyone.
<turno> I want to fuck Michelle's brains out with my huge fucking cock, over and over again .. and then her sister can come and join us too.
<Seeker> Err turno, your mom reads the quotes on bash.org?
<turno> I'll fucking KILL YOU! !
<Seeker> Your mom does work for the church ? If she reads what you just said she'd be pretty angry right?
<turno> Dude you have no fucking clue, don't seriously... you'd be ruining my life.
<Seeker> Don't worry, I won't post it. [Privmsg] <Seeker> Hey dude, I'm gonna paste something - will you post it on bash.org? [Privmsg] <opiate> the turno thing? haha you fucking bastard!! [Privmsg] <Seeker> hehe his mom's gonna fucking kill him, drag him to that church they go to and get the priest to sodomise him. [Privmsg] <opiate> yeah and then he's gonna come fucking kill us, still I reckon it's worth it;) [Privmsg] <turno> You're not gonna post it are you ? Please don't .. I'm begging you. [Privmsg] <Seeker> I'm not gonna post it:) and even if I did she'd never know that your nick turno was her son Michael Savu . [Privmsg] <turno> *phew* spose you have a point
<Twig> I just had an argument with a girl I know. She was saying how it's unfair that if a guy fucks a different girl every week, he's a legend, but if a girl fucks just two guys in a year, she's a slut. So in response I told her that if a key opens lots of locks, then it's a master key. But if a lock is opened by lots of keys, then it's a shitty lock. That shut her up.
1 TWIN BED, 1 TWIN BED BOXSPRING, 1 METAL ROLLY BOTTOM THINGIE-Perfect for midget orgies or old-fashioned sleeping.
twisted shitposter
Two Free Cannibal Goldfish
*two pool toys having sex tumble by in the wind* oh thank god
Two Stoned Dudes - m4w
U peek into the wizard orb’s search history and see “woman wizards age 800-1200 single
UFO19M: I d burn her like a witch but I am afraid of the fumes
UGH!!!! DISGUSTING! I HATE THE INTERNET! NOT LOOKING UP PORN FOR 2 MINUTES! UGH! GOD MAN! WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU! WHY THE FUCK UPLOAD THAT JESUS CHRIST! MY EYES JUST PUKED! UGH! BLUGH!
Ugly Naked Man
uh ohhh you smoked the point and click weed! time for an adventure
<Ultra_Violet> I lost my virginity in a graveyard at 2am
<Vortexia> dude necrophilia is SICK'
Ultrajerk5000: lick my shity crack
um, can you put that pussy on a coaster? thanks
“Um.” - 1st horse that got ridden
ummmm ok *disappears into my portal*
unbeknownst to you my astral self is still within the orbmy anger knows no bounds
Uncle Sam Did Not Die On The Beaches Of Water For You An Entitled Brat To Be Afraid To Astral Project And Make Your Foot Big In Dreams And Smash Door To The Shadow People Base-Star Complex Pyramid. Rogald Ragan Did Not Get Torn Up By Two Wild Animals In The Deep Jungle For Your To Get Scared About A Sky Temple Ziggurat-Ship Armed With Type Sixteen Karmic Blaster Cannons.Mr White House Did Not Die And Let His Bones Get Used To Build The Biggest Home In The World For You A Big Wimp To Get Scared About Human-Zetan Hybrid Super Soldiers Armed With Thoughtblades.
UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES LET A REDNECK GIVE YOU THEIR CULTURAL ALCOHOL
under water animals dont make sounds THERE UNDERWATER DUH!!!!DOY!!!!!!
Unemployed friends be like I got a crazy story there were mad crumbs in my bed last night
Unforgivable Flying Object
Unique Coffee and Side table (will injure children)
unironically: friends dont let friends fuck cops
UNIVERSITY OF ALABAMA PRESIDENT CAUGHT MOLESTING HAND PUPPET
Unless Pac Man hits it now, hes going to have to satisfy himself by fucking her eyes like 2 disembodied tits. True story.
Unsurprisingly due to its small size, the breed was not used for any sporting or working purposes; an 1875 book refers to it as being "of no use" and "merely an object of curiosity".
UPDATE: My CRAZY Pot Head Neighbor Lady
upon discovering Bearded Frog i KNEW all my work had been validated *tiny fake beard falls off frog* *all the scientists boo/throw garbage*
ur invited to my gangbang themed birthday party
uranus is one of my favorite planets. i would like to send a probe there to photograph it in great detail. its color, immaculate. Its shape, perfect. I think it would be cool to have a probe that descended deep within uranus but you know the pressures are so high i'm not sure how long it would last before exploding. I dont really have any other reasons to like uranus except its on its side which gives you a really great view
US Constitution, Amendment II: "Everybody buy guns. Just buy a bunch of goddamn guns. Rool around in a gun pile & cry. I'm George washigton"
US President Laughing Skull, when pressed for comment, responded predictably
USE CAPS AND EXCLAMATION POINTS TO MAKE IT SEEM AS THOUGH YOU'RE SCREAMING!!!!!
Used to drink blood, but I don't need to do that to know I am immortal.
USER IS SENDING YOU A FILE - PAIN.ZIP 1.36TB
<user> when I can figure out how to compile sex, we're going to be rich
<someone> so true
<someone> geeks everywhere will be so happy
<user> "download the latest binary of sex for Linux, or build it from source"
<someone> ummm
<someone> build from source with my options
<user> I'd have the longest configure line you've ever seen
<someone> --swallow=yes
<user> ./configure --with-toys --
<user> damnit..I wasn't done
<user> --enable-plugins
<someone> oh yah
<someone> --outside=yes
<user> --set-max-users=10
<someone> --set-max-female-users=10
Using the Quake, Quake2 or Unreal game engines and level editors create a 3d virtual map of the victims house, office or whatever place you intend to kill them. Practice killing them in this virtual mock up.
<@Ustas> Sigh. Got to go buy some food. A mouse hung itself in my fridge and left a note "can't live like this"
V-1 SPEEDIE DELIVERY ROCKET JET VAN!....PARTING OUT...
Vagina seeks Penis
<Valathar> No matter how depressed you are.... there is NOTHING that can't be fixed by titties.
*vampires talking over some drinks* oh can i try a sip of your guy
<Vanion> where is everybody from in here?
<NemoMac> Indiana
<Vanion> am I the only american?
<NemoMac> Last time I checked, Indiana was in the USA..
<Vanion> wtf?
Various biological mechanisms allow me the freedoms to fail
* veganzombie has joined #uc
<veganzombie> Graaaaaaaiiiiinnssss.....
* veganzombie has quit IRC (Quit: Graaaaaaaiiiiinnssss.....)
<@Vegetarian> i cant wait till i die, im either gonna have "BRB" or "AFK" on my tombstone..
<Verlaine> That Walmart commercial where they say they are giving free shopping sprees to needy kids and the lady starts to cry at the end is making me nauseous.
<Verlaine> I need someone to share in my outrage.
<kalista> you could turn off the tv
<kalista> that way you never have to see that commercial again.
<Verlaine> But then I would never know what stores not to shop at.
Very normal thing to say, call a family member and read what you typed out loud to them when you get the chance
very soothing to fall asleep while gazing into the elaborate funhouse mirror setup surrounding the bed, flexing at my muscular illusions
viggourously jerking off the blunt until it spontaneously sparks and lights so i can smoke it
<Vigrel> Woah, if my shit was a nuke aimed at Hiroshima, Russia would get blown up
<Kor1413> It was That big?
<Vigrel> No, i missed.
<VillainSede> I've always wanted to be on the receiving end of necrophilia. Even in death I'd be getting some
<VillainSede> I want a shovel attached to my tombstone with the inscription "For a good time, dig"
<Vino> I'd jack off in the middle of a circular buttsex chain for a klondike bar
<Brother_Shinobi> ...
<Tempyst> ...
<Keyse|2> ...
<Muffdan> ...
VIOLENCE & GORE: Two men hug and one begins gnawing on the other man's pasta necklace
<virt> if i let fan-mail go to my head, i'd be some kind of bizarre demigod overlord of condescending zeal
<virt> "welcome to taco bell. can i take your order?" "SILENCE, PEON. I WILL CONSUME THREE CHEESY GORDITA CRUNCHES, AND YOU WILL PROVIDE THEM IN A VELVET CARRYING CASE LINED WITH THE FINEST LINEN PRODUCED IN ALL OF ASIA, AND YOU WILL DO IT BY THE TIME I DRIVE UP TO THE WINDOW OR YOU WILL PAY WITH YOUR INSIGNIFICANT LIFE"
*visibly shaking* has anybody else noticed how beautiful everything is?
*voice of man having a profound epiphany* When your are hungry you become mad and upset
Vote in the 1st Annual Turd-Off!
<WabbyTwax> MOVIE TRIVIA TIME You have to beat EtherMan's high score of 720
<WabbyTwax> Question #59: for 60 points . . . .
<WabbyTwax> What special skill did the cricket possess in the movie "Mulan"?
<Evil_God> talking
<EtherMan> speech
<D-viant> singing
<Evil_God> ninjitsu
<EtherMan> swordsmanship
<D-viant> violin
<EtherMan> flight
<D-viant> fighting
<EtherMan> homosexuality
<D-viant> japanese fighting cricket
<Evil_God> big slapping testicles
<WabbyTwax> Sorry, your time is up! You had 30 seconds to answer.
<D-viant> expanding rectum
<Evil_God> opium addiction
<wahnsinn> $4000 for a couch?
<griff> you could feed some kid in africa for TEN YEARS for that couch
<Mo> but could you sit on him afterward?
*wakes up in the dragon world* what theelder dragon: your finally awake . youve been dreaming this whole time and now you are a dragon me: woah and i can have a dragon girlfriend too?elder dragon: you already have 100 dragon girlfriends... theyve been waiting...
Waking up in a pool of vomit and urine is common with me.
walked in on 2 jpegs having sex in my recycle bin
walking around the dashboard at four in the morning stepping on all the creaking posts loud as fuck
(walking into my boss's office) hey do u mind if i go outside and play
*walking into the morgue to find body parts scattered across the floor* oh my god who closed last night
*walking out of a porno theatre w cum all over me angrily* That shit is rigged
walking out of subway with two footlongs and tying them to the roof of my car
*walks through a bead curtain*
<Wallrod> i hate having my room right next to the bathroom
<Wallrod> i have to hear my dad take a shit
<Wallrod> EVEN DEATH METAL DOESNT COVER ALL THE FREQUENCIES MY DAD'S ASS BROADCASTS ON
<wangschlong> So i was walking by some house
<wangschlong> and some hot girl was staring at me from the house
<wangschlong> so i go closer and shes still staring at me
<wangschlong> it turns out
<wangschlong> IT WAS A FUCKING LAMP
Wanna put my tender heart in a blender
Want a Snow Penis on your front Yard?
Want to watch a live birth on mushrooms
Wanted - Crazy Roommate!
Wanted - Someone to Put a Boot in My Ass
Wanted: DEAD Ringneck Dove
WANTED: BUTT-CRACK SPAGHETTI FOTO
Wanted: Horrifying Amalgam of My Exes
Wanted: One Male Bed-Filler
war in the walmart
“warm, shallow seas” is one of the most beautiful phrases in paleontology and it's everywhere... these mollusks lived in warm, shallow seas... scientists think that photosynthetic life evolved in warm, shallow seas... in that era the Earth was covered by warm, shallow seas...I wish I was resting by an antediluvian warm, shallow sea
(WARNING 250K FILE!)
WARNING!! This website deals with many subjects that may be offensive or inappropriate for some viewers. If you are under 18, or if such subjects violate your community standards of decency, please do not continue. If you are intolerant, bigoted, small-minded, or normal in any sense of the word, I would urge you to go elsewhere, lest your minds be irreparably changed and your closely-held beliefs challenged and broken. You have no one to blame for your depravity.
Warning: Bagpipes Kill
WARNING: DO NOT TAKE ANY HUMAN GROWTH HORMONE OR YOU WILL NOT QUALIFY FOR YOUR FREE GIFT.
Warning: It seems to be for one sexual preference only.
WARNING: Several Animals Where savagely beaten to death in the making of this page, Including but not limited to: Kittens, Puppies and fuzy little Bunnies also several monkeys where force fed crack and speed, just to see how long it would take for there hearts to explode (it took about 5 minutes) and someone shot a duck
Was at a restaurant with my daughter, after we ate the waiter came with the bill, it said 86.99. My daughter yelled out to the waiter to tell him the bill was wrong and corrected him to 54.20. The waiter went back in the kitchen to check and my daughter was right. He told up we get this meal in the house for correcting him. Yup got a full dinner for free. Everyone clapped when the waiter left.
was it SINCERE, was it CATHARTIC, did it SUMMON ANY ORCS, did the orcs PILLAGE YOUR CITY, was there UNTOLD DESTRUCTION, were they FREAKY
Watch out! I'm the Big Mean Trans! I'm coming for you! You better be ready!
Watch out! This spell might make you PREGNANT!
watching twilight and I keep making myself laugh imagining if it was just alucard or any other vampire instead of Edward. POV nausferatu goes to ur school
watching your prized pet hog for the weekend, the moment you leave and i open the door he jumps at me in an aggressive manner and cuts his throat clean open on my shark tooth necklace (this is 2004) and dies before he hits the ground. entire event is less than 2 seconds
WAX LADY OF MYSTERIOUS CITIZENSHIP AND UNKNOWN ETHNIC ORIGIN!
40 WAYS MALE TO MALE ACTIVITY ALWAYS SUCCEEDS IN BED
We all have problems. Minnesota is NOT the solution.
we are hor nee
we are in truble
we are smoking wistful memories
we are the daughters of the hamburgers you couldn't help
we can’t talk here contact me in my dream tonight
we could have a disgusting thing going on if you want
we dont chaos kill that many people.
we dont even get 9/11 off of work. like i guess you were never THAT sad about it
we dont have skulls and we eat floppy disks
We found your beer bong
We have a Nation of heros and we have plenty of good ideas. Let's get to work.
we have GOT to bring back campy horny grimy tactile scifi. this is a national fucking emergency
we laugh about it now but sometimes the weed really does smell like straight up spiders
WE LOVE WOMEN...Honestly! It's just that our love for them rises to gastronomic porportions.
We met on Internet Archive in the comment section of a calculator user manual from 1973.
WE MOTHERFUCKING, PISSING SHITTING, RIDE ON!
We MUST all go to the ocean and collectively PUSH BACK THESE MONSTRATIVE PLATES!
we need to get more autistic, all of us
we need to get nerf guns and big inflatable mallets right now its all we fucking have
we need to stop abusing substances. Let's start loving substances instead
We never had Raiden porn this good a decade ago.
we should have started rioting when they took cd and dvd player slots out of laptops
we smoking nothing. we have nothing
we speakin on the weewee board
we were not born to text we were put on this earth to smoke blunts and jerk eachother off in massive fields of soft grass on a breezy sunny day
we're deprived of fiction that caters to my specific niche fetishes
we're smoking text posts
weak men will be mauled to death by caterpillars in 2023 Awesome, God is Love
weather so nice i've decided to free a hostage
weed gummies are such a fake sounding concept like yeah if you eat this piece of candy and wait an hour you'll suddenly become very easily entertained and airheaded and cuddly
Weed is good for you its green like vegetables.
Weed often is for stoners that want to feel strange when they want to get weird
Weed strain called I Want You Forever
<weed> wtf is this world turning to?
<@Phucker> America.
"Weedpepper"
Is their realy such thing as a Marajana pepper
9 ½ Weeks-Sex Slave
Welcome to Chernobyl, I'll be your guide.
welcome to forbiddens lands .you will be killed soon.
Welcome To My Castle, Please, Come In And Make Yourself Comfortable. You Look Tired, But I Imagine You Must Be After Such A Long Journey.
welcome to my tower
welcome to my twisted fries
Welcome to the citadel of eternal wisdom. Behold, this crystal contains the sum of all human knowledge -- Except Rap And Country
WELCOME TO THE DARK REALM! HERE'S A PLACE WHERE YOU WILL FIND ALL THAT HAUNTS AND TERRORFIES MAN. THE PLACE WHERE THE UNHOLY COMES TO PLAY. WITHIN THESE PAGES YOU WILL FIND IT ALL(MONTERS OF UNSPEAKABLE EVIL, WITCHCRAFT, AND THE UNHOLY. THIS PAGE WILL HAUNT YOU FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE. SO COME JOIN ME AND LET ME TAKE YOU TO THE MISTS OF DARKNESS WERE EVIL DWELLS ON SOULS OF THE LIVING. CHECK OUT MY WITCHCRAFT PAGE WERE YOU WILL FIND OUT WHAT IT IS ALL ABOUT AND THE SPELLS ARE MY DELIGHT. MY LINKS WILL TAKE YOU TO THE UNHOLIST SITES ON THE WEB. IF YOU DON'T WISH TO SEE THE UNSPEAKABLE EVIL AND CRAFT OF THE OLD GODS TURN BACK NOW. REMEMBER EVIL LIVES WERE EVIL DWELLS.
WELCOME! SENTIENT BEINGS, ALL! You have stumbled upon a nesting site of virulent undead....Be afraid....
Well everyone, I am giveing out a bitch of the day, I approached some one today and now this person had a mowhawn and a chain going from his ear to his nose, but he was whereing a manson shirt. Now I was in my work cloths (slacks and golf shirt) but I told him that he had on a cool shirt. This little son of a bitch looked at me and said, Fuck off grand pa, this reach out and touch the youth shit does now work on me!!! WTF!!!!! I was in aww just for a sec. I can not believe that this little bastard said this to the dark one HIMSELF!!! so I gave him my card and told him to visit the site, so I am going to keep my eyes out for this bastard if he tries to join the forum. may the fleas of a thousand camels infest in his arm pits!!!
well hello you fat ass arrogant thing you. You really think you are hot stuff eh? I say shittttttt I doubt it.I could care less if you ever answer my letter but I like some one to tell off it is great. Your site sucks big time too. it is a piece of shit. you look like your dog the wrong end that is heh heh heh heh. I hate talking to you cause I know that when you lay down with the dogs you get up with the fleas.In your case probably body lice. I can just see your pad too where you set up in and read on the internet all night it is a pig sty from hell right? RIGHT!! I can tell you are a hate filled pig you reek of it. Well hog jaws got to go now so have a really shit filled day. May the fleas of a thousand camels infest your arm pits by dawn. May many warts grow upon that ugly puss of yours too. With hair sticking out of everyone if them and one very large red boil on the end of your big fat flabby nose. I am sure you have eaten so much you can not even drive your own car any more. So have a big mac attack asshole bye.
well i was going to climb mount everest but this yelp review says theres a nude man at the summit swinging chains around and yelling "fuck u
Well this bell could be tolling for anybody
well yeah i have a pet hydra and it only has one head. i'm not going to cut its head off just to make it look cooler, you asshole. that's seriously unethical. and i'm not letting you cut its head off either. if you really want a hydra with multiple heads, you should go for a rescue- but if you want your pet to look cooler at the cost of its physical health, maybe you shouldn't get any kind of pet at all. no, the hydra's not for guarding my evil tower, it's my pet. have you ever heard of a pet? like a puppy or a kitty? you think i can't defend my evil tower by my self?
Well, it definitely can't consent, and it definitely must not be willing, so all sex involving buildings is rape.
Well, well, well. Look who's come crawling back. If it isn't my one year old son I accidentally left at the park
Werwolves, zombies, vampires and other wer animals do exist. I have seen many of them. This is a very closely guarded secret by Satan. No one controls these beings except Satan or his high-ranking demons. He uses them mostly for discipline. I will never forget one incident during a meeting when Satan sent a werwolf after a man. The man
what are ur most disliked pokemons...I hope every eeveelution gets run over by an SUV
What can only be described as a “Wisconsin biped”
what could we ever have do?
what do you mean you dont want to sacrifice anyone at the party tonight
what garbages and lies there was no satanic web
what if i bashed you against the wall until you were red mush but in a cute way
What if our world were the same except all bird beaks had always been soft and floppy
''what if you regret it'' then you will expirience regret - a normal and unavoidable part of the human expirience.
what is nasa trying to hide
what makes the anglerfish so nefarious? how do you know his heart? is it because he looks a little different from you and me? is it because you think he looks strange?
what side are cyclopses' tear ducts on and other things my wife didn't want to talk about at dinner
what the
What the fuck does a wizard need an entire tower for he always just has like a table with an alchemy set on it and nothing else. Does not warrant living in a tower. Just do it in a shack dude. youre overdoing it. Not to mention all those stairs, combined with your age
What the hell do I have for lunch?
What the hell is wrong with you flaky morons in the For Sale areas?
“what time do you get off?” well that’s not really any of your business now is it
WHAT TIME WOULD YOU LIKE ME HERE TOMORROW TO OPEN THE DOOR FOR YOU?!
whatever dude i dont even look that tormented mostly
whatever is happening right now, I promise you will be ok
when a browser loses old tabs and it’s what the fuck those were heirlooms
When a virus enters your computer, you eliminate it. Bin Ladin and company is one of the worst kind of virus !! ELIMINATE IT !! PERMANENTLY !!
WHEN I CAN GET A FUCKING HUMAN BEING ON THE GODDAMN TELEPHONE AT THE FUCKING DMV/PHARMACY/CABLE COMPANY THAT WILL CHANGE THE WAY I LIVE. -- NOT A SCOOTER!
When i delete a post it goes back inside me
when i die i hope i come back as a beautiful microscopic granule of sand
WHEN I DIE I HOPE MY PHOTO ENDS UP ON THIS SITE.ITS THAT GOOD.TO ANY ONE WHO DISLIKES THIS SORT OF THING.I HOPE U DIE OF AIDS.HA HA HA
when i die i want my remains disposed of “buffet style”
When I go to a house party I calculate the carbon footprint and announce the total at midnight. I am not invited to parties anymore.
when i was a kid my Getting To Sleep technique was visualizing a child-sized shriveled up mummy with big piercing eyes that would stand silhouetted in the doorway & stare at me & probably attack if i so much as opened my eyes after getting into bed & this technique caused me to develop a lifelong nighttime-induced paranoia & it still takes me 2 hours to fall asleep. so i wouldnt recommend that
when i was a kid my parents bought me an inflatable doll of the Scream by Edvard Munch (??) that was significantly taller than i was at the time and i used to slow-dance with it and pretend it was my boyfriend. It had its hands attached to its head obviously so it felt like he was always a bit horrified to be forced to dance with me
When I was a kid, the AC reminded me of my uncle. Now as an adult, it reminds me of him more so.
When I was five years old, my dad put me in the microwave.
when i was younger i had a really bad fear of danny devito when i was going to sleep so my older brother gave me a watch that he set to like 8 hours ahead so that it was always daytime on the watch when i was asleep and he told me it would confuse danny devito and he would think it was daytime and get scared of the sun and leave me alon
When limp bizkit comes on at the bowling alley and you unleash hatred upon the pins.
When the cashier asks for my signature, I just write "HELP ME" while maintaining eye contact
When the pee sesh so good you start cumming!
When the time comes you can fill HELL with MINIVANS, FAMILY INSURANCE PREMIUMS, AND LITTLE LEAGUES.
when they stopped putting cd drives in laptops we ALL lost
when u watch a scary movie is it OK to imagine you are the girl getting chased ?
WHEN WE CAN DRINK BEER AND EAT CANDY AND LOSE WEIGHT, THAT WILL CHANGE THE WAY WE LIVE.
When you roll a crit fail so decide to kill a 6 year old.
whenever i see a fly while im peeing i shoot it outta the air
where cna i get a skeleton who will sit in my fridge all day and hand me the item i want whenever i open it
where did i export my pee?
WHERE THE MAIN COURSE IS ALWAYS A TASTY DISH!
wheres the bread op
which mario enemy has the most sex. anser me
Which one are you more excited for? Poop or internals?
which toe is the star of the foot? if you think it's the big toe, you're a showboating creep. if you think it's the pinky you're a grovelling pest. and if you think it's any of the three middle ones you're a paper-thin contrarian. no substance, no intellect. you're disgusting
<White_Devil> ppl who put down other ppl from other countries are basicly ingnorant...We are all from the human race and the sooner ppl can put away their bias, the sooner they can be dominated by the USA
Whither goest thou Old Chinese Woman who stroked my shaft on the F Train between 34th St. and Rock Center?! Whither goest thou!?
<@whm> "A man was hospitalized with 6 plastic horses up his ass. The doctors described his condition as stable."
who gors there ,
who is the Toronto baseball warlock
Who lets them out to meet the eighteen wheeler of Christ?
Who lost vegas ?
who put the dead bird in my mailbox? - w4m
"who the hell is that, dracula?" - thing i'm apparently not supposed to say every time the doorbell rings
Who tied my clit to the door and slammed it shut so it would fly off? Was it you? Well I forgive you
who up dinking they oiter
who wanna come over and have floor time
who wanna play pigeons with meeeee ^_^ i'll be tbe cigarette butt
Who wants to get fucked up on the green neolithic slime that makes you hallucinate to death?
Who wants to hang out and activate each other’s fight or flight responses
Who's excited for cold hamburger helper with absolutely no benadryl in it?
WHOAAA MY TWITTER IS BLOWIN UP TONIGHT!!! *takes frozen dinner out of the microwave and cuts a slit in the cellophane above the corn*
whoever came up with shaving pussy should be put to death
<Whoever>So I'm sitting at the lunch table with mostly girls and the conversation wanders about the usual subjects.
<Whoever>Eventually someone say the word "Jizz" And that goody goody girl with the 4.0 GPA and who is very sweet and innocent says, "whats jizz?"
<Whoever>Silence and muffled laughter ensues, one of the girls says "Its something guys do."
<Whoever>So she says "...oh... okay.."
<Whoever>Next period, english class, miss clueless raises her hand.
<Whoever>"Excuse me, can I go to the Lav, I have to Jizz."
Whoops - stepped in dog shit. --- By the Drake Hotel Round that L S D corner Whoa shit, hit the brakes
Who’s in Baltimore and can spare some pussy
Why A Polyurethane Ass is Better Than a Girlfriend
why am i living in this universe and not in any of the alternative ones i've made up
Why are they naming cocktails like weed strains?
why are you glorifying weed . I just saw your latest reblog why are what is wrong with you . Weed is the first drug to affect
why can't we suck him with NUANCE the LAST thing america needs is more MISINFORMATION
why do 90% of all medicines sound like cool wizard
Why do all minotaurs in media have nipple rings. Who's piercing their nipples. and How do I qualify for this job.
WHY DO I HAVE TO SELL MY SOUL TO THE DEVIL JUST TO AFFORD YOU?
Why Geeks and Nerds Are Worth It...
Why is it that he ALWAYS thinks about DOUGHNUTS (Notice the spelling you illiterate douches) during sex? It seems to me that even though he LOVES doughnuts so much he ates every doughnut to exist (While in Hell) and still wants more... He'd still have other intersts... Like, for example... SEX!!! If he wasn't interested in it over food, his kids wouldn't exist and he wouldn't be married. Also, there wouldn't be an episode with him and Marge humping in public places... OR; at the VERY LEAST... Shouldn't he be thinking about beer, TV, beef jerky, or bowling? Makes sense to me.
why thog need smoke herb we just go to berry bush
Why waste good cum on a pumpkin, when you can come to land between the lakes tn/ky, drive/cruise/walk slowly down the trace road and get all the tricks n' treats you are wanting?!? Happy Halloweenie.
WHY YOU SHOULD GET TO KNOW ME: HEY I LIKE EASY GOING GUY, KNOW HOW TO HAVE A GOOD TIME BUT CAN ALSO BE SEXY AS ALL GET OUT.
Wife + Kids = No Sex and the Departure of My Sanity
wife on delivery room table screaming, husband holding her hand, doctor yelling PUSH, little steaming red hot car drives out of her pussy
<Wikkid|Mikkr3igN> my power went out the other day. good thing my camera had a flash. i went to make a sandwich and took 90 pictures of my kitchen.... the neighbors called the police they thought it was lightening in my house
will bird food show up in a drug test time sensitive
Will everyone just fuck each other already?!
WILL I GET MAD PUSSY OR WILL I GET THE PUSSY MAD?!?!??!!?
<WimpBastard> so tired
<WimpBastard> 3am
<Buchwald> it's only 11am. you should be wide awake
<WimpBastard> ...
<WimpBastard> wtf
<Buchwald> dude, i live in america. our time is the correct time.
<Buchwald> therefore, you should be awake
<WimpBastard> >:|
Wintyr: I totally emasculated my father.
Wintyr: I took my little brother and put him in my old ballet recital dress, put lipstick and a bow on him, and then paraded him around the house in it...
Wintyr: In front of the dinner guests...who started, like, whistling at him and shit...
Wintyr: All the while he's like, "Look look! Cole pretty! Cole pretty!" and all happy about the dress.
Krylo: Hahahahahah
Wintyr: My dad is just standing there with this horribly lost look on his face, saying, "I...I do have a boy...right...?"
Wintyr: It kicked so much ass.
wish that chimp finished strangling Ronald Reagan
with that attitude you need to go to McManners and order a cordial pleaseburger. with extra polite.
Wizard Fact #42: The real reason you're not supposed to stick a fork into your toaster is because you might stab one of the wizards in there
wizard hat cowboy brim
wizard hat that is also a lava lamp
Wizard robe but it has a side slit.
wizard tip of the day: i can and will kill again
Wizard with a floppy hat needs some Abra Viagra
Woah, had a dream I eat a huge marshmallow n I woke up n my pillow was gone, I check my dad room n he was fuckin it real damn hard
<wolf> 1. Save every Free Credit Card Offer you get, Put it in pile A
<wolf> 2. Save every Free Coupon You get, put that in pile B
<wolf> 3. Now open the credit card mail from pile A and find the Business Reply Mail Envelope.
<wolf> 4. Take the coupons from pile B and stuff them in the envelope you hold in your hand.
<wolf> 5. Drop the stuffed to the brim envelopes in your mail and walk away whistling.
<wolf> I have now received two phone calls from the credit card companies telling me that they received a stuffed envelope with coupons rather then my application. They informed me that it they are not pleased that they footed the bill for the crap I sent them. I reply with "It says Business Reply Mail" I'm suggesting coupons to you to ensure that your business is more successful. They promptly hang up on me.
<wolf> Now, I did this for about a month before it got boring, so I got an added idea! I added exactly 33 cents worth of pennies to the envelope so they paid EXTRA due to the weight. I got a call informing me about the money, I said it was a mistake and I demanded my change back. After yelling at the clerk and then to the supervisor they agreed to my demands and cut me a check for the money. I hold in my hand at this very moment a check from GTE Visa for exactly 33 cents.
Won't you take me to PRECIOUSTOWNNN
wonder what the bonglord up to
<Woosta> Isn't America at war against the Middle Endians?
word on the street is if you suffer in just the right way for just long enough youll be rewarded
working at a dispensary is funny. guy came in and asked for “weed for guys” and i said “what do you mean” and then he just apologized and left
*working on first draft of frankenstein* And there he was, frankengsteining about,
8/10, would Five Guys her again.
Would it be disrespectful to draw a bald Britney Spears and myself rubbing heads while I shave my head (in the drawing?)
Wow, what a cute little but -hole.
WTT High Fives for any Musical Instrument
2x stronger than normal lightning + applies wolf effect
<X5> do what horny college idiot men do every night, hump park benches!
<smackfoo> last time i humped a park bench i was late into my teens
<smackfoo> it was a quiet, peaceful night in hyde park
<smackfoo> the bums had all been incinerated in an unfortunate event with the department of water and power
<smackfoo> i stepped up to a cute little wood number, couldn't have been older than 17
<smackfoo> i rubbed her thighs...er...handles, and she cooed in the moonlight
<smackfoo> fearing splinters, i gently waxed her humps, making sure to remove any hint of sharpness
<smackfoo> slowly, gently, i removed my pants...
<smackfoo> um
<smackfoo> you guys know the rest
<Cithorn> Keep going
<Cithorn> I'm not done yet
<xanthes> so my gf and me were doin it vampire style right
<CommanderBob> vampire style?
<princessofpie> what?
<rhodes> wtf is vampire style?
<b00z> WHAT THE FUCK?
<xanthes> shut up and let me tell you the story
<rhodes> no, you tell us what the FUCKING HELL 'vampire style' is
<xanthes> ...
<xanthes> look, its not important
<CommanderBob> geez
<CommanderBob> pervert
* CommanderBob has left #uncyclopedia
<b00z> i have to say im with bob on this one
* b00z has left #uncyclopedia
<rhodes> yeah
<rhodes> i don't really want to be around to hear this
* rhodes has left #uncyclopedia
<xanthes> guess its just u and me then PoP
<princessofpie> no, you stay the fuck away from me, you fucking pervert
* princessofpie has left #uncyclopedia
<Xapz> war soon
<Xapz> Maybe tomorrow
<Xapz> We've pulled out ambassadors
<m0swald> http://www.cnn.com/2003/US/Northeast/03/04/ iraq.usa.shirt.reut/index.html
<Sh0rty> :
<Sh0rty> stupid americans :|
<Sh0rty> canada > all
<m0swald> my giant american pee pee would rip your canadian-wang-trained females apart!
<Sh0rty> :o
<m0swald> I'm american, therefore my wang is gigantic. at least, that's what the media tells me
<m0swald> not to mention, I'm TEXAN, so it must be doubly huge
<m0swald> I assume it's true, too. because every woman I've shown it to has giggled in terror!
<m0swald> IN TERROR
<xcham> what I love is how leonardo never manages to stab anyone.
<grassmunk> so you believe the part about fucking turtles living on pizza and standing 5 feet tall but the guy with swords doesnt stab anyone and it ruins the realite for you
<grassmunk> heh
<Kris> lol
<Xellos-san> don't confuse barbecues with hookers
<Xellos-san> the only way you can tell them apart is to set them on fire
<Xellos-san> if it runs away, it's a hooker
<Xellos-san> if it stays, it's a barbecue
<Xellos-san> or a dead hooker
<`Xenocide> Bolstered by the state of Kansas' recent measure removing the requirement for the teaching of evolution in public schools, yesterday afternoon the Mississippi legislature passed a bill eliminating fractions and decimal points from the mathematics curriculum of all public secondary schools in the state.
(Xerox): Right on! Hey, there are some Thai tribes that are afraid of spirits called phii, or "widow ghosts." These spirits are sexually voracious women who have died violently, and they attack men in their sleep. The charm for these are giant wooden phallus carvings outside the house. They work by acting as decoys.
(Squizzle): Xerox: Eh, every culture tries to explain nocturnal emissions.
(Xerox): To quote my book: "...Ranging from the crudest wooden shafts, to carefully carved images complete with coconut shell testicles and fishnet pubic hair..."
(Xerox): Yes, but this one I find particularly humorous.
(Xerox): Imagine going into some village and seeing giant penis statues everywhere.
(Squizzle): That would truly rule.
(Rico): It'd be funnier if the Moai had giant stone schlongs.
(Xerox): Well, that certainly would've made a few old Konami shooters a lot more interesting...
(Rico): Options- the glorified orange spermicide.
XO1KORNKLOWNXO1: anybody heard of cannable coarpses
<xoopx> america is bart, canada is millhouse
(@xt) mexican independence day is sept 16th i believe (@mitch) yeah (@xt) may 5th has significance in pueblo mexico and those from pueblo .. its not celebrated by most of mexico (@mitch) day they defeated the french (@RossH) dude.....if everyone celebrated on a day they defeated the french it'd be a year-round holiday
<xterm> The problem with America is stupidity. I'm not saying there should be a capital punishment for stupidity, but why don't we just take the safety labels off of everything and let the problem solve itself?
<XxChesterxX> who here uses a dildough
<Solidus> only when i'm making some dilbread
Xxkittyvomitxx: HEY SHUT UP FOR I STICK MY LARGE DIRTY COWBOY BOOTS UP UR EVEN LARGER ASSHOLE
Y0U WILL USE NORTON SYSTEMWORKS (A $300 VALUE FOR ONLY $38.95) TO PURCHASE 37 MILLION SHARES OF TONER CORP STOCK.
Y0UR PILLS ARE BEING HELD IN AN INEXPENSIVE DIGITAL CABLE DESCRAMBLER BOX GUARDED BY TEENY TITS CARRYING EXPLOSIVE LOADS.
<Y\N> irc is just a google frontend with more insults
ya ever tasted respect women juice before? it tastes like hot velveeta cheese
yall ever wanna like, be a ninja turtle?? beat up bad guys, eat pizza, no job, fuck…that's the life.
yaouch! that hurts me when you hit me until I'm blood
yeah dude you gotta try this strain its called poison and it makes you kill people.
Yeah i advocate for violence, but just funny violence, and sometimes not funny violence
yeah I have Havana syndrome. Havan a good time syndrome lol
yeah i wont even tell you what the skullsmasher3000 does. just sit real still and let it work its charm
yeah I'm a fag. what about it. shows you a little boucy ball from my pocket with a giant bite taken out of it. now scram. ass hole
Yeah man, this wizard sleepover is cozy. I just saw a guy gently clap his hands together and say “hot beverage conjuration” or something, and suddenly everyone was holding a perfect mug of their favorite warm drink in their hands. Nobody who was already sleeping even woke up, that's how cozy it is. I'm over here casting pillow and level 2 pyjamas. I think I just heard “power word: blanket fort” two groups over. I gotta get in there.
yeah take that future the past is supream
"yeah this movie is a real tearjerker" - me holding a dvd of Crying Masturbating Men 7
yeah yeah sure Greater Baja Blast is still banned but you know what? fuck the wizard council! i’m gonna invent Supreme Baja Blast, and it’s gonna make Greater Baja Blast look like a piddly little fuckin cantrip, that’s how much i don’t give a shit about what the council says. fuck em
Yeah, it's the scoliosis
10 year old viewers: (are 10 years old)
Years of research has gone into making this post
Yeastiality is illegal under Jewish law I think.
<Yellah> Celebrate the decrimalisation of Pot
<[Piratez]> lets make this national
* [Piratez] replaces the maple leaf on the Canadian flag with a weed leaf.
yes my lego castle has a sex dungeon. is that a problem officer?
YES YOU CAN SELL ANYTHING DEAD AS LONG AS YOU DIDNT KILL THEM. A FRIEND OF MINE JUST SOLD A SKULL ON E-BAY
Yes!!!!!!!!!
The war against Sudam Husane is over!!!!! The Americans caught the real Sadam Husane. I'm so Happy!!!!!!
Things will be bad without you here
every one holds you so very dear
without you my advice sounds tart
PLEASE DON'T LEAVE SWEETHEART!!!!
i am happy to
i hope they KILL HIM
YEA
U TELL DEM GIIIG
I'M 1/3 GOOD ANGEL AND 1/3 DEVIL'S CHILD AND 1/3 SEXY MAMA HOLLAR BACK YALL!!
YEA
YEA I AM HAPPY 2 .
I'M 1/3 GOOD ANGEL AND 1/3 DEVIL'S CHILD AND 1/3 SEXY MAMA HOLLAR BACK YALL!!
YES, I KNOW IT'S OCTOBER, AND I SHOULD BE POSTING PICS OF GHOSTS AND PUMPKINS AND WITCHES AND ALL THAT GOOD SHIT, BUT I'M NOT GOING TO. THIS SITE IS FOR FANS OF REAL HORROR. SO THE ABOVE ''HAPPY HALLOWEEN'' LOGO IS ALL YOUR'E GETTING. YOU DON'T LIKE IT, LEAVE.
Yes, that’s a gun in my pants. No, I’m not happy to see you.
Yes. Its true. Cannibalism is an artform and a philosophy.
Yesterday was hell
YIKES, THATS FREAKY-DEAKY!!!
YO *points to spinal cord on brain diagram* THATS THE BRAIN;S DICK
yo YO WHAT IF you put a dildo on a toy racecar and raced it through the wake at your dad's funeral until the batteries ran out
*** Yoshi has quit IRC (Quit: and they found the remains of the child in a tattered, cum-soaked, Care Bears bed sheet.)
you and I were like. pees in a pod. oops sorry i accidentally peed in your pod. anyway as i was saying you and i are pretty fucking similar
You are a student at the premier voraphile school, Vore High. Be prepared to meet yummy meals in the hall (and gulp them down without punishment ;) ), or be eaten yourself. Sex is allowed, and classes take up less time than just wandering around. Willing or un, any entrance, any gender is allowed. A few restrictions do apply: 1. No blood, besides the occasional tooth scratch. 2. No racial slurs or anything too offensive. 3. Keep the furries to a minimum, if you use them at all.
you are alive on a planet with insects and whales and diatoms and mycelium networks and puppies and your human friends. literally so awesome to be a living thing
You are entering a website that contains really cool scenes of graphic nudidity. You must be 21 or older to enter, like I can really stop you, right? But I gotta have this or the Feds will come right down on me just like the last 7 times... Just humor me, OK?
you are not betraying anyone by not doing what you do not want to do.
You are not three apples tall bitch you are an evil ghoul and you are tall as fuck
You are now listening to a three-hour-old chick giving its opinion of things in general.
You are on the internet, You are online, But deep in the Earth the fires burn
You are right about the LIBERALS. They don’t know anything and they love terrorists. I bet they love at least 3 different terrorists. The one thing that has me most worried is that with all this talk about the liberals and the terrorists, are we forgetting about the raccoons. When I was five a raccoon took my eye. I do not know where he took it. My eye was like my country, I loved my eye, although at the time I never though about how I loved it until once it was gone. Let that be a lesson to the liberals! Is that want you liberals want, to have a patch instead of a country? And what about the way the raccoons keep coming on the porch at night and how you tried to leave out a the rest of that terrible oatmeal thing your roommate made for the raccoons to eat, but they didn’t eat it and your roommate saw it in the morning and yelled art you and called you a “moron”. I hate raccoons. They have 40 razor sharp teeth. At least liberals only have three or four. Did you ever notice that liberals always wear blue pants? I think that we REAL AMERICANS should all wear green pants so that we can tell ourselves apart from the liberals. That way we will know each other in bars and we won’t have to guess or play the “pronoun game”. I tired to name the raccoons different names to make them seem less scary. I named one Jeff and I named one Lil’ Phil and I named one Hark and I named one Soap Dish, but then it turned out that there were not four raccoons, but just one. My vision is poor. My roommate’s name is Jeff. I have a tiny hat. I hate liberals and wish they had common sense like those of us smart non-liberals. God bless America.
you are sick , very sick, what gives you the right to say anything or make up anything about anyone. i just have to concider the source, i guess ass hole statement come from ass holes
you are weak of mind and horny of spirit
you break all my thing you KILL my family, you knoeckd over my scanner
you can begin again and again and again for the rest of your life
You can eat meat left on the counter all night because the night air keeps it cool its not warm at night its cool
You can only watch.
you can tell i took my meds today
you can't expect me to live my life like this. it's like asking an ice road trucker to truck across a normal road
"You can't go anywhere — see, I have stopped your car and there's nothing you can do about it. Now I'm going to enjoy ripping your throat out and drinking your blood. You have been interfering with Satan too long; I am going to punish you. You cannot stand against my power."
“You can't have your cake and eat it too” what about the, oh I don't know 30000 times I've eaten cake you fuckin idiot
you can't take away my guns how else can i overcompensate for my absurdly tiny penis
you cannot advertise to me in a way that matters
you cant fucking hurt me bitch im protected by the migratory bird act
You can’t control me!! Im like a tornado! Woosh!
You certify that you are old enough that view the contents of this site according to your local laws and agree not to hold the author responsible in anyway, and SUBMIT to the dragon!?
you dare cum? in my realm?
You date me, You date Jesus - m4w
You deserve a lava lamp.
you dhould be your own person. you are so young and insecure. at this rate you will never be able to find the cup or the scepter
you dumb asshole, you just won $0,000
you ever think your 2 differnet people? like there is 1 person you are when your around certain people and your another when your around another group? or there is a side of you that wants to do certain things but you don't because your worried about what others will think. I'm gonna throw this in here. ya wanna know why? because i can, i might just get to you, god forbid things make you think for once, instead of the typical drone society has made. when that bitch repeats the same story over and FUCKING OVER to different people. it makes me sick, i can see her at home, pondering how to be cool and do what others will like. fuck that. quit talking to yourself.
You get sucked into a jet turbine and the gore that sprays out is all covered in little kisses
you gotta let go of the past. im not letting you back into my court. you tried to poison me and you ended up killing my favorite fool. im not giving you your balls back ei-ther.
you have a disgusting “true love” fetish
you have an viruse
You have got to be the biggest dumb ass in the whole damn world!!! Are you that inane to think that everyone from Texas has a fat ass? Oh my god, you are probably one of the fattest people in the United States and are just looking for someone else to pick on because you are so tired of people making fun of YOUR fat ass. Okay I admit the pics of the black people with fat asses were funny, but they were not in Texas. They were probably on some grody beach where you and the rest of your fat ass family lives. Because no beach in Texas have ugly asses like that hanging around. Oh I'm sorry, those fat bitches were probably related to you and I wouldn't want to offend you. Texas has some of the hottest people in it, if you could actually get here, but the plane probably cant hold that much weight. Another thing is that Texans DON'T use ain't. We may say y'all but we sure as hell don't say ain't. Besides y'all which translates to you all; which is more correct than what the stupid yanks say, you's which translates to you is, just in case your peanut sized brain couldn't figure that out. I would like to know one more thing. Is that fat ass lying on the ground your mom??? Because if it was I would like to sympathies with the hot dog stand guy, if I saw a horny elephant coming at me from the fifth story I would move out of the way too.
you have to be a pillar of the community to see dead kids
You have to eat your oldest leftovers first
you just yucked yer last yum you pearl clutchin city slicker
You know when you're drinking do you put your top lip in the drinky like a little fishy?
you know you gotta go to bed when you start seeing the skull
you know, during heatwaves, i imagine being inside him because he’s room temperature at the very warmest
you look like the kinda girl who'd open up ms paint back in the day select the spray paint tool and click and hold to watch it slowly turn into a perfect circle
you looked sexy even though......you were having a seizure. it was in the hair care section at the noe valley walgreens.
you make one fucking post where the point is “women are encouraged to develop disordered eating from a very young age and that impacts how we view the ‘natural’ size and shape of women” and too many reblogs later i am being accused of saying short people wouldn’t exist if they ate better growing up. i’m sorry but if you genuinely think i was saying that you are just a buffoon. i cannot and will not sanction your buffoonery.
You might have seen me in some of the more popular low budget pornography.
You might want to see a wizard doctor about that, they're not supposed to stay upright forever, it can cause strain and damage.
you only love me for my brainwashing spores that make everyone love me. hmph
YOU PEOPLE MAKE ME SICK TO MY FUCKIN STOMACHE!! I WISH I COULD SEE THE GUY WHO CAME UP WITH THIS SITE SO I COULD BLOW CHUNKS ALL OVER HIS FACE!! IM SURE HE WOULD FIND THAT VERY AMUSING DONT YOU THINK YOU SICK DERANGED FUCKS OUT THERE?!?!!!!!!!!!!!
YOU PEOPLE REPLUSE ME!! GET A WOMAN TO FUCK, STOP JERKING OFF. YOU ARE A SICK BUNCH OF MOTHERFUCKERS.
You really are the cum of the earth, you truly are the cream of the cock
“you should be the bigger person” absolutely not. i’m cursing his entire bloodline.
you silly necropheliac
YOU SPREAD YOUR LEGS AND TOOK A MAN-MUSTARD INJECTION...
You Suck dick face. Texas. Black Texas for ever. dickless yankee
you two bastards hopping around in it like two fatties at an all you can eat buffet.
You will avoid all future curses, plagues, hexes, spells, and jinxes. My sisters a witch. She's got all those books of spells and weird plants and died hair and wears all those funky mesh clothes. She drinks bat blood. I swear to God she knows everything about magic and all that. She can issue a mean curse. One time she turned me into a horse. I'm not saying she'll do the same to you but she'd definitely be a good person to have on your side, eh?
YOU WILL BURN IN HELLFIRE ETERNAL FOR POSTING THAT!!
you will not receive a hint of pussy. for FIFTY MOONS
you will roll out a long piece of clay and curl it up into the shape a snail.
YOU WILL TRADE THE PHEROMONES FOR A SINGLE GEORGE FOREMAN GRILL FILLED WITH A FREE THIRTY-DAY SUPPLY, WHICH WILL ENLARGE YOUR PACKAGE EVEN FURTHER.
YOU WILL USE THE AUCTION SITE TO FIRE YOUR BOSS AND CLAIM YOUR PORTABLE DVD PLAYER FROM THE SECRET ANTI-WRINKLE AGENT.
you wou.ldnnt download a billion years of pain demons
You're a balloon now. Oh, you mean, how are you still managing to exist as two thin sheets of latex separated by some air? How are you able to talk, move around, squirt various fluids? Well...um...it's a secret. Yeah yeah, that's it! A secret. It's part of the magic which makes us special. Treasure it. Feel free to speculate endlessly on the whole thing as well, since that's always good for when a buncha balloonies are yakking about it. Bounce around a bit. Get used to gravity not having such a firm grip as before. Bounce around a bit-be silly. You're a balloon, aren't you? Start acting like one!
You're dead. Your friends are dead. Your family's dead. Your fucking pets are being skinned alive. Your mom's a fucking whore. You suck at life. The whole world hates you. You're going to hell. Live with it. Game over.
you're just mad because im annoying you and getting on your nerves on purpose
you're lucky this sneeze guard is between us or I'd turn you into a van Gogh you fucking SA!!!
you're my hairy little pie
You're never too old to get frightened by an edible
You're the Hasidic Jew who tried to kill me. I'm the girl on the bike. - w4m
You've Been Passed The Virtual Joint!
You, God, Mother Nature, and that deranged crack-smoking little Cupid guy are all in this together to keep my ass single forever!!!!!
youare all just jealous of my severed head
your 'jerking it to the smell of isopropyl alcohol' post has me remembering how i used to be so ashamed of having any sexual desires that i only allowed myself to jack off to the mental image of an arial drone shot of a pine forest
your 14 follower blog is silencing queer voices
YOUR AGRUEMENT IS INVALID
Your artstyle is like your gut microbiome in the way its everything you consume and like and it also has all your bacteria up in it. Thats probably how that works
Your ass hurt.
Your dick pic cured my breast cancer - w4m
your edible is never going to kick in because you're a bad person
Your God is one with whom I am not familiar
YOUR HANDS WERE KINDA BIG AND WHEN YOU CLEARED YOUR THROAT, YOUR COUGH WAS KINDA DEEP.
Your Honor he’s glorifying shitting at work
your honor, i maintain that the prosecution’s video is being played in reverse. in actuality i came upon a village that was already on fire and sucked up all the flames into my special magic wand. i then moonwalked in the wrong direction for some reason
your mom is a baked potato your dad's dumb ass is asparagus and you are a god damn green bean
YOUR MYSTIC TAN ADDICTION IS LAME. it does not look natural. you look ORANGE. you look like a big, balding ORANGE mook.
Your Pets Will Not Be Flagged For Removal By Jesus During the Rapture
Your precious garlic
YOUR RESUME WAS SELECTED AS BEING HIGHLY QUALIFIED, BUT THIS IS NOT SPAM!
your sativa, sir
Your shit stink clung to my skin and clothes and skin and made me nauseous for and hour.
youre hurting your mind&body too early in the day with heavy atoms when you eat steak and eggs for breakfast
youre never alone. bacteria
youre not nothingburger in fact you are everything bagel
you’re just jealous my blood is all over the floor and yours is stuck inside your body
70 YRS AGO TODAY, HITLER AND STALIN BOMBED PEARL HARBOR. MAKE SURE TO KNOW UR HISTORY & PAY RESPECTS, OTHERWISE END UP LIKE HITLER & STALIN.
<YuFFie> SO U HACKING ME THEN HUH
<YuFFie> WElL I GOT NEWS FOR U MISTER I GOT MORE FIREWALL POWERS NOW SO IM SECURE AND IM USING WINDOWS 98 SO IM REALLY SECURE FROM HACKERS LIKE YOU SO YOU BETTA JUST GIVE UP CUZ U GOT NO HOPE MISTER.
* YuFFie (~mirc@3B942731.dsl.stlsmo.swbell.net) Quit (Quit: Owned.)
* YuFFie (~mirc@3B942731.dsl.stlsmo.swbell.net) has joined #
<YuFFie> HELP MY MOUSE IS MOVING BY IT SELF
<Yuri> heh damn man
<Yuri> 93.1mb
<Yuri> this is the mightiest log i've ever posessed
<xerDM> heheh
<Yuri> this is a sociology report waiting to happen
<Yuri> heh
<xerDM> hehe
<Yuri> and excellent fodder for legal lawsuits from assorted companies wanting to protect their intellectual property...
* Yuri find/replace warez|iso|bin|nrg|ccd/fluffy bunnies
<Dorn> aha
<xerDM> haha
<Yuri> "wow these guys LOVE bunnies!"
<Yuri> "yeah they share em too!"
<Dorn> course
<Yuri> "over the INTERNET! to FTPS!"
<Yuri> "aww bunny videos!"
<Yuri> hot rodent on rodent action
<Dorn> you'd get stuff like "Man sitting on that desert island sure made me feel fluffy bunnieslated"
<Dorn> :E
<zamros> haha yeah being a plumber would be fucking awesome actually
<zamros> like if i had my own fuckin' company
<zamros> with a van and shit
<zamros> like i'd go in to a plumbing business with a friend
<zamros> cuz like when you got two motherfuckers putting the time and money in
<zamros> you can buy a van
<zamros> you can buy fuckin tools
<zamros> you can buy advertising and shit
<zamros> haha i'd have the funniest fucking public access commercials for my plumbing business
<zamros> like some dude would be taking a shit
<zamros> and he'd jiggle the handle
<zamros> and he'd be like ".....FUCK!"
<zamros> then he falls over on the toilet and grabs the phone
<zamros> and calls me
<zamros> and he's like "HELLPP!!!"
<zamros> then i bust through the fucking wall
<zamros> and fucking beat the shit out of a big monster in the toilet1
<zamros> with a plunger
<zamros> and the dude is laying in his own shit on the floor
<zamros> with the phone in his hand
<zamros> and after i won the fight he'd be like "THANK YOU ZAMROS INC"
<zamros> and he'd hug me and i'd get shit all over me
<zamros> and i'd be like "ALL IN A DAY'S WORK"
<zamros> and then bust through the other wall
<ZangTT> it's like a massive 300 story zombie john maynard keynes is wandering through california, tearing down buildings and breathing fire.
ZangTT> the earth IS flat. it just stuffs its bra.
<Zanthis(ALE)> AFK, tornado
*zaps you with my Wand of Inflict Gunshot Wound*
<Zaratustra> Pagan pacman goes WICCA WICCA WICCA WICCA
<Zaratustra> HAW HAW HAW HAW HAW HAW
<MightyQuinn> hmmm. more ammo for ultra conservative christians to use against video gomes... "Pacman promotes satanism"
<Zaratustra> Pacman promotes consumption of undead.
<zealous> I was walking to the mobil gas station this morning to get my ride to work as I do every morning (weekdays anyway) when I decided that instead of walking the long way around I would just jump the little wall (about 3 feet high) and get there quicker, well when I went to jump the wall I started off with my left foot instead of my right like I usually do and I didn't bring my foot up quick enough thus catching the wall and sending me face first
<zealous> into the ground but somehow I managed to do some wild ninja tuck and roll things ending up on my feet and staring at some guy who was quite bugged eyed so I just raised my arms in a "v" and yelled hazah at the top of my lungs
Ziggy: Everytime I hear a strange noise, I have a zombie panic attack.
Lusty: what is it with you and zombies?!
Ziggy: Are you not afraid of zombies?
Lusty: they don't exist.
Ziggy: That's what they think in movies too.
Ziggy: Right before the invasion.
<Zoli> I wrote some norse death metal rap earlier today
<Zoli> of course I'd recite it for you!
<Zoli> YO I'M A BLONDE MOTHERFUCKER AND I WORSHIP THOR
<Zoli> I'M GUNNA USE MY AXE BUST DOWN YOUR DOOR
<Zoli> SCREAMING VALHALLA AT THE TOP OF MY LUNGS
<Zoli> I GOT PHAT RHYMES AND I SPEAK IN TONGUES
<Zoli> RAGNAROK THE PARTY LIKE A VALHALLA PARTY
<Zoli> RAGNAROK THE PARTY LIKE A VALHALLA PARTY
<Zoli> NORSE. (crazy motherfucker with a longship baby)
<Zoli> NORSE (gunna kick your ass and I don't mean maybe)
<Zoli> NORSE. (crazy motherfucker with a longship baby)
<Zoli> NORSE (LONG BLONDE HAIR THAT IS SOFT AND WAVY)
<Zoli> fin.
Zombie hunting SWF seeking kick ass partner
<zombie-x> nothing wrong with a little punanny in yer fuckin mouth
<zombie-x> suck that clit like a fuckin tequila worm
* ZoMbIeGuY has joined #finalfight
<Xerox> It's a zombie! Aim for the head, guys!
<ZoMbIeGuY> =(
* ToastyGhost knocks ZoMbIeGuY unconscious
<Nimduin> ...Wow, he's either AzN or StUpId.
<ToastyGhost> Just an AOL'r
<ZoMbIeGuY> Uhh... I'm outter here.
<ZoMbIeGuY> goodbye.
* ToastyGhost cheers
<Nimduin> That, or he's Fake President Deling.
<TedAran> Ha
* ZoMbIeGuY has quit IRC (Quit: )
<zoweee> i'm holding out til the next election
<zoweee> if it goes against us, i'll seriously begin looking for my cultural fire exits
<zoweee> "There are exts at the front and the rear of american democracy. Please take this opportunity to familiarize yourself with the nearest exit. In the event of a theocratic american hegemony, lights will appear on either end of the aisle, marking the way to your exit for you."
<zoweee> in the unlikely event of the repeal of Ammendments 1-5, your seat cushion may be used to purchase carriage across one of our more porous borders
<zoweee> should there be a depressurization of america's historical tolerance for diversity, bibles will drop from the overhead compartment. please read your own copy before assisting small children
<zoweee> please do not read pirated versions of the bible, as this may give aid and comfort to terrorist organizations
<qBaz> zow: marry me immediately
<zoweee> we thank you for flying Knee Jerk Republican Contract with America, and hope you'll enjoy your stay in 2003. Or wherever your final destination may be.
* zYgoat announces a historic moment in the history of powered human flight
* zYgoat reaches into his backpack
* zYgoat pulls out a rocket powered dildo
<zYgoat> }===========>
* zYgoat jams it up Mikeyben's ass
* zYgoat takes a sledgehammer and slams it all the way-in
* zYgoat cues up Tom Petty - Don't Come Around Here No More
* zYgoat lights the fuse and salutes
*** Mikeyben was kicked off #Lopster by zYgoat (zYgoat)

Festive (124 quotes)

A.... Amanda... wh-where are you. Haven't heard from you....... Christmas Eve. Be...loved... why haven't you..... been on.... or..... e-mail me. I miss you...... not in my... right mind.... without you. I'm like a man.... walking through a dry, dry desert.... with no water.... without you. Beloved.... cries BEEEEE-LOV-ED! sobs
<Adolla> oh dear I ate too many broken gingerbread men
<Supel> not broken, alternatively configured, please
<Adolla> and the burned ones can't be given out they have to be eaten
<Supel> *alternatively carbonised
<Supel> *gingerbread people
<Supel> actually, ginger can be offensive
<Adolla> sorry, gingerbread people
<Supel> *funnyshapedrootspicepeople
<AL9000> my fatty little brother is pissed b/c I wrote "treadmill" on his Christmas list
<Amanda_> Alright
<Amanda_> Are multiple people paying attention?
<Amanda_> Here's what I freaking want for Christmas
<Amanda_> Someone find me a friend
<Amanda_> A FEMALE FRIEND WHO IS NOT A DUMBASS
AWFUL 7.5 ft Pre-Lit Christmas Tree
Before I go, I just want to hope Craigslist and the Craiglisters a very MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!!!!!
<BiMP> i got a complete computer part list to buy
<BiMP> oh what fun
<Einsteini> what will be even better is recieving all the parts, just like xmas :D
<BiMP> yeah
<BiMP> and they better not be in peices
<BiMP> *glares at santa*
<Buck> the MPAA site has an interesting anti piracy blitz going on for Christmas
<Buck> they say that they're protecting users from buying pirated copies of films
<Buck> then they go on to say that you can recognize pirated films by the fact that they're a lot cheaper, out before or while films are still in theatres, are region free and contain no DRM
<Buck> if I wouldn't have pirated before.. the MPAA sure has convinced me to do it now
but yeah when I was little I thought the winter warlock didn't know how to walk bc he could just magic himself everywhere and that's why he was so mean. He was bitter bc he was jealous of humans for WALKING
<BX|Lyfe> im gonna be waiting with a shotgun to rob santa
<BX|Lyfe> then its off to the pawn shop, ho ho ho
<ChaB`s> Santa Claus hates you.
<LordReavr> he doesn't, he gives me presents.
<ChaB`s> no he doesn't.
<ChaB`s> that's not santa at all.
<LordReavr> you're just jealous because all you get is lumps of coal.
<ChaB`s> hey, I'm prepared for an energy crisis, man
<ChaosDragon> Can someone explain this to me?
<ChaosDragon> "Christmas Star - Outdoor Icicle Lights
<ChaosDragon> For indoor use only."
<Custodian> lol
<Custodian> that's almost as good as the shower cap box with "fits one head" on it
<Custodian> (from a hotel in disney, france)
<Roachie> LOL
<Custodian> I can only assume the french have some odd shower habbits
Chet's nuts roasting on an open fire, Jack Frost ripping off your nose
CHRISTMAS NOOBS ARE COMING
<Chrysophylax> NORAD comes to public attention at Christmas, when it purports to track Santa Claus on his journey around the world delivering toys for the world's children. 2005 marked the 50th time of NORAD tracking Santa. This tradition started when a local Sears store in Colorado misprinted the phone number and kids, who thought they were calling Santa, called NORAD instead. This has become a tradition ever since 1955.
<Chrysophylax> wth
<TheDeadlyShoe> we'll manage to shoot the fat fucker down this year, you'll see
<ckx> xmas was fun back before i was blessed with pubes and still had hopes and dreams and such
Confused, Full of Cheese, Unsure of the day of week.
<CrazyDe> did I tell u what I got this girl for christmas?
<CrazyDe> I got her lingerie in 1 box
<CrazyDe> and I put before
<CrazyDe> and in another box
<CrazyDe> I put pajamas in there
<CrazyDe> and put after
CreeDi: I made a joke to this chick about how she was grumpy because she was beaten a lot as a child, and it turns out she really was.
CreeDi: I felt about as big as a keebler elf testicle.
<CyberPunkWanabe> I broke my new stereo that I got after christmas cause I broke the one I got for christmas..
<CyberPunkWanabe> I shouldnt be allowed within 10 ft of electronics
Cyclone: o i love pussy ;D
McKhaos: i love christmas better
McKhaos: it comes around more often
<danly> 'cause you know, behind every nympho-elf there's a 40 year old man living in his parent's basement just hoping you ll make a pass at him so he can initiate cybersex.
<Xore> many 40 year old men are better at cybersex as nympho-elves than most nympho-elves
<danly> That's strangely insightful and revolting at the same time
Dear Husband: All I Want For Christmas is a Good Fuck
<[DeViL]PsYcHo> it'll be lonely this christmas, without you to hold
<[DeViL]Chufty> psycho you getting circumsized for christmas?!
<diospadre> NO MORE FINALS
<diospadre> im done.
<BuddyLee> good then go update
<diospadre> no must christmas shop
<BuddyLee> no staff job comes first
<diospadre> no buying stuff comes first cant let the terrorists win
<BuddyLee> LOL!\
<DRLEGO> OH THAT FUCKING IDIOT
<DRLEGO> my gf bought me a xmas gift
<DRLEGO> off amazon
<DRLEGO> but she used my account to do it
<DRLEGO> so it charged ME
<tuffguy> haha
<tuffguy> owned
<DuTcHiN> This dude at my work had red hair so we call him santa.
<XtACY> ???????
<DuTcHiN> Well he obviously has a red sack
<Elfin> Santa Claus broke in through my window last night.
<Kashan> did he leave you a new window
extracting zip files on christmas morning
<faustwork> the gf wants underwear for xmas
<faustwork> i cant stand going shopping for em tho
<faustwork> i feel like a goon
<faustwork> maybe its because i rub them all on my face
Free Toilet Box - Terrify Children on Christmas
<fudge> wow
<fudge> i am blessed
<fudge> ffx-2 AND an AOL 9.0 disc
<ShinakuTK_> ...some one gave you a AOHELL disk for a crimbo present?
<fudge> i doubt it's a xmas present
<fudge> i just get them all year then give them away at halloween to the kiddies
<ShinakuTK_> lol
<gadget73> Oracle gave out bobble head dolls of thier CEO to thier employees for Christmas
<gadget73> i want one, as well as a Richard Stallman and Bill Gates one, then I could have mock discussions about shit
[Gnimish is working out how to go home to usa from austria for christmas]
* Gnimsh is frustrated by airlines
<PeterPowell> lol
<PeterPowell> dont fly?
<Gnimsh> should I swim back?
<Gnimsh> take a train?
<Gnimsh> DRIVE?!
<sari> boat?
<Gnimsh> wrong season
<Gnimsh> I looked on 3 different sites.
<PeterPowell> why not stay where you are..?:p
<Gnimsh> visa's up on the 25th of july
<Gnimsh> if they deport me for free, sure
<godofcows> I decided on some cool things I'm gonna do when I get rich
<godofcows> like ask my mom what car she would like the most, and then buy it
<godofcows> and then when she comes outside to look at it, it'll get run over by a monster truck
<godofcows> and she'll cry
<@godofcows> I thought of another thing I'd do if I ever got rich
<@godofcows> I'd gonna buy a bunch of toys for an orphanage
<@godofcows> and have them all laid out in front of the building on christmas morning and get someone who works there to wake up all the kids and come out to look
<@godofcows> and when they all step outside and look, I'm gonna run over the toys with a monster truck and laugh at the looks on their faces
(Griff) dalnet has a small man who visits each user's home in turn,. he is like santa, but he is the nickname man (Griff) if you have been a good boy or girl he will let you register your nick (Griff) if you have been bad he will make you Guest34535 (Griff) he's St. NickServ
he sees you when you're sleeping he knows which kinks to shame
hee must eat soooooo much yurjey GEE
hello, i'm an adult in a christmas movie. i don't believe in santa but have also never bought my children even one of the presents they receive every year. they just appear and i am fine with this reality. this is neither confusing nor horrifying
high off the turkey pussy blow mad smoke
<HoaX|ZzZz> lol my mom is wrapping xmas presents listening to hard trance
<HoaX|ZzZz> i was like "mom wtf are you doing"
<checkered> hahaha too funny
<HoaX|ZzZz> she's like "it helps me zone out so i dont actually realize im wrapping presents, its like a drug"
<Scire> "hey mom, it's actually better ON drugs... want some?"
Home Alone 2 on the NE-FUCKIN'-S
I am now 6 months pregnant and I am carrying the child of a gingerbread man. AND I AM A MAN!!!!!!
I opened the back door to run, and saw Hurricane Andrew approaching from the East. I had to decide which was worse, the Hurricane, or the Gingerbread men.
I saw a giant icible and I fucking shat myself. I also wanted it to fall on me but that obviously didn't happen now did it.
icbm: hah
icbm: my entourage is coming over
icbm: I'm gonna go ahead and give them their christmas presents
icbm: I bought my 3 hoes vibrators
kuruption: uh
kuruption: you mean your "friends"
kuruption: and the 3 girls who wont let you touch them.. but hang out with you cuz you're friends with the guy who gets them their weed
Is This Ethical?: new survey shows millennials want rudolph the red nose reindeer to be renamed Klonopin the Crust Punk Horse
It was a stormy night in July. My new and quietly suspicious neighbors were baking. Instinctively I became concerned when the smell of ginger drifted towards my home. Uneasy I retired to my bed for the evening. I was awoken sometime later by the overwhellming smell of ginger. To my dismay five small yet ferocious gingerbread men were upon me. I tried to fight them off, but they were evil and powerful. The wretched men attacked until I was but bloody pulp. Then without a sound my vallant and trusted German Shepard rushed in. With a gulp the dreded gingerbread men were gone.
it's crispy eve
* Jadyn wacks Murad with a very large book
* Murad dies
* Jadyn pokes Murad
* Murad pokes Jad back from the bowls of Hell
<Jadyn> ack!
<Murad> :-D
* Jadyn searches Murad's dead body for stolen presents
* Murad asks his good friend Lucifer to send out a few demons to get Jad
* Falkan asks them for papers
* Falkan deports the demons
* Murad hides his stolen presents away and sets his evil elf minions to guard them
* Jadyn eyes the elf minions
* Falkan points out the use of non-union elf labour.
<Jagged> -t is like giving a bunch of small children loaded handguns and telling each of them that the other ones all stole his christmas pressies
Jersey Seven: 2DAY IS NATIONAL PRESENTS DAY!!~! SEND THIS MESSAGE TO 30 OTHER PPL AND YOU WILL RECIEVE MANY PRESENTS FOR XMAS AND UR TRUE LOVE WILL FINALLY START TO LIKE U!!!~ U ONLY HAVE 10 MINUTES SO U BETTER HURY!!!~
Chant320: Hey. Tomorrow is national shut the fuck up with the stupid chain letters day. It never hurts to get a head start.
<joeofparma> On a Christmas Eve so freezing, I commenced my quest displeasing,
<joeofparma> Through the crowded shops and busy stores of flashy Yuletide glee.
<joeofparma> In I hustled quickly tiring, looks of hopelessness inspiring,
<joeofparma> To the salesman inquiring, "Have you a Nintendo Wii?"
<joeofparma> "Sorry, sir" was his reply "for I have no Nintendo Wii.
<joeofparma> All that's left is PS3."
<Kosh> in LotR all the elves sailed to the "undying lands" to the west. Continental drift caused those lands to move further north and eventually they were left to spend eternity making toys for their new red-suited overlord
<kuiper> My mom got me a toilet brush for Christmas.
<sic> lmao
<sic> have you been using it?
<kuiper> Well, yeah, but it hasn't been working too well. In fact, I think I may just go back to using paper.
<laertes> NAPLES, Italy (Reuters) - Christmas has never tasted this good. Thirty-two pastry chefs in the southern Italian city of Naples unveiled on Saturday what they say is the biggest ever nativity scene made entirely of chocolate.
<skolex> sweet jesus
<McMoo> but then last year the sermon like a week before christmas was like 'CHRISTMAS ISN'T ABOUT PRESENTS - OUR ONE TRUE PRESENT IS JESUS CHRIST!!!'
<McMoo> my dad didn't even get my mom anything
<McMoo> she was pissed.
<McMoo> last year my parents gave me root beer for christmas
MELT EVERYONE NOW! CONDONE FORTY DEGREE MURDER! ADVOCATE SNOWMOBILISM! EAT SLEET! FROST IS MY POLITICS, FROST IS MY LIFE!
merry drugs to those who celebrate
merry xmas eve to everyone who celebrates it and happy penis friday to everyone who doesnt
<MindGamez> omg that commercial would have been so funny if the little girl had asked santa for a 7 and a quarter inch penis instead of a stereo system or whatever
Mr Kedian: I wonder if they have Santa vibrators Mr Kedian: Santa can hurry down your chimney all year 'round with this naughty -- and nice! -- self-pleasuring tool. Please remove decorative hat before use.
[+Mr_Day]: Santa Claus, now he's real. At least, that's what they call the pervert around here, who masturbates on rooftops. He comes down chimneys.
My Christmas gift sucks worse than yours
MY HORROR STORY BEGAN AT THE LOCAL MARKET. I HAD THE TASTE FOR SOMETHING SWEET. I MADE THE FATAL MISTAKE OF BUYING A BAG A GINGERBREAD COOKIES. LITTLE DID I KNOW, I HAD JUST SIGNED MY DEATH WISH. I WAS HUNGRY, SO I RUSHED HOME AND TORE INTO THE BAG. I SHOVED COOKIE AFTER COOKIE INTO MY MOUTH, STOPPING ONLY LONG ENOUGH TO GULP DOWN SOME MILK. HALF A BAG LATER, I WAS FULL. IT WAS TIME FOR A LITTLE NAP. I TOSSED THE LEFT OVER COOKIES ONTO THE FLOOR, AND HEADED FOR THE SOFT COMFORTS OF MY BED. ONLY MINUTES MUST HAVE PASSED BEFORE I DRIFTED OFF INTO A BLISSFUL SLEEP. SEVERAL HOURS LATER, I WOKE TO AN AWFUL BURNING SMELL. MY FIRST REACTION WAS TO JUMP OUT OF BED, BUT I SOON REALIZED THAT WAS NOT GOING TO HAPPEN. I HAD BEEN TIED UP, SOMEONE HAD TIED BOTH LEGS AND ARMS TO THE FOUR CORNERS OF THE BED POST. MY CLOTHES HAD BEEN SOAKED WITH GASOLINE. AT THE POINT OF MAJOR PANIC I REMEMBERED THE SMOKE SMELL. I LOOKED AROUND THE ROOM, ONLY TO DISCOVER FLAMES LEAPING OUT FROM UNDER MY BED. OH DEAR GOD! WHO WOULD DO THIS TO ME? THROUGH MY CRIES FOR HELP, I HEARD A EVIL LITTLE LAUGH. I YELLED OUT FOR WHO EVER WAS THERE TO PLEASE HELP, STILL ONLY A TINY LITTLE LAUGH. THE FLAMES INCHED THEIR WAY CLOSER TO MY HELPLESS BODY. I WAS DOOMED! AS I LAY IN WAITING FOR MY TIME TO COME, I NOTICED A MOVEMENT OUT OF THE CORNER OF MY EYE. TO MY SHOCK, STANDING ACROSS THE ROOM WAS ABOUT SEVENTEEN ANGRY GINGERBREADMEN.THEY HAD EVIL LITTLE GRINS ON THEIR FACES AND MATCHES IN THEIR HANDS. WHY? I ASKED. WHAT DID I EVER DO TO YOU? THE ONE IN THE MIDDLE STEPPED FORWARD. IN A DRY, HATEFUL VOICE, HE SAID, YOU ATE HALF OF MY FRIENDS! YOU IDIOT!! NOW GET READY TO DIE!! AS THE FLAMES COVERED MY BODY, THE LITTLE GINGERBREADMEN DANCED IN A CIRCLE AND SUNG THE SONG DONT WORRY BE HAPPY. BY SOME MIRACLE I SURVIVED THE FIRE.TO THIS DAY I CAN NEVER EAT ANOTHER COOKIE AGAIN.
my uncle Clit got his leg blown off by a landmine in the War on Christmas
NipokNek: I can tell it's christmas time cause my p2p programs are serving more xmas music and less porn. :D
<NyseriA> i just read a book i got for xmas
<NyseriA> its about a sea harrier pilot shot down in bosnia
<NyseriA> he is collected by a troops of SAS FACs
<NyseriA> and, let me recall, when they have to pull out he says...
<NyseriA> He smacks his SA80 down on the tabke
<NyseriA> and shouts
<Sureshot^> 'who fucking TKed me last round?'
obsession: santa.. he's pretty lucky.. cuz he knows where all the naughty girls are at...
obsession: that's why he's so jolly u see?
Oli: lol
Oli: my gf just won one of my ebay auctions
Oli: was supposed to be my xmas present
Oli: she didnt knew my ebay name
Or he shall freeze off your cock and balls and feed them to the elves
<PabloEsteHome> What do you want for christmas that is under 40??
<|fS|Jot> mmmmmmm
<|fS|Jot> Solaris's mom
<pele> cookies and milk is the shit
<pele> true thug snack
<sigma> i didnt know santa was a thug
<pele> you think he buys all those presents?
Planes, trains, and autistmobiles
<Polaris> is my phone number on whois?
<Fina> Yes
<Fina> *picks up phone*
<Fina> *dials slowly*
<Polaris> I would know it was you.
<Polaris> Unfrotunently my caller ID is broken.
<Fina> ...my elves did their job well...
Poopsydo: i was remembering that my brother used to wake me up when i was little to go open the gifts from santa...
Poopsydo: he would say: lizy lizy wake up, santa came by...
Poopsydo: and i would jump and follow him
Poopsydo: and one time he did that...and i followed him..
Poopsydo: and it wasn't even december
Poopsydo: it was like the middle of the summer
Poopsydo: he sat in the middle of the living room and laughed his ass off at me
<Potato> A couple years back, my friend had the greatest christmas tree of all time
<Potato> We were 'round at his place, having a post-pissup drink/laugh at lightweight bastards and two cops came in because of a noise complaint
<Potato> One of them walks towards the open back door while the other does the usual "Why are you making so much noise" question routine
<Potato> The friend in question goes pale as he sees the cop stick his head in the door and only look one way before deciding they were wasting their time
<Potato> When they'd fucked off, I asked him what was wrong, he pointed in the other direction and told me to go check out the christmas tree the cop missed
<Potato> I stick my head in the door and lo, a 6 foot tall pot plant, complete with tinsel and presents around the base, is sitting in the corner, facing me off, taunting me, goin' "Yeah, fucker, I'm a 6 foot tall pot plant. Ya wanna piece of me, bitch?"
<_pr1me> Nothing says christmas like handjobs in the olive garden bathroom for $2 a piece
probably shouldnt be smoking an infused joint with two draculas on christmas eve but love is love
queenren24: i need your advice
queenren24: cause you're a guy and all
MrFluffyPants26: that I am
queenren24: what would you, as a guy, rather have for your birthday or christmas: a video game or that axe stuff that smells SOOO good?
MrFluffyPants26: Axe DOES smell good...
MrFluffyPants26: what video game?
queenren24: rome: total war
MrFluffyPants26: hm...
MrFluffyPants26: probably the game
MrFluffyPants26: but give him sexual favors too
MrFluffyPants26: can't go wrong with that
queenren24: :O
MrFluffyPants26: precisely
<rade> so have u got a tree up yet?
<Selexion> like a file tree?
<Selexion> ?
<rade> a christmas tree..
<RaedonWolf> the shortest day of the year is the 8th of december, the longest day is xmas with your relatives
Rayo :: My friend Lupe is the Santa at the Mall. dissolve/decay :: wait, what happened?
Rayo :: He owed me money.
Rayo :: So I waited in line today with all the kids.
Rayo :: and told him to pay up in front of all the children, "kids. Santa owes me 40" "....come on Greg...wheres your Christmas Spirit?" "Do you want these kids to think Santa is a cheapskate?"
<Rivorus> my dad actually called the other day, and he goes "You want to talk to mom" so I say "yeah" and then I hear him shout "Gina, you wanna talk to your son" and I hear her in the back say "I'm watching TV right now, I'll talk to him at Christmas" and my dad's like "She's... in the shower"
Ryan : political correctness has gone too far! in the card store i went to, the category for christmas was labelled "Wednesday, December 25"
Salò watch party at my igloo
Santa deniers on Sciencemas eve when they hear Darwin Claus evolving down the chimney
Santa is calling us conspiracy theorists! We're being gaslit!
<santa-tim> cause the photo CRIED OUT TO BE HAXORED
<santa-tim> it said
<santa-tim> PHOTOSHOP A DICK IN HERE, IT WILL BE FUNNY
<Santa> all these chocolate bullets
<Biscram> isnt there something you're forgetting to do tonight santa
<Santa> THE PRESENTS!?
* Santa is away, (brb delivering presents)
<Santa> anybody know what solaris calls its kernel?
<SfabN> Santa: look into the root dir and look for the biggest file, or look into /stand
<token> biggest file?
<token> "Huh, my kernel is called ``core''" :-)
<SantaClaus> Santa on @#gaysouthcoast
<SantaClaus> spreading white christmas in all the wrong places
<{SaTaN}> GOD DAMN IT SUN OF A BITCH STOP CALLING ME SANTA IT IS "SATAN!!!!!!!!!!!!"
<DaRkShaMe> hi santa
<Satrina> and no, that's my friend Marissa The Nympho Elf :P
<Satrina> we put the Ho in Nympho
* Seph flies herself to the north pole
<Seph> -her +him
<fluffy> well that certainly clears up a lot
SIMPLY HAVING A MAGICAL PENIS WINE
so santa’s wife is home alone tomorrow?
<Spammy> shit. i just ate my brothers christmas present
<tadpoleofdeath> Why do so many math majors confuse Halloween and Christmas?
<elfking> why?
<tadpoleofdeath> Because Oct 31 is Dec 25
That dream being: to see an enormous herd of goats gobble up a gingerbread house.
The winter walock strikes again!!!!!
The_Loser_: Lol. 2 Ads just came on TV. The first one shows a cowboy guy telling me how I can find all my holiday gifts for everyone at "Tractor Supply." and then at the end he says "Hope y'all have a good christmas." and after that, an Ad for the flea market came on. - Thank you for the brutal reminder that I'm in a Southern State. *puke*
<The_Snowman> but as always, the kids got a ton of gifts.... : /
<The_Snowman> we've spent all day clearing out their room to get room for all the new shi.... toys
<Scarebear> We did the same thing yesterday. They got heaps! Yesterday was cleanup day
<The_Snowman> im really thinking of kick/banning grandparents from #xmas :/
These hands are rated S for Santa!
They took the lives of half the swat team, but the gingerbread threat in my town is gone.
*this took place on December 26th [00:01] <chewy> </christmas> [00:02] <berger> haha
<thomas> you know why Santa's always jolly?
<ani> no
<thomas> He knows where all the bad girls live.
<lonewolf> do they empty his sack for him?
<lonewolf> I'd be grumpy if I only came once a year though
<thomas> LOL
TO THOSE WORKING THIS CHRISTMAS: STRIPPERS, GAS STATION EMPLOYEES, TAXI DRIVERS, FIRE, EMERGENCY MEDICAL SERVICES, WALMART EMPLOYEES AND THE WEED MAN, THANK YOU FOR YOUR SERVICE
<Tscully> It's Christmas. We show up at my grandmas house. I'm 14.
<Tscully> It comes time to open the presents, she brings out this little square-shaped flat present, wrapped in christmas paper.
<Tscully> I wonder what it is, what joyous gift from grandma could be so small in volume?
<Tscully> I open it, and see the words "AOL Internet Trial CD" on the cover of a cardboard disc holder, with a 14-day AOL trial CD inside.
<Tscully> Confused, I asked her what it was.
<Tscully> She proudly proclaimed "I've bought you fourteen days of free internet!"
<Tscully> And that's why I hate christmas.
TwoHundredNinety: Man. I went to our school's Christmas play today.
Decagon111: Was it an interesting experience?
TwoHundredNinety: It was... uh. Quite interesting.
TwoHundredNinety: We had Scripture quoted at us. There was a large stained-glass cross. Santa ordered Oompa Loompas to break his elves' kneecaps when they went on strike. There were four machine-gun shootings. Santa died. (Three times, technically.) There were two death threats, independent of the machine gun business.
Decagon111: Uhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
TwoHundredNinety: Yes. ... The death threats were in the service of an anti-materialism parable.
Decagon111: ... I was _going_ to say how weird it was that there were carolers going around two weeks early tonight... but I don't think I'll bother.
<Undine> To celebrate football fan twattishness, Birmingham will once again shut down.
<Undine> Because of the fracas of the last match, twats climbing onto bus roofs as they waited in traffic.
<Undine> The routes around the major bars will be shut.
* Hawx imagines Birmingham "shutting down"...
<Hawx> Like Christmas lights going off...
<Hawx> "It is now safe to turn off your Birmingham"
<vapoR> lately my mother has been complaining about how much time the dad has been spending in the computer room..
<vapoR> she comes up to me and goes "For christmas, I want you to get your father a gift that will get him out of that stupid computer room!"
<vapoR> so i went out and purchased him a wireless router :p
(WARNING 250K FILE!)
<weht> hahaha this morning i was listening to the radio on the bus, and they were like 'its time for the not-so-impossible question. what do the first 7 gifts in the 12 days of christmas have in common?'
<weht> and this dude calls in and is like 'they are all birds' and they say 'yay you win you get this gay prize'
<weht> and i called in and said 'um, how long have 5 golden rings been birds?' and they said 'oh shit, we screwed that up'
Welcome To My Lil Corner of the North Pole!! As you can obviously tell from this site... Christmas is my Favourite time of the year. I am known on the greatest lil chatroom on the web as Blitzn the wacky reindeer. I am best known for putting LMAO (laughing my antlers off) after almost every comment in chat
Well one day, it was sunny and very hot that day, I was walking and just minding own buisness... Up from the sky came a HUGE GINGERBREAD MAN! He fell rapidly coming towards me. I ran as fast as I could, but he was too big and couldn't get away from underneath him. Well, logically I ran into a building, took cover, and prayed that it wouldn't land on me. The Huge million ton Gingerbread man land on me and the rest of the state, now there are only 50 states in the USA.
WHAT DO YOU HAVE AGAINST CHRISTMAS, HEATHEN?!
When I was 11, I found out that Santa Claus wasn't real by reading a section of a parenting book about what to do when kids still believe in Santa when they're too old for it.
When I was eleven I wrote a story about how candy canes are the bones of reject elves.
<Yaksha> I asked my brother what he wanted for Christmas.
<Yaksha> He said he wanted cold hard cash.
<Yaksha> So that's exactly what I gave him.
<Yaksha> I got 20 $1 bills, soaked them in water and put them in the freezer.
<Yaksha> When he got it, it was just a block of green ice that took a day to thaw.
You sit on a throne of lies.
Your Christmas Party: Help Me Help YouWith Icy Hot!!
<Yusaku> "God dammit mom, why the fuck did you buy me an xbox? " "What, how can you tell?" "Well, that present under the Christmas tree is either a coffee table, or an xbox...I'm hoping it's a coffee table."